t w e n t y o n e - cards.
My hand is shaking as I extend my arm in front of my body, revealing what I found to their eyes. Niall sighs as he sees it, Zayn just stares at it, and Louis gasps sharply out of shock. “There’s no way.. she..” Niall stops himself as he turns around, not wanting to see what I’m holding. “I knew she.. I knew she did that. I can tell.” Zayn mumbles lightly as he carefully picks up the skinny piece of metal from my sweaty palm.
“Wait until he finds out she’s doing that here.” Louis mutters, mainly to himself as he glances to meet my gaze. I shake my head lightly, this is insane – I never knew she done this. Wait, hold up – calm down and relax, there’s no proof that she used it for that reason. Oh you stupid idiot, what else would she need that for?
“Are you positive it belongs to her?” Niall questions as he stops in front of the opening to the hallway. “It has to be. Gemma hasn’t used that bathroom in days, she’s hardly leaving her room, and well I certainly don’t do that.” I assure him with a few nods, my evidence backs up my newest claim. “He’s going to flip out.” Louis whispers as he comes to my side, getting a closer look at the blood stained blade in my hand.
“That’s fresh, it’s still bright.” He informs me, referring to the blood. “I know.. I figured it was.” I sigh out, I’m rather ashamed at the moment. It’s so horrible what the poor girl has been through her whole life, but she does this.. and I don’t see how it’s fixed anything? It’s only making her life worse, but obviously not even the limitations of this hell house is preventing her from releasing her pain.
Yet I can’t blame her – around here.. we all have our ways of releasing pain.
My heart is beating unsteady, my mind is in a thousand different places. I’m brought out of my thoughts as I wrap my hand around the cold door knob. I don’t bother knocking at the moment, this is something serious this go around. I open the door and I’m relieved to find the dim light is on and she’s awake. Julianne’s eyes dart to me and she partly smiles at me.
I don’t return the kind gesture, I’m upset at her right now, I can’t show any happiness or pity. My facial expressions are stiff and stern, my eyebrows knitted and my lips in a straight line. Stay stuff, Perrie, stay strong. “I’m very ashamed.” I simply state as I shut the door behind me. “W-what do you m-mean, Perrie?” Julianne asks in a soft, innocent voice. I wanted to snap on her and tell her that her little game is bull shit and she knows exactly what’s she done. But I don’t.
“I found the razor blade, Julianne.” I bluntly say, my back pressed into the wall – I didn’t want to get any closer to her, I’m already upset and I’d hate to let my anger out. Despite what I know she thinks, I can get mean – very mean – if I’m pushed the wrong way. I hope it doesn’t happen, but it’s a high chance that it could.. She’s acting now as if she had no clue what I am referring to.
“Um.. I.” She pauses, her body freezing and as I furiously cross my arms on my chest. “This isn’t a cool thing. I’m sorry that you feel it’s the only way to ease your little pathetic tears, but it’s stupid, Julianne.” I snap, my teeth grating and my eyes are widening – no, relax. Do not do this in front of her.
I turn my back to her, leaning my forehead against the wall. “I’ve been there Julianne, I’ve went through it all. And listen to me when I say.. that cutting yourself isn’t the right choice.” I tell her, my voice loud enough for her to hear me from where I’m standing. I can hear her unsteady breathing, she’s nervous about what’s she’s going to say. No surprise there. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.” She informs me, her voice dead and emotionless.
My body whips around faster than I should have allowed it. “Oh shut the hell up!” I yell out, my heart is pounding hard in my chest – my eyes are full of fire and I can’t fucking stand it anymore. “Oh so your mommy died. Your daddy didn’t love you. Who gives a shit?!” I throw my hands in the air, she has no idea what she’s done now. Her eyebrows furrow at my harsh words and she gives me a bewildered look. “I thought you did.” Julianne murmurs in a voice loud enough that I could hear and make out those little words of hers.
“Well not anymore. You had a damn home, Julianne! You had a roof over your ungrateful little head, and for some odd reason you ran away.” My lips are quivering, my hands tighten into fists. She’s pulled out the wrong card, but I’m here to deal my hand with her.
Her eyes grow big at my sudden outburst. She bites her lip hard as she gazes at me, it must be nice to be the little princess around here. “Some of us don’t even get the chance to have a home. You never had to sit out in the pourin’ rain or the freezing cold snow! You never had to lay your head on some old bench at night and fear that you might not wake up! You never had to be afraid of men who walked pasted you, and you certainly never had to beg for food!” I scream out at her, tears flooding my angry eyes.
She’s staring at me like I’m crazy, but honestly I don’t care. “My parents shipped me off to Chicago to an aunt that didn’t even exist. They enjoyed their alcohol while I froze on the side of the road. I was ten years old, Julianne. Ten! I was raped more than once.. and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.” My voice is becoming shaky, my lungs are heaving and my knees are going numb right under me. “Don’t you dare say your life was horrible. Don’t even go there.”
