“Touch your lips, bite your neck. It’s alright to do this, as long as it’s in secret.”

March 9, 2012
Headmaster Styles’ Bedroom

I haven’t left my room in seven days. Of course, Haley has came by my room and dropped off food. But I haven’t eaten any of it. She’s afraid that I’m starving myself, but I can’t even bare to open my mouth just in case I’ll start yelling or crying.


And I still haven’t lost the thought of the pain in my heart when Harry hit me. I have lost my trust for him, and I am forever afraid of him. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to walk out of my room without thinking about it.


Gina is leaving in two weeks. Does she honestly think I’ll be able to live another day while listening to her babble on about stupid shit that doesn’t matter?


I sat up when I heard her yelling at Harry. “I don’t care that you’re twenty three! I don’t care who you love! You are to leave that little bitch alone whether you like it or not!”


I began to cry when I heard what he said, and I just wouldn’t stop. “You never give a fuck about what I say or think do you Gina?! I won’t leave her alone! I’ll never leave her alone! Never in my life will I ever stop trying to get to her!”


But then I walked to my door when I heard someone walking up the stairs. I put my hand on the handle and someone stopped in front of the door.


“Get your ass down here right now!” I heard Gina downstairs and tears flooded my cheeks when I realized Harry was standing in front of my bedroom door.


“Anastasia…” He breathed outside of my door and I covered my mouth, trying not to cry out or scream. “I know you’re in there. I miss seeing you. Please come out later.” He was practically begging me to come outside. “I’ll be in my room, if you choose to come out.”


“Harry if you don’t get down here right this minute-”


“I’m coming!” He screamed and I heard her pounding her feet up the stairs. I didn’t want to hear what was coming next, so I jumped onto my bed and covered my head with a bunch of pillows.


How has he lived with her all this time? How could he possibly learn to live with her without wanting to beat the hell out of her?


I was breathing hard and I realized that I was crying again. Should I even go out there? I miss seeing him too but… He wouldn’t hit me intentionally, would he? Would he kiss me if I walked down there and into his room? What would he even say?


I took my pillows off of my head and wiped my hair out of my face, parts of it getting stuck to my wet cheeks.


I don’t even know if I should go out there. What would even happen if I did?


I sighed and looked to the window. It was almost dark outside, and I wasn’t even tired. I needed something to do. And if discussing things with Harry will stop making me feel so worthless than so be it.


I walked to my closet and slipped on some shorts and a tank. Then I brushed my tangled hair and slowly opened the door.


It’s been thirty minutes since their fight, and I don’t know if Gina is still out.


I walked down stairs and into the kitchen, to find no one. I searched the whole house that I’m capable of going to and found no one. That means that she’s either asleep or gone.


I took a deep breath and walked up stairs to the left wing. Once I reached Harry’s office door, I took a step to the left to where I was standing in front of his bedroom door.


What does his bedroom even look like? How long would it take me to look at everything inside of it? Will he even let me in?


It only took me a split second to stop thinking about his room and start thinking about when he hit me. Would he do it again?


I went to knock on the door, but I stopped myself. What am I doing?


I went to walk away, but Harry opened his bedroom door, causing me to stop where I was. I didn’t move, and neither did he. We just stood there, and looked at each other.


Then all of a sudden, he wrapped his arms around me and brought me into a tight embrace. I had no other choice but to hug him back.


“I’m sorry.” He breathed on my neck and I took a deep breath. “But you need to come in. My mother could be prowling the halls right now.”


I walked into his room and stopped in front of the door. There wasn’t a light on the ceiling, only a small desk lamp. But it wasn’t on; only a couple candles were lit making the light of the room small and golden. He had a huge bookshelf on the wall like the one in his office, and his bed was barely noticeable because everything on it was black.


“How have you been?” He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. And that was just enough for him to say to make me cry. “Oh please don’t do that.” He went to touch me but I took a step back from him.


“What am I even doing in here Harry? I have lost all trust for you, and by the looks of it you don’t give a shit about me.” I put my hand on my head and shuddered out a breath.


“You don’t trust me?” It didn’t even sound like a question. It sounded like he knew. “I don’t expect you to trust me, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I want you to…”


“Well I didn’t want you to hit me….” I mumbled and he balled his hands into fists. “I didn’t expect anything to end up the way they have. And… I don’t know if I can take this any longer.”


“You’re leaving.. Aren’t you?” He sighed and looked to his feet.


“Do you want me to leave?” I asked, running my hands through my hair, tears burning my eyes as they gathered and fell.


“No. I don’t want you to leave.” He shook his head and I let out a sigh of relief. “I want you to be able to talk to me, to be able to want me to hold you without hesitating.”


