A Month In Sin
14. The Fear
They were gone for the rest of the night. I was given backstage access to all the concerts, and I was definitely going to take advantage of the wonderful opportunity once they took the stage, but right now . . . they were getting ready. Their opening acts were playing, and I figured I’d see them another night.
Tonight was different. I was . . . busy.
Scrolling through my Twitter for the first time since that night was harder than I imagined. Of course I had more followers, more than most people get in such a short time for doing nothing more than getting married, but that wasn’t what was so bad.
It was the things being said about me.
At least @NiallOfficial got the pretty twin. WTF is up with those eyes?! #saveLuke
I get being thirsty for @Luke5SOS and @NiallOfficial, but getting them drunk and making them marry you? That’s a new low. #skanks #saveLuke #saveNiall
She is beyond ugly, and what makes her think she’s good enough for him? #saveLuke
GET OUT OF MY WAY, TRAMP! #saveLuke
This hashtag seemed to be a reoccurring thing, so I decided to click on the one about Luke first. I knew I’d end up looking to see all the things they said about Ori, and defending the hell out of her, but right now, I had to see what all it was they were saying about me.
It was pretty much all the same. People calling me a slut, some threatening to kill me if I didn’t keep my hands off “their” Luke, calling me an ugly gold digger . . . to be honest, none of it was as bad as I expected. That didn’t make any of their comments hurt any less, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
And they weren’t all bad. There were a lot of positive things, especially in response to the picture Luke posted of the two of us each morning. We were videoing it all, but we were taking at least one picture together each day as well.
I hadn’t realized he posted each of them, even the one we took this morning where I looked less than my best. Still, despite how tired I was, his smiling face pressed against mine, even if it was that goofy smile of his and not the real smiles from the first two days.
I also hadn’t realized he posted about our adventure. We weren’t keeping it a secret, against management’s request, but I hadn’t realized he was so public about announcing it—not that I minded one bit.
Hey guys! Guess who got married??? THIS GUY! :D :D :D @ErisMarie
He even got some congrats from his bandmates, and of course, their responses to it made me smile.
For those of you thinking this isn’t real, it is. @Luke5SOS is married to @ErisMarie, and she has joined us on tour. It’s very much real. And I need ear plugs.
I have a new gaming buddy, guys! @ErisMarie
You thought the four of us on one bus was bad? Add in @EriMarie, Luke’s new ball and chain
I immediately closed out of Twitter and acted on instinct. I had talked to Ori already, but she wasn’t the only sibling I had that I cared deeply about.
After changing into a pair of yoga shorts and one of Luke’s black t-shirts, I threw my hair into a messy ponytail and stepped out of the bus. There was security watching the bus, making sure no one approached it, but I was allowed free roam. I wasn’t a prisoner.
After all, I was invited backstage any time I wanted to watch them.
I meant to catch some of the opening acts, but when I stepped out of the bus, I realized I didn’t have long until they were out. There was something I needed to do before anything else. I had an entire tour to go see the guys, and I didn’t want to take any time away from their fans by being there.
So this time, I just leaned against the bus and closed my eyes. I pressed the green button to dial the number I had pulled up, and I just waited for the person on the other side to pick up.
“Hey, girl. I was wondering when you’d decide to call. Just because I’m not as pretty as you and Ori doesn’t mean I’m not one of you—triplets, remember?”
I let out a breath and looked up towards the sky. The clouds weren’t hiding the stars, at least some of them, so I almost got lost in the night sky.
“I know, Elys,” I sighed. “According to dumb people on Twitter, I’m not pretty either.”
“Why do you care?”
I knew it was easy to look at the situation and think I was stupid for letting people I didn’t know get to me like they had, but in the situation, it was impossible not to. Random strangers were going out of their way to call me ugly because I married a hot Aussie in a pretty popular band. They took time out of their day to hate me.
“Elys . . . .”
“I know, I know,” Elys said, moments after I trailed off. “I guess I can’t really understand what’s going on for you two. Your life has been flipped upside down because of one drunken night. You go from being hidden from the world to thrown out there, because of two little words and cheap rings.”
I began rubbing my hand over my forehead. “I guess I shouldn’t complain. It’s not like I had anything better in mind anyways.”
“How’s it working out for you?” he asked, and I was glad to hear him laugh. “Ori called earlier, and she was . . . a little better. They came up with a plan to make it easier on them both, and it seems to be working.”
“Yeah, she told me about that,” I agreed, and I leaned back into the bus. “Things are good right now. The guys are all really cool and seem to like me, and Luke’s super sweet.”
“But . . . ?”
“But this is marriage,” I groaned. “Come on, Elys, can I really do this? I don’t know him. He’s a great guy, and he’s more than what I ever dared to hope for . . . but I’m me. He doesn’t know me, and I don’t know all that much about him.” I couldn’t stop the smile that came to my lips. “He does this really cute thing with his nose when he wakes up. It reminds me of when we were little, and we would all pretend we were farm animals, and your favorite was a pig because it gave you bacon.”
“And I thought pigs actually pooped the bacon out, and we ate pig shit.”
That made me laugh, and it felt good to laugh at something that didn’t matter, something that couldn’t change the future. Every time I laughed or smiled with Luke, the back of my mind thought horrible things. Maybe it was some deep rooted insecurity getting the better of me, but every time I smiled or had a conversation that was meaningful, in any way, I just got so scared.
What if what I said made him change his mind? What if I went back to being alone in a crowded room?
“Look, Eris, I can’t tell you this is going to be easy,” Elys finally said, after the laughter began to fade away. “I can’t even give you advice on what to do. I’m not married. I don’t even have a girl in mind right now. All I can tell you is that if something feels right, there’s a reason. I very firmly believe you and Ori will stay married to these men, and when I’m right and we’re all fifty years old, hanging out at some family Christmas party, I’ll remind you of this moment, right now, when the fear of the world was crushing you. When the fear of the unknown made you second guess everything that felt more right than anything in your life ever has. The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
“When did you become such a poet?” I scoffed, but his words knocked the breath out of me.
Elys had always been older than his age. Maybe it came with growing up the way we did. Claire, Ori, and me were all hidden away and raised as princesses, but Elys was brought up alongside my dad. He was raised to take over the business until he realized that wasn’t what he wanted, so Dad, after a long struggle with coming to terms with it, set him free to be whatever he wanted.
He chose vet, which was beyond fitting for him.
Elys laughed on the other side, and I was reminded that maybe I would feel alone. Maybe I would see all these couples who were so deeply in love that they finished one another’s sentences, or knew what the other liked to order without even hesitating, and maybe I would never have that. Or maybe I would. Maybe that’s exactly what I had begun, in my drunken stupor.
But I was never going to be alone. No matter what I did, no matter who I ended up with, I always had my family. Corny as it might’ve been, some people didn’t have that.
I was one of the lucky ones. I was never going to be truly alone.
Here you go, lovelies.
My sister FINALLY gave me her chapter (I've been bugging her about it since I last updated).
The lyrics in the description is Alone by Falling in Reverse.
Let us know how we did!!