“I’m s-sorry.. I.. I didn’t know, Perrie.” Julianne breathes out, an apologetic look on her face now as if that were the magic to fix all of this. “You don’t understand how fuckin’ lucky you were, Julianne. Instead of thanking your god damn lucky stars.. you jumped out your bedroom window and got lost in the woods.” I spit out, my fists are so tight that my long nails are digging into my palms – it’s not a good feeling but I ignore it and carry on with my scolding.
“We rescued you and now you must think you’re some sort of princess. And one day you’ll escape and your Prince Charming will be riding in the woods on a white horse looking for you. Is that what you think? Because if it is.. then that’sa load of shit!” I finish the short lived story with a yell.
“You’re never getting out of here. You’re gonna rot here just like the rest of us, so I wish your prince good luck.. I know you think you’re a little angel, and around here you’re treated like one… but Julianne.” I stop myself with a huff, my eyes sealing shut for just a moment, I need to compose myself before I lash out for real.
My eyes open and I see she’s still staring at me, fear struck face and worry glistening in her eyes. “Julianne we never gave you a proper greeting.. so let me do the honors.” I say, flicking my hair over my shoulder. I clear my throat and straighten my stance. My hands grab each other behind my back and I tilt my head up some, because I’m sure this is close to the correct way to greet a princess.
“Julianne.. Welcome to Hell.” My fake smile shines bright on my face. A few lose tears escape down her cheeks, poor little baby is sad – oh well. I turn on my heel, a satisfied sigh leaving past my lips. I hope you enjoy your stay.
My hand wraps around the door knob and I yank it open. I stop myself in the doorway, my tears falling onto my lips, giving me a taste of the saltiness. I use the back of my hand to wipe my face off, not caring how pathetic I looked. “I hope you hit a vein.” I coldly say seconds before slamming the door shut behind me.
She’s one of the lucky ones, but yet here she is abusing her own body because she can’t escape this putrid Hell hole. What a pathetic little bitch. I’m beginning to not feel sorry for her.
“The sun is setting.” I mumble lightly as I sit down at the table, the blazing summer heat is flowing into the room thanks to the opened window. “Time for me to hibernate.” Louis chuckles lightly as he sits across from me, sipping on his tea every now and then. I just shake my head at his comment, things can become very odd and dangerous around here when the sun sets – mostly because the majority of us aren’t here.
“Did you hear Perrie flip out earlier? Poor thing’s heartbroken.” Louis is quick to change the subject of conversation. “Julianne got the truth, I assume, about Perrie.” I suppose, I faintly heard the screaming from the living room a few hours ago but none of us went to check on what was occurring at the time. Louis lets out a deep sigh, rolling his eyes at the mention of what took place down the hall.
“She snapped.. like a rubber band. It was pretty wild. Basically told Julianne she was pathetic for saying she lived such a so called.. horrible life.” Louis shrugs his shoulders at me as if arguing around here was normal – but the sad thing is that it is normal around this house. “Well.. Julianne did have it pretty bad.” I retort, the girl’s mother is dead and her father couldn’t even give her the time of day.
“But Perrie’s was worse.. all of ours was somewhat worse than hers, and you know it.” Zayn’s voice invades our conversation. He walks in from the living room, an empty glass in his hand. I watch as he sits it in the sink before making his way back over to the table. He claims a spot at the end and leans his elbows on the table, ready to proceed with the talking.
“Yeah, I used to think my life was bad until I heard Perrie’s story.” Louis admits, tossing the now empty bug from hand to hand as he leans back in the chair. “Perrie was raped, I think that’s what makes it so bad.” I throw out my thoughts on this, perhaps Perrie went a little overboard on Julianne but at the same time she had the right to do and say as she pleased.
“Do you think he’ll be upset over it?” Zayn asks curiously, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “Most likely not. He’s pretty cool with things as long as we don’t.. you know.. hit her or put her in danger. Like taking her outside, way to go there dummy.” Louis smirks gently as he glances over to Zayn.
“It was Perrie’s idea, and besides.. the only thing out there was h-” A loud crash interrupts Zayn’s words. My eyes roam to the ceiling, the fan is literally shaking – another loud noise. I gulp gently, God I hope Julianne is asleep, I hate knowing she has to witness this – lucky for her she only sees partial things, unlike the rest of us. We get the unpleasant chance of watching it all unfold. Day after day.
I sigh lightly, so far it had been a nice and quiet afternoon since Perrie’s drama scene, but now I guess it’s over.
"Someone's nap is over."
first off, sorry it this is bad.. It was late and I just really wanted to get this posted. Also, errors are probably all in - sorry about that. Any feedback?? xx
RIP Robin - prayers going to H