Covers & Reviews

Characters- 9/10

I really love Louis. He just does not give a flying fuck but not because he doesn't want to, he just can't. Everything's either been done before or he feels like everything's a big fat lie, and in some way I think we can all relate to that because we've all gone through that cynical, broody teenager phase (Hell, I'm 21 and still going through it). Niall seems like a fun foil. He has no idea what's up with Louis but tries his best to help him. And I like Louis's mom. Her son's a killer chemical cocktail but she's still desperately clinging to when he was still a little boy. My only gripe is how did Louis NOT get charged for manslaughter? Or even sued for emotional damages from the sister?

Summary- 9/10

The summary in my opinion but then the first part IS the summary? So it's a little weird for me but they work well enough together to give you not only a sense of backstory, but Louis's mentality and the way he processes things. And props for not only crediting, but linking your cover artist :)

Grammar- 8/10

There are minor mistakes word wise (ie, loose instead of lose, payed instead of paid) but the punctuation. Some places feel like they need periods and instead, they have lots of commas so it creates this long, run-on sentence with a weird flow.

Formatting- 10/10

Paragraphs are neatly spaced and start where they should (and time skips are clearly marked)

Plot- 10/10

Initially, I thought this was going to be "dude meets hot chick at party". But no. This is way different. One of my favourite books is this French existentialist novel where this dude just gives no fucks and the whole story is just him going through the motions to "fit in" and I feel like that's exactly what this is. Louis just keeps rolling out of bed every morning because he's supposed to. He knows life's a stupid joke but he just keeps playing along like maybe it'll help him find it funny. Like he'll eventually get the joke too. I love that.

Overall- 9.2/10

I don't think this is a love story. This is a guy trying to get through, overwhelmed with past mistakes, the regurgitated bull shit of life, a messy relationship with his mom. And that's great. I know in fan fiction, 99% of the time everything becomes a love story and I'm confident at some point this will too, but I still like it the way it is now. Trying to figure out what Lou's gonna do when he begins to feel again will be absolutely insane, that is if he ever DOES feel again. And how will said females mentioned in chapter zero react if he doesn't respond to them the way they think he should? Will they scare him back into his melancholy hole? Will they understand and try pulling him out? It's great :)

Comments/ Questions-

+ (I previously asked but) how did Louis not get charged with man slaughter?

+ I love that Louis won't use the L-word, even with his mum, if he doesn't feel like it's appropriate

+ why did Louis gun the gas when giving Lucas a ride home? Was he that screwed up or falling asleep with a heavy foot?

+ Jason's a sketchy dude that Louis most definitely should never consider a bro (and thankfully, he seems smart enough not to :D)

+ I feel like it's still too early to tell, but Kathleen seems like a dork. What adult has read DOAWK? But being a dork can be an endearing quality so I hope for more silliness :3

+ the cover you made was cute but I feel like the colours don't match the nihilistic feelings Louis has through out what you have written so far

Notes