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Beating Heart

t w e n t y - glamorous.

//some find the dark inviting, while others find it revolting//


My eyes linger to the closed wooden door. It’s been a week since my attempt to escape this place, better known as Hell. Niall has become distant, I don’t like it. Perrie only comes in once a day to check on me, it used to be almost every hour of the daylight. Zayn pops in every few days, just to say ‘hi’ and talk for a few minutes. I’ve seen Louis a few times. Nothing important has happened, nothing scary as occurred – well besides the daily tantrum thrown above me.

I have gotten the chance to hear Sara’s happy voice a few times, but the door never opens when she runs by. Niall probably told her not to barge in on me anymore, I guess my hope of a potential friendship with her needs to end. I haven’t laid my eyes on Niall in two days. Two days, that’s so unusual. I don’t even know if he’s here. The last, and only, person that visited today was Zayn.

He brought me breakfast. It wasn’t much, just scrambled eggs, toast, and some fruits in a small bowl, and a nice cold glass of orange juice. But I’m not the one to complain, it was marvelous. I haven’t gotten the chance to compliment his cooking skills – I assume he cooked it, I don’t really know though.

Perrie gave me permission to leave the room, but only for one thing – the bathroom. Whether it be for a shower, or to use the toilet, she said as long as I keep my head down, my ears to myself, and stay quiet then everyone is okay with it. I haven’t taken advantage of the offer yet, I haven’t found the need to use the bathroom. She just told me this yesterday, so I’m still a tad hesitant about it.

A sigh passes through my lips as I grab my journal and the pen I keep in my bag. I open to the next clear page and I press the tip against the paper – I have no clue what to write. I decide to finally stop stressing myself out and just let my hand write whatever my heart wanted to say..

Yet again, I do not know the time or date – no surprise there.

It’s like I don’t even exist to them anymore. What if they’re waiting on me to rot away and just die? Are they sick of having to take care of me? Why can’t I just leave.. or better yet, why won’t they let me free? I have done nothing to them, nothing that reasons with my situation. I ran away from home, so what? It’s not like I killed someone. Why am I being punished for something so stupid?

I know they’re trying to help me, but they’re only hurting me more and more as the days pass by slowly.

Summer is setting in outside, I assume at least. I can’t see anything. I’ve only had two glimpses of the world beyond the horrid walls of this house – both times resulted in horrible things, but not on my part.

I realized, that in this place, my mistakes don’t inflict pain on me, but upon others. Perrie didn’t deserve whatever happened to her, I don’t know what happened but I heard it. It sounded painful, and I saw it with my own eyes. It looked like it hurt so damn bad. Liam, on the other hand, sort of deserved whatever came his way – he hurt me for no reason, all he had to do was say get back in your room! He didn’t. He put his hands on me and he chocked me so hard that my vision was going out. He left physical bruises on my body, yet again. It took hours for me to breathe right.

I miss Niall. It hurts me that he’s not here. I thought I could trust him, thought I could rely on him. I suppose I was wrong. That’s enough ranting for today. Sorry to bore you.

-Julianne x

My shoots up the second I close my book. The door knob turns after a few knocks. My heart picks up its speed, I’ve never been so excited but nervous at the same time. The door opens fully and reveals to me someone I didn’t expect to see, but boy am I glad they’re here.


My lips shape into a small smile as he shuts the door behind him, I’m so glad he’s come to see me today, again. “Hey, love. How are you?” He asks as he sits down on the foot of the bed, crossing his legs and getting comfortable – I don’t mind, as long as there’s someone to talk to. “Alright.. I guess.” I sigh out, not really sure if that was true or not honestly. “I can tell you’re upset about something.” He admits frankly, at least he says truthful things to me.

“What’s on your mind?” Zayn asks curiously, folding his arms on his chest as his golden brown eyes gaze at me. The distance between us isn’t big. “Niall hasn’t.. came to talk in a few days.” I shrug my shoulders, my eyes finding my lap as I try to avoid his stare. “He’s been busy. I’m sure he’ll make it around to visit you tomorrow.” He tells me, I can hear the smile in his voice. At least he attempts to be nice to me, Liam obviously doesn’t like me – and the feeling is definitely mutual.

