t h i r t y - smile.
//she wanted to be appreciated, he wanted to be accepted//
The afternoon sun is blazing in to the room, the clouds are clustering in the blue sky, I suppose there could be another storm later on. I just woke up, apparently it's late because the golden ball is sitting high in the sky, heat burning off and rays shining down on the ground.
I push myself off the bed, my body feels heavy after my good rest. I done as I was told - sleeping is a wonderful thing at times.
My bare feet hit the cold floor and I shudder at the feeling. A bolt of energy sped through my body as I saw a folded piece of paper on the nightstand - it had to be from him.
I snatched it up and a huge grin appeared on my lips as I saw the same handwriting as the first note. The same black ink.
The same messy writing. It was addressed to me and honestly I couldn't be happier. Perhaps this may become a regular thing between us.
I quickly unfold the paper and read over the words, the entire time my heart is jumping and my lips are stretched wide in a smile.
Well I know it wasn't much, but I enjoyed talking to you last night. Have a good day. I'll see you tonight, my love. - H x
I reach into the drawer of the nightstand. My hand clutches my journal and I'm fast with my motions - I don't want to forget what I plan on saying. I open to a random page and grab the pen.
A few seconds passed until I decided to start writing. I watch carefully as the blue ink seeps into the paper, I try my best to keep it neat but it's quite hard when my hands are shaking like crazy.
Nervously, I lift my fist and hold it just centimeters away from the closed door. I inhale a deep breath, here it goes. My knuckles bang against the wood a few times. A low growl came from the other side, my palms begin to sweat.
"Who is it?" The loud yell made me flinch, dear God please give me some strength - I guess I'll be okay as long as I remind myself he would never intentionally hurt me. "So-sophia." I chrip out, my throat almost dry.
"What the fuck do you want?!" He hollers out, like most other times he is being completely unnecessarily rude and mean. "I.. I need to ask you some-something.. And you have a letter." I smile gently as I look down at the folded piece of paper in my hand - I found it in the hall, I suppose she slid it under the door.
"From who?" He simply asks, his voice not as loud as before. I sigh lightly, he ought to know - apparently he visited her last night which is just so adorable, if I might add in. Niall said that Harry made a plan to go back tonight, hmm.. maybe things will get better soon.
"Julianne." Not even a second later, the door slung open, revealing a very stressed out Harry. His hair is tied back, his forehead shining with sweat, and his fists are clenched. I offer him a kind smile but he doesn't return it.
He yanks the paper from my hand, not bothering to say anything to me. I fiddle with my fingers as I wait patiently for him. He flicks open the letter and scans it over with his eyes a few times.
I watch as the corners of his mouth curve upward, creating something we rarely see him with - a smile. His eyes are bright and his cheeks are slightly flushed - he lifts his head and his eyes meet mine.
"What do you want, Soph?" He mumbles out as if he was having the worst day ever - yet I can easily see through his now fake anger. He's so happy now, Julianne really is changing everything around here.
"Will you join us for dinner?" I politely ask him, my eyes dropping to the floor as I noticed his quick mood change. "No." He states, a soft shake of his head added behind the word. "It's just me, Li, Perrie and Za-" He cuts me off with an eyeroll.
"I said no." His lips have fallen to a straight line again, his eyes a bit duller now. I can feel the upsetting, pissed off vibes radiating from his body. "Julianne won't be there, pl-"
"I fucking said no!" Harry snaps, his hand roughly grabbing the door frame. "Why the hell not?!" I throw my hands in the air, my temper has risen and he's getting on the edge of my nerves.
"Because I don't fuckin' want to." The door slams shut and the rough wind blows my hair over my shoulder. At least I tried.
Who the hell does Sophia think she is? First she interrupted my silence then she proceeded to yell at me. I release a deep breath, trying to relax my tense muscles.
I throw myself onto the bed, my head falling into the mountain of pillows. I bring the note in front of my face and read over it again, it's very unbelievable.
I really liked talking last night, too. You're really nice and caring. I can't wait to "see" you later, because I have an important question for you. Thank you for the note, and I hope I'm not bothering you with all of this. Thanks again, you're the best!
I can just imagine her in my head - the pen digging into the paper, her bottom lip sucked in her mouth, with her teeth chewing on it, her long hair swept away from her face so she could see, her eyes twinkling as pours herself on the paper, her cheeks covered with a layer of red, she scrunches her nose as she focuses.. The list goes on forever.
A round of knocks distracts me from my wondrous trance. I groan loudly as I get off the bed and go over to the damn door yet again.
"Who is it?" I ask im a raised voice. Nothing comes from the other side of the door, oh great now they're acting like they can't speak. "If you can't speak then fuck off!" I yell out, my nerves are on fire. I can't fucking get a moment of peace in this place.
"S-sara." A small voice spoke and my heart dropped - I'm such a horrible person. My hand wraps around the knob and I give it a quick turn. My eyes take in the sight of my beautiful little sister. Her eyes are shedding big tears and her face is flustered.
I fall to my knees in front of her, what in the world has her so upset? "Hey.." I sigh softly as my hands grab her waist, guiding her just a little closer to me.
