THE DEATH OF YOU

I'm stood at the entrance where the ambulances come in, waiting aside trying not to get noticed by them. I need to be here when he comes. No one had answers for me. To tell me how is he. If he's alive? How hurt is he?
When Sam came in with the news everything was forgotten. The food, my friends, and even Harry. The only thing I could think about is Justin and how we were too late to come back for him. I might have gotten beaten but he got shot. we stuck this out together, we should have finished this together. I am aware of Harry stood in the entrance watching me, keeping an eye out and at the same time giving me space.
The ambulance comes in and stops, the team rushing to the opening back doors and me after them.
The bed is wheeled out and Justin bloody and with a breathing mask on his face. I push through the doctors, finding being small is a good advantage for this. I can touch the bed and I find his hand. I hold it.
As if he knows it's me, Justin turns his head to me, his eyes swollen and half closed.
"Justin!" My voice breaks.
"I'm here! I'm here.. you're going to be OK, you're safe now" I tell him, trying to smile, but tears run down my face and the doctors are aware of me now and try to push me aside.
"Let her! He's responding! We are getting him back!" A doctor shouts as they wheel him in.
"Keep talking to him," he orders me.
"Justin.. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have left! I should have never left you on your own, I should have stayed! And I'm sorry," I tell him and cry.
I squeeze his fingers.
He pulls the mask away. The doctors try to get it back on but he pushes their hands away.
"Kristen..." He barely whispers.
"Kristen.. she's safe! We have her Justin! Don't worry," I promise him.
"She is alright!"
He nods and then his eyes roll back.
"We are losing him!"
I am pushed back.
"Justin! Wake up! You need to live! You push through this you hear me! Justin wake up!" I scream as arms close around my waist and pull me back.
"Justin! Kristen needs you! I need you!" I'm screaming and crying now.
The arms hold me tight since I'm trying to break free. I need to get to him. I have left him on his own for long enough. He should not go through this alone.
When the doors shut and I am left on the other side, I let myself slip to the floor. The arms holding me stay around my waist and go down with me. Harry pulls me against him, and I know I've been here before, a long time ago, the same arms holding tight.
I lean back on him and let him hold me in his strong arms. He cuddles me close and lets me cry. He keeps quiet while I let it all out. all my pain flows out of me as I cry and sob on the hospital floor, Harry kissing my hair and just letting me.
We are sat outside in the waiting area, waiting for some news. My friends are gathered around me, a tight not of comfort and love which only makes me wish Justin could have the same.
"Miss Price? Phone call for you," a nurse informs me. I glance at Harry and stand. He watches me as I move from his side and towards the front desk.
"Hello?"
"Cassie?"
"Y-yes... who's this?"
"I'm Justin's mother... Judie."
"I'm so sorry for everything you and your family have been through! Justin is in surgery but I know he will be fine! Your son is brave and strong and he has saved my life," my words are jumbled and run into each other as I have so much to say to this poor woman.
"I am so glad Kristen is well and safe, I used to watch the races with her.. she is one fine little girl," I continue.
"Cassie... Thank you dear.. Justin has told me so much about you and your friends and when I heard you refused to leave so he won't be alone.. bless you child," she cries. I chock at her sobs, not able to speak.
"I'm on my way.. Kristen and I just landed in London and we are about to get on the next flight out to you," she finally informs once she has calmed down.
"I'm glad to know you're there and he is not alone.. if you see him before we get there.. please tell him we are on our way."
"I will! I promise.. and Mr. Walker.. he is never on his own.. and neither are you, we are all here if you need anything," I promise.
When I end the call, Harry is leaning against the front desk, gazing at me.
I wipe my eyes and shift to stand in front of him. His legs are wide and I fit myself between them.
"You are the most kind person I have ever met," he states. I reach up and kiss his lips, before burying my face in his chest.
"Thank you," I say.
"For what?"
"For being her for me.. for turning the world upside down to find me, for standing up and making sure everyone is giving their 200% to Make sure we are found.. I love you," I lift my head and meet his eyes.
"I love you," he replies and leans down to kiss me.
"You know... I cannot promise you that Justin will be ok.. that he'll pull through... God I can't promise that you will.. but I can promise to try my best to help you be ok and to make sure you're safe and well.." He whispers.
I squeeze him and my eyes, holding tears back. I would never be able to go through all of this without Harry. Never.
