Enola lay sound asleep next to me. I frowned when I caught a glimpse of the clock on the nightstand. Almost eight in the morning. My flight back to the boys wasn't until seven in the evening but I was already dreading leaving. The week of living together under nearly normal circumstances was heavenly. I wanted to stay in her bed and go on with life just as we had been. I didn't want to go back.
I carefully moved my arm out from underneath her head. I needed a shower. If I didn't take one before Enola woke up, I wasn't going to get one. I knew it was the truth. She would beg me not to get out of bed and plead for me to stay with her. It broke my heart. She'd done it a few times when she came out on tour and I had to get up in the wee hours to record or to go to a radio station. I felt the worst when she actually cried. I hated when she would sob and plead for me to get back in bed with her, to keep her warm while she slept.
I sat up and ran my hands through my hair before looking back at my sleeping girl. I smiled as the memories of the night before flooded my mind. That was making love, even with all of the laughter and teasing in the beginning. It was one of the best nights we'd ever had. It was almost as good as the time that I told her I loved her. I reached out and brushed the hair from her face gently, not wanting to wake her. She'd wore herself out with me. I gazed at her for a moment longer then tried to stand from the bed. My ass had barely left the mattress when Enola's fingers wrapped around my wrist.
"Noooo." Enola whined, holding on to me tightly.
"Baby, I have to take a shower." I muttered softly, not wanting her to cry. I didn't have the heart to look back at her. I knew her eyes were swelling with tears and despair.
"No. Take one later. Please get back in bed." She begged, the way she always did, with a tone that broke my heart. I glanced back at her and instantly regretted it. A few tears had already fallen down her face. I leaned back on my elbow and kissed her lips gently. She wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss a bit.
"Baby, I really need a shower." I hummed against her lips. "You're not going to like me very much when I start to smell and my hair is gross."
"I'll like you no matter what." She whimpered and held me tighter, an attempt to get me to stay.
"Noli, I have to get moving a little bit. I still have to pack and stuff too. I'll be quick. I promise." I informed her sadly. I sat up, bringing her with me because she wouldn't let go of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her lips sweetly over and over. After a moment I moved my lips over her chin, cheeks and forehead, making her cry a little more. I was trying my hardest not to give in to her. Slowly, I unwound her arms from my neck. I was surprised that I was able to. I laid her back down with a smile. I kissed her forehead lightly, stroking her cheek with my thumb. "I love you." I murmured against her skin.
"I love you more." She replied gazing up at me. I pecked her nose then stood from the bed. I hurried into the bathroom, trying to keep my promise to be quick. As I shut the bathroom door, I heard a sob burst from Enola. I opened the door quickly in shock. Her back was turned to the door but I could see her bare body shaking and hear the sobs falling from her lips. I sighed and my shoulder's sagged. I hated this. I hated it. I didn't like leaving her. Walking away never hurt as much as the hours leading up to it. I gave in. I walked back to the bed and crawled in behind her. I hugged her body back against mine. I enclosed her in my arms as tightly as I could. I buried my face in her neck, kissing the tender skin softly. Enola just cried harder and gripped my arms like she was holding on to save her life.
"I'm sorry, baby. Ssshhh. I'll stay in bed. I'm sorry." I whispered to her to calm her. Enola breathed heavily like she was trying to get a grip on her emotions. I shushed her again, "It's alright, Noli. I'm right here. I'll stay right here." I stopped talking when I realized that she wasn't going to stop crying any time soon. It was more than me getting out of bed to take a shower before she was ready and more than me going back on tour. I wanted to ask why she was so frantic but I knew I wasn't going to get a coherent answer at the moment either. So, I laid there holding her, kissing her and nuzzling her neck. I didn't know what else to do. Maybe it would be enough.
My phone rang on the nightstand. I'd been back in bed for about an hour. Enola had finally stopped crying but she'd not said a word and she'd not fallen back asleep either. I reached out and took it off the charger with Enola still in my arms. I could tell by the way Enola tensed that she didn't even want me on the phone.
"Hello?" I answered quietly.
