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My Best Friend's Sister

Worst Day Ever

Luke's POV
I'm still at Vanessa's. Having a good time. Eating, talking, listening to music. Ben was right. The more I talked to her, the more I learned about her. "So what's your favorite snack?" She swallowed the food in her mouth before she answered.

"Fried bananas with peanut butter, dipped in chocolate," she said.

"I've never heard that before but it does sound pretty good," I said thinking about it.

"Maybe I could make you some one day," Vanessa said before taking another bite of her noodles.

"That would be great," I replied and I smiled. A smiled crept upon her face as well. "Um, about earlier today..." I started. "I'm sorry for being so rude when you were just being honest with me. I acted like a complete asshole and you didn't deserve that."

Vanessa set her food down on the nightstand. "I was actually thinking that maybe... maybe it wouldn't hurt if went out on a date or two," I was stunned.

"Really?" I asked astonished. I couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, maybe we could get better reacquainted," she said.

"Um, how about tomorrow?" I asked and she made her thinking face where her chin and nose is slightly scrunched up while her head was tilted. I was anxious for her answer. Begging for her answer.

"Sounds great," She responded while fireworks went off in my head. "Don't you have to get back home? It's pretty late," she said peeking outside from over me.

I checked the time on my phone and shit. It was past 11 o'clock. Mom and dad were going to kill me. "Shit, you're right. I have to go." I helped her clean up the chinese boxes and such. After that we went downstairs and she opened the door for me and we stood there. I couldn't believe this was happening. She actually agreed to go on a date. With me!

"So see you tomorrow?" she asked with that familiar twinkle in her eyes.

"Most definitely," and she smiled. She came in to give me a hug. She smelt like vanilla and raspberries. We broke apart. "See ya later." I walked backwards and almost fell down the stairs looking at her. She smiled and blushed. I waved and got back in the car. Driving away happily.

Vanessa's POV
I closed the door and put my back against it. Then Ash came around the corner from the living room. I looked at him for a split second before making a get-a-way to my room, but he grabbed my waist and pulled me in front of him. I was scared shitless of what he could do to me. Tears welled back up in my eyes again.

"Vanessa-" he began but didn't get to finish because the doorbell rang out, leaving us frozen in place and looking at each other's eyes. Ashton eventually left my side and went into the kitchen frustrated. The doorbell rang again.

I opened thinking it was Luke. That he forgot something but when I opened it, to my surprise, it wasn't who I was expecting. It was Ryan in front of me. I tried to close the door but he put his foot in between the door and the frame.

"What the hell do you want?!" I screamed out.

"I want you," In seconds he had me pinned up against the wall with his mouth on mine. I squirmed to get out of his grip but it was too strong. He began to grind on me. Oh hell no. He went down to my neck, now's my chance.

"Ashton! Help me! Ash-" Before I get the rest of his name out he came and flinged Ryan outside.

Ash got on top of him and began punching Ryan into a pulp. I went to pull Ash up from him but I couldn't. He was too heavy. "C'mon Ash! Leave him alone. Lets go back inside!" I eventually convinced Ashton to go with me after he gave Ryan a final kick in the gut. I saw Ryan spit up blood before I pushed Ash in the house and closed the door.

Notes

Comments

@Calum Netflix and Pizza
Aww, thanks love. I hope I do too. Love you name by the way.

So I just spent 2 and a half hours reading this story. And I love it. Great job ;) I hope you get out of ur writer funk.

@Lucy Hemmings
I really want you to continue your story but you could use a little tweaking. Me personally, I prefer if you space out your paragraphs and dialogue because it just makes it easier to read and it flows better.

Put more details! The more details the better. Try to connect with not only your readers but with your character because you character's are their own people with minds of their owns. Let the words flow through you and on to the keyboard. Details also makes your chapters longer.

Just look over simple punctuation and grammar errors. Also be sure to note who's POV it is at the top of the page if you want to continue switching POV's.

Other than that, you're pretty solid. I'm sorry if I come out mean. I don't mean to be! I promise. But you have so much potential to be a great writer!

Hakuna Matata,
Vannessa

Hi I love this story its really cool, also I have just written my very first fanfic called Why now? Why today? its a Luke Hemmings fanfic and I would love for u to check it out.