Our Dance.

I guess I didn’t want that vacation to end. I guess I wanted Niall and I to stay in our fairy tale forever. Everyone was happy in that time. There was no crazy, supposed-to-be dead ex-husband, split families, or drama.
I guess that was all too good to be true though… isn’t it?
Life as a choreographer and pro dancer on Dancing with the Stars is easy, and it’s my dream. Life as a mom and girlfriend who just wants the best for her family? I guess, that’s the hard part.
When I was in my senior year in high school, Wesley and I were together. It was us against the world. No one could stop us.
Then, Wesley happened. I guess I just wonder what would happen if he wasn’t born.
Then, I start thinking about what would happen if I had never gotten pregnant with Wesley’s child… or I had aborted him. Then, I realize that yes, it would have saved me a lot of heartache… but it also would have changed my life completely.
I would have still been that awful person that I was back then… so judgmental, snobby, and hypocritical. I guess that’s why on my way to work, I don’t regret what I am and the decisions I have made.
Yes, I have had so much pain in my heart that at times, I can’t even begin to feel happy… but then, there are those moments that I feel a burst of pure joy.
That started when Wesley was born, seeing him crawl and then walk, hearing him say his first word, hearing that he was cancer free, and seeing his personality flourish each day.
Most people don’t look back at their high school glory days, but I like to. It reminds of why I became who I am today. How I never would have met Niall if I hadn’t become pregnant.
“Hey, Evelina, you have a call on line 1,” Ryan said, sensing that something had happened on my vacation that I didn’t even want to think about.
“I can’t talk to anyone, including Niall. Only let Rachel through if something is up with Wesley. Also, cancel all meetings for today. I have routines and costumes to catch up on and I can’t be distracted.”
“Evelina?” Ryan said, making me stop and look at him.
“Yes, Ryan?”
“Don’t shut off. I know you didn’t show emotion after you and Niall split, trying to keep strong for Wesley, but I don’t want to see you be a statue again. Wesley doesn’t either,” he said, making my heart ache.
“Only bother me when you are bringing me my lunch and possibly supper. I might be here late tonight.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, sadly before turning over to his phone.
See, that’s why I am becoming exactly who I was in high school. Then again, that’s all Wesley knows.
I will never say that Wesley and I were meant to be together. Hell, we didn’t even really love each other. The only reason we got married? I was pregnant and we had young, stupid, high school love. He could have left, but he knew his parents would kill him, especially if it caused me to get an abortion.
Still, two days after we got married, we talked about it. We knew it wasn’t meant to be. We knew that all our marriage would do was make our child’s life hell… just like ours was.
For some reason though, he decided that death was the option. I did grieve him, yes, because I did love him- at least I thought so at the time. I visited his grave because I didn’t want Wesley to think he was conceived by two horny teenagers who were just using each other for sex.
No, I wanted him to think that he was conceived by two high schoolers who, yes, made a mistake, but they were madly in love with each other and just couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
That was the thing though. I had no clue if Wesley was going to come back into our son’s life or he was going to continue being dead and just miss his son’s greatest moments… which most he already has.
In high school, my biggest fear was that I was going to wake up twenty years from then, look to my side, and be unhappy. Maybe I would have been all alone, with no one by my side, or maybe I would have had a husband that I didn’t love.
All I wanted was love. My parents love me, and I know that, but I just feel so… alone. I have great friends, a wonderful family, a beautiful son, and an amazing boyfriend. If I have all these things… why do I feel so alone then?
Maybe… that’s why all my costume sketches were dark, my dances were all dark, none of them happy.
As night took over the world, Ryan went home, which I don’t blame him. Niall was watching Wesley for the night. They had brought me supper.
I never went home that night. I was too petrified of what I was becoming, what I would see.
See, that’s how I don’t understand how he did it. His heart had stopped beating. I saw his face under that sheet! I cried and my heart ached…
I guess, I never really got over it. I mean, his face still haunts my dreams. I still see the car accident taking place almost like if I was in the car with him. Now, I see all of that, but I also see him looking at me, from what feels and looks like six feet under with wide eyes, smiling.
The next morning, Mandy woke me up with a slight nudge.
“Did you work all night?” she asked, making me look around and nod.
“Look, Evelina, I don’t know what is going on, but I know how stressful this job can be. All I ask is that you don’t shut your son out of your life because of it. If you are struggling with something, he most likely is as well.”
“No, he’s not. He doesn’t know who his father is,” I said.
“Well, of course not, his father died before he was born,” Mandy said.
“He came back, apparently.”
“Well, he might not know that, but he knows his mother is hurting. Don’t shut him out like you have before, sweetheart.”
That’s just the thing… shutting people out is what I do best. Saves me from getting hurt.

Notes

Hi guys! So, this is kind of a depressing chapter, but I'm trying to put myself in Evelina's shoes. I mean, her whole reality just changed. So, yeah, she's pretty dang hurt.
Also, sorry about it taking so long... life has been... strange.
Well, let me know what you think. :)
Love you guys!