s i x t y f i v e - stupidity.
//sometimes the last choice is better than nothing at all//
Before I could barely make sense of it all, the back door slings open. I did not dare look away from the thing though, I know it's just one of the girls. "Julianne.. slowly.. back up.. to the door." Sophia's voice is calm and steady while it breaks the frozen silence. I gulp gently as I give her a small, barely noticeable nod. I do as she commands and I take a step back. Just as my bare foot reconnects with the concrete, the creature takes a step closer in my direction. "Be calm. Be quiet. The boys are coming." Sophia says as I continue to take those steps backwards, despite witnessing the monster do the opposite and come closer to us.
I didn't realize how fast I was actually moving until Sophia's hand wrapped around my elbow and she yanked me inside. She slams the door and turns the two deadbolt locks and slides the chain into the slot as well. Her eyes are wide and her breathing is quick. I, on the other hand, am barely functioning right now. "Wh-who is th-that?" I ask in a stammer, my anxiety is creeping up my spine, ready to mask my body like a shield as soon as something like this occurs.
"Someone who was passing through, but he got distracted." Perrie appears from the hallway, each of her hands clutching one belonging to a little girl. Sara's eyes are puffy from what appears to me crying, her cheeks are flushed, too. Ruth's face is drained of all it's color - she's had the life scared out of her body. I know that feeling very well. "No-no. They were-weren't.. passin' thr-through.. cus they.. came he-here." Sara protests Perrie's claim, resulting in all of us to look over at the frightened girl. She tears her hand away from Perrie's and takes a few steps towards the island, but she doesn't go far.
"I'm sc-scared.. Where's.. where's Ni? And.. Hazza?" Her lips roll into a pout as her eyes bore into Perrie's - demanding answers I can not give her. I hate to see her like this, I would be willing to help but sadly I can not do anything to fix this situation. As the silence grew, so did Sara's worries. "Where's Harry!" She whines out, quivering lips and a shaking hands. Her gaze shifts to me and I nearly break down to my knees and cry alongside her. But I don't, I stand strong and try to at least cope with my inner thoughts over this. Before I could think of anything to say or do, Sara throws her arms around my waist and buries her face into my shirt.
Nervously, I lift both of my hands up in an attempt to comfort her. Perrie watches me carefully as I place a hand on the back of Sara's head and my other on her shoulder. I look down, just to stare at the brown waves flowing from the top of her head. Her tears are wetting my shirt and melting against my skin. I do not understand why she chose me, of all the people present at the moment, to run to. Perhaps it is because I am in what some would call a relationship with Harry - her brother. We're both longing for his return, it appears at least. Or maybe it's just simply because she's afraid.
I know what it's like to be scared out of my mind with no one to go to. Sometimes the last choice is better than nothing at all.
"There's no bond." Sophia groaned lightly as she began to tug at her roots. It sort of scared me because for one, I have no idea what she's referring to, and secondly because this is all just really frightening. "Wh-what?" I ask in a mumble, my eyes dancing between Perrie and Gemma, who just now entered the kitchen. "Harry hasn't made the bond with you yet.. technically you're unclaimed. That's what brought the stray here." Gemma explains with an expression - a mixture of sadness and utter fear. "But he.." I start to speak, but I don't know why I suddenly can't. I lift my index finger and point to my neck - the location that Harry sunk his sharp teeth into.
"It's not enough. You're human. If it were one of us it would be similar to the bond." Perrie further informs me of this, my heart instantly begins to race rapidly in my chest. How come a majority of the bad things that happen here are a result of something I have done? I understand that I can't control it this time, but it still doesn't stop the wondering thought in my mind. "I told him not to leave us." Sophia sighs out as she leans her elbows on the counter, her back to the rest of us. Sara's eyes continue to flood onto my shirt as she silently cries against me.
"He-he left be-because of-of me.. didn't he?" I ask almost fully certain, but my last few words still drop to a mumble. The worst of my thoughts begin to occupy my mind and I can't stop the harsh voices in my head - all reminding me of just how horrible I treated Harry, how silent I became because I was simply stupid. He didn't want to be around me, so he left - resulting in this current situation. "Julianne, No!" Sophia rebuts, a shocked look on her face - as if she couldn't believe I would assume that was why. "Yes.. yes he d-did." I mutter out, tears swelling in my eyes. Sara tilts her head back, red eyes making contact with mine. Her whole face is just covered in flushed skin, warm from the sobbing I'm sure.
Sara stays silent, unlike my expectations. Her forehead falls against my stomach again and her eyes continue to flood onto me. "This isn't your fault, sweetheart. It's no one's fault." Gemma sighs lightly as she takes a few steps closer to me, but she remains a few arm lengths away. "It's my fault!" I slightly whine out, my voice starts to crack just as the first tear trickles down my burning cheek. "He didn't want to be around me. And I don't blame him." My body falls into a pathetic state - tears stroll from my eyes and my breaths become more like gasps. Sara's hands tightly fist the back of my shirt as she holds onto me, clearly just as upset as I am - for similar, but yet different, reasons.
