A Month In Sin
10. The Hardest Goodbye
Waking up next to someone was still unusual, but I actually liked it. The warmth of his half naked body next to mine, his face pressed into the crevice of my neck . . . it was adorable.
I felt too much like a girl in that moment, but I rather liked the way Luke was curled into me. I always thought I would hate affection, and most times, I did. Kissing was one thing, but I had never been a fan of hugging or cuddling.
This was the very definition of cuddling, but I found myself not wanting to move. I barely knew anything about him, but I wanted to cuddle with him.
Luke was still unconscious even as I slithered out of bed and began my usual morning routine. This wasn’t the usual morning, at all, but I still needed to brush my teeth and shower.
When I turned on the water in the sink, it woke Luke up. I didn’t pay him much attention as I brushed my teeth, but when he came into the bathroom with me, it was hard not to notice.
Something about his bed head was rather sexy. Without their stylist to make it look just the right way, without any effort on his part, it was crazy, but he pulled it off.
I finished brushing my teeth and rinsed my mouth out before saying anything. “I have an extra toothbrush if you need one.”
“That would be awesome.”
I pulled it out of the drawer and handed it to him. “As soon as you get done, I need to shower.”
A surge of heat rushed through my body, in an instant, with just two simple words. We both had to shower, and we were married . . . so why not conserve water?
Luke was still half asleep as he brushed his teeth, but he was watching me as I stepped towards the shower and turned the water on. I don’t think his mind was quite where mine was at the moment, but the more he watched me, the closer it got.
“We could shower together.”
He spit the toothpaste out and rinsed his mouth out really quickly after that. He closed the door behind him and turned the lock, just in case.
In an instant, his lips were pressed against mine, and his minty fresh breath was actually rather intoxicating.
My mind quickly moved to other things as clothes began coming off.
While Luke used the bathroom, I stepped out to go for my closet. That was the plan anyways. As soon as I stepped out, I let out a yelp of surprise when I found Niall and Ori waiting on my bed.
Ori had a very dark glare whereas Niall was laughing. “Are you serious?”
“You’re lucky I put a towel on!” I exclaimed. “Fuck, Ori, don’t just barge in here like that!”
“I didn’t think there was a reason I shouldn’t!” she defended. “I thought you’d go about this like normal human beings and get to know each other before jumping back into bed!”
“Well, technically, we didn’t jump into bed cause we did it in the shower,” I said, and when she rolled her eyes, I snorted. “What? Don’t fucking judge me, okay? You two go about these thirty days your way, and we’ll go about it our way. What did you want anyways?”
While Ori was too busy glaring at me, Niall answered for her. “We came to talk about how we’re going to tell management, our parents, and the world, basically. Figured we could all talk about it together, as it now pertains to all of us.”
I clutched the towel closer and nodded. Since my closet was a walk in, I was able to slip inside of there and close the door. “Ori, you might wanna close your eyes. I don’t know if he’s gonna come out of there naked or not. Who knows with him?”
“He probably will,” Niall laughed.
I slipped into some underwear and then some more comfortable clothes. If we ended up going anywhere, I might change, but right now, I was going to be comfortable. Wearing my fuzzy penguin pajama pants and my Paramore t-shirt Ori got me for Christmas the year before, I was definitely comfortable.
Luke was back in the room with the shorts he got from Elys, thankfully, on. “If looks could kill, your sister would’ve just brutally murdered me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, she can get over herself. I happen to think that the best way to fully get to know one another is to sleep in the same bed, but you don’t see me judging you for making him sleep elsewhere.”
Ori’s glares relented, and instead, she sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. I think you’re stupid, but it’s your decision. Look, what are we gonna do? Luke, you’re on tour, and before the thirty days are up, Niall’s going to be on tour.”
Luke shrugged. “Eri can come with me, and I’m sure Niall would love to bring you back to London to meet the rest of the lads.”
At the reminder that she would get to meet the rest of One Direction, Ori’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. She kept her composure relatively well, but that didn’t stop me from laughing at her.
