s i x t y s i x - baby.
//no one ever said love was going to be easy//
The overwhelming situation has my heart thumping like crazy - and I know Harry can easily hear it from wherever he is. I hold my breath tight in my lungs as I hear the bedroom door sling open, the knob hits against the wall and I can almost guarnetee myself that there's now a hole there. Due to Harry's enhanced lifestyle, there is no possible way I could ever truly hide from him. He will pick up my scent, whether my natural one or the smell of my blood. He could hear me take a breath before I could myself.
"You must think I'm fuckin' stupid!" Harry blurts out in a loud tone, making me flinch and cower in utter fear. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to imagine myself in some other time with him - somewhere nice, pleasant, and most importantly, peaceful. An image forms in my head, blocking out his angry yells and the intense beat of my heart - Harry and I both lost in a glorious field of wildflowers. The picture falls off the wall and shatters into a billion tiny pieces in a fast moment - the door flies open and my eyes continue to flood with tears. I lift my head to look at him just as his lips part to speak.
"Get up!" Harry lets out a yell doused in pure rage, yet my body stiffens in the corner. He took a step closer, eyes narrowing on me. "Don't ignore me." His voice isn't loud, for now, but that doesn't make it any less terrifying. Once again, I do nothing but stare at his anger coated face. I can't find the energy, nor the courage to stand in front of him. I have already ran from him and pushed him away. Sadly, I believe I have used all of my strength. "I'll ask one more damn time, Julianne." Harry warns with a cold tone, eyes burning straight through me. "Get up." He fumes, eyebrows high on his forehead and pupils widening as his intense glare never fails to let up.
With a hesitant tone, I open my mouth and allow the words to fall out in a stutter, "N-no." His eyes bore into mine, complete disgust etched over his face. I am not sure what frightens me more, the wild look in his currently dark eyes, or the harsh grab of my elbow. He easily yanks me up, my feet fumbling as a result of not properly standing up. Unfortunately for me, I fall right onto him, my forehead banging into his chest. The only thing I seem to focus myself on is the rapid racing of his heart - a sign that he is clearly, evidently enraged.
Shockingly, probably to both of us, his large hands grab a tight hold of my waist to steady me. Without processing any concesquences, I slip my arms around his torso and allow my hands to settle into the small of his back. Slightly turning my head, I press my cheek against his warmth and squeeze my eyes shut. Why can't this all end right now? I cannot comprehend how this came to be. I am well aware that I'm the real reason why all of this occured, but I attempted to fix it. From there, things went horrible. A familiar comforting feeling flutters in my heart as Harry's strong arms wrap around my back, pulling me as close as physically possible.
"Don't run away from me ever again." Harry breaks the painful silence while whispering near my ear. In my thoughts, something reminds me that we have once already established that with each other. Clearly we both had forgotten about the agreement. "Y-you sc-scared me." I murmur into his chest, my tears staining his shirt. "I know, baby, and I never meant to." His voice has greatly lowered, which makes all of this easier for me to cope with. I nervously bite my cheek as I hear footsteps run into the bedroom behind Harry. My eyes are shielded from seeing who it is, but I know Harry is well aware.
"Get out." He snaps, his fingertips begin to press into my back to keep his hold on me steady. "We just came to see if everything is okay. Is.. is she alright?" Sophia's voice fills the air and I make a mental note to thank her later on for taking me into consideration. Harry's entire body tenses up as he shot make a quick reply, "She's fucking fine. Not get out." Without a warning whatsoever, Harry spun us around, I assume so he could see the bodies in the room. His hand lifts from my back and he presses it to the back of my head. Our closeness is unbreakable.
"Are you sure?" Zayn is the next person to verify presence in the room. Harry's breathes are fast and sharp, almost as if he's about to literally explode. "I said she's fine!" He yells out, making my body flinch just ever so slightly in his hold. He took notice quickly and started to gently pet my hair. I know it is an attempt to calm me down, and frankly, it's working quite well. My crying has come to an end, but my anxiety is still alive and well. "How about you let me take Julianne downstairs so you can calm-" Sophia is put to an aburt stop as Harry cut into her words. "How about you get the hell out of my room!" He evidently isn't pleased with them being here and I can only imagine why. Harry is a private person, and he'd rather us handle this alone then to have them help out. Honestly, I prefer that as well.
Perhaps he had to threathen them through the form of communication they all share, something I can't entirely comprehend. I figure this because the door shuts and silence reemerges into the room. Harry's arms fall from around me and a quick motion my body is pressed into a wall. "My rules are to be abided by, do you understand me?" Harry's eyes find mine and I gasp at the sight of his glowing orbs. I swallow harshly as I stare at the frightening feature. He doesn't seem to approve of my quietness, so he continues with the cold threats.
