Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

My Best Friend's Sister

Brotherly Advice

Vanessa's POV
I saw Ashton's fist going straight for my face. I closed my eyes preparing for the painful blow. Then I hear a loud boom but I didn't feel anything. I open my eyes and turn next to me. His fist went through the wall. He stared at me with tears streaming down his face and with a blank face, showing no facial expressions.

I push him out of my way and ran upstairs into my bedroom. I slammed and locked the door. Then I slid against it, going down to the floor, and cried my eyes out.

Luke's POV
After Vanessa dropped me off, I went upstairs to my room and flopped on my bed, heartbroken.

'I'm not just going to start dating a guy I just met yesterday'

She's right. This isn't a Disney fairytale. I thought she would just say yes immediately but I was wrong. I got rejected by the only girl I liked and truly wanted to be with.

I want to be with her cuddling and attempt to watch a movie when we're just talking and making out. I just want to hold her in my arms and talk about everything but it'll mostly be her talking and me playing in her hair. I want to have tickle fights in which I refuse to let her win. I want a lot with Vanessa.

There was a knock on my door followed by Ben's and Jack's faces poking in my room.

"There's pizza downstairs," Ben said with a ridiculous grin written on his face. He's always happy.

"Not hungry," I said. I wasn't looking at them but I saw their expressions from the corner of my eye. They were shocked because usually I'd be the first one down there already eating my third slice.

"Hey, what happened to your face?" Jack questioning me about my bruised cheeks, black eye, and busted lip.

"Can you two just get out? I really want to be alone," I said turning away from them and to the window.

Instead of doing what I asked, the two colossal behemoths sat on my twin bed making it sink down. I groaned.

"C'mon Luke. What's wrong?" Ben nudged me.

"I don't want to talk about," I said through my pillow.

"Okay, if you don't want to talk to us you'll just be hearing mom and dad torture you to talk to them," Jack said.

I turned back over and looked at them and they weren't bluffing. I sighed again in defeat. "Fine," I began. "Its... its about a girl," I spat out. They both laughed at me and I regretted telling them. "Get out," I said turning back over.

"No, Luke. We're sorry," Ben said still laughing.

"We won't laugh anymore. I promise," Jack said and I turned back over.

"What's her name?" Ben questioned.

"Vanessa," I mumbled, playing with my fingers.

"Is she hot?" Jack asked me and I smiled.

"Yeah," I felt my cheek redden.

"What she look like?" Ben asked a little too eagerly. I pulled out my phone and showed them a picture of her I took without her noticing. It was a great picture too. The way the sun lit the side of her face, highlighting her cheeks and making her eyes sparkle.

"Now what's the problem?" Ben asks confused.

"Yeah, why aren't you banging that?" Jack chimed in while I locked my phone and set it aside on the stand.

"She just got out of a relationship today," I said quietly.

"Ouch," Jack said. They've probably both have had the same issue before.

"Look, best advice I can give is to lay low on the romantics.. Find out what she likes, what she doesn't like," Ben began.

"Is she a melon or a grapefruit," Jack said and Ben smacked him across the head. I laughed a little.

"You don't need to figure that out yet," Ben told me. "Just get to know her a little better and she'll grow to like you just as much as you like her." I nodded and they both left but not before messing up my perfectly coiffed hair.

Notes

Yay! This story is on page 2 of the popular page! Thanks so much guys!

Comments

@Calum Netflix and Pizza
Aww, thanks love. I hope I do too. Love you name by the way.

So I just spent 2 and a half hours reading this story. And I love it. Great job ;) I hope you get out of ur writer funk.

@Lucy Hemmings
I really want you to continue your story but you could use a little tweaking. Me personally, I prefer if you space out your paragraphs and dialogue because it just makes it easier to read and it flows better.

Put more details! The more details the better. Try to connect with not only your readers but with your character because you character's are their own people with minds of their owns. Let the words flow through you and on to the keyboard. Details also makes your chapters longer.

Just look over simple punctuation and grammar errors. Also be sure to note who's POV it is at the top of the page if you want to continue switching POV's.

Other than that, you're pretty solid. I'm sorry if I come out mean. I don't mean to be! I promise. But you have so much potential to be a great writer!

Hakuna Matata,
Vannessa

Hi I love this story its really cool, also I have just written my very first fanfic called Why now? Why today? its a Luke Hemmings fanfic and I would love for u to check it out.