Gemma parts her lips to speak but the only thing that fills the silence is loud howling. My eyes widen as the noise continues on the other side of these walls. "Niall said to go upstairs." Perrie states all of a sudden. For a moment I began to get confused on how she knew that - but then my wolf knowledge kicked in and it all clicked for me. "Niall! Where is he?" Sara cries, her eyes bolted shut as steps away from me. "You'll see Niall in a few minutes, love. He has to handle-" Gemma couldn't finish her sentence thanks to Sara's yelling. "No! I want him now!" She stomps her feet on the ground in an angry manner, she's clearly not having this anymore.
"You'll live." Gemma sighs out as she scoops Sara up into her arms and heads down the hallway - Perrie and Rut immediately following behind them. I turn to look at Sophia, just to see how she is handling all of this mess. "Go upstairs." She says with a stern, motherly lift of her eyebrows. "No. I-I-" My mouths shuts as Sophia points towards the hallway. "Julianne, go. Harry said to go." I have never really seen her like this, demanding and rather serious, if I might add. "I don't care what he said." I rub my palm along my cheek, trying to rid my face of the heavy tears. It didn't work, because just as those were gone, more continue to pour from my puffy eyes.
Without another word on the short lived argument, Sophia's hand grasps my forearm and we embark on the journey to the second floor. I try a few times to yank myself free, but Sophia's has a deadly grip on me and I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to free myself. I know I am supposed to obey Harry's rules, yet I hate just saying that. He has a weird wolfy claim on me, but he doesn't own me. I'm not one of his pack members, I'm supposed to be his girlfriend - last time I checked, you shouldn't expect your girlfriend to follow your every command.
Sophia forcefully guided me up the stairs in a quick pace, she let my arm go just as Perrie popped her head out of one of the doorways. "I've got the girls in here. Gem's in my room." She informs us, but it was most likely meant for Sophia. I feel like I'm just a pet around here - they don't really treat me the why they do each other. I try to keep the negative thoughts from pushing into my mind but it's really hard. Sophia lets my arm go with no further words. I watch her walk into the door across from Perrie. My curiosity increases as I hear her start up a conversation with Gemma.
I take the opportunity, while the door is still open, and I take a few quick steps. Perrie clearly saw me, but she didn't try to prevent it so perhaps it's alright if I go in there. Sophia and Gemma both give me a glance as I enter, but they continue their quiet whispers. My heart's speed picked up as I saw the open balcony window directly across from me. I gather my courage and take a deep inhale, I might not be able to be with him but at least I can see him.
My heart overpowers my brain, which is screaming at me telling me to stay put until Harry made his return - before I can stop it, my feet start to carry me to the open door. I lead myself out of it. A sharp gasp resulting from pure shock left my mouth as the scene unfolded before my eyes. The jet black monster that certainly isn't foreign to my eyes is provoking a dangerous encounter with the much smaller wolf, or the stray - as Gemma said. Behind my strong, marvelous love interest stands four other creatures - the sizes and fur colors both ranging. None of them are as tall as Harry, the Alpha features sets him apart from the rest. But they are all equally terrifying.
"You might not want to watch, Julianne. It could get nasty." Gemma warns behind me, yet I don't take that into consideration. I grab the rail and swallow the nervous lump in my throat. The harsh grunts and growls begin as Harry lunges forward and things start to go bad. I flinch as Harry basically rolls around with the smaller animal, slinging it onto the ground a few times. Harry doesn't wait any time, he sinks his teeth into the neck of the weaker creature - sending it straight to the ground with an ear pounding whine released into the surrounding air.
"She wants to see it, so let her." Sophia coldly states as I hear the balcony door slide shut - but there was no click so I know it's still cracked some. I thoughts on Sophia's current behavior are shattered just as I witness Harry bite down into the wolf's neck once again, but this time things turn out to be worse for the small thing. He violently begins to whip his head from side to side while the wolf below him thrashes around - trying to get free. My eyes flicker to the boys - or to what they have turned into - only to find them watching with pride as Harry attempts to slaughter the creature.
"Oh my God." My hand flies over my mouth, shock waves race rapidly through my body. Hanging from the mouth of that sweet, majestic creature is the head off what was the intruder. Harry tosses it to the side before slowly backing up, his eyes focused on the headless body lying in front of him. I thought it couldn't get any worse than that - but that changes when I realize that the others are closing in on the dead body while Harry stands back to watch. My stomach churns as they begin to rip at the flesh, pleasured growls rumbling in the air.
My knees hit the wood of the balcony just as the gags begin. I cover my mouth, hoping that I won't empty the contents of my stomach onto Perrie's balcony. I have a heavy feeling that my hoping won't do me much good.
The door hinges creak loudly, nothing out of the usual though. The lamp is cut off, the only light is coming from the hundred little stars on the ceiling. I gently shut the door behind me, trying not to disturb her even though I know she isn't asleep. The evening has settled in and it's currently time for dinner. I am well aware that she hasn't eaten anything all day long, and it's starting to worry me. God I hope she's feeling alright.
