THE DEATH OF YOU

Ben's pov

2 weeks before

"Who was that?" Jade watches me carefully looking to catch me on a lie.
"Styles," I tell her. As much as she would like to tell the world I'm a liar, I'm not. I grew up, grew smart. I have changed. I tell her the truth, and I respect her. I've learned from my mistakes and from others.
"What the hell would he want from you?" She exclaims. I don't know if she's angry or amused, but either way, I don't like her reaction.
"I need to go for a while... I need to help him out," I explain. I know she'll get cross, but I will tell her the truth. No lying.
"You need to help HIM out?! And you're GOING to?!" She shrieks. I flinch, her voice making my ears bleed.
"Look. It's complicated.. someone is harassing him and he needs someone to keep an eye on his mum and sister until things settle down," I explain slowly and calmly.
"Why the fuck isn't he getting the police involved? Why do you need to do their work?! And yet to help that git??" She is fuming with anger.
"I know his family.. and he needs my help.. put aside our differences.. we trust each other. He would do the same for me," I tell her.
"Why can't he keep an eye on them?"
"He's looking after Cassie," I mumble.
She eyes me quietly and I know she knows. She knows for a while.. Since Harry beat me up.
"You agreed because of her. That is the reason you are going. He is the only one you trust to keep her safe.. and if you go to his family he will be free to be her body armour... pathetic!" She growls. She is angry and hurt, but I already know that nothing I have to say will make it better. Even though I try.
"Babe.. it's not like that.."
"It is! Can't you see?? That girl has you wrapped around her finger!"
"No..." I shake my head.
"Yes!!! You both are! You jump and agree to everything she says! You're in love with her!" Her voice breaks and I'm gutted for making her hurt.
"No.. I love you!" I try to make it ring truth, but she sees through me.
"Maybe.. but you're IN love with her," she raises her chin, trying hard to hold on to her dignity.
"I have to help Jade... I owe it Harry.. damn I owe it to Gemma!" I snap. She keeps quiet, trying to get control over her emotions. When she finally does, she speaks.
"If you go.. we are done!" She throws at me. It dawns on me then. She wants an out of this relationship. Because she knows better than thinking I'll choose her over them. Over Cassie. I stare at my hands, not able to meet her eyes. I hear the door slam and she is gone.
I sit for a while longer and then get up. I pack a bag and head out. It is going to be a fucking long night.

"Don't you let him in mum!" Gemma screams. It is 3 in the morning but she doesn't care keeping people up. The only thing she cares about is keeping me out.
Anne though feels bad for the neighbours, and is about to move and let me in, however Gemma appears, pulling Anne in and pushing me out. She is yelling at me and my ears ring.
I try and explain that Harry was the one who sent me but she isn't having it.
"I'm at your mum's house man and your sister is out to murder me! She doesn't believe you sent me over!" I say when he finally answers his damn mobile.
"Shit wait a sec," He says which makes me even more annoyed with him.
“I forgot to give her a heads up,” Harry is back on the line.
"No shit! She is going mental! And frankly I kind of like my head attached to my shoulders."
"So you finally agree with me you have no neck?"
"Fuck you!"
"Where is my mum?" Harry questioned.
"Gem made her stay in the house."
"Wait so where are you?"
"Out in the front! Look.. I am willing to help- hell! I drove all the way here the minute you asked and my girlfriend is ready to quit on me-"
"You're still with that Jade girl? You can do better," Harry sounds amused.
"Since your fucking accident you cannot stay on topic can you?" I exclaims.
"Sorry! Jeez... shit- wait-Gemma is calling me.. where is she?" Harry sighs.
"Inside- she's coming out.. does she own a gun? Will she shoot?" I try not to panic.
"Is that my brother?! Why isn't he answering the damn phone?!" Gemma shouts.
"Gemma you have to calm down you're-"
"I need to calm down?!? I DO?!" She screams.
"You're neighbours will call the police in a moment!" I reply in a hushed voice.
"Good!!! They can arrest your sorry arse!"
"Give me your damn phone! I want to speak to that idiot!"
"Brace yourself-" I manage to say before she snatches the phone out of my hand.
"Harry! Tell me you did not send this shit over here!"
After Harry manages to calm her down with some insults towards me, she hands me the phone and strides into the house."She can be scary," I whispers.
"Yeah well.. you're in.. just if you need anything ask my mum.. she might hate you just as much but she isn't as rude," Harry states.
"She won't try to kill me?"
"Not today."
"Right.. I would thank you but all this shit is your fault to begin with so.."
"Goodnight Ben," Harry wishes ending the call.
"You owe me!" I grumble at the phone.
I follow Gemma into their home which hasn't changed much. Gem disappears and I'm left with Anne to show me to my room.
"I trust Harry knows what he's doing," she finally tells me.
"So do I," I mumble. She nods.
"He trusts you.. which means that I will too. You stay away from my Gem though. We are not going down that road again." She makes my bed for me, even though I tell her I can do it myself. I check the doors and the windows, making sure all are locked and only then I go to sleep.

