A Rock Star Christmas Carol

Louis stood over his younger self as his attention was focused at a particular song verse on the notepad he had been writing on the past few hours.

“I remember feeling inspired when I woke up that morning and wanted to take a whack at some song lyrics.” Louis nodded to the paper his younger self had.

Harry stood next to Louis, reading over the verse he was stuck on, not verbalizing anything as he wanted Louis to open up in his own time about the events leading up to the news of his father.

“Hey Lou? Are we going into town after lunch? I want to buy some more weights for the dorm.” Liam called from their joint bathroom, the water heard running inside it.

“Yeah, I need some music paper anyway, we’ll get some on the way.” Younger Louis called back, his voice distanced by concentration at the paper.

“Awesome!” Liam answered in reply, the silence lingering back in the room like a comfortable glove.

“We were pissing around for a few months after the locker meeting and eventually, the administration moved Liam and I in as dorm mates, because we had a habit of sneaking off to the pubs and getting bladdered. I suppose it was just easier to keep an eye on the corrupt one and his minion.” Louis shrugged, not really understanding why they would ever move those two in as roomies.

“Actually, Liam requested it. He was very good at getting you out of trouble and even took the two disciplinary marks for your haywire actions.” Harry told him with fact, glancing up towards the door when it opened, Liam in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

“What haywire actions? If I was doing it, so was he.” Louis rolled his eyes and studied his younger self’s writing. “As for that last lyric, I should have scrapped it entirely.”

Harry wasn’t sure if he should tell Louis about Liam and that it was essentially his fault that Liam quit school with him – well, actually, Liam was kicked out because of Louis’s actions and the music exec didn’t even know.

“You blew up the science room, Louis.” Harry pointed, turning to sit on one of the younger boy’s beds to keep an eye on his charge to make sure he didn’t bolt.

“By accident.” Louis replied stonily, turning to find the ghost staring at the radio that happened to be on at the moment.

“On purpose and you stabbed Jerry in the eye, mate. You blinded him in that eye. I am understanding of your anger –“ Harry tried to connect with his job, but of course Louis wasn’t having it.

“You don’t understand shit, nosy Harriet. You have no idea what went through my head the moment I stabbed him in his fat toad face,” Louis snapped, getting angry again and slamming his hand on the table his younger self was writing on. “For god sakes, you’re making an idiot of yourself; you stupid cad, no one is going to like that song.”

Harry sighed quietly and stood again, putting a hand on Louis’s shoulder.

“Liam took the disciplinary marks for the destruction of the science room and he also took responsibility when it came to Jerry. He admitted to the administration, but because Jerry insisted it was you and not him he got written up rather than an assault charge. He also paid the school back for damages for the next five years because you caused about twenty thousand pounds’ worth of destruction.”

Harry could only shake his head in slight disbelief.

“You certainly have lived quite an interesting life, mate. I’ll give you that one.”

Louis folded his arms across his chest.

“I didn’t ask him to do any of that shit. He chose to throw himself under the bus, not me. I can’t help if he’s too nice. How the hell is that my bloody fault?” Louis snapped, turning to walk out of the dorm and down the hall.

Harry ran after him, raising his hand up and ghosting Louis’s feet where he stood.

“It’s not, but I thought you should know. He is a friend, isn’t he?” Harry questioned, coming to stand in front of Louis so they were staring at one another.

Louis folded his arms a little fighter under his arms in mock thoughtfulness, smiling slightly with a shrug.

“In this business, there are no friends only partners and being that is so, I wouldn’t exactly consider Liam a friend. He’s my employee, nothing more and nothing less.” Louis responded, making Harry blanch.

For being the ghost of the past, he certainly didn’t see that one coming.

Harry’s surprised look faded to a stony glance, to say he was disappointed in Louis would be an understatement.

“He helped you through your father’s death – “Harry began.

“Again, I didn’t ask him to and he technically didn’t do shit.” Louis defended, making Harry’s eyes look a little more lively…or in his case, livid.

“He made sure you had a place to stay, he got a job, he got you a job when you were feeling well enough to work and because of that job, you are where you are today! You – you, you’re a real charmer, you know that? Everything Liam did, he did because he considers you a friend. He did it and it’s because of that job that HE GOT YOU, that you got famous.” Harry put into perspective, struggling not to slap Louis across his smirking face.

“Yeah, well, we all see how that turned out, yeah? I got famous and it still didn’t seem to stop fate from pissing all over me. El, and oh, let’s not forget about my son – tell me, Harry? Did Niall kill my son? I mean, he seems to be the death spirit in this part of the city. I’m curious, because if he did, tell him I said thanks.” Louis responded with just as much sarcasm and a faux tone of friendliness to accompany his emotion.

Harry didn’t say anything for the moment and that was all Louis needed to continue.