“What else are you thinking ‘bout?” His deep, smoky voice questions me. He can see right through my thin walls that I’ve built, when we talk I don’t even attempt to lie. He’s like a brother to me, I can trust him and I believe he’s always honest with me. It means a lot actually, makes me feel like I have a trustful friend here. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Niall and I have become close since day one, literally, but sometimes I just know he straight lies to me, to save a story I’m sure.

“This place confuses me.” I state simply, not much to add there. He chuckles lightly at my words. I look up to meet his kind eyes and that warm smile. “Tell me ‘bout it.” He nods a few times before sighing. “Well.. how does it confuse you?” He proceeds with our conversation. “I know people are always here.. but it feels so empty. The dark vibes.. really bother me.” I confess bluntly.

“Well.. the people here are just different. We don’t want to overwhelm you. We’re trying to go slow and let you adjust. And trust me I know.. the dark can be tiring.. but once you get to know it.. it’s quite lovely.” He tilts his head to side as he gives me another deep laugh. “I don’t get it.. how can something so.. dark be.. wonderful to you people?” I say with a tad of humor in my tone.

Zayn playfully rolls his eyes and huffs at me. “In the dark.. you can’t see anything. You can’t judge anything.. You can be who you truly are.. there’s no hiding or pretending. The moon guides you.. gives you enough light to be able to walk. I think it’s glamorous, I love it.” Zayn explains, a pleased smirk playing on his lips as his eyes roam up to the ceiling.

“I’ve found so many beautiful things in the dark.. and yet.. so many horrible things in the light. I guess some people enjoy the camouflage. You’ll understand one day.” He adds in, his eyes lingering back to meet mine. “Why.. why do you people always say that? You’ll understand one day, Julianne, just wait.” I groan with a huff escaping my lips. I can’t believe Zayn pulled that card out on me, again!

He lets out a few snickers before rolling his eyes at me again. “I don’t find this funny, Zayn.” I whine out, slamming my hands onto my legs. His laughter just gets louder and harder. “Please just tell me.” I mumble, pouting my lip out lightly. I’m getting a bit irritated at him, he gets on my nerves sometimes. “ ‘M sorry..” He says as he finally calms down, his arm holding his stomach.

“It’s just the truth, love. I can’t tell you. You have to find out on your own.” He admits, shrugging a single shoulder at me in addition. “But.. when will that be?” I can hear my voice and I surely do sound annoyed at the moment. “When the time is right. When fate leads you to it.” Here he goes with this poetic styled words again. I give him a gentle smile as a response to his words.

“I can guarantee you that it will occur within the next two weeks. I know that sounds like a long time, but I promise you.. it’ll be worth it.” He says as he gets off the bed, his hands begin to rub the wrinkles from his shirt. “But.. I just wanna know now.” I breathe out, my mind is getting so jumbled over this.

“If it makes you feel any better.. it took me two months to figure it out. But you’re smart, so good luck.” Zayn smirks slyly at me. I throw my body back on the bed, my head flying into the pills. “Ugh!” I grunt out, closing my eyes tightly as I hear the door open. Zayn’s laugh fills the room yet again. “Wait.. Zayn!” I call out, my eyes opening to see the ceiling above me. I hear his footsteps come closer towards me. I lean up and cross my arms on my chest, I need to get this next question answered.

“What happened to you.. before you met Perrie?” I curiously ask, raising an eyebrow at him. He gives me a gentle smirk before sitting down on the edge of the bed, his eyes on the dusty floor. “When I was younger.. my parents always had at least three jobs at a time.. They tried their best to.. to provide for us. Well one night.. I caught my father hitting my mum, and.. I kind of went ballistic on him.” He pauses himself and swallows harshly, I could hear it from where I sat.

“He kicked me out of the house.. it was years ago. I.. I haven’t been back since.. I’d never go back if I had the chance.” Zayn admits with a sigh. I swallow the lump in my throat, I wouldn’t have imagined that. “Not even to see your mom?” I question in a soft voice.