I sit quietly minding my own business for most of the day.
Anne has been nice, Gem has ignored me.
The knock comes at about 7 pm and we all look at each other and I note they didn't expect any visitors. I rise to my feet and stride to the front door. I check to see who is behind it before opening."Good grief man.. you almost gave your mum a heart attack," I snap when I see Harry and Cassie.
She is breath taking. Harry slaps shoulder before greeting his mum and sister. Cassie follows after him, flashing me a bright smile with a ‘hey Ben’. I'm left to shuffle in after them. her hair is much longer then the last time we met and Harry's shorter.
I stand to the side when Cassie calls me to sit beside her. I glance at Harry before moving to her side. I don't keep track of the conversation, too occupied with our closeness. I remember the time I found her socked crying. They way she climbed into the car in silence and the way I just handed her over to Harry. It was the right thing to do. No matter what."Hey," she suddenly places her palm on my taping fingers. My fingers freeze under hers, and my eyes slowly find her blue ones.
"Come help me in the kitchen," she whisper. I follow her since I will always follow. Jade was right. I am wrapped around this girl’s finger.
We sit down at the table, across from each other.
"Hey Ben?" Her gaze meets mine.
"Thank you," She says softly.
"You have nothing to thank me for."
"Yes actually, I do," she pushes.
"First for being here, it takes off some stress.. from Harry you know?"
"Yeah well.. I'm not doing it for him," I snap.
"Yes you are.. part of it is for Harry... I know you love him.. you hate him but you love him.. you both are like brothers that have some bad blood between you... you don't get along but the moment one of you is in trouble the other will hurry in to help.. because like it or not.. in his mind he is the only one who is entitled to hate you and the other way around.." She claims watching me. I don't reply but I do shrug and I know she thinks she’s right.
"Also.. thank you for that time you drove me to Harry... I was in a bad place and you helped me out and I will always remember that," she finish.
"I also did a lot of bad things to you," I reply to that.
"Not really.. you were a wanker at some point but not harmful.. how is Jade?"
"She dumped me," I smile, though buy the look she gives me I know it didn't reach my eyes.
"I'm sorry," she offers.
"No you're not.. she was a bitch and you disliked her," I chuckle dryly.
She doesn’t reply. Instead, she gets up and start making tea. She place a cup in front of me and I nod in thanks.
"He has changed," I pull the cup closer.
"So did you," She states.
"I outgrew the scene.. maybe he did too.. I don't know.. God.. I was such a dick.. I can blame the drugs and the alcohol but.. I'm still surprised Gemma didn't kill me at her door step.. I know she could," I shake my head.
"Maybe you knew that.. this is kind of a do over for you," she shrugs.
"Maybe.. or maybe I have a different reason for agreeing," I shoot her a stare. Her eyes sparkle and I want to look away but can't.
"I don't think so," She whispers.
"Then you're naive," I cackle.
"Maybe.. or maybe I know there is more then you then what people think."
"You don't know me," I title my head challenging her.
"I know enough. I know you love this family just as much as I do and you'll do anything to keep them safe. That is enough for me!" she claims. I don't reply, I sips my tea instead.
When I glance up from my cup I notice Harry watching us.

When they leave, Cassie does the most unexpected thing. She steps closer to me, reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheeks before wrapping her arms around my neck for a hug. I immediately find Harry's gaze ready for the punch or a shout. But he nods, and Cassie let's go, and I'm left at the doorway as he holds the car door open for her, and as she gives him the most loving smile and they drive away, and I'm here.
"Oh boy... you really do love her," Gemma claims. I roll my eyes and turn to leave.
"No Ben stop! I know that look.. a long time ago it used to be directed at me... come. Sit. Talk to me," she lowers herself down onto the front step and pats the place beside her. I join because I have nothing better to do, and I don't want to think about Cassie's lips against my cheek and her arms around my neck, and her body pressed to mine.
"Nothing to talk about.. she is his and that is the way it will stay," I tell Gem.
"No.. well maybe.. but Cassie belongs to Cassie.. and Harry belongs to Cassie too.. and so do you.. and me and Liam and Ed and the whole gang.. she doesn't know it yet.. maybe she will never know it.. but that girl... we are like bugs captivated by the light.. once we are close enough we cannot get away," Gem smiles, but she isn't joking. She believes every word.
"Cassie being the light," I sigh and she nods.
"So we will all burn in the end," I state.
"No... Cassie is a light that makes you shine not burn... we all became better people because of that girl.. that is why you love her.. she made you better.." with that Gem rises and leaves me to my thoughts.
When we arrive at the police station, Harry is waiting for us outside. He looks like shit. We all do. Anne and Gem hug him and kiss him. Then they turn and head inside. Harry however, he stays in place watching me.
"I'm sorry," he tells me and I shake my head. The anger rising.
"I tried my best," he offers.
Now we are closer to each other. I take a swing and punch his jaw.
"Not hard enough!" I shout.
"We'll find her! We'll get her back!" Harry holds a hand to where I have stricked him. I start crying. Like a baby really. But I just can't hold it anymore.
"We'll get her back!" Harry says quietly and pulls me into a hug.
"You promised to keep her safe!" I sob.
"I know.. I'm sorry... " His voice cracks. We both love the same girl and we are both gutted by losing her. he loves her because she is his sun, the stars the moon. She is his universe. I love her because Gemma was right. She made me better. She made me see the world differently. Without us even being friends, and I'm scared that without her I will go back to my old ways.
"You're going to be OK Ben.. we both are.. and so will Cassie," Harry claims as if reading my mind.
I thought we used to be the best of friends, reading each other's thoughts and faces, but I guess it has never gone away. deep down, even when we don't show it, we are still close. We still know each other best. And we will forever be there for each other.

Notes

not much left now.. only a hand full of chapters.. Are you having fun so far? xxx