“You won’t tell me, that’s answer enough. Let me go, we’re done.” Louis demanded, struggling to move his feet.

Harry watched Louis fall backwards onto his butt and then took the time to kneel down in front of him with the same emotionless expression with the very livid green eyes and in that moment, Louis took to being quiet and looking back with a stronghold glare of his own.

“Elanor wasn’t your fault, but if I’m being completely frank here, your son dodged a bullet with having a father like you. We have enough damned in this world, it would be a shame for your son to add on to the list.” Harry spoke calmly, feeling a sharp stab of icy cold pierce his dead, unbeating heart.

Louis’s eyes narrowed.

“How dare you! I wasn’t a bad father!” Louis exclaimed, hurt making its way to the surface, thawing the icy surface of his demeanor.

Harry moved himself a little closer so they were both making sure the other knew exactly where they stood at.

“You weren’t at fault for your son’s death, but you still have his blood on your hands, Louis. Don’t act blameless on the matter, because you’re not without some of the responsibility.” Harry told him, waving his hand and allowing the man to stand again.

Louis felt the hallow pain stab him in the chest again, it was sharp and jagged.

“I loved my son and I regret what happened every damn day that I didn’t see the warning signs with Bells, but I can’t do anything about it now. I have to press forward, but it doesn’t mean I need to see the forking good in life.” Louis stood up and brushed himself off.

“Then, what is living? If you cannot see at least some good?” Harry asked, standing with him.

Louis shrugged.

“Breathing, working, eating, sex and dying. Not exactly in that order, but you get the gist.” Louis responded coldly, walking off in the general direction of the administrative office.

Harry simply sauntered after him, not exactly glad of the events that played out.

Louis was just a frustrating person, but his pain was intense and Harry did have to remind himself that the bloke was mortal, nothing more and nothing less.

“Niall didn’t release your son.” Harry decided to answer his former query.

Louis stopped, but didn’t face Harry.

“Alexander was collected by another death spirit, we know him as Grim. Niall didn’t do that one, but he was there the night El – “Harry stopped when Louis turned around with the same fierce glare.

“Do me a favor? Don’t talk to me the rest of the time were together, because I might just go find your dead corpse, perform black magic on it to bring you back to life, just so I have the pleasure to kill you again. You just told me I was a lousy father and you don’t know shit about me, maybe my past, but not me.” Louis gritted his teeth, his voice dropping low.

He had a point there.

“Fine, I’m sorry. Maybe I don’t know, but you’re a lousy person and THAT is your own doing. You claim to have no friends and push them away when anyone wants to get close. What are you so afraid of, Louis? Because you’re obviously scared of something if you aren’t even willing to consider Liam your friend.” He argued, his eyes still intense.

Louis shrugged again.

“Nothing. I’m afraid of nothing, sort of speak. Liam just isn’t worth my time.”

Harry could only stare after the mortal in complete astonishment, but eventually followed next to him, his eyes an impassive reflection.

“You’re right, he isn’t worth your time. He’s much too good for you. I’ve never met such a selfish mortal and I’ve met some pretty intolerable ones in my day, but you sure take the pie.” Harry told him with disappointment.

Louis turned with a smirk and held his hand out in mock greeting.

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Louis Tomlinson, biggest ass this side of London, pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Harry. Now that we are on the same page, do me a favor and shut the hell up!” Louis finally exploded, stocking off, opening the administrative door on his left and going in, making it a point to slam it in Harry’s face.

Harry just walked through the door unbothered and back next to Louis again.

“Go away.” Louis hissed, deciding to sit down in the unoccupied chair next to the secretarial desk. Harry sat next to him on the other chair without a word.

One of the administrators wore a deep frown over his worn face and kept biting a pen he had held up to his mouth.

“I see. I wasn’t aware of his passing, Mrs – “He paused when the voice from the other end spoke up again, allowing Louis to hear part of the conversation and though he would never admit it, he was more disheartened by the words of his mother.

“I understand. So you will not be sending for Louis again this year after all? Am I understanding that correctly?” The administrator asked solemnly, shaking his head.

Louis turned toward Harry, pointing to the balding faculty member.

“My mother didn’t even send for me to go to his funeral. I actually hopped a train back to Doncaster straight after Christmas and asked around until someone showed me where my father was buried. I never forgave my mother for that. It’s rather strange, isn’t it? He does something kind and it bites him in the ass?” Louis asked rhetorically, watching the administrator finish the short conversation with his mother.

“He was a kind man, Louis. He sent you here, because he thought it would be best for you. After all, you had no friends to speak of and you kept causing havoc.” Harry made a good point.

“My point is, kindness gets you nowhere. My father was indeed very amiable, but what good did it do him? Not one iota of nothen if you want my view of it. So, why should I follow of a dead end example and then suddenly become worm food for the effort? Piss off with that kindness stuff, it’s not going to work on me, you stupid spook.” Louis finished his ranting, going to get up for the chair. He didn’t want to be around for his younger self’s meltdown. It had not been pretty.

