Just as Much

Niall's POV

I'm nervous. Here I am again. I'm finally going to do something about this. I can't hold out anymore. These past few months have been torture. Absolute heartache and pain. Every day I wake up feeling like my heart has either been crushed or set on fire, just burning in my chest.

Erica has been happy. From talking to her friends and seeing her on twitter I know that she's been enjoying her time in New York, attending festivals, seeing everything, she even told Zayn she went to a show on Broadway. I want to do those things with her. Louis told me to let her go, that if I love her and she loves me she'll come back to me but I just can't wait any longer. It's been too hard.

“So you're really doing it?” Olly came to visit me before we left for our album release in Orlando. I planned on going just a few days early, well just one night to be specific. I wanted to be there early in the day so I'm flying all night to be there by mid afternoon, if things go as I planned then stay the night and leave late the next day, Orlando would be the day after. I'd be tired, but I'm hoping that it would all be worth it. If she doesn't want anything to do with me then I guess I have an extra day in Orlando to mess around.

“Yes, I can't keep putting it off and waiting.” I throw more clothes in my trunk. Erica would cringe at the sight of my non folded clothes. We're kind of all over the place after Orlando, little globe trotting as were stopping in LA and Australia for award shows.

“You think it's going to work?” I haven't really got a plan. I've been writing notes to tell her since that fateful day in June. What a mess I've created.

“Well, kind of. I mean, if you just would have said everything you wanted to say back in June you guys could be celebrating anniversaries. But you're still just sitting around, moping about life.” He laughs at his apparent jokes and I don't say anything. “Oh come on Niall. Just be who Erica likes, be the Niall she sees at home, not the Niall that's in public all the time.”

“I'm trying.” I slip my backpack on and grab my hat. “How do I look?” I ask him, like it really matters.

“Like an idiot.” He smiles and pats my back. “Go get her.” He lets him self out as I look around the house one last time, just to check on some things. I gathered my copy of Hemingway and some treats and off I go.

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The flights are the worst. I spend hours upon hours by myself, just looking at my notes of things I've wanted to say to Erica, trying to build up my courage and stop second guessing myself. She liked me at one point in her life, it can happen again right? At least I know that I'll be putting myself out there, that I'll be trying. Finally.

I feel like the air hostesses have been paying special attention to me, I don't mind because I can get things whenever I need them, but at the same time I like being at peace. I don't usually travel ahead of everyone else or without anyone else but today it's just me in first class. Of course, I've already planned to have security meet me in New York, I don't know what to expect but it doesn't take long for the word to get out that I've left on a plane.

I've already taken countless pictures and followed people. It doesn't bother me, but sometimes it would be nice to just be able to sit and think. I feel like I always have it turn it on and turn it off, and if people see any hint of unhappiness, it's splashed about, blown out of proportion. Like all the sudden I'm depressed, checked into rehab, or I'm sleeping around, it's just ridiculous the things that people assume.

I've tried sleeping. But these seats are not the most comfortable, and my brain is running a mile a minute. I can't help but think of the worst things that will happen. But then I catch a glimpse of hope and think of what will happen if I come away from New York with Erica. Well not with her because she'll have to finish her internship but it makes sense in my head.

“Erica!” I shout out from the bedroom. We've been home from the Take Me Home Tour for just a few days, we have to go to Australia in a little over a month but Denise and Greg came to visit with baby Theo, he's hardly a month old. It's hard to believe anything is that tiny.

I hear my phone chirp as I roll slightly from my bed, a text from Erica. I purse my lips reading it: Theo is sleeping, quit yelling. I bite back a laugh as I decided to just get off the bed and find what I need myself.

I quietly walk past the bedrooms, seeing Greg and Denise sleeping in one of the rooms, I close the door and continue down the hallway to see Erica, I stop in my tracks at the sight. The two of them cuddled up in the chair, a small blanket covering them, I can only assume it's one of Theo's baby blankets.

“What are you doing?” I whisper as to not wake him up. She looks up and smiles at me.

“Greg and Denise were so tired Niall, you were tired, so I told them to just go take a nap, that I'd watch him for a bit. I've already cleaned.” She looks back down to Theo, gently rubbing his back and kissing his hair.

“You could have woken me.” I sit on the couch next to her.

“Oh no, you're schedule is all mixed up, time zones, you've been grumpy and sleepy so I've got this.” She turns her head looking at me, the sight of her just glowing, holding a baby, makes me smile. I've always had a soft spot for her, but just that instant, things have changed. I can feel it. Her soft smile looking at him, stroking his back, wrapping her arms around him, slightly humming just captivates me.

I can see her having children, the sudden thought of her having my children fills my head as I snap my attention away. My children? Did I really just think that? It's like a light has been turned on and I picture everything. Just the way I want it. My simple crush that I've harbored has deepened in an instant.

“Everything okay Niall?” I turn back to see her smiling at me and I can't help but smile.

“Everything is perfect.” I stand up and get a larger blanket from the back of the couch and gently drape it over her, her eyes following mine. “Take a rest Erie. Want anything to drink?” I ask her.

“Make me some tea?” She sticks out her bottom lip, eyes following me.

“Anything for you.” I walk away quietly into the kitchen to start making tea for us. I could do this every day. Just anything for her.

“Excuse me, sir.” I jolt awake from a woman's voice as I adjust my eyes and look at her. “Sorry to wake you Mr. Horan, but we'll be landing in a few and you need to put your things away.

“Right, thank you.” I nod at her and rub my eyes, putting my things away as we prepare to land. I can't believe this time is here. I summon up all my courage as we descent and that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach returns. Deep breaths. Deep Breaths. I tell myself over and over as I feel the wheels touch the ground and I prepare myself for a fight.

We fight the crowd easily enough, not a lot of people have come to see me, thankfully. I just signed a few autographs, took a shit ton of pictures, and followed more people on twitter. After an hour extra at the airport and then another hour and a half getting to Kip's Bay, I've finally arrived at Erica's brownstone. Nervous as hell.

I leave my bags in the SUV, asking my help to stay inside, I don't need a crowd for what may or may not happen. I take a deep breath and walk up the steps, looking at the intercom for her cousins last name. I spot it easily and just when I go to buzz it the door opens and an elderly women starts to come out.

“Oh, Hello.” She looks up at me.

“Hi, here let me help you.” I open the door for her a little more as she's carrying a few bags.

“Thank you, are you here to visit someone?” She asks as we stand on the platform.

“Um, yes, my friend Erica. She doesn't know I'm coming.” I'm sure she can see my anxiety.

“Well I'll let you in! Third floor, apartment 3B. Lovely girl.” I pass by her. “Good luck.” I swear I just saw her wink.

“Thank you.” I call after her and start to walk up the steps.

I reach the third floor and find her apartment summoning up all the courage I can muster and I knock on the door. I hear laughing inside and the door opens quickly.

“Niall!” It's Ian.

Notes

Ohhhhhhhh so what do you think? Niall finally has the courage and it may be happening, what do you think about Ian being there? :) I'll be updating tomorrow so you all can find out!

Bad news! I won't be updating this weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday for sure, maybe not Thursday either, it depends. My brothers have a basketball tournament two hours away from here so I'm going to check it out, make a weekend out of it. :)

Hope you all liked the update! Thank you so much for always commenting, can you believe we have 33 chapters already!?! Thanks for sticking with me and reading!

Happy Tuesday!

xoxox