“Alright, one thing decided,” Niall said, and he let out a sigh. “Now, two. Do you wanna call management, or should I?”
Luke shrugged. “I don’t have my phone, so you probably should. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t called yet.”
There was a soft knock on my door, a knock so soft I knew it was Mom. I stood from the bed and opened the door, and at the sight of Michael, Ashton, and Calum standing behind her, I laughed harder.
“You were saying?”
Ashton let out a sigh. “Luke, you can’t scare us like that. You left your phone and didn’t call as well as not tell us when you plan to come back to the hotel.”
Luke shrugged. “I’m fine, guys. We just have some stuff to work out.”
Ashton looked at me and then back to Ori. “Well, it’s nice to see you both have calmed down. Or one of you anyways.” Ashton looked at me. “It’s nice to see you not breaking in doors?”
I smirked. “And here I thought breaking in doors added to my charm?”
“You are a destructive person, and I like you,” Michael said, poking his head around Ashton so he could stare at me. “Are you going to come with us, or did you two break it off already?”
“No, she’s coming with us,” Luke said, which surprised Calum and Ashton completely. “We’re going to try this for thirty days, see how it goes. If we absolutely cannot stand each other by the end of thirty days, we’re going to break it off. If not, well, meet my wife, guys.”
“Yeah . . . they’re not too happy with either of you.”
“I don’t remember a ‘no marriage’ clause in the contract, so I don’t really care,” Niall said, which surprised us all. “Sure, I care what the fans think, but management? They can shove it.”
No one planned to argue with that point at all.
Management was even more pissed when Luke and Niall told them they weren’t divorcing us yet, especially after mentioning that we might not get a divorce at all. After enough yelling, they both just hung up the phone and left it at that, and it wasn’t long before their security team arrived to take them back to the hotel.
Ori and I had to pack our bags first, and after about an hour of insisting that she could buy more clothes when she got to London, Ori finally decided on a few essentials, enough clothes for five or so days, and her cosmetics.
I barely even packed my toothbrush.
We said our goodbyes to Mom, Dad, and Elys, and we left for what might be thirty days, what might be forever. Obviously we would have to come back to get our things, and we’d visit a lot, but if we were going to stick with this . . . this wasn’t going to be our home anymore.
That was a frightening thought.
I thought we’d be sleeping in the hotel again, but we got to the hotel, packed all of Luke’s stuff up, and we prepared to head out.
What I wasn’t quite prepared for was saying goodbye to Ori.
I hadn’t really thought about the fact that I would have to. We had gotten married the same night, in the same situation, and we were in this together.
But she was going to London. I was going on tour with 5 Seconds of Summer.
As we loaded up their SUV, she was absolutely squalling. Our security team—and theirs—did a rather good job of keeping press away, so we weren’t being bombarded with flashes right now. Right now, we were mostly alone, and we were saying the first goodbyes we had ever had to say to one another.
I couldn’t actually remember a time where Ori wasn’t there. We went to every summer camp together, and when one of us would go to a sleepover, it was common knowledge that the other had to be invited as well. We had literally never been apart, just in separate rooms . . . but now, we were going to be on separate continents.
She clung to me much tighter than I was aware she could, and she shook her head. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”
“We’re going to be fine, Ori,” I said. “This had to happen one day anyways.”
She shook her head. “You were supposed to move in next door to me. We were going to get married on the same day, and you would live next door. We’d only have a few hundred feet between us, not thousands of miles!”
I sighed. “Ori . . . please calm down. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“I can’t do this.”
“You can,” I disagreed, and I stepped out of her arms so I could look at her face. “Listen to me. You’re a very strong girl, probably the strongest person I know. You can handle anything. Sure, it’s kinda frightening to see the way you handle things sometimes, but you can handle anything. You can and will. It’s only for a few weeks, and if it all works out, we can find houses in London to live in. Right next door. Just a few hundred feet between us.”
She stopped crying as I said this because she realized I was right. “We . . . we can, can’t we?”