My fingers nervously grab the hem of the thin throw blanket that was shielding her body from my sight. I take slow inhale as I peel the cover away from her curled up body. Her knees are drawn up and her hands are covering her face. With a small gathering of some courage, I lean down and gently place my hand on her exposed side - the shirt has risen slightly up her body to reveal her pale flesh. "It's time to eat, love." I whisper softly, not wanting to bother her too much.
She scoots away from me, my hand falling from her body. I knew this would happen, I just fucking knew it. She hasn't spoke to me in hours, so why would things change now? Sophia said she balled her eyes out earlier for me, she was afraid and scared and just simply wanted me to be there with her. Things took a turn when she watched from the balcony and ended up vomiting, due to what she saw. I can't help that she stood there and saw it all unfold - Gemma said she warned her. I can't feel sorry for her. Yet, I have a feeling that she's not upset over the killing, but rather over our unsolved conflict - the unspoken conversation.
"Don't be this way, now. Just come eat with us." I find myself letting out a sigh - sometimes this beautiful girl can act pretty immaturely. I lead myself to the door, honestly not caring if she follows behind me or not. Julianne is my entire world, I love her death, but I can not keep doing this. She takes these arguments too far, to a point where it hurts us more than the fight actually did. If she wants to eat then she'll come out, if not then she'll starve. She's eighteen - not a child. I refuse to let myself baby her, especially while she's being a bitch towards me for no god damn reason. It sounds mean, but it's really not.
Tonight's dinner consists of grilled chicken, baked potatoes, and corn. It isn't much, but is definitely delicious. I think the guys and I would be pretty screwed if we didn't have the ladies here - we can cook a steak, but the sides are what make the meal worth it. "Is she not coming?" Perrie asks me in a mumble, silently exiting the conversation everyone else is involved in. I give her a glance before picking up my fork. "I don't know. I told her to come but she just ignored me." I shrug a shoulder at her as I shovel some corn into my mouth. Perrie sighs as she does the same, her gaze moving to her plate. Not even a second after that, I feel Niall's intense stare on me so I look up and raise my brows, quietly questioning the reason for the hard look.
"Still in a mess, eh?" He assumes. I watch him take a sip of his water, his movements distracting me from reply. Once he sat the glass down, I decided to speak back to him. "She's the only one who's mad. It isn't my fault, you know." I find myself letting my voice hold a slight attitude - accidentally, for now. "Ah, don't let it bother you. Just let it play out. She'll get over it when she realizes she needs ya with her just to sleep at night." Louis proclaims, shaking his head at me.
"I'm not going to push her away. I'm gonna lay with her, whether she wants me to or not." My blood heats as I stare at the multiple sets of eyes glued on me now. "I never-" Louis shuts up once I interrupt. "I'm not just gonna fuckin' ignore her." For some reason I'm yelling at them instead of at myself - but I can't stop it.
"Harry, no one is saying that, love." Perrie's hand gently touches my wrist but I'm quick to snatch my arm away from her. I slide my chair back, the scratching of the chair against the floor filling the room. "And don't you ever fuckin' keep her away from me, do you understand?" The tone of my voice raises as my eyes stare holes straight through Sophia. There is no way I am going to forget that happened. I might not have been in there, but I fucking heard it from where I was.
"Harry, I was keeping her safe." Sophia scoffs at me, as if she couldn't believe the words that left my damn mouth. "I don't fucking care! You heard her say she wanted me! You should have fuckin' let her go out there!" My voice booms in the dining room, making Sara cover her ears with her little hands. My breathing starts to pick up its pace, this isn't a good sign at all. "We were doing what you told us to do." Perrie jumps into the conversation as if I had been addressing her from the beginning. "I don't fuckin' care! That could have been my only damn chance to hear her fuckin' voice!" My heart began to sting as the realization of everything sinks into my soul - I'm not mad at them, not even at Julianne. I'm angry with myself, my decisions, my god damn stupidity.
I left them all speechless, eyes boggling at me from all angles. With a silent gesture, Gemma stood up and guided the younger girls out of the room - making me seem like a monster. "You can't be mad at them for this, Harry. They obeyed what you said to do." Zayn broke the silence that began to suffocate everyone. "I know, damn it. I know! And I'm sorry." I take a deep breath as I turn around, my back to all of them. I don't know what I would do if I lashed out on any of those people. That's my family, they shouldn't have to hear my bitching. It surely isn't their fault that Julianne is jealous and that I won't man up and end this shit. They love me, and I know they want it to end just as much as I do..
"Wh-what ha-happened?" The softest, most angelic voice I've ever had the chance to hear floats into the cold air, the sound races straight to my damaged, shaking heart. "Just a misunderstanding, love." Sophia spoke next, I could hear the apologetic smile in her voice. I gulp harshly as I push a hand through my hair, trying to get myself together. I'm sure she has acknowledged me but I doubt she has thought about coming over to see if I am alright. "Are you hungry?" Perrie asks her, trying to move along from what occurred just moments ago. "I'll get you a plate." Niall said, my darling girl must've nodded to them.
