Dark Star

There were days that I heard from him every hour, whether it was via text or a quick phone call. And there were days when I never heard from him at all. I would glance at my phone at 4pm and if there was no message or missed call, I would blankly stare at my computer screen at work. Once the twist in my stomach subsided, I would continue to work until my boss would order me out the door.

One afternoon I looked up to see Gary watching me from across the office.

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not going to pay you overtime.” He had a twinkle in his eye and I could tell he was joking, and yet his tone had a serious undertone.

“I was just about to go.” I lied. I sighed to myself before logging off my computer and gathering my things.

“It’s Friday night.” Gary said. “Call your boyfriend… you should be out enjoying yourselves.”

“Great idea.” I mustered a half smile as I reached for my car keys. As I walked to my car, I held my phone. It had been four days since I had last heard from him. Even living next door to Harry didn’t guarantee me seeing him. I dialled his number even before I reached my car.

“Ali.”

I felt a strange sense of relief to hear him say my name.

“Harry.” I said. “I’m just leaving work.”

“That’s good.” His response hung in the air for a moment and when he didn’t continue, I found myself babbling.

“I just thought maybe we could go out. Or maybe I could come over… I haven’t seen you in a while and well it’s Friday, so I thought…”

“Sure. We could do that.”

“You mean go out or do you mean me come over. Whatever you want… I don’t mind…”

“Hey slow down.” His voice was warm and I knew he was smiling. “Just come over.”

I drove home as fast as I could without getting a ticket and scrambled upstairs to have a shower and get dressed. In record time I was at his front door and in his bedroom.

He was wearing black lounge pants and a light grey T-shirt which was torn at the sleeve. His one arm snaked around my waist as he placed a vinyl record on the record player.

“Hey.” He said with a smile and I felt his lips lightly brush against my neck. “You smell nice.”

His bed was unmade and the bedroom looked uncharacteristically untidy. He padded over to a silver tray that sat upon a set of drawers. There was a bottle of wine and glasses and he started to pour me a glass, but I could not help but eye a couple of vials of pills that sat on the same tray.

“Here you go.” He handed me a glass of white wine and I took a sip as he unscrewed the cap and downed a couple of pills.

“Do you really need those?” I asked quietly. He turned to me, but then proceeded to pour himself a glass of wine. I watched as he downed the pills with a long swig of wine.

“How have you been?” I said, when he did not respond to my question.

“Good.” He said brightly. “Things are really starting to pick up. A few places around town are interested, so I’m going to have a few more gigs. But I’ve also started getting calls from London. Interviews and stuff. So, we’ll see how that goes…”

He trailed off when he noticed my sober expression.

“Interviews?” I asked, holding my wine but not even thinking about taking a sip.

“Yeah, isn’t that great?” He asked. “People are starting to wonder what happened to Harry Styles.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I dunno.” He replied. “But it’s happening. The last gig kind of… sparked something in me. It’s exciting. I don’t know where this is all leading but I want to see where it takes me.”

He took a couple of sips of wine and then turned to look at me.

“Aren’t you excited for me? Isn’t this what we were working toward?”

I considered it for a moment. It was true, I had encouraged him to come out of his shell. He had been in virtual hibernation for years and I had enticed him out, persuading him to perform in front of an audience. It was a great foundation to re-establish his career, not to mention join the land of the living, but the cracks were beginning to form.

The alcohol and the pills worried me, but before I could respond, Harry was pressing up against me. He placed my glass on the side table and with a gentle push I was lying on his bed. He gazed down at me as he took his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor.

“Can’t you be happy for me?” He said as he lowering his body until it covered mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face. “Can’t you at least smile?”

“I worry about you.” I murmured.

“You don’t have to worry.”

He kissed my reply away and I could not help but respond to that, allowing the kiss to get deeper. My hands slid down his back and all my reservations, yet again, melted away. It felt like I was floating on water, until the telephone rang. It was his office phone at the end of the room and I was surprised when he casually stood up and walked over to answer it.

“Hello?” He said breathlessly.

I craned my neck to watch him take the call, and he smiled at me before turning his back to face the wall.

“What’s up Miller?”

My entire body froze. Miller? His therapist? My mind flashed back to my confrontation with her. I knew that she had once had a physical relationship with Harry, despite the fact he was a client, and I had thrown it in her face.

“Why would you call about that? We talked about it already.” Harry said, still facing away from me. I sat up in the bed, feeling sick to my stomach. I hadn’t seen him in days, but I would bet anything that Miller had seen him.

“Well it’s done. There’s nothing I can do to change that. It’s up to him.”

I toyed with the idea of just walking out of the room right then and there, but I remained frozen in place. A beeping sound distracted me and I looked over to Harry’s mobile phone. A text message had come through, lighting up the screen. A message from… I squinted to read… a message from…

Khloe.

My former colleague at the Black Cat and Harry’s No. 1 fan. Without thinking I grabbed the phone.

Can’t wait for your next gig. Will he be there?

The next few moments were a blur. Harry hung up abruptly, I tossed the phone on the bedside table and managed to knock over my glass.

“I’m so sorry.” I cried out flustered. Harry appeared by side, clutching a towel and wiped the wine which was now dripping down the side.

“It’s okay.” He said. “It’s fine.”

He quickly cleaned the side of the table and then tossed the towel to the side.

“Are you okay?” He smiled.

“I don’t know.” I replied shakily.

“Ali.”

I looked up into his concerned green eyes and shook my head.

“What is it?” He asked. “Why is it that every time I see you, you have this look on your face… like you don’t want to even be here.”

“I do want to be here.” I said, my voice rising. “But I don’t want Miller and Khloe here too.”

He looked confused for a moment before he followed my gaze to his phone. He grabbed it and read the message.

“So what? She just sent a text.”

“You just don’t get it.” I adjusted my clothes and grabbed my handbag.

“Ali, don’t do this.” He implored with his hand outstretched to take mine.

“Call me back when you’re alone.” I said before walking out.

Notes

I hope everyone is safe and well.
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