"What's wrong, angel?" I question in a low voice, Sara usually doesn't get afraid of me because she knows how I can be - yet I don't want to risk any thing. She sniffles a tad, trying to stay calm and collected.
"C-can I.. talk to you.. about somethin'?" Sara quietly says as she begins to fumble with her own fingers, her pretty eyes drop to the floor. "Of course, babe. What is it?" I let my hands fall from her sides. I stand up and grab her small hand in my greatly larger one.
She walks into my room and I shut the door behind her. "A bunch of things." She tells me as I guide her to the desk in the corner. I sit down in the chair and pick her up.
Gently, I place her on my lap and she lets the side of her body fall against me. I wrap my arms around her and keep her close.
"I had a bad dream last night." Sara informs me. I gulp lightly, these kind of talks with her always get serious and I know she'll want honest answers from me. "What happened in your dream?" I try to ignore what will come soon but it's fairly hard to do so, especially when you're so used to it.
"You went away.. forever and you left everyone behind. I.. I thought it was r-real." Her lips are quivering as she talks, poor thing has the worst dreams. "Now Sara, you know I'd never do that." My hand slides to her back where I start to rub circles into her.
"Harry.. I want you to.. to let Julianne.. s-see you." Sara blurts out, a bit of nervousness continues to radiate from her. "You know it's not easy." I mumble softly, this new change of topic doesn't surprise me.
"I want you to be happy.. Mommy wants you to be happy." Her words make my heart pound violently in my chest. I wish it wasn't so hard, sadly that wish won't ever come true.
"I know, it still isn't easy."
The evening breeze is such a gift during the hot season. A relieved smile sticks to myself as I sit down in one of the patio chairs. The sun just began to go down, the sky full of colors.
"Gem." Sara's soft voice spoke suddenly behind me. Before I could turn around to face her, she appeared in front of me. "Hey, love." I say, keeping the warm smile on my face for her.
"I talked to Harry." She lets her head fall, her eyes are watching her hands fumble with each other. I sigh softly, I keep warning her that doing that won't get the situation anywhere - Harry will do what he wants, how he wants.
"I told you not to mention it to him." I don't have to be curious about what she said, it's the same thing she's been questioning since Julianne came here. "I know Gem but-" I cut Sara off, this is the final time I'm going to give her this lecture.
"I don't want to hear it. I've told you a hundred times this week alone to stop bothering him about it." I raise my voice at her only to show how serious I am.
When our mother passed, I knew right away that Sara would need a mother figure in her life, especially since she was so young. So, I gladly took up the responsibility and I try my best to be the best sister I can be. That includes giving discipline.
"I want Harry to be happy. It's not fair.. everyone else is happy." Sara covers her flustered face with her small hands. I let out a drug out sigh - here come the waterworks again.
She begins to sob, her shoulders shaking lightly as she keeps her face hidden. "Sara, please don't cry." I coo as I stand from my chair and place my hands on her sides. I attempt to pull her into an embrace but she refuses.
Seconds later, her feet are stomping on the concrete as she runs towards the back door. Quickly, I stand up and start to chase after her. A bit of regret mixed with a load of shame washes through me - I hate seeing my little sister's eyes flood with tears.
My eyes witness her disappearing into the house as she swings open the back door - loud cries leaving her body.
Sara has had her fair share of breakdowns and panic attacks - they run in our blood line. Harry, however, receives the worst of them. There is one certain memory that appears in my minf everytime she begins to cry.
She was five years old and she was and still is the most curious child I have ever met. She knew that our mother was no longer alive - but what she always contemplated how exactly the death happened.
Sadly, we admitted the truth to her - well to a decent extent. I can remember every little thing that happened in that moment. Her hands began to shake, her knees wobbled and became weak. She would have fell to the ground but Harry was quick to scoop her up in his arms before her trembling bidy plummeted to the floor. She felt guilty - she still feels that way. No matter how many times we remind her that it's not her fault, she ignores us and continues to blame herself for what happened.
I'm nearly out of breath as I enter the kitchen. I freeze on the door's threshold as my tear filled eyes absorb the sight in front of me.
In the corner of the room, with his back pressed into the wall and his arms securely locked around our sister, sat Harry. I swallowed a large lump in my throat, he'll be upset that I yelled at her. He always gets that way - I guess it's obvious who his favorite sibling is. I push aside my jealous thoughts and take a few steps closer.
Harry's chin is resting on Sara's shoulder whilst her arms are tightly drapped around his neck, her face buried in the side of his neck. I could clearly make out the sound of her sobbing.
"What have I said about screaming at her? Her heart's too sensitive." Harry's low voice says, his eyes lifting to gaze at me from across the room. "I.. I was only trying.. to.. to." My brain comes to a halt, I can't defend myself while I'm completely in the wrong here - there was no reason to yell at her.
"I don't care." Harry bluntly states - I should've known not to come between him and Sara, when it comes to her he's always the hero in her eyes and I'm the villian.
So we're diving further into H and the past.. Can't wait to blow your minds sooon! Updates coming. Feedback greatly appreciated ❤