I hear a small thumping sound as she sits down in the chair, sliding it closer to the table just a second afterwards. Someone's presence behind me as made my body stiffen. "Just remember how much you love her. Everything will be okay." Perrie's whisper appeared before she did. She steps in front of me and snaps her fingers in my face, grabbing my attention. "She's been crying.. Just be easy, gentle." Perrie pats my shoulder before nodding her head towards the table, a mute gesture telling me to rejoin them.
Gladly, I do so. Perrie and I sit down at the same time, but she immediately started to eat while I just sat there, appreciating the feeling of Julianne's touch against mine. It isn't much, just the side of her smallest toe pressing against the tip of mine. Niall returns, sitting a plate down in front of my love. I take notice of the large amount of food, which would be normal for the rest of us, but I know she won't eat it all, probably not even half of it. My gaze slowly trails up her arm just as she reaches for the spoon sitting beside her plate. The underside of her scarred arm, the bend of her elbow, her smooth milky white skin, the bone structure of her neck, her jawline, her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, puffy eyes, tangled locks...
"Julianne, Sophia and I are going to get our nails done tomorrow. Would you like to come?" Perrie offers a spot for her, even though I wasn't informed of these plans beforehand. Actually. I wouldn't be upset if Julianne wanted to go with them - she needs some girl time. Julianne's response is the soft shake of her head from left to right. A sigh escapes my mouth, my fork hits against the wood as it slips from my grip. "You never want to do anything with them." Before I could prevent it, I snapped on her. She gives me a completely disgusted look, eyebrows scrunched, eyes narrowed and lips parted in shock.
"I don't feel good." She spits back at me, just as much anger behind her words as there is after mine. "You must never feel good then, huh?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at her. "Alright, just calm down guys." Niall hops in before she could reply to me, I don't even fucking care anymore. If she wants to be this way, then I can do it to. "Leave me alone." Julianne rolls her eyes at me, just like the little immature child she is. "No. I'm sick of leaving you alone. I've been doing it all fuckin' day and it's just making things worse!" I saw the spit fly off my tongue. but I didn't watch long enough to see where it landed.
"You make things worse, Harry." Julianne clarifies, making sure to make me look like a god damn fool in front of everyone here. My angers is building up, causing the boiling of my crimson blood underneath my heated skin. "I haven't done a damn thing! You're the one that shut yourself away all fuckin' day because you're too fuckin' afraid to talk to me!" My voice blares in the room, making them all cringe in the bad way - the scared way. "I'm not afraid to talk to you. I just don't frickin' want to!" She yells back, but she won't gather the courage to really let her voice explode on me.
"Why not!" My throat is getting scratchy due to the intense screaming fit I'm throwing, yet that doesn't stop me from doing it. "Becau-" Her lips seal as she throws herself against the chair, folding her arms on her chest as her eyes stare at the table instead of at me. Her sudden silence only causes me to yell louder at her. "Why won't you fuckin' talk to me?! I didn't do a god damn thing to you!" Irritation crawls up my spine just as the tear pinches my eye. I try my very best to hold it in, but it trails down my cheek - everyone witnessing this weakened moment of mine.
"You wouldn't talk to me!" Julianne ended her short-lived silence, water gathering in her eyes as well. "What are you talking about? I was talking to you this morning when you woke up. Then you just decide not to fuckin' speak for the rest of the damn day!" I slam my palm onto the table, making the ice in all the cups clink against the sides. "But you wouldn't talk to me about.. about.. about.." Her swollen bottom lip erupts into a quivering fest. "About last night." I finish her sentence for her, probably ending the curiosity in both Perrie and Sophia's minds. I didn't exactly tell them what went on, only that we had a little argument. Who would have thought that simple, anger filled statement that left her mouth would lead to this?
"There isn't anything to talk about. It isn't bothering me. Why is it annoying you so much?" Despite the fact I'm yelling at her and my entire body is flustering from pure anger, I'm not trying to be mean anymore. I love this damn girl, but shit - she drives me fucking insane. "Because you can't just be okay with it." Her voice drastically lowers, her beautiful eyes finding mine again - and this time she doesn't look away from me. "Why not? Are you not happy about that?" I ask back to back questions that have been worrying the hell out of me for hours.
Julianne's hand lifts from her lap, she runs her palm over her cheek, trying to rid her soft skin of the hot tears. I'm not crying like she is, but every now and then a tear escapes to run down my face. "How can you be okay with what I said to you? It was frickin' horrible." Those gorgeous eyes fall to her lap, along with her hands. "Julianne, I know what you said wasn't truthful. You were mad at me. I get it, babe. I really do." My tone isn't as loud as before, but I wouldn't consider it normal either.