“You still want to hold me? After your mother told me to stay away from me? You would still want to hold me?” I let out a cry and buried my face in my hands.


Before I knew it, his hands were on my arms and I was embracing him tightly. I didn’t want to let him go. But… Now I don’t know what I want.


I let out another cry when he wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t cry…” He muttered and lifted my chin so I was looking at him. “You don’t need to cry.. I won’t ever hurt you again.”


Then he slowly leaned down and touched his lips to mine. It was so sweet; so delicate. I wanted more, I needed more. But then he sped it up a little, his tongue lightly touching mine. It’s what I wanted, and I’m glad I have it at the moment.


He let out a gasp and kissed me deeper, slanting his mouth over mine and rubbing his tongue harder against mine. It was such a desperate kiss, and I was becoming more desperate as it went faster.


His hands slid down my back, grabbing my thighs and wrapping my legs around his waist. I wasn’t surprised when my back met a wall, but I was surprised when I slipped his shirt off. He pulled his lips from mine so he could slip my shirt off and I wrapped my arms around his neck, begging for him to kiss me again.


My back met the cold sheets on his bed and I gasped at contact. He put an arm on either side of me and I unbuttoned his pants before he slipped them off.


His hands landed on the waist of my shorts and he had no problem taking them off of me. He placed his hands on my bare hips and let out a rugged breath, giving a lazy grin at the mere sight of me.


I put my hands on his cheeks, making sure that he was real.


He looked like an angel hovering above me. Like an angel ready to take the reason why it’s been alive all these years. He looked so perfect; so beautiful.


“Anastasia…” He rasped in my ear, peppering lingering kisses on my collarbone and my shoulder, making me close my eyes in satisfaction.


He reached beside me to his bedside table and pulled out a square tin-foil package. He stuck it in between his teeth and fluttered his eyes closed when his hands went to unclip my bra.


He opened the package a little too eagerly and took his underwear off, making me capture my lip in between my teeth.


Once he had the condom on his member, he looked at me.


I was so afraid of what was going to happen next. Would I back down? I didn’t know what I would do. But I kissed his shoulder, and feeling him harden against me gave me an intense satisfaction that I couldn’t describe and I couldn’t stop an eager moan from escaping my lips.


“I can’t hold back from you any longer Ana…” He whispered and I nodded my head before putting it in the crease of his neck.


He cradled his arm around my waist and an even stronger sensation flowed through my body when he filled me. But I cry escaped my mouth and he looked at me.


“I know this is your first time, Anastasia. And I will be easy with you. But you’re going to have to trust me.” Trust… The one thing that I used to have for him; the one thing that I had lost for him. Trust…


“I trust you.” I mumbled, my bottom lip trembling as his finger ran over it.


“I’m going to have to touch you, or you won’t enjoy it.” He whispered and I nodded my head, his hands immediately going to my body.


His hands firmly pressed to every part of my body, and he moved his hips upward, making me wrap my arms around his neck.


“Trust me…” He said it slower in my ear and I fluttered my eyes closed as he rolled his hips upward again.


Pain was flowing everywhere in my body, but every single piece of pleasure that I was experiencing overpowered it as he began to move faster.


He grabbed my hands and locked fingers with me, pushing my hands beside my head as he lowered himself on top of me.


Many moans rolled off my tongue and he only shook his head and moved faster inside of me. I couldn’t help from moaning.


I arched my back when he picked up full speed, and our chests were now touching. He put his hands on my back and I dug my heels into the mattress as he dug himself further into me.


“Oh God.” I whimpered and he slowed down, but immediately picked up speed again.


This feeling was new. This feeling was amazing. I loved every part of it and I didn’t want it to stop. This feeling was... Lust.


I ran my hands through his hair and he buried his face in my neck, grunting as he placed his lips on my jaw. I tugged at his curls and he groaned in my ear, making me do the same.


“Fuck…” He mumbled, and my thighs stiffened with a tingling sensation that was far more than exotic. “It’s okay… Ana it’s okay.” He cradled my waist again and slowly pulled away from me.


He pulled the sheets over our bodies and sent a gentle smile towards me.


He laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around my body, letting me cradle my arm around his neck.


“I…” I couldn’t even think of anything to say. I didn’t know what to say…


“Did I hurt you?” He asked, kissing my shoulder.


“No. You didn’t hurt me.” I smiled and he kissed my shoulder again, tangling his fingers in my hair. “I’m sorry, for acting like the way I did earlier.”


“I’m sorry for my mother acting the way she did.” He mumbled and I sighed.


“Yeah. She’s a little-”


“She’s a little- what?!” The door went flying open and all I saw was Gina.

Notes

*Facepalm*