Just as Much

Erica's POV

“Just call him.” Allison hands me my phone for the third time today. I can't avoid him forever. I've tried but I just miss him. We can fix this, it was just a small disagreement, a normal disagreement.

“Fine.” I smile slightly and take my phone from her, finding his number instantly. My finger pauses above the send button but I just decide to push it and wait to see what happens. It rings and rings, eventually going to voice mail. They're two hours ahead of us here in London so maybe he's already gone to sleep. God knows he needs it.

“He didn't answer.” I drop my phone on my bed and lean back on the bed. “I just want to talk to him, I just want to fix this.” I tell Allison without looking at her.

“I know, it will all work out.” She promises me and I wish I could take her word for it. “I don't mean to leave you like this but I Kyle and I have that date.” She reminds me, I can feel the bed move and I see her standing.

“Right. That's okay.” I fake a smile and stand to hug her goodbye. Oh how I'm jealous of her relationship. I know not all relationships are easy but I would give anything to have a normal one with Niall. To have us live in the same place and see each other everyday. Life is pretty good with him in it, I just wish it was an everyday thing.

I watch her leave and I sit back, wallowing in self pity. Twenty one year old woman sitting at home alone on a Saturday night waiting for a man to call her. Nice. This is what my life has become. I wasn't one to always go out and get drunk but it does seem like a nice idea at the moment.

I check my phone one last time before leaving it on the bed and walking out. I should at least wash my face and brush my teeth before I climb in bed for the rest of the night.

In the midst of brushing my teeth I hear my familiar ring tone and quickly drop my brush, rinsing my mouth out with water and running back to my phone. “I'm coming, I'm coming!” I yell as if the person calling me can hear me.

I jump on my bed and let out a silent scream when I see Niall's picture on my phone. Thank god.

“Hello.” I seem out of breath, I should run on my moms treadmill more, I make a mental note.

“Hey baby doll.” I'm still frustrated with him but his voice and that nick name just makes me melt. Stay strong Erica. I stiffen up my posture and prepare for whatever this conversation entails.

“Hi.” I can't help but smile. I love this man. Things will work out, I just know it.

“How are you?” He asks and I can hear him wrestling around with something.

“I've been better but that's okay. You?” I'm still just dealing with things that happened at Nan's funeral, it was only yesterday. I didn't want things to end that way but I had decided that whatever he had said that I wasn't going to waver, I was going to fly home unless he wanted me to stay, and he didn't want me to stay so I left. Then he didn't care to call me after that one voice mail. I need to remember that.

“I'm okay, just missing you.” I listen closely to his words and squint my eyes.

“Niall, are you drinking?” He left to join back up with tour and now he's drinking? He wanted sleep and wanted to get away but now he's drinking.

“Maybe.” He lets out a giggle. Damn him, he is. Fuck this. “Louis wanted us to go out so we did. But I'm in the van. I saw that you called and I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“So Louis can talk you into going out but I can't get you to stay one extra night with me?” I'm defensive. This kind of hurts.

“It's not the same thing Erica, you know that. Don't be like that.” He's for sure been drinking, he's acting like my feelings are invalid. Not okay with me.

“But it is the same thing.” I whisper. He doesn't understand.

“Erica, I don't want to fight with you.” I can see him sitting in the van, looking out the window at people, rubbing his brows or biting his nail, both a nervous habit of his.

“Then just apologize for how you acted on Tuesday.” That's all he has to do, I'll forgive and forget but I'm not doing it without an apology.

“Why?”

“You're kidding right?” Was he not there? Does he not remember anything?

“Erica, this isn't the time or place. We'll fix everything when I get back.”

“How much have you had to drink?” His attitude is not Niall, he's had more to drink then I think he thinks.

“Only a few shots.” Shots, great. Jesus, I'm so fucking pissed right now. “Can't you just tell me you love me and maybe we can have some hot phone sex? It's been so long.” He apparently thinks he's being cute. Far from it.

“Are you serious right now Niall?” Who is this man and where is my Niall?

“Lighten up Erica.” I can hear him mutter something under his breath but I don't know what he's said, I can only assume it's not good.

I sit in silence for a while, afraid of my own brain thinking too quickly and saying something I know I'll regret later but I'm silently wishing that he will feel the same way by tomorrow.

“Erica?” He asks.

“What?” I snap, my hand clasped over my mouth to avoid saying something to progress this conversation. I'm livid. I'm hurt.

“I'm coming home in like a week and I think we should go on holiday.” I can hear him smiling through the phone and I just can't believe him. He's avoiding everything, this is not how I am, I want to fix things, he's making things worse.

“Yeah, sure.” I just brush him off. I suddenly realize I just want this conversation to end. He doesn't understand and I don't want to sit here and argue with him for him to understand it.

“Good. God I'm so tired.” I purse my lips to avoid myself from verbally assaulting him.

“Really?” I'm sarcastic yet calm. So calm it's a little scary.

“What?” He has no idea.

“You're tired? Yet you're out drinking right now? Kind of stupid isn't it?” He has no idea what's going on with me right now, the ideas running through my head, the phrases I've prevented myself from speaking.

“Again Erica? Come on. I don't want to fight.” I shake my head. I deserve an apology. I'm not going to wait weeks to get it.

“Yes Niall, this again. Why couldn't you stay? Why aren't you resting in the hotel?” I ask, I feel like I'm pleading for answers with him.

“Because I needed to get back to my job. This is what I do for a living. I have fans, I need to do my job. It's that simple. I can sleep when I'm old.”

“Niall, they would have understood. Your Nan just died. You needed to get back and work and now you're out drinking.” I fight off tears pooling in my eyes. I've never been this emotional before. Thanks Niall.

“And what would you know about that Erica? You don't know this life. My life. You know nothing about tour life, what I do, and how exhausting it is.” He snaps at me and I literally recoil in my spot. I have no words to speak. I swallow just a bit and bite the bullet.

“I guess you're right.” I pull the phone away from my ear and end the call, dropping my phone on my bed and falling back against the bed. I grab a pillow and scream into it.

I don't know anything about it? Is he serious right now? Fuck him.

My phone starts vibrating and I see that it's him but I quickly ignore it. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I don't want to hear his voice. Niall Horan just messed up big time and as far as I'm concerned his fans can have him.

Notes

So I fear things have gotten worse between the two. Guilty as charged. Hopefully you all don't hate me too much! :)

It's Wednesday! Week is almost over. Have a great day!

xoxo