I nodded and wiped the tears from her face with a smile. “Of course we can. If they say otherwise, fuck them. We’re doing it anyways.” I put my hands on her face and forced her to look at me. “I know this is crazy, and I know you’re scared shitless. I may not show it, but I am, too. I don’t know what our future holds anymore, but mine . . . it might actually be positive for once. Promise me that you’ll stop trying to control the situation and let this go how it will. Stop forcing everything to fit the stencil you carved for your life because it never will. You and Niall might be really happy together if you just allow yourself to be free, allow yourself to truly be happy.”
I could tell she wasn’t really one hundred percent on board with this plan, but she was at least going to try. I didn’t doubt that one bit.
With one final hug and a last choked goodbye, she got in the SUV taking her to the airport, and I got in the SUV taking me to the tour bus.
And so it began.
“Day one of our thirty day trial,” I said as soon as I was sure the camera on Luke’s computer was recording. I leaned back against the bed and sighed.
Silence. That’s what came after my sigh. I expected him to say something, but he didn’t, and I hoped that his lack of words might bring something to mind for me to say, but it didn’t. We both just stared at the camera with nothing to say.
What could we say? Talk about how much we knew one another? Talk about how wonderful our day was? For the most part, it wasn’t wonderful. It was hectic and heartbreaking, and it probably wasn’t going to get much better. He was on tour, which would mean traveling from one place to another every night while also trying to get to know one another.
How could we do that?
Finally, Luke rubbed the back of his neck. “Um . . . what are we supposed to say?”
I shrugged. “Talk about our day maybe? I have no idea.”
“We had sex in the shower, which is really not what people tell you it is,” Luke said, and his eyes were on me. “It doesn’t make sense. You’re in water, but it’s completely dry in there.”
I held my hands up. “Don’t ask me. I didn’t make it happen.”
Luke leaned back against the bed, too, and let out a breath. “Are we sure we’re doing the right thing?”
“I don’t see how this isn’t the right thing,” I admitted, but it was hard to keep in how much his question hurt me. Of course he was second guessing himself now that he had to be completely alone with me. Why wouldn’t he? I was me, not Ori.
“My mother has never hung up on me like that before,” Luke murmured. I felt a bit selfish for taking what he said so personal after that because of course this was hard on him, too. His mother was completely against the idea of us trying this out for thirty days. She was in agreement with my dad—end this now.
But why? She couldn’t really explain it either, other than, “You don’t know each other. You can’t expect anything good to come from this. It was alcohol and teenage hormones, and that only leads to pregnancy, not a lifelong marriage.”
Who says it couldn’t lead to a lifelong marriage? What if it wasn’t just hormones and alcohol?
I put my hair up and looked back to the camera. “If we do decide to stay married, and we decide to let other people see these videos, I just want you to know, Liz, that I’m not a whore trying to ruin your son’s life. I’m not a gold digger or anything like that. I like the way his smile makes me feel, and I would like to see if I can feel that way for the rest of my life.”
The smile that came to Luke’s lips as I said that set my heart on a frenzy like no other. “Really? My smile makes you feel good?”
I felt my cheeks heating up as I nodded. “I feel less lonely when you’re around, and when you smile? I feel like I never have to be alone again.”
I was surprised when he turned to face me, those endless blue eyes full of something I couldn’t explain, and his long fingers softly rubbed my cheek. “You don’t.”
“If this works out.”
He raised one eyebrow at me. “Weren’t you the one telling your sister to remain positive? Something about it can only work that way?”
“You’re right,” I sighed, and I rubbed my hands over my face. “Positive. I’m positive that trying this is the right thing. I’m positive that you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” I’m positive that you’re going to be disappointed.
With his eyes shining the way they were, I couldn’t bring myself to say that out-loud, so instead, I shut out all the bad. I let my “teenage hormones” take over, and I cut the camera off immediately.
Some things just didn’t need to be seen by outside eyes.
Sorry it's been so long, guys! It's my fault entirely (as in CaptainHawkeye)
I've been working a lot, but I'm trying to do better with my updates. So I do apologize, but I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
Let us know what you think. :D
P.S. The lyrics in the description are from the incredible song by Daughtry, Start of Something Good.