"No. No. No! You can't just get it! You're supposed to be mad at me!" She shoves her hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. I huff out at her words, "Why would you want me to mad at you?" I question her about this - that doesn't make any damn sense. I have never heard of someone wishing another was upset with them. Usually it's quite the opposite.
Just like before she entered, I am left in silence when it comes to that answer. Julianne stands from her chair and flees the dining room, hands over her pretty face as she sobs into them. Sophia chases after her, but I know nothing will solve this. "Harry-" Perrie began to say something, with the tone of an angry mother and I refuse to put up with it. "No! Don't you fuckin' blame me for this. You saw how stupid she is being! This isn't my damn fault." I scream out, my voice cracking in a few different places. My throat will be incredibly sore tomorrow.
"She's just upset." Perrie tells me. "No fucking shit! Don't ya think I know that!" I throw my hands in the air, all she is doing is stating the god damn obvious. "Just go talk to her, mate." Liam insists. "Yeah, explain it to her." Louis agrees with a slight nod. "I guess none of you fuckin' saw what just happened?" Clearly I was the only one present in the room when she and I were screaming back and forth at each other. "Harry, we know it's frustrating but you need to calm down." Zayn says with a slow voice, trying to ease my nerves but it won't work.
"No, none of you know what it's like. How am I supposed to solve this? She wants me to be fucking mad and I'm not mad about what she said! I'm not!" My heart couldn't keep up with my brain, and before I could stop myself, I pick up the steak knife lying beside my fork and I raise my arm. "Harry, chill out!" Niall calls out, but he was too late. I slam my fist down, shoving the knife into the wood of the table - at least an inch deep. I let the handle go, it stands straight up on it's own.
Silence regrows in the entire room as I make a noiseless exit.
The darkness in the room is what my eyes meet as they slowly open. The moon must be hidden by clouds because the usual white glow isn't present in the room with me. A shudder shoots down my weak spine as I rise off the mattress, my bare feet pressing against the cold floor. The absence of Harry's heat all night has frozen me solid. I strongly believe that the lack of his presence is what has woken me from my slumber.
Without any hesitation, I lead myself to the bedroom door. My hand wraps around the cold metal handle and I twist it. The creak of the door hinges makes me harshly swallow - I really hope no one is down the hall. I gently close the door behind me while my eyes trail from the dark end of the hall to the doorway leading to the kitchen. There's a light on. Usually it's never on during the night, I expect it around five or six when someone starts up a pot of coffee, but I feel as if it's too early for anyone to be up. My breath hitches in my throat as I observe the sight of shadow dancing around the kitchen. Curiosity gets the ever best of me and I take the first step towards the kitchen.
My heart is pounding in my rib cage, the fear is beginning to feel at home inside of me. Perhaps it's the scary thought of who might be lurking around in there that's got me shaking. Or either it's simply just my constant anxiety sparking up. The sound of running water catches my attention suddenly, but before I could ponder on it, the water was shut off. Part of me is hoping that the person currently hidden from me is the man I have been longing for. Yet, my other half is praying that it's not. After witnessing his break down last night, I don't really know how much more I can take. I wasn't aware that someone so strong and occasionally mean could just fall apart like that. It made my heart break - seeing the tears trickle down from his eyes, and the feeling is continuing on.
An accidental gasp leaves my mouth as I hear something shatter onto the ground, most likely a piece of glassware. To prevent myself from shrieking, I bite down hard onto my finger. My heart is racing fast, I feel like it's about to explode in my chest and the shards would just fall to the floor. Slowly, despite not really wanting to anymore, I step over the threshold, where the carpet and the tile meet. Covering the recently mopped, shiny floor are pieces of glass that have been swept into a pile.
A pair of feet enter my view, my eyes are glued to the ground for a reason - I do not want to know who's in here with me. My desire is unfulfilled as I recognize the familiar pair of feet standing next to the pile, the broom pushing the pieces of glass into a tighter crowd. The strong smell of a certain cologne is evidence for me - I know exactly who's here and his gaze is burning through me. The horrid stench of whiskey is lingering in the air - a smell I grew up with. My gaze travels up the long, muscled pair of legs - the identity of the person is definitely clear to me.
Just as my eyes take in the beauty of his facial features, he breaks the cold silence we hold. "Why are you out of your room?" The smooth, smoky voice fills my ears and I feel my heart melt - he doesn't seem to notice how bad I miss him. "I.. I couldn't sleep." My broken voice enters the cold air, stammered words leaving my mouth. "That doesn't explain why you're out of your room." He turns away from me and goes over to the half filled bottle sitting on the island, an unopened one identical to it sitting next to it. I wasn't aware that the rule was still being enforced, but I assume it is.
"I was looking for you." My bottom lip is pouting, not purposely, because he's not even asking if I'm alright or anything along those lines. "What have I told you about leaving your room?" Harry bluntly asks, tipping the bottle over to fill the glass up. "But Harry, I-" My mouth closes automatically as he turns to face me, with a face swept over with anger. "Answer me." His voice is low and deep, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a straight line. "Harry! I couldn't sleep!" I whine out, tears stinging my eyes as I stand staring at the irritated man in front of me.
