Long Way Down

-Sammie

After hours of scrubbing off the filth from Liam, the embarrassment, the abuse, the loneliness, the fear, and lastly the self-hate, I get out of the shower and get dressed.

I would say it’s about midnight right now. I haven’t really accomplished too much of anything, and I don’t plan on doing anything else, but going to sleep.

I never got my day check, which means the lights will probably be off tomorrow. I haven’t the slightest clue where the kids are right now. I haven’t eaten in hours, and I’m too sore to move.

Useless. They boys are right, I can’t do anything. I even lost my ‘almost boyfriend’ cause of Harrys stupid fat ass head.

I mean, god forbid I have someone in my life- besides two kids that mean something to me.

Whatever. I’m done with people, if Marc wants to listen to the first boy that says some bullshit, he can, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

I feel like my abdomen is being ripped apart, shredded if you will. I most definitely do not feel like going to the store, but I actually think I might die if I don’t.

I grab a hoodie, some old worn flip-flops and ever so slowly make my way to my front door.

When I step outside, it’s very chilly, so as quick as I can, I get into my car and immediately turn the heat on.

I back out of the drive way and decide that dollar general will have to work because I most definitely do not have enough gas to get anywhere else, or afford any others store’s prices for that matter.

When I pull in, there are some people in a group lounging on the side of the building, smoke clouding around them all. I cringe my nose at a couple making out.

Sadly, as soon as I step foot onto the uneven pavement, a girl yells at me, “Hey!” the girl stumbles around and almost trips, giggling at herself- great, I think. “Do you think you could give us a ride? It’s not far, we just need a lift.”

Another boy grabs her by her wrist and pulls her into him, he starts kissing up and down her neck.

“Um, ya know, I’m kinda busy right now.” I look away and try to walk around her.

“Please! It’s just down the road! Our other ride was arrested!”

I bring my palms up to my face and mutter ever so quietly, ‘wonder why?’. I could tell she wasn’t going to give up, and I really don’t have time for all of this.

“You, know what? Sure, hop in.” I start getting back into my car, and the kids, or adults, what the hell ever they are tumble in, make my car bounce around.

‘Fuck my life’, I say the words as the girl gets into the passenger seat, she’s either drunk, high, or both. “What was that?” she giggles again and runs her hands through my hair. I slap them away, already annoyed. “Nothing, where too?”

“Oh! Just make a left and a few rights…. I think, it’s a big party, so I mean, we should hear everything from far away.” She pauses and adds in, “Maybe.”

I should have known she would be too fucked up to give simple damn directions. I back out, not even getting my medicine and make my way down the road.

She was right about the party being big, and being able to hear everything and honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t been shut-down yet.

I drop them off and as I leave, I am stopped once again.

“Hey cutie! Why don’t you come in for a little while?” The boy has dark black hair, and light blue eyes with a red solo up in his hands.

I mentally groan. “Actually, it’s already morning, and I’ve had no sleep, so I’ll be making my way home now.”

“No! Just for a little while! I mean just grab a drink, once you get home, you’ll be able to sleep a lot better, promise.”

I let my head hit the back of the seat as I unbuckle myself- realizing this conversation would not have ended up anywhere, I get out and follow the boy into the house.

His slender body leads me into the over flowing kitchen and hands me a cup filled with a dark red mixture. He urges for me to drink up, so without question, I tilt the cup back and have at it.

It’s sour, and sweet, but it most definitely has tequila in it, and may I say, way too much, the liquid burns my throat as I gulp down all of it. My pain subsiding, I feel relief.

The boy looks at me, surprised- he probably thought I was a stiff- and hands me another. He grabs my arm and pulls the both of us into another room, one with less people in it. We sit down and he starts talking to a boy with long blonde hair. Feeling left out, I chug the new drink in my hands and start to feel a buzz coming along.

Not caring about anything and feeling great, I see a cooler not too far away and grab a beer. Slowly sipping this time, I see the boy lay a white powdery substance out on the coffee table in front of us.

He brings a short straw up to his nose and inhales a line of it off the table, he then passes the straw to everyone that is gathered around the table, including me.

Looking at him, then the straw, then the table and back at him, he nods his head, ushering for me to copy the actions of everyone else’s. I bend down and sniff a line up. My nose burning and itching. I feel as if I need to sneeze, I lean back into the plush cushions of the furniture and rub my red nose.

Moments later, a girl within the group, hands me a drink. I take it and stare into the cup, purple. The drink is purple. Without going into further depth, I tip the cup back and have at it.

We all sit around the table, music blaring around us, bodies on top of other bodies, sweating, people drinking and doing drugs, everywhere. I start to see yellow lines in my vision, the music has subsided and my fingers are tingling, well, this is a new feeling.

My head rolling around, lands on someone’s shoulder and rests there. Feeling phenomenal, I start to think my last drink was spiked. O well, I just did drugs with total strangers.

The last thing a can make out through my blurry vision is the police running through the doors, yelling at everyone.

I giggle just as my tired eyes shut, sending me into a void with too many swirls and colors.

Notes

thanks for reading!
l..b.