"Answer me, damn it." He snaps as a wildness forms in his eyes, something I have seen before. "Ow, stop!" I whine out pityfully when Harry's fingers dig into my sides. But despite my effort of showing it, he doesn't appear to notice my pain nor care about me in any way at the moment. "One more chance. Answer me." Harry warns as his eyes shoot straight through mine - oh, if looks could kill.. At first I stutter over my own words, which something Harry has to witness a lot since he makes me completely nervous and numb at times. "I-I-I under-understand." My head shakes rapidly up and down as utter fear returns to my body. I thought we had ended the arguing but clearly I am wrong.
"Do not fuckin' leave your room. Do not run from me. Do not push me. Do not hide from me." Harry's demands are immediately being filed into my memory - I am definitely never going to forget that these rules exist. Disobeying the leader is obviously punishable around here and I for one do not want to be the next one to get in trouble. I used to believe Harry wouldn't truly harm me, but lately that belief has gone down the drain.
"I do not tolerate insubordinate people." His words are just as flat and cold as his heart currently is. How could he treat me like I am one of them. I am not a member of his pack, nor do I share his blood. I am supposed to be the one he loves, the one he protects and cares for. Clearly that has changed within the past few hours and I frankly don't like that. I am not his property, I'm his girlfriend. Or at least I thought I was. He backs away from me, however that doesn't mean that he's collected his sanity. He definitely hasn't done that yet, and I'm afraid he won't do that any time soon.
"I don't fuckin' understand you!" Harry bellows out as he runs a hand through his hair, clearly irritated about something that I am not aware of. Could I have done something else wrong and just not know it? "You constantly disobey me!" He scolds me with a hard stare, clearly not prepared to forgive me anytime soon. He grabs a hold of my waist with just one large hand and roughly jabs his fingers into my flesh. "I'm the Alpha! You are supposed to listen to me!" Harry then yells straight in my face, a thin layer of spit now coating my skin. The hand grasping my side suddenly leaves, taking me by surprise - I didn't expect for him to let me go.
However, my shock ends the moment he throws his hands against my shoulders, forcefully knowing me into the wall. "I-I am.. lis-listening." My voice sounds brittle as it enters the stuffy room, at times his heat can become extremely overwhelming. "You don't fuckin' act like it!" He hollers out, eyes still glowing that gorgeous but very frightening emerald color. "I-I haven't done an-anything." I whisper, mostly as a reassurance to myself. I am not in the wrong here and I strongly refuse to let him convince me that I have done something bad.
"That's bullshit!" The face of the man I love so dearly is entirely dreched in pure anger, but for what reason - I do not know. Courageously, I lift my hand between us and place it on his firm chest, directly over his heart. The intense pounding against my palm helps me to remember that he truly does have a heart, and he is simply upset at the moment. Of course I wish I knew why, maybe then I could solve it and end this mess. "Wh-what have I.. I done?" Harry's voice drops so slow, almost to where I couldn't make out his mumbled words. He lays his right hand against the wall and leans in towards me while the other remains at his side.
Could this be the end of the hatred fest, the final lash out has come and gone?
My assumption gains a piece of supporting evidence. I watch closely as the illumination of his eyes fades out, bringing back the jewels. His handsome face holds an expression of sorrow and guilt. That pair of lips I adore to feel pressing into my own have fallen into a frown, and the eyes of my dearest love are sealed shut. The dimples in his cheeks are unnoticeable, but the scar still sticks out - grabbing my attention.
A gentle sigh leaves the small space created between his lips as I slide my hand up his toned body, letting my fingertips glide over his heated skin. Carefully, I observe his reactions, from the steady, calmed breathing to the soft and cautious touch of his hand on my waist. It is evident that my touch has some sort of impact on him, perhaps comforting or calming.
I begin to admire the way his long dark lashes rest atop his cheeks, and I witness his eyebrows relax on his forehead for once instead of being in the tightly woven furrow they often settle into. A flutter occurs in my heart as I slowly trail my hand on the side of his neck, feeling his lobe brush against my thumb in the process. My hand doesn't come to a hault until my fingers are tangling into the curls at the base of his neck.
"You should.. hate me." Harry's smooth voice suggests to me, and despite him not looking I immediately shake my head in protest. "I could never.. hate you." I truthfully admit to him just as I silently decide to let my other hand touch his hip. "How come? All I've been is.. hateful to you when.. when you don't.. deserve it." Harry states, not able to realize why my heart would never show hate towards him. "Because I love you." I say seconds before bringing my body off the wall and closer to his.
