Just as Much

Niall's POV

I wake up groggy. Events from last night are hazy. I remember drinking a lot, just taking shots, which wasn't a good idea. I can't really remember anything from last night until I start moving around. Then it hits me. All of my memories come flooding back and instant regret fills my body.

I frantically search for my phone, I can't believe I said that to Erica last night. What would Erica know about my life? Everything. She's never been on tour with us but that doesn't mean anything. Erica has been there for me from the start, she's the only girl that has known it all. The one person I can trust more than anyone in my entire life. Sure I can trust the guys and my family but with Erica it's different, its a deeper connection. I'm just so ashamed of how I acted last night.

When she called me I just got this liquid courage apparently, I wanted to apologize to her when she called, that was my entire intention, and I didn't even come close to that. God my heart is just hurting right now. That and my head.

I want to talk to her so bad but I need to feel better right now. I throw the covers over me and stumble to the bathroom. I need a shower, get all this alcohol sweat off of me. I literally scrub myself raw, thinking that maybe if I scrub myself clean then maybe last night will be erased from my mind.

Everything just makes me nervous. I know I was a jackass. Even if my Nan died that doesn't excuse my harshness, she's just trying to look out for me. This distance is killing us. Every sound my phone makes I'm just waiting for it, waiting for Erica to call and chew me out. And I know it's coming, I deserve it.

“Niall!” It's Zayn. I can hear him yelling for me in the hallway. Not only will I get it from Erica but I'll get it from Zayn as well. I'm sure he's already heard about it from Erica because they talk often and I deserve it. I'm so ashamed. “Niall!” He yells again and I let out a deep breath and finally open the door.

I don't say anything but just move aside and let him storm past me.

“What the hell is going on?” He sits down on the bed and looks back at me, not even waiting for me to close the door.

“What do you mean?” I try to play stupid as I just want to avoid all this conversation. I already know I'm in the wrong, I don't need extra help from anyone.

“I talked to Erica.” He starts out and my toes start bouncing with nerves. “She said that you just let her leave. That she told you she loved you for the first time and you didn't say anything.” His face is tight, his jaw is tense. Maybe he doesn't know about what I said last night.

“It was a difficult time. I just wanted to come back no tour and forget about everything that happened at home for a while. I know I need to apologize to her, I just haven't done it yet.” Of course I would be dating someone that is like a sister to Zayn. He's got three sisters so he just knows how things are, how he wants to just protect her. And the thing is, Erica probably didn't even call him it was probably Zayn and he pried it out of her. Erica is a very private person, even to her friends she doesn't want to share personal things about our relationship. I know she tells things to Allison and I understand but anyone else asks, she's mum.

“Seriously Niall?” He crosses his arms and glares at me. “If I left Perrie like you did she'd have my nuts in a jar. She'd be so fucking pissed at me. But I would have never left Niall. You have to remember to take care of yourself too, even if you would have just stayed for a few extra hours you could have made things easier on both of you.” He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls it into a pony tail.

“I know Zayn. I know I messed up, but I'm fixing it.” I'm a little short with him but jesus, get out of my relationship.

“Fucking fix it faster.” He slams his hands on the bed. “Erica is a good woman. You've messed up, and don't play stupid, you know you did.” He stands now, pointing his finger in my chest.

“I get it.” I push his hand away, clearly frustrated. He's this mad now, he has no idea what I said to her last night, if he did I'm sure that he wouldn't hesitate to knock me out.

“Well figure it out. And wake up.” He walks past me and leaves me to stew in my self pity. I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself, I should be feeling bad for Erica and figuring out how to fix things. This is all my fault.

Taking a deep breath I decide to just call Rachel, Erica's ma. I don't know if it's the best decision but I know Erica is living with her so maybe she can give me some insight and help me.

It rings just a few times before she answers. “Niall, to what do I owe the pleasure?” She has a bit of a tone with me, I'm assuming she's seen how Erica has been acting right now if I were her, I'd only assume the worst.

“Hi Mrs. Crowe.” She'll always be intimidating to me. She just has this presence about her and it can literally scare the shit out of you.

“Please, call me Rachel.” Her tone is just scare. It's calm. Relaxing enough to put you on edge.

“Yes, Rachel, then. How are you?” I can tell my voice is a little shaky but of course it would be, I'm talking to Erica's ma after I just said the worst things to her daughter. How embarrassing.

“I'm doing well, can't say the same about my daughter though.” That sharp voice, just proving to me that I don't belong in her world.

“Right. About that. I want to fix this.” My voice is meek, I feel like a school boy whose just gotten in trouble with the head master for the first time.

“Well, then fix it. I'm tired of hearing my daughter cry in her room. How could you say that to her Niall? Has she not bent over backwards to try and please you? Done everything you've asked of her?”

“She has, she's done everything I could ever ask and more and I just let my brain speak things that I didn't mean. I just had like word vomit. It just all came out before I could stop it. I swear I didn't mean it.” I rub my forehead, pinching my eyes together. Still astonished with how my words have played out. People forget how much a phrase can cut someone deeply.

“Well I don't know what to tell you Niall. This is all fresh for her.” Not what I want to hear. I guess I'm just grateful that she's even answered the phone when I called, I didn't even deserve that.

“Can you help me? Can you just get her to answer the phone? I've called her six times and she won't even let it ring all the way.” I'm really just worried.

“Well I can assure you that she's here but I can't get her to answer the phone Niall, I'm not going to trick her into talking to you. That's not fair to my daughter. She's my daughter, she will always be my first priority. And she's twenty-one, she's old enough to make her own decisions, if she doesn't want to talk to you then she doesn't have to talk to you.” I nod even though she can't see me. I figured things would be like this. I know my ma would be the same way. But my mum loves Erica so much that she would probably do anything in her power to get me back with her. Rachel is more protective with Erica and I haven't exactly won her over.

“Has she gotten my flowers?” I ask hopeful. In an attempt to have her forgive me I sent her flowers. I hear a low chuckle that sends a bit of chills down my spine.

“Of course she has Niall. They're currently cut up in the trash can. Which is saying a lot about Erica as you know she's generally a good natured person, and she loves flowers.” I flop back on the bed. Oh my God, I don't know what to do now. “Give her time Niall.”

I can't believe she cut the flowers up. It's been less than twenty-four hours but she's still that mad at me.

“She'll talk to you when she's ready.” She assures me. “Just show her that you still care. You don't have to talk to her, but at least send her text messages, call her even if she doesn't answer, show her that you love her and that you know you messed up.” At least that's something, some sort of advice that I can use from her.

“Thank you Rachel.” I swallow my pride, it's long gone actually.

“You're welcome. I'll speak with you later.” She hangs up the phone before I can even say goodbye. I just need to figure all this out. I pull out my notebook and just start writing things down.

Notes

So, I do feel a bit bad for Niall. I'm sure we've all said and done some things we regret, yet he's getting angst from everyone about it! Do you think this will help or hurt him?

Crazy but I finished writing last night!! :) If I update everyday, this story will be finished on Tuesday...but I might not be able to update this weekend, I might go home so by the latest this story will be finished a week from tomorrow. :) I'm so excited for it, hopefully you all are too.

Happy Friday Eve!!

xoxox