Harry simply waved his hand up and ghosted Louis to the chair so he couldn’t move. He needed to see his path, even if it was painful.

“You are staying for this, Louis.” Harry told him firmly, standing up.

Louis looked up at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Unpossess me, right now, Harry!” Louis demanded again, struggling to move.

“The term is called ghosting and no, this is something you’re going to have to deal with alone. I’ll be out in the hall, because truthfully? I need a break from you and you need to go about this memory alone.” Harry said, tuning to walk toward the door, but Louis’s panicked screams made him turn back.

“You can’t just leave me here! Don’t leave me here.” Louis begged, another part of his frosted charade dropping a notch.

Harry didn’t know if it was guilt, but he turned back slowly and sat down again.

“Alright, but you are a vexing human being, Louis. I hope you know that.” Harry told him, trying to maintain his patience, but failing.

“Yeah? Well, for the ghost of the past, you’re not much better. Your comment about my son was uncalled for. I was a good father…” Louis trailed off.

Harry realized Louis did have a point and he should have expected the hostility after, had he been alive and in the same situation – he would have probably been upset too.

“I apologize, I shouldn’t have said it, but the fact remains that your son, the situation with your ex – it was unhealthy. You tried your best, that’s all anyone could do.” Harry relented so Louis would move on.

“There was nothing wrong the first few hours.” Louis recanted, but went silent when his younger self and Liam entered into the office when the administrator went to fetch him.

He watched quietly as his smaller self-moved effortlessly to sit into the large chair the next desk over.

“Mr. Tomlinson, are we behaving?” The administrator smiled, though if Louis would of compared his grin to Barbie’s tits, Barbie would take first prize in being the most legit for being real than the forced expression the man was wearing.

Younger Louis simply said nothing for fear of incriminating himself and stared straight at his prison warden.

When the man realized Louis wasn’t going to say anything, he shrugged.

“Okay, down right to it then, yeah?” The administrator took a breath and with as much carefulness as he could, delivered the crushing blow of news that changed Louis’s world forever.

“Your father was coming to get you as a surprise for the Holidays. His car got hit by a drunk driver and he was killed instantly. No one else was hurt, but your mum thinks it’s best that you stay here; at least for now.”

The man’s voice was careful, but it didn’t hold any expression in it. If older Louis could describe it accurately, it sounded like a broadcasted version of reading the news.

There was an accident and yeah, people died, but it didn’t happen to anyone they knew.

It was easier for them to shut off a part of their humanity and just explain it like they were reading a script and to hell with the boy’s or anyone else’s feelings, because it didn’t involve them, they couldn’t relate.

“I’m not dwelling on this, but I could have used my mom. I remember just wanting to go home and be with my family. When I called home, no one answered. When I reached out, she acted like I didn’t exist.” Louis threw his head back, flinching when his younger self picked up a pencil holder and threw it at the administrator’s head, screaming at him for being a liar.

“She paid for my schooling to continue up until graduation and living allowance, but she wouldn’t speak to me over the phone or return my texts. I felt alone and since everyone I knew gave up on me, I suppose I gave up on myself. I functioned, I lived – but screw everything else.” Louis spoke up over his younger self’s erratic yelling.

Harry unghosted Louis and helped him stand to follow the younger boy out.

Liam had been standing wordlessly, listening to the entire thing, trying to calm his friend down and running after him as he took off at full speed down the hall.

Louis and Harry ran after them, mostly because an irrational sense for Louis was to go and try to help the boy, but the other part – the more rational, it’s voice spoke loud and clear, reminding him that this was the past.

“You remember what happens next.” Harry pointed out, his voice back to his normal, soft-spoken self.

Louis did indeed and a vicious smile spread over his lips.

“Oh yeah, Jerry the toad got a real rude wakeup call.” Louis said with a triumphant hiss, watching Jerry’s arm pop out, his fist meeting contact with younger Louis’s jaw.

Louis dropped like a rock, hitting the sidewall as he had still been running when he received the punch.

“Hey, twat!” Jerry greeted.

Liam skidded to stop in front of them when he saw the scene, shock evident on his face.

“Hey! Leave him alone! His father just died, scuzz-dick!” Liam yelled, balling his hand into a fist and snapping his arm up and then down – right into Jerry’s nose, going on to knock another of Jerry’s goons to the floor.

Louis could feel the rage his younger self was feeling and subsequently, when he ran from the office, he was still fisting a pointed pencil that didn’t make it towards the administrator’s head.

“Liam never gave up on you, mate. You gave up on everything and yet you are content to blame everything else and get close to no one. That’s going to bite you in the arse someday.” Harry observed, taking a step back when young Louis shook off the punch and stood to his feet with a sound similar to a war cry, arm raised up with the pencil and bringing it right into Jerry’s eye, twisting it in and breaking the tip off inside.