"You were on my mind the whole time.. and that helped with my panic and fright... it calmed me knowing you're out there looking," I confide.
"Good. I will always look for you," he says.
"Though it did help not knowing we are in Ireland since then I would be thinking of you and panicking you'll never in a million years find me," I laugh, finding a slight relief. Harry chuckles and kisses the top of my head.
All I need is to make sure Justin is safe before I can move on and put all this behind me.
Later Harry and I are still at the waiting room, the others left to find a place to eat or nap.
At some point, Sarah joins us, and Harry gets up to find Eleanor and Ed.
"Come.. sit next to me," I tap the seat beside me. She does. She is very quiet which is so unlike her.
"Are you ok?"
"I should be asking you that!" She states. Her eyes are red, and I can tell she's been crying.
"Sarah... tell me," I push gently.
"Guy and I broke up," she sniffs.
"Oh no! But why?" I take her hand in mine.
"Because.. he is leaving and this long distance won't work and I want him to be free and not be his ball on chain," she rumbles.
"So you broke up with him... I thought you loved him..."
"I do.. and that is why I had to let him go. . If he'll come back.. then I'll be waiting with open arms," she explains.
"I'm so sorry... when did this happen?"
"He had to go.. and he wanted to stay until they found you but I told him no and that I'll let him know. and then we got the call and he drove us and before getting on the plain I sent him on his trip and told him it's for the best," she shrugs, wiping her eyes.
"Sarah...."
"No it's OK.. I'll be ok.." she nods.
I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her. She is still nodding her head while crying her heart out. I cry with her. We cry for ourselves, for our family, for our friends.
"Excuse me? Is one of you Cassie?"
Sarah and I break apart and turn to the voice. A lady with curly blonde hair holding on to a little girl's hand is stood in front of us. She seems tired and sad and fearful.
"I am.. Kristen! I've missed you!" I turn to the girl and open up my arms for her. She glances up at her mum before she rushes over to me. Her little arms wrap around my neck as I pick her up to my lap. She is clean and sweet and smells of soap.
"Did you see Justin?" She whispers.
"I did and I told him you were safe.. he was very happy," I promise.
She nods and goes back to her mum. I stand reaching a hand out for her. Mrs. Walker takes it with both of hers and looks me in the eye.
"Thank you for being here for my son."
We sit together and wait for the doctors to come and speak to us.
Kristen is sat on Harry's lap leaning against him.
When she had seen him half an hour ago she started crying.
We are all here together. Eleanor and Ed, Sarah and Sam, Harry, Justin's family and me. Waiting.
It had been a few good hours and the fact Justin was still not out of surgery was disturbing.
When the door finally opens and a doctor comes out we hold our breathes.
"Mrs. Walker?"
"Yes? Is my son ok? Please tell me you have good news!" She was nerves and shaking, tears shinning in her eyes.
"He has lost a lot of blood.. and his heart stopped twice..."
A gasp leaves my lips and I am sure she will faint any moment.
"How long?" She questions instead.
"How long??" The doctor doesn't seem to follow.
"How long have you lost him for?" She questions. Her voice seems stronger, as if she found strength.
"For about 50 seconds," he replies.
"That shouldn't leave any damage... When can I see him?"
"He- we- umm.. we are moving him and once he's all settled in you will be able to join him... I'm positive he can make a full recovery, the nurse will take you to his room once he is ready," the doctor mumbles.
"I want to see his chart!" She demands.
"Pardon?"
"I'm a nurse.. I want to see his file!" She is almost shouting.
"Yes! Yes of course, come with me," he replies swiftly.
I watch her follow the doctor, Kristen asleep on Harry's lap is left with us.
"Cassie.. breathe.. you heard the doctor.. he'll be alright love," Harry says.
I can feel my body shaking, tears running silently down my cheeks. His heart stopped twice. What does that even mean? I should know though. I'm pre- med after all! Why didn't I step up and assess our injuries? Or ask to see charts? I should know some of these things!
"Ed! Help please!" Harry snaps. I realize he's been talking to me and I wasn't replying. Everyone is staring at me not sure what to do, Harry stuck with the sleeping girl in his lap.
"I'm ok. I'm here. I'm listening!" I turn to him. I can see the relief in his eyes instantly, same goes for my friends, them all relaxing.
He pulls me closer and I lean my head on his shoulder.
"You spaced out on me Cassie.. you scared me," he whispers.
"I know.. I'm sorry.. I love you," I kiss his cheek.
I try to seem calm and poised, but deep down I'm burning. I'm scared. How can I be a doctor? I cannot take care of myself.

Notes

Sorry this is late..
Also I won't be updating for a while since I'll be off on holiday... all the best lovelies! hope you enjoied this chapter xxx