He closes the distance between us, resulting in me having to tilt my head back to keep our eye contact. "I don't fucking care, Julianne! Now answer me!" Harry bellows out, spit flying on my cheeks. The levee broke, water began to spill from my eyes. Why is he doing this to me? "I will give you one more time to answer me." He sternly says, inching closer to me - our chests almost touching, but they fall short of doing so. I exhale a wobbling breath, "You said not to-to ever leave." I remind him of his own words, my heart steadily breaking before him. "And you better remember that next time." Harry warns, his alcohol infused breath fans my face.
"Now suck it up." He barks, causing me to flinch back in utter fear. "But Harry-" My attempt to speak was shot down quickly. "Shut up Julianne." He isn't yelling at me, but I know he certainly isn't pleased by any means whatsoever. "Harry, why are you-" The horrible case of curiosity is eating my alive. "Shut up!" The short streak of not screaming came to a sudden end. "When I tell you to shut up you fucking shut up!" He continues on, despite me not even speaking that time. For some unknown reason, I reach for his hand - but only the tips of my fingers brush his hot palm. He withdraws from me, taking a few steps back.
"Get away from me." Harry holds his large hands up in between us - trying to keep the distance steady. I ignore his command and I press my hand against one of his. He stiffens entirely as my fingers slide in between all of his. Usually, he's quick to lace his with mine, but right now doesn't appear to be a good time. "Baby, I said to get away from me before I hurt you." Harry says calmly as he yanks his hand away from my loose grip. "Harry, please. I'm tired of doing this." A few tears slip down my cheeks, yet he doesn't seem to even notice, nor care about it.
"Stop crying!" Harry practically begs, his anger is being replaced with sadness. "Please stop being this way. Just.. Just hold my hand.. I.. please." I return a plea, my lips are shaking and my heart is aching for his touch. "I can't baby, I'm.. I'm gonna hurt you." He rolls his lips in and squeezes his eyes shut, forcing a few tears to leave. "You won't." I try to convince him of this truth, but it appears that the statement is entirely false in his mind. "I can't control myself when I get mad, Julianne. Just please!" Harry yells the final plea, he wants me to be safe - but all I want is for his arms to be around me. Although it's uncontrollably shaking like crazy, I press my hand against his chest, feeling the burning heat through the thin shirt on his body.
"What part of get away do you know not understand!" Harry shouts out, shoving me away from him. My lips part in shock as my body hits the wall, my distance from Harry has now greatly increased. He faces away from me, strong hands tugging at his hair. I watch closely as the muscles in his arms flex and move as he pulls at his roots. I can feel the beginning of a bruise forming on my chest from Harry's rough push. My attempt at ignoring it isn't going well. My hand covers the spot, I wince accidentally as a stabbing feeling occurs from out of nowhere.
"I fucking told you!" Harry turns towards me now, dropping his arms to his sides. I take in a quick breath as he approaches me, a enraged look stuck in his emerald eyes. "I can't do a damn thing right! I can't even touch you without fuckin' hurting you!" In a sudden moment, Harry's face was no longer struck with pure anger and rage - but instead, his plump bottom lip started to shake lightly, and his sharp gasps for air are similar to my own. "I don't deserve this. This isn't fair." Harry complains to me with a slightly raised voice, but it's far from the previous yelling he was doing. The only thing I am merely assuming is that he's upset because we've been fighting for so long and he just wants it to finally end. It didn't take but a few seconds for me to realize I a completely wrong.
"I don't deserve to have you. You shouldn't.. have to live.. in fear.. all the time." Harry firmly places his hand on the wall, just a few inches above my head. He keeps a small distance while his gaze pours into my own eyes. "I'm.. not.. a-afraid." I murmur the words so soft, almost to where I could hardly hear myself. Harry shakes his head lightly before letting it drop, his other hand hitting the wall that is now fully supporting his balance. "You ought'a be."
While he is distracted by his heart wrenching emotions, I muster up all of my courage and I slide my arms around his body, planting my hands over each of his shoulder blades. His body freezes in my hold, but his warmth is blazing hot against me.
"I love you." I whisper into his chest, burying my face into his shirt. It smells so wonderful, his scent drives me wild. "I'm tired of fighting.. I just want you to hold me." The sobbing carries on as his shirt soaks up my tears and needy gasps for air leave my mouth. Harry's silence comes to an abrupt end when he lets out the softest whisper I've ever heard him create, "Why did you want me to be mad at you?" The questioning words make me ponder my entire existence. The answer is still truly unknown to me.
The air remains still once more as I refuse to allow myself to answer that - mainly because I don't really know how to explain it to him. Yet I know he will understand, I'm still afraid to admit it all to this amazing man. He's the one that deserves more.
