t h i r t y o n e - promise.
//there is no greater fraud than a promise not kept//
My head is constantly spinning - he's all I can think about. I'm not sure why, for some reason I'm drawn to him. He's such a mystery, he has absolutely taken over my entire mind. I find myself ruminating to the thought of him.
He's captivated my mind, yet I have never seen any form of light shine upon him - I'm clueless when it comes to his features.
Nearly a two weeks has drug by, and every day I had to survive without a visit or even a note from him. Niall said he left - something about having to find some peace or whatever.
It hurts me that he broke the promise we made, yet it's sort of ridiculous to be upset at someone you don't even know. Harry has a ton of hidden secrets, just like the others.
I'm curious about where he went off to..
When I used to leave my house to get away from the stench of alcohol and the clouds of smoke floating in the dead air, I'd go one of two places. The woods, or the cemetery. Usually I would realize that I felt my mother's spirit in the deep forest more than I did where her body laid.
"Good evening!" Perrie's cheerful voice invaded my trance. My eyes trail to the door - I didn't even hear it open. "Hey." I give her a week smile, I couldn't muster much.
"Still down in the dumps, honey?" She sighs out as she plops down on the foot of the bed. I shrug my shoulders at her, my throat is too dry to speak right now.
"It'll be alright. He was pretty upset himself.. but I guess we all need time to.. ya'know, escape reality and all that." Perrie tells me, her attempt to make me feel better is partially working - at least I was told what happened to him. At first, I thought he had banished for good.
"I was.. I was just really.. looking forward.. to.. to the other night." I admit in a soft voice, my eyes falling to my lap where I'm picking at my nails. Perrie reaches out and grabs my knee. She gives me a good squeeze before retracting her hand.
"He should be back soon." Her smile slowly fades as she clearly takes notice of the water droplets rolling down my cheeks slowly. "Hey, please don't cry. I promise he will be back tonight. I'll let him know you want to see him." She assures me as she slides a bit closer to me until our knees are touching.
"I don't want you to pr-promise." I mumble out, a few tears run over the corners of my mouth and I taste the saltiness. "Why not?" She furrows her eyebrows at me, her hand on my knee again.
I take a deep breathe, I never imagined I would be crying over someone I don't even know. It's like my body just goes wild when I think of him - my heart pounds violently, my mind is cluttered with memories of our first encounter and every scream I've heard come from above me, literally everything relating to him.
"He b-broke our promise." Perrie's confused faced soon softens as she hears the words leave my mouth nervously. She bites on her lip as she stares intensively at me with her bright eyes. "I.. I don't like.. for people.. to make promises.. then just go and shatter them." My heart is stinging as the thought of my past settles inside of me.
"Julianne.. who hurt you, love?" Perrie lets her voice become soft and low. I look up at her with tear filled eyes, streams down my face, and shaking lips. I nearly bust out in a flood of tears as I witness a tear slip from the corner of her right eye.
Someone actually cares to ask.. No one has ever wondered anything about me. No one has ever noticed my constant pain. For sime reason, I feel like Perrie noticed because she herself has a painful past. She gets it.
"When.. when my.. my mom died.. my aunt promised me she'd move me up to New York. She.. she knew how my.. my father was and.. she wanted better for me." I release a long sigh, it's hard to speak about it.
"She promised.. but she ended up just sending money every two weeks for us.. so we'd live." I wipe my the back of my hand against my cheek, smearing the previously straight stream on my cheek.
"Your dad wasn't a nice man, I assume." Perrie says, her eyes breaking free from our gaze. "Why do you think I left?… He probably hasn't noticed." I rest my forehand in my palm, I still can't believe she never came back for me - New York seemed sk nice and it was a dream come true to leave that suffering life.
But instead of gaining freedom, the chains got tighter when she called and said the plan had changed.
"It's been almost three months.. I'm sure he's realized you're gone." Perrie insists. I lift my head up, her eyes quickly find my stare. "Three months?" My voice is faint.
"It'll be August in about two weeks. You got here in May." She nods a few times to me. It doesn't feel like three months, maybe one but surely not three. I swallow the lump in my throat - I wonder if my father looked for me.. The chances are highly slim.
"What time is it?" I ask in a faint tone. Perrie removes her hand from my leg as she goes to climb off the bed. "A bit past eight." She sighs out as she smooths her shirt out with her hand.
"Is.. is he really coming back tonight?" I nervously question, my palms are sweating and my heart starts to race - I can't control myself when I think of him.
"That's what he told me." Perrie says with a small shrug. "I'd love to stay a little longer but unfortunately tonight is my night to wash dishes." She smiles lightly as she reaches the door.
We exchange a goodbye before she leaves, sealing the door shut behind her. It's quite hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it is almost August.
Plus there's the constant reoccuring thought of Harry that is driving me insane.
From the corner of my eye, I see a bright light shining through the window. I hurry off the bed and make my way to the window. My hands press against the glass as I stare in the direction of a pair of headlights.
My brows knit as I try to make out what exactly was going on. I couldn't see much, just a small section of the back patio.
Thanks to nightfall, I can't make sense of anything - or possibly anyone.