"Hey mate! How ya doing?" Niall asked cheerfully. I looked at Enola's exhausted body and wanted to start crying myself. "Rough morning?" Niall inquired with a sad tone.
I sighed, "Yeah. It is."
"Is she okay?" Niall asked of Enola.
"I don't know. We've not said much." I responded carefully, not wanting to make Enola cry again.
"Oh. Well, can I try talking to her?" Niall requested. I agreed knowing that he only wanted to help.
I held the phone down for Enola, "Here, baby. It's Niall." She took the phone and basically whispered into it. I could hear Niall speaking happily and brightly to her. But she still seemed despondent. I kissed the back of her neck gently. It sounded as though Niall asked her a question. Her bottom lip quivered and a small sound escaped her mouth. She pushed the phone back at me.
"I can't, Bear. I can't right now." She choked on another sob. She turned so her face was in the pillows. Her body shaking once again. I sighed again. I didn't know what was wrong so I didn't know how to fix it.
I pressed the phone to my ear again, "Niall, I'll text you later. Right now isn't a good time."
"Did I make her cry again?" Niall asked worried.
"Yeah." I puffed, not really angry with him.
Niall groaned, "Oh shite, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to. I just told her that she'll be able to come out again soon and stuff."
"I know, Ni. It's not your fault, okay? I'll talk to you later." I stated once again. Niall wished me luck then hung up. I threw my phone onto the nightstand and cuddled Enola tightly once again. "Baby, what has gotten into you?" I asked her gently. I really didn't want to start a fight.
"I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with me. I never want you to leave again." She sobbed holding onto my hands strongly. "But I know you have to go. And the fact that I know it doesn't matter what I want makes it hurt more." She explained.
"What you want matters to me." I murmured in an attempt to make her feel better.
"I don't want to go back to his house but I have to. I don't want to keep living that lie but I have to. This week with you has been the best yet, because we've been normal. And going to Gavin's..." She breathed raggedly. "Hearing you say things about being my husband and talking to Gavin about all of that stuff..." My heart was tearing in two as she spoke. "I shouldn't want that yet. I know that it's better not to want it right now."
"It's okay to want it, baby. Just know that its all in the timing. We're so close, Noli. So close. Monday, you're going to go to your meeting with that lawyer and you are going to get him looking into filing and how to get out of that pre-nup. Then it'll be smoothing sailing." I assured her as well as myself with the promise. Enola turned over to face me. She wrapped her arms around my neck again and held me with all of her strength. I held her the same way. I never wanted to let her go either.
"I don't want you to go, Bear. I'm scared to let you leave." Enola cried into my hair.
I rubbed her back soothingly, "You don't ever have to be scared. I will always come back to this bed, to your arms. Nothing is ever going to change the fact that I want you, that I love you. Don't be scared." Enola shook her head. "What are you afraid of then?" I asked quietly.
"What if no one keeps their promise not to tell yet? What if something bad happens to you because of it?" Enola's fear was evident in her tears.
"I'm going to be fine, Enola. I've got Dale and we've always got even more security than you realize. I'll be okay. He's not going to do anything to me and I will make damn sure he never lays a hand on you like that, okay?" Enola nodded against my neck. "I promise. He's not going to touch you." I assured her even though it was my biggest fear as well.
"Harry." Enola's voice broke. "I can't say no. He'll get..." I stared at her curiously for a moment before it dawned on me what she meant.
"You love me, right?" I asked her, earning a quick, vehement nod. "If it keeps him from hurting you..." I muttered. I hate saying it but if her letting him have her body made him leave her be the rest of the time, if it left her unharmed, then I would deal with it. Her heart was mine. Her soul belonged to me as well. He couldn't take those.
"Make love to me." Enola begged. "Make love to me until you have to go. I want your touch. I want something to dream of while we're apart." She pleaded. I kissed her deeply and caressed every millimeter of her skin while she clung to me. I pulled her leg over my hip after a few long moments of passionate kisses. I pushed into her delicately. I wasn't sure if her heat was from our current situation or remnants of the night before but I didn't care. She needed me.