"Baby.. please." Harry's body slightly leans upward as his hand leaves the wall so it can press into the small of my back. I gulp gently through the slight pain I'm experiencing. The last thing I want to do is make him mad at me for real this go around. I don't think I could handle it if he were to become upset over what I am about to spill to him. I grab handfuls of his shirt, keeping myself pulled close against his warm chest. "It.. it isn't.. nor-normal for someone not.. to.. to be mad about something like.. like that. Why.. why weren't you mad?" My eyes seal shut, even though he can't see them right now anyways. The cracking of my voice is something I have become used to throughout today's hurtful and intense events.
"Julianne, I knew it was only your anger talking." Harry's voice is soft and smooth, unlike mine which just happens to sound like old tires on a gravel road. "I'll admit.. I was upset at first, but it didn't bother me after a few minutes baby." Harry adds on to his claim, his other hand coming to pet against the back of my head. I sniffle a few times, trying to compose myself just slightly enough to appear alright - despite being completely wrecked at the moment. "I'm sorry. I'm so.. so stupid!" The tears flow from my eyes as I release my sobs into Harry's broad, comforting chest. His muscled arms wrap around me like pythons and he squeezes tight, sitting his chin atop my head.
"You're not stupid, baby girl. You're so beautiful. I know what was bothering you, and I don't want you to worry anymore." Harry tells me with a smoky tone, his thick accent makes my heart melt into his soft hands. God, I love this man more than I will ever be able to love myself or anything else on this world. "Stop all that crying now, baby. You're to god damn beautiful to cry." Harry's words have a major affect on me, my heart fluttering in my chest like a wild butterfly. With hands gripping my waist, Harry pushes me against the wall, his lips falling onto my own.
His right hand slides underneath my shirt, his thumb begins to stroke my skin sweetly as our lips move together. A soft moan escapes my mouth and fills his just as he slides his tongue between my lips. The movements remain slow as both of my hands find their way to his warm chest. I have to keep my head titled back just so he can comfortably perform the intimate action on me. I have a heavy desire to reach behind his head and tangle my fingers into those locks, but I don't. I stay still, aside from my mouth moving on his, while he and I share this pleasurable moment.
His teeth graze my bottom lip suddenly and I pull myself away - he bit down a tad too hard for my liking. His eyebrows knit together, his stare burning through me. I can't tell if his eyes are filling with confusion, or utter anger. I swallow harshly, trying to ignore all of the nervous feelings and just keep this going on. But I have a heavy feeling that this, whatever it might be, isn't going to continue any further tonight. "I'm sorry." He whispers softly to me, basically reading my mind. At first I thought he didn't notice what he had done, but I guess he did.
Harry releases me in a quick second, taking a few steps away from me. Confusion grows inside of me as he does this, clearly not wanting to be around me anymore - that kiss makes me think otherwise, though. Obviously it can't be because he doesn't want to kiss me, he just threw himself on me a few moments ago. Before I had time to ponder it completely, I felt a moistness on my bottom lip. I lift my head and slide my index finger along my bottom lip. When I bring it into my view, I am shocked to see a crimson liquid coating the pad of my finger.
A wildness appears in his eyes, his jaws part and his tongue swipes over both lips. His cold, unbreakable stare is trained on me - but not my eyes. I could tell, it was something lower. A shaky exhale slipped past my lips as I quickly realize what the issue is. Harry has a thing for my blood - and right now, the scent has to be driving him insane. "Ha-harry.. pl-please.. calm d-down." I hold my hands up in front of me, showing him that I am not intending to do anything wrong by telling him this. He doesn't really like it when other people tell him what to do, but I hope that he doesn't mind the words that fell from my mouth. He's a very potent person, so I doubt he will take what I say into consideration.
In a swift move, his rough hands grab my waist and his forehead falls against mine. "It's very hard to resist you, baby." Harry breathes out to me, his warm breath casts a fire across my face. I want him to quit the hard gripping, yet, at the very same time, I never want him to stop. His undomesticated behavior is making my heart pound with excitement instead of with suspected fear. Harry's eyes are tightly sealed, his swollen lips separated as small inhales come and go. God, he's gorgeous.
"Your heart is racing." Harry states suddenly, his fingertips deeply digging into my sides, even through my shirt I can feel the heat, and the intense pain. "What's wrong, darlin'?" He questions with sultry voice. His lower body presses against me, but I try to think nothing of it. Perhaps he's only trying to get closer to me. "N-nothing." I whisper, my hand rising from my side. Harry releases a pleased sigh as I press my hand to his hard chest. I can easily tell that my touch is soothing him, maybe not entirely but enough to make a somewhat of a difference.
"Please, Julie. Tell me, love." He says with a slightly strained voice, almost as if it's hurting him to speak on the topic. I lean back, my gaze moving to his frustrated face - furrowing brows and lines on his forehead from scrunching his face up. "It's nothing, I promise." I mumble my assurance to him, adjusting my other hand so that it is now on the side of his hot neck. His eyes peel open and immediately I notice how red they have become. It's like a drunk fire surrounding the shiny emeralds. To be this intoxicated, he isn't stumbling or wobbly - just a pile of tense muscles and deep, slow breaths.
