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My Best Friend's Sister

Ice-Cream & Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Ashton's POV
After I got done dropping Luke off and picked up Vanessa some Cookie dough flavor Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I know what my sister likes.

I went upstairs quietly, making sure to bring two spoons for us. Her door was already cracked so I just popped my head in.

"Hey," she was on her bed, already changed into her pj's, and watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And not the bullshit remix, the original 1974 movie. "Can I come in?"

"Yea," she said all innocent. I came in and plopped on the bed next to her.

I opened the container of Ben & Jerry's, gave her a spoon, and did our spoon high-five. Then we dug in.

"So what the jackass do this time?" I asked her, putting my arm around her.

"Okay, so remember that I said he had to go to his sister's recital?" I nodded my head. "Well, I texted him and he hasn't replied," She continued. "And I'm pretty sure a 6 year-old has a proper bed time and wouldn't be up at 10 o'clock on a school night." Then she got another scoop and ate it.

"You think he's cheating on you?" I asked her. "Because I swear if I find the little shit cheated on you, I'm beating him until I see a pool of blood."

"That's not necessary Ash. It would be wrong to beat the handicapped," She said and I laugh. That's my sister, the badass.

"But I'm serious. All jokes aside. If I do find him, he's not going to want to look in the mirror again."

"Love you Ash," she said as she leaned into.

"Love you too," and we continued watching the pathetic people get slaughtered.

Notes

I love brotherly & sisterly love...

Comments

@Calum Netflix and Pizza
Aww, thanks love. I hope I do too. Love you name by the way.

So I just spent 2 and a half hours reading this story. And I love it. Great job ;) I hope you get out of ur writer funk.

@Lucy Hemmings
I really want you to continue your story but you could use a little tweaking. Me personally, I prefer if you space out your paragraphs and dialogue because it just makes it easier to read and it flows better.

Put more details! The more details the better. Try to connect with not only your readers but with your character because you character's are their own people with minds of their owns. Let the words flow through you and on to the keyboard. Details also makes your chapters longer.

Just look over simple punctuation and grammar errors. Also be sure to note who's POV it is at the top of the page if you want to continue switching POV's.

Other than that, you're pretty solid. I'm sorry if I come out mean. I don't mean to be! I promise. But you have so much potential to be a great writer!

Hakuna Matata,
Vannessa

Hi I love this story its really cool, also I have just written my very first fanfic called Why now? Why today? its a Luke Hemmings fanfic and I would love for u to check it out.