He shifts his head to look at me, his brown eyes shimmering with tears. I could tell he was trying to hold back, trying to stay strong. I wanted to tell him it’s okay to cry, but perhaps his emotions aren’t any of my business.. “She allowed him to kick me out.. I thought she loved me, but she only cared about what the town thought of her image. That’s all this damn world is about.. how people see you.. no matter how many secrets you have.. as long as they see you smile in your lawn in the morning.. they think everything is perfect.” He stands from the bed and rubs his fists into his eyes, attempting to prevent any water from leaking down his cheeks.

“I found Perrie long after that.. she fixed me. She loved me when I couldn’t even stand the sight of my reflection in a mirror. Love is real.. sometimes you just have to go on a journey to find it.” He states, I could hear the soft smile in his tone. Zayn goes back to the door way, grabbing the knob with his shaking hand.

“Perrie will be in here later to say goodnight.” He informs me seconds before the door closes shut, sealing me in this hell hole again – another day, just another damn day.

“You’re so fuckin’ stupid, just like your mother was.” David snaps, his hand raising as if he was going to slap me again, I wouldn’t doubt it. “I hate you.” I mutter under my breath, my eyes falling to the tiled kitchen floor. Just as I thought, my face is suddenly burning and the stinging is worsening with each new hit. “I don’t give a shit.” He says coldly – I never thought a human could be heartless, but then I think of my father and I know that there’s no heart pumping in his chest. No feelings running through his mind, nothing but cold blood in his veins.

Here I am, fourteen years old and suffering every minute of every day of my life – all because of this stupid bastard. God I fucking hate him, I just wish he’d drown in his beer. I want him to leave, to die, I don’t care. I just want to be away from him, away from this damn house. I want to be free.

“Go to Hell.” I state, my eyes locking with his. Within seconds his knuckles connected with my jaw, yet again. It’ll only make the bruise bigger and more swollen. Nothing I’m not used to. I feel the tears drip from my eyes, I can’t believe I’m falling apart in front of him, usually I wait until he leaves and run to my room and try so hard to suffocate myself in my pillow – however, it always ends with me crying myself to sleep.

“Aw, poor baby. Crying just like your mommy did. What a shame.” He says in a baby voice, his eyes rolling as he takes a few steps back. He used to not hit me, only scream and call me names – but that all changed once I began to get physical with him in return.

“You asked for this one, honey.” I brace myself for the impact, my heart is racing and my eyes are tightly sealed. Just kill me already, please.

A sharp gasp leaves my mouth as my eyes open to meet the darkness. Thank God, it was only a nightmare. Nothing shocking, of course, but at least it wasn’t real. I feel a wetness on my pillow, it didn’t take but a few more seconds until I realized I was crying. I gulp gently and close my eyes, I need to sleep some more but I’m too terrified to close my eyes.

Suddenly my heart stops, what the hell is going on?

Do you know that feeling when you’re in a store or a restaurant and you can literally feel someone staring at you? Yeah, creepy right? Well that’s exactly what the hell I’m feeling right now. I can sense a presence in the room, but I’m begging the lord to tell me it’s just my imagination.

Something is telling me it’s not. This is real, someone’s in this room with me. I tightly seal my eyes, please just go to sleep. I try to mentally scream at myself, threatening my body to rest – but it only awakens me more. I pull the covers over my head and take a few slow, deep inhales, releasing them through my nose. Calm down, relax. It’s alright, no one will hurt you.

Except maybe Liam. Stop! Don’t think about that, just close your eyes and breathe slow and easy, relax and compose your thoughts. Keep your mind on something happy, think about our mother – just don’t fucking screw up and think about the darkness.

Just relax.

My eyes flash open in a millisecond. Dear God, please tell me I didn’t just hear that. The sound of heavy breathing filled my ears, and I know good and well it isn’t mine because I’m almost one hundred percent sure my lungs died just now.

I’m not alone in the dark – Zayn was wrong about what he said, I want to see everything! Or maybe I don’t? Was Zayn right.. or am I just losing my damn mind?


I squinted my eyes as I stood in the doorway, the morning sun was bright and staring right at me. “I can’t stand taking Louis in public.” Zayn’s voice laughs out as he comes around the corner of the house. I turn my head to see him, thankfully the sun isn’t shining in my eyes anymore. “What did he do this time?” I ask with a smirk. “He spoke to everyone we passed in the store. He was just being weird, as usual.” He sighs out with a shake of his head.