"You're dr-drunk." I inform him in a soft voice, this is very evident. He leans back, slightly cocking his head at me. With whiskey heavy on his breath, he says, "You act like you've never.. been around a drunk person before." His voice was cold, his words dead. It was lightly insulting to me. I drop my hand from his and stir in his grip, trying to set myself free. I am quick to find that he doesn't like that at all. "Fuckin' stop." He grunts out, tightening his hold upon me. I wince softly at the strong jabs he's giving to my waist. "Be still." He snaps at me, anger clad eyes shooting straight through me. "Ple-" Before I could get my words out, his hand clamps over my mouth - silencing me completely.
"Stop." He simply commands without raising his tone. I oblige his demand and gently nod that represented my reply to him, despite being noiseless. "You look so damn good in my shirt, baby." A devious smirk grows over his pink lips, making me highly nervous about his further intentions. I have become so involved into the situation that I forget I was only wearing the tee and a pair of underwear - an attire only Harry's eyes have the chance to witness.
The thought of his drunken man doing something bad to me has shivers crawling up my shaky spine. It is clear to me that we are not alone, yet I haven't' seen nor heard of any signs that would lead to someone else's presence. It is far too early for Niall and Perrie to be up making coffee as they normally do around six. I am merely hopeless. Part of me hopes that Harry will come to his senses and realize what he's doing and just end it. However, I am afraid that wish of mine will not come true.
"So fuckin' good." He murmurs as he places his lips on my forehead, pecking it a few times. The side of his hand is almost fully covering my nostrils so it is getting difficult to breathe. I stare into his eyes, trying to scream out that he's becoming a danger to me - but all there is in the air is just cold silence. Since I am down to only gasping for air behind his excessive hand, I decide to be a bit courageous - to save my life.
My much smaller hand wraps around his wrist and I give it a pull. No movement comes from him at all, not a surprise though. I furrow my brows as I watch his harden stare the whole time, my hand is tugging on his but he doesn't budge. I'm desperate for air now - there is only one thing I can do at this point. I trap his wrist by adding my other hand. My nails anchor into his soft, warm skin and I chose to inflict pain on him, as much as I can.
Without hesitation, I drag my fingers down his forearm - I am now caught between gasping for oxygen and observing the hurt sweeping across his face. His eyes widen and his mouth is agape. He groans as I push my fingertips down harder, trying to tear at his skin. It only took me five more seconds of doing so before he snatched his hand away from my face. "Fuck!" He bellows out, his other hand grabs onto his injured forearm. I take this as my one and only opportunity to free myself of the cage he's forcing me into. Automatically, I chose to do what I know best. Run.
So I ran, my legs never ceasing to stop their constant cycle of motion, my mind never straying from my single thought: Hide.
The hallway was dark, nothing out of the ordinary though. I couldn't run to my room, it'd be the obvious place for me to find shelter. I gather all my anxious feelings and toss them aside, I don't have time to be worrying. I just need to get away from him for as long as I can.
My lungs are on fire and my heart is close to beating out of my chest. It was a strange sensation, I quickly discover, being so excruciatingly pained but unable to stop moving. My bones seem to be made of lead, but something unknown forced them to continue to work with my strained muscles and have me continue through the shadows.
Before I knew it, I was left with one decision to make: turn left, or turn right. I didn't even realize I had made it up the staircase until I entered the small hall. My heart overpowers my mind, and I shift my body towards the left. My hand throws the knob to the side and I push the door open. The lamp on the corner of the desk is the only light source in the room - it's giving me enough light to see the open closet door on the other side of the room. I gladly accept it's silent offer and I hurry over to it.
With a quick, unspoken prayer, I step into the closet and shut the door behind me. It's pitch black dark all of a sudden, but I expected that. My hand moves around, trying to find the handle. It doesn't take long, but I'm sad to say that I do not feel a lock on it. I scoot to the far corner of the closet, sliding myself to the floor. I hug my knees tight to my chest and rest my forehead on them, trying to at least get some closure before he barges in and hurts me.
A half a minute hasn't even passed by and already the torture restarts. Even from up here, I can hear his booming yells echo through out the house - I can't quite understand his words, but I believe I don't want to know what he's saying....
EXCUSE ERRORRRSSSS I WILL CHECK THEM LATER ON!!
- yes I know it's long and a bunch happens but please just hang in there. I PROMISE you will enjoy these next few chapters.. and the end is NEAR. Ugh I'm gonna cry! Not sure which chapter yet, but soon! xx
Two weeks. I know I KNOW. I suck at updating but I'm sorry. I've had a bad case of writer's block Buuuut.. to make up for that-- I have given you this update which is almost 9,000 worrrdssss
Sooo feedback please not to complain any, but you guys have been slacking )=
LOVE YOU THOOO xx please give me some feedback though Updates Soon!!