Enola had her arms folded over her chest as we sat in the car. She was snuggled against my side but she was angry and wouldn't hug me. Katy looked back at us and frowned. Enola had given up control of the car to Dale and Katy decided to sit up front with him so Enola and I could be close for a little bit longer. Katy being with us was why Enola was so mad at me. I asked Katy to come to the airport so I knew Enola would be okay when I left. I needed someone there who would make her let go. As much as I didn't want to leave her, I had to. She knew that I had to. But with the way the week had gone, she had no problem trying to make me stay.
Suddenly, Enola's arms were around my torso and her face was buried in my chest. I held her tighter when I heard her sniffle. I looked down at her to see a few tears had slipped from her eyes. She didn't look at me though. Her eyes were glued to something outside the car. I looked up to find what she was so fixated on. I made a displeased noise when I saw it. There was a couple hugging and kissing on the walkway. They looked so happy and in love. The way Enola and I usually looked. I knew why it made her sad. She wanted that. Hell, watching them made me upset too. I wanted to be out in the open as well. But at the moment we just couldn't. She needed the safety of not living with Charles anymore. As we came to the stoplight, I kissed her hair gently.
"Soon, baby." I whispered to her. She nodded and squeezed me tighter. She knew that we were so close to being that couple.
"H. We're not that far away from the airport. You should call Paul and tell him that we should be there on time. Same as the rest of the boys." Dale said watching Enola and I with saddened eyes. I nodded and dug my phone from my pocket without jostling Enola too much. I wanted her to be comfortable and relaxed.
As we pulled up to the private jet, Enola's breathing became labored and she held me tighter. I hated this. I hated it so much. Dale stopped the car and shifted it into park. Katy became even more upset when she saw the way Enola was clinging to me.
"Harry, Katy and I will get your bags out of the back. Work on getting out of the car, okay?" Dale spoke gently as to not upset the woman in my arms that was already a wreck. I could only nod. I felt a lump in my throat; if I said a word to anyone but Enola, I was going to cry. For her, I had to be strong. Dale and Katy climbed out of the car quickly, wanting to leave Enola and I alone for just a moment.
"Baby, we have to get out of the car." I muttered lowly. Enola shook her head quickly. "I know you don't want to but we have to. I promise I will go right back to holding you until I have to get on the plane. But we have to get out of the car." Enola slowly unwound from around me. I flung the car door open quickly and stepped out. She followed right after me. As soon as we were both out of the car and out of Dale's way, Enola wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my t-shirt again. I put my arms around her shoulders and rested my head on hers. I saw Dale and Katy watching us with broken-hearted eyes. "I love you, Noli." I murmured.
"I love you." She replied, her voice muffled by my shirt and chest. I let my hands slid down her back to her bum. I gripped her firm flesh tightly in an effort to make her giggle. I wanted to lighten her mood. I would see her again soon and I wouldn't go without speaking to her. "Harry." She squealed quietly. I chuckled and kissed the top of her head.
"Everything is going to be fine, Noli. Stop worrying. I'm still going to call you all the time, text you all the time. In a couple of weeks we can meet up again. It's not going to be that bad." I said trying to assure her.
"I don't care. I don't want to let go. Even if things weren't the way they are, I'd still hate letting you get on the plane." Enola replied, nearing tears.
I hushed her and rubbed her back, "I know. But this is how it works. Maybe you can come on the road with me again or we can take another little holiday. I think I'll only be able to do a few days coming up but still, we could try. Go somewhere like Venice." I posited. Enola looked up at me with intrigued eyes. "Get a boho hotel or something. Drink wine all day then make love all night." I spoke softly so Katy and Dale wouldn't hear me. Enola smiled weakly. "See. Take your mind off things and think of places you want to go. I can try for a few days." I said trying to fill her with hope. She just nodded then returned her head to my chest.
Dale cleared his throat, "Hey, Harry." I glanced over. He tapped his watch. It was time to go. I sighed heavily and loosened my grip on Enola. In the same instant, she burst into tears again, hugging me tighter. Dale and Katy both had to turn away to hide their emotions.