He leans against the wall not too far from me, kicking his foot around on the ground – stirring up the dirt. “She asked about me last night.” He bluntly states. I furrow my eyebrows, what exactly is he referring to? “Julianne?” I ask in a mutter. “Mmhm.” He replies seconds after.

His eyes meet mine and I can see the slight worry they hold. I know Zayn well, and when his eyes look like that then something has been bothering me. “What she ask?” I mumble as I allow my eyebrows to rest in their natural shape instead of scrunched up on my forehead. “She asked me what happened to me.. how I met Perrie.” He shrugs lightly as if it was nothing.

“And you told her?” I question. His gaze falls from me and his eyes begin to roam over the ground. “Not every detail.” He assures me with a faint laugh. I roll my eyes lightly, there’s no telling how she would react if we all were one hundred percent honest with her. It hurts me that we have to lie and alter things we say, but at the same time it’s what’s best for her right now. That’s all that matters.

“Have you spoke to him?” Louis’ voice invades our silence suddenly. I give him a faint smile as he comes from the same direction as Zayn did just minutes ago. “Yeah.. He called me up there.” I nod lightly. “What’d you talk about?” Zayn curiously asks, getting pulled into the topic quickly. My eyes roam over the dirt and the little blades of glass sprouting up in certain places as I let out a soft sigh.

“He asked me how she was.. that’s when I told him I hadn’t really been checking on her. He was starting to get pissed, but then I told him that you took over mostly.” I say, glancing up at Zany. He gives me an understanding nod of his head before replying back. “I was in the kitchen late last night and he came to get some water. Shocked me at first. But he actually spoke to me.. he was curious to know how she was holding up since.. well, you know.” He tells me, shrugging a shoulder lightly at the topic.

“I’m keeping my distance for a while.” Louis proudly declares as he stands facing both me and Zayn. “Why’s that?” I question with knitted brows. He gives me that familiar facial expression, his why the fuck do you think look. “He’s going wild on anyone who fuckin’ touches her. I refuse to be the next victim.” Louis chuckles lightly at his own words. “That’s not true, he’s just not putting up with any bull shit.” I give him a shake of my head, he needs to at least get his facts straight.

“So basically.. Liam.” Zayn smirks gently as I roll my eyes at his comment, it was true though. “Like I said.. I refuse.” Louis states, letting out a heavy huff. “She enjoys my company.” Zayn simply says, probably unsure on why Louis is being so weird about this. “How does he feel about your company?” Louis inquires, raising both of his eyebrows high on his forehead, anxiously awaiting Zayn’s answer.

He is glad that she’s getting comfortable with me. Besides, it doesn’t take much. Just a conversation.. answer her many questions.. tell her goodnight and she’s your friend. Her innocence constantly shows, but I’m sure most of the things I say go over her head anyways.” Zayn tells us with a faint laugh leaving his mouth. “I’m just ready for her to really meet Liam. Hmm, that’s going to be epic.” Louis exclaims with a loud clap of his hands.

“You’re just asking for some trouble if you bring Liam in anything.” I remind them of this fact they already know. “Yeah, but it gets better when you bring Ha-” Louis is cut off by Perrie’s ear piercing scream from the kitchen, just on the other side of this wall. I cringe lightly at the unexpected noise. Zayn rushes past me and hurries into the house, Louis and I soon following behind him.


//sorry about the delay, my laptop has been messing up but it's fine now, I hope! So i gave you this extra long chapter, Feedback please?

**So.. i can promise you that you have no clue what the hell is going to happen soon! Ugh, I love knowing! You'll figure it out soon! (if you wnat to attempt to guess.. try re-reading everything... little hints dropped all throughout the story!



I love it

@Allie Miller @Harry02
super sorry about just now replying to you guys! thank you for the love. I hope you like the new update ;)

brianna.smith brianna.smith

Oh my god, the new chapters are amazing! Thank you for updating :)

Harry02 Harry02

Awesome updates my love :) Can't wait to see what's to come. Keep up the great work girl

Allie Miller Allie Miller

Great new chapters! Can't wait to find out what's going to happen next :)

Harry02 Harry02