I rest my hand in the small of his back once I've snaked my arm around him. "I love you, but I'm so.. fuckin' mean to you, baby.. and .. and you don't deserve that." He huffs at me, obviously not ready to accept the fact that I'm not upset with him. The hand on the wall moves to the back of my head, keeping my face buried into his chest. "You shouldn't love me." Harry's stuck in a state of denial and I just know that it won't end. A sigh leaves my body as I grip hard on his curls, the softness is something I could never get enough of. "Stop saying that!" I whine and unintentionally my voice cracks and my eyes water up.
Why does he continue to be this way, as if I were too good for him? In reality, I don't deserve him - not at all. "I'm a fuckin' monster!" I have witnessed him shed tears but never have I heard him sob the way he just did. "You're not a monster." My sentence is muffled by his shirt yet I have no doubts - he easily understood it. His fingers lace through my hair, but he keeps it gentle. "You're the only damn one that thinks that." He takes a deep inhale. I feel a quake erupt in my chest the moment a wetness drips onto the top o fmy head - a few tears. Harry's tears.
"Please stop, Harry." My weaken plea comes out in a quiet tone, my strength is nonexistent. "I c-can't. How can I-I live with myself after hurting you-you so much?" His voice sounds like an earthquake, cracking and crumbling to the ground. "It's okay." I try to calm him but like all my other words previous, it doesn't do me any good. "No it isn't! I've hurt you." He pratically sobs to me, his strong arms successful at keeping a tight grip on me. I try to move but I fail immediately. "Harry, stop. It's alright." I whisper the feather weighted words against him, however they just give him another reason to deny me and raise his voice.
I am almost knocked breathless as he slams me against the wall, his large hands wrapped around the upper portion of both of my arms. I gasp for air, almost not receiving any - thankfully I get a quick inhale. "Baby, you cannot stand here and tell me that I've never hurt you." Harry's face is a mix of utter sadness and extreme anger. In this moment, I do believe that his anger isn't pointed towards me anymore, but to himself. "Yes, Harry okay. You have hurt me but please just let it go. It's not bothering me." I slowly and smoothly let the words flow out of my mouth and straight into his ears, praying that he focuses on my sentence and not the situation. "It should though! I- I can't stop hurting you!" His loud voice hardly phases me at this point.
Due to the conversation's topic entirely distracting him, I am able to shimmy free of his grip and raise my own hands to take control. I press my palms against his burning cheeks, immediately grasping his attention. He looks at me and I almost ball at the sight of the soft sadness melting in his orbs. "You're not hurting me!" I squeak unintentionally as I try so damn hard to get my point across to him, but he won't let anything past his thick skull. "Yes I am!" He fires back, tears streaming from his puffy eyes. "Just calm down, Harry." I tone it down some, bringing my voice to a quiet whisper.
One thumb rubs the corner of his mouth while the other grazes over the end of his scar. His bottom lip is shaking as if it had lost its sanity - and I don't doubt that it has. "No Julie, I-I-" I force his mouth shut by pressing my thumb against his soft, swollen lips. His eyebrows lightly lift as he gazes at me, evidently not planning on ever looking away. "Harry." I breathe out softly, making sure he's fully concentrated on me, which he finally is. "Everything... is.. alright." I whisper each word slowly and carefully, praying that he comprehends everything I let out.
"Baby, I-I don't know wha-what got in-in to m-me." Harry stammers out nervously, eyes flickering between my facial features. I am aware that he is having trouble focusing on this and I know it's bothering him, yet I also know that he can be strong and we can get through this. He's been alive this long, he wouldn't let something as simple as a misunderstanding to tear him down and destory him. I, on the other hand, do not have as much experience with the idea of life - yet I know this will turn out to be nothing important.
"Shh.. it's okay." I murmur softly as I use the tip of my toes to push myself higher to his height. He's like a skyscrapper, and me just a small little town house. "Pl-please for-forgive me baby, I never meant, I never meant to hurt you and I.. I feel like such a fuckin'.. asshole and I don't fuckin' deserve to have you. Pl-please don't l-leave me." Harry's desparately gasping for air as he rambles to me. Before I could even ponder what he said, he continues with the nervous stuttering.
"Don't le-leave me, baby. I know I'm.. I'm a horrible person.. but.. but." He comes to a halt and I instantly cup his cheeks, yanking his head down closer to mine. "Look at me." His eyes dart around a few times before landing dead-set on mine, now that I have his attention I can speak and calm his nerves. His plump lips are slightly parted, his warm breath glides across my cold skin. I adore the feelings he gives me, but at the moment I need to give him some reassurance - I need to take care of him like he normally to me.
"I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere." My words fill the small space between us. His eyes widen suddenly, lips parting in what appears to be shock. "You.. you just called me... baby." He utters softly, realization settling in seconds afterwards.
I just called him... baby.
--as usual, excuse those lovely errors! I will come back and fix them later on.
--so.... what will happen next? Hm.
You'll find out in the next update! xx feedback welcomed!