"Baby, baby ssshhh." I kissed her forehead trying to soothe her. Enola just sobbed into my chest. I lifted her face by her chin. "Hey. Hey. Look at me." I instructed her. Her eyes met mine reluctantly. "I love you. I'm going to be dreaming of you while I'm gone. I will always answer when you call. You can text me whenever you want and as many times as you want. If you want to get away, I will come get you, okay?" I kept my voice calm but loving. Enola just gazed at me, silent tears streaming down her face. "Give me a kiss, Noli. Tell me you love me." I requested. Enola quickly molded her mouth to mine. I locked and unlocked our lips passionately. I cupped her face with one hand while the other held her body to mine. "I love you, Enola." I spoke into the kiss thinking she'd release me. She didn't. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kept meshing our lips with all of the love we shared. I could feel myself coming undone. I was about to start crying feeling all of the pain coming through Enola's lips and embrace. "Enola, please, baby. Don't make this harder for me." I begged her, breaking the kiss. She didn't say anything and she didn't do as I asked. She grabbed my face and slammed her lips back on mine. I lifted her off the ground and carried her toward the stairs to board the jet. I kept kissing her. She needed it and God knows I did too. I just had to be the one to use their head. Enola twined her fingers in my hair as her tongue fought with mine.
I lifted my hand and motioned Katy over. Dale was already at my side, looking uncomfortable because of the way Enola and I were going at it. I set Enola on her own two feet then removed her hands from my hair. Katy grabbed her around the waist gently. I backed out of the kiss slowly. Enola's breathing was ragged as was my own. Katy hugged Enola close to keep her from jumping on me again. I kissed Enola's forehead, eye lids and cheeks as softly as I could. I kissed her lips sweetly one last time.
"I love you. I'll call you when I land, okay?" My tone was gentle and soothing. I was mostly speaking so low so no one would know how close to crying I was, especially Enola.
"I love you." Her voice broke as she said it. I kissed her forehead again. I looked to Katy; she nodded and tightened her grip on Enola.
"Bye baby." I muttered.
"Bye." She whispered, a tear slipping down her face. I walked up the stairs to board the plane with Dale right behind me.
I took my seat and looked out the window. I needed to make sure Katy was handling Enola okay. Katy walked Enola over to the car and helped her into the passenger seat. As Katy rounded the car to get into the driver's side, Enola covered her face with both hands and started to sob. I could see her shoulders shaking and the way her mouth hung open to breathe. Tears fell down my face finally. I saw Katy try to comfort Enola after she climbed into the car. After just another moment, Katy pulled away. I turned to Dale, wiping my tears away. He placed his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I smiled weakly as a sign of appreciation. I sighed and decided to tell Dale what I wanted to happen.
"When she's filed, she's coming on the road with me. I don't think that they are going to need to do court things, as soon as that paperwork is filed, I am coming back for her." I informed Dale, determination in my voice.
"Harry, is that..." Dale began.
I cut him off, "I don't care if its a good idea or a bad idea. I don't care what management thinks. I don't care. I am coming back to get her as soon as she's filed and then she's staying on the road with me until this tour is over. I can't do this with her. I hate leaving her."
"Harry, you have to get used to doing it. She can't always tour with you. She has to have a life of her own. She has a job of her own." Dale sighed heavily.
"I'm not saying she can't have her own life or career. I'm saying that once everything is out in the open. I'm going to need to be by her side. She can do what she wants while I'm supposed to be doing interviews and all. She likes the shows and traveling. For a few months, she's going to need me constantly. I'm not going to tell her no. You and Paul and management can figure out all of your shit but my girl is going to get her way, no matter what it is." I snapped at Dale.
"What if she asks you to quit the band?" Dale asked with a serious tone.
I shook my head in disbelief, "Have you met her? She'd never ask me to do that. Just like I'd never ask her to give up her art. That's not how art works."
"You didn't answer my question, Harry." Dale huffed. "If she ever did ask, what would you do?" He repeated.
"I'd give up everything if she asked me to." I answered honestly.
Dale smirked a bit as he muttered, "Yeah. That's what I thought."
I glared at him, "She's already doing the same for me."