A fast gust of wind hit me and blew the hood off my head. I let out an annoyed sigh as I trailed up the driveway. Evening walks are my favorite - but, the sun has fully set now and I need to reclaim a promise with someone special. I arrived home nearly two hours ago, and I just couldn't resist a good journey into the words.
My attention shifts to the thought of that gorgeous angel. I stood her up the other night - I crushed her dreams and I cracked her already damaged heart.
Niall said she cried. Perrie informed me that she kept herself isolated. Sophia said she screamed into her pillows. Zayn told me she hardly ate. Gemma said she barely spoke to anyone.
Sara reminded me of this thing called love - she said Julianne needs me, but I believe she doesn't want me as much as she claims.
How can this girl be so attracted to me - her beautiful eyes haven't uncovered the sight of me yet, her precious mind has yet to process every bad thing about me, and her fragile little heart doesn't even understand…
However, I know why she's so attached, it's the same reason that explains my undying love for her. It's complicated - but it's part of fate.
The door slams behind me as a result of the heavy force I applied to it. A loud, ear-piercing squeal fills the air. Perrie's near. I guide myself to the kitchen, the dim lighting allows me to see enough.
"Shit, you scared me." Perrie throws her hand over her chest. God she's so dramatic, it's entirely unnecessary. "Sorry." I sigh lightly as I head to the hallway opening. "Wait! Harry!" She nearly shouts out.
"What?" I turn on my heel and raise my eyebrows at her. She grabs a small hand towel and dries off her soap covered hands. She throws it on the counter before trotting over to me.
"I sorta um.. Well.." She gulps loud enough for me to hear, there's no telling what she has done this time. "Well I told her.. you'd come see her." She bites her lip harshly as she braces herself for my outburst.
I clench my fists tight, my eyes shut for a few moments. "Fuck. Why would you fuckin' tell her that!" I don't really state it as a question - I can't believe she done that. "She's a wreck, Harry! You have to see her." Perrie whines out, not pleased with me at all.
"She survived this long.. She can wait until tomorrow." It burned both my heart and my throat to say those words but dammit I'm pissed off now. "What are you saying?" Perrie tosses her hands in the air, I assume my voice holds little clarity? Sounded fine to me.
"I'm saying.. She'll fucking live without hearing my voice." I snap suddenly. I push past Perrie, my shoulder slams hard against her. I continue down the hallway without evening glancing at that damn bedroom door.
Julianne will be fine, and so will I.
The moon sat high in the sky - scattered stars cover the darkness. I was in a trance earlier about so many things, this place, my mom, Harry.. It was insanely wild, my head is still spinning from overthinking.
Somehow I ended up on my knees, the cold floors are making my both legs sting. My eyes are glued to the outside world, I wish I could touch the stars. Just a simple graze of my fingertips over them would be greatly satisfying. The window is so clear, the glass shiny clean.
My teeth sink down on my bottom lip, preventing myself from crying is rather hard. I feel the tears form in my eyes. My heart begins to skip beats, a sign that I'm becoming very upset.
I'm quick to shake off the uneasy feelings. I bring myself to my feet, I need to wash off my face, and cleanse my skin - tear streams are not cute at all.
My hand grabs the throw blanket off the foot of the bed and I wrap it over my shoulders, tucking my hands into my chest as I clutch two corners of the soft fabric.
The cold air circulating in the room made chills crawl up and down my spine. Goosebumps always appear on my skin when I expose it to the extreme temperature. I reach the door and open it in a fast pace, the quicker I am the less likely something bad will happen.
I hurry across the hallway and into the bathroom. The welcoming I receive is a freezing cold tile floor pressed against my bare feet and a amora of lemons. I scrunch my nose up at the intense smell.
A heavy sigh leaves my mouth as I let the blanket fall to the floor. I place my hands on the edge of the countertop. I lean a tad closer to the mirror, observing my reflection. My eyes are puffy and red.
"Get yourself together." I whisper softly at the mirror, my hands run through my hair a few times, trying to tame it.
A billion thoughts start to clutter in my head. Perrie said he would visit me tonight, yet he has yet to come and I am very doubtful - he won't show. I have to learn to live with yet another anxiety creating thing - the presence of Harry.
A coldness ran through my veins, a lonely feeling settles down in my heart. My stomach is in knots and my head is pounding.
Something has me so wrecked, so messed and torn up. All of this is most likely a result of my longing for Harry - the man that I don't know a single thing about other than the sound of his raspy voice to the feeling of his sift skin and inviting warmth.
Once the water is turned on, I cup my hands and let the water pile up before throwing it over my face. I do that a few more times, attempting to snap myself out of whatever trance my body is stuck in.
Finally, I feel somewhat refreshed after the fifth splash of water against my skin. I dry off my hands and face before snatching the blanket from the floor - soon I find myself wrapping it back around me.
My hand turns the knob after flicking off the light. I step into the hallway and I nearly have a heart attack. A sharp gasp leaves my body and my eyes widen - no, not again..
Sorry if this isn't good.. Updates coming.
So what do you think has Julianne all riled up? And what about Harry's sudden refusal to go see her...? And lets not forget that cliffhanger... Hmm feedback::))