The screams of agony echoed through the halls and outside the building.

Little Louis and Liam took off the front door, down the road and didn’t stop until they got into town.

When they made it to the inner city, Louis balled his hand into a fist and struck Liam in the side of the face.

“Don’t go telling people my father died, you twat! If I wanna tell someone, I will. If I don’t, then keep your damn nose out of it. You aren’t my friend, we are not friends! Now piss off, traitor!” Young Louis screamed, pushing Liam away from him and stocking down the street with his hands shoved deep within his pockets.

Liam could only stare after Louis in shock. When he was halfway down the road, Liam called out to Louis again and raced after the hurt boy.

Harry and Louis simply watched them go.

“I don’t know why he’s stayed with you all these years, but they say God works in mysterious ways.” Harry concluded.

Louis folded his arms across him and watched the two boys with a hard stare.

“Or he’s got a sick obsession with submissive kink play where if you treat him like crap, he’ll try and do more to please you. I personally think it’s the latter, because no offense – if there is a God, he has certainly been slacking.”

Harry smiled.

“Liam is a good guy and he has very little left to give, but he does try. He always made sure everyone got what they needed first. He always made sure to help you, because he saw potential in you and he was right, too bad you have little regard to his needs.”

Louis scoffed, turning to Harry when the boys disappeared down the street.

“He has a job, what more can he even need?”

Harry shrugged.

“Not my department, Zayn will fill you in on that, but you would be surprised what he needs and can’t get because of the little you pay him. He’s due for a raise, mate. Take it from me.” Harry insisted.

Louis grabbed Harry’s sleeve.

“Just take me to where we’re going now, hm? I really want to get this over with. How many more things do you have to show me?”

Harry wasted no time in transporting a little later down the road, Louis had just turned sixteen.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” Harry asked when they landed, the smell of fresh pastries and coffee met their noses.

Louis did remember this place.

Louis shifted.

“Yeah, I do. After the news of my father, I tried getting my grades up, but couldn’t. When I went back to Doncaster, I never bothered to go back and that was a week before Thompkins got outed as a sheep guru and a day after I caused a chemical explosion to the science lab. I was surprised when Liam showed up a week after that.” Louis thought back, his head snapping to the backroom of the coffeehouse when he heard a loud crash.

He shook his head.

“Liam and I spent a few years in shelters or out walking the streets. We panhandled, but it was rarely successful. Liam was behind the coffee shop at the time the owner came out and saw him, offered him employment as a barista. It took a few weeks, but he managed to save enough for a one bedroom apartment and we stayed there, our food usually consisted of leftover coffee and day old pastries.” Louis smiled, though his heart felt heavy and broken.

“You were content though, yeah? At least you seemed happy, if only briefly. He helped you through your father’s death and was there for you.” Harry said, walking towards the back.

Louis followed.

“I was happy to rest somewhere warm that was indoors and a bearable mattress. We had been struggling to stay alive and he never gave me stress about getting a job.”

Harry nodded.

“He struggled to make sure to keep the rent paid and he did, along with getting you a job with him. You just turned sixteen and this was only a few months before your whole world blew up to something I bet you would never have dreamt.” Harry egged on slightly to get Louis to focus on the here and now moment.

Louis was certainly in the moment, his eyes glancing over every detail of the little shop.

“Actually, I met Simon on this day – and his assistant, who was a real snake charmer. I didn’t have the job long, neither did Liam. Liam became my assistant.” Louis recalled, his eyes meeting across at Liam.

He let a loud laugh leave his mouth, walking to where Harry wanted to head.

“Oh Christ, the elf costumes. I forgot about this.” Louis groaned, ducking under the counter and going into the back to get a better look, though regretting it when he saw his sixteen-year-old self stop dead in their tracks at the backdoor.

Liam was rushing around, a large smile on his face, his body clade in a green ruffled costume with matching tights, elf shoes and a jester elf hat.

The look on Louis’s face was pure horror.

“Holy elf balls. I’ve died and gone to Christmas hell,” Younger Louis muttered, folding his arms across his chest. “There is no way will you get me into that type of costume.”

The owner, who was washing dishes turned with a large, gleeful smile.

“Louis! I am so happy to see you’ve made it to work on time! No, Liam’s costume is for baristas. You get a special one for servers. I think you’ll love it!” Cathy Reinard exclaimed, turning to the far counter and taking the material from it, thrusting it into a confused Louis’s arms.

“Spoiler alert, I did not love it.” Louis replied lamely, wearing the exact same horrified expression sixteen-year-old Louis wore.

He remembered that costume very vividly.

Harry stared between Louis and his past self, before busting up laughing.

Notes