Just as Much

Erica's POV

My first week of my internship was fantastic. I'm not the only one doing this program, theirs so many different types of internships you can participate in. I've chosen to participate in the Collections department. I have two other girls that are 21, that work with me. Sloan, a beautiful, smart girl from New Mexico. She's a senior and already been accepted to Yale to get her Masters. Then Raven, a girl that just oozes sexiness from Venezula. We're quite the trio if you ask me. We got along the first day quickly, just a friendship that has clicked.

We are all Collections Interns. We work with the Museum System Program, uploading new images, cataloging, organizing new add ins, storing items properly, and other things as needed. It sounds boring but we get to touch and see so many things that the public aren't allowed to. It's thrilling to us. Everyone knows we're nerds anyway.

I haven't seen Niall for a week. We were suppose to hang out the next day, finally see the Statue of Liberty but I just can't. He called me and text me but I couldn't respond. I'm tired of waiting around for him to make up his mind. Tired of putting myself through another emotional roller coaster. He's not stupid, it's obvious what my feelings were and I know his, but I can't do everything. I can't wait around forever for him to tell me feelings.

When he sang me that song, I felt like I couldn't breath. Like I was drowning. And after it, Niall just didn't save me. All I wanted for him to do was admit his feelings for me. It's not that hard. In the end Ian threw me the life raft. Ian pulled me from the water as Niall just let me drown. I don't care about Niall's fame, I've held on to him for so long because everything just felt right, I wouldn't care if we were starving students about to be evicted from our house. I felt like as long as Niall and I were together, we could do anything.

I don't think that anymore.

Zayn tried so hard to get us to talk but every time he would have me on the phone I couldn't trust him with what I wanted to say. I knew he would go right back to Niall and tell him everything or I would be on speaker phone and Niall would be right there. They're all best friends, I know how they work. I've seen it.

It's been so hard. Niall was like my best friend. I mean I don't tell him everything like I do Allison but in a sense that we lived together, I've known him for four years, know things about him that no one else does best friends. I don't want to ignore him but he has no idea what the sound of his voice does to me. His laugh kills me. And if I'm going to finally get over him and be done with him then I can't have that in my life. Not right now. I know he's hurt but I can't care.

It doesn't help that Raven and Sloan are big fans. One of the first things they said to me when we were all finally alone was. “Which one is your favorite?” They don't know about my history with them. I know I'll get endless questions about them and I just don't want to answer. They assume that because I'm from England that I know them, I just can't tell them how right they actually are.

I finally just feel free. I'm done with putting my emotions on the line for him. And I've just felt better. I don't have to worry about him, and what he's thinking, what he's doing. Because I just don't care anymore.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Ian and I are still “together” We just get along so well. It's easy to just be around him. He never makes things uncomfortable, he never pushes me to do anything, we're very relaxed when it comes to being around each other. We haven't kissed since we did the first time. I'm sure he wants to but I just can't do that, I just want to stay away from affection right now, not forever, but right now.

He's meeting Raven, Sloan, and I for lunch today. They've never met him, they know were just friends as I haven't told them about “us” so I'm hoping things won't be awkward.

“So where's he meeting us at?” Raven turns her attention to me as we continue to walk down the hall towards the exit.

“Um.” I scroll through our text messages to find the place Ian suggested. “Caffe Storico, just off of 76th.” I put my phone away as I follow Sloan. She really studied the maps of New York so she knows where she's going at all times. An impeccable sense of direction.

Its just a short walk, we're there in ten minutes a cute little Italian place as I see Ian is already seated when we arrive inside.

“Hi!” I wave as he stands to greet me, giving me a slight hug. “Ian, this is Raven and Sloan, ladies, this is Ian.” I introduce them all and take a seat next to him while the girls sit on the opposite side of the table.

“So, how's work going today everyone?” Ian is in his last year, he's still got some time before school starts back up so he hasn't been busy at all.

“It's good, we got a new shipment of paintings so we've been busy cataloging and finding space in the store room.” It's not exciting for others but for us it is. And Ian is an art history major, so I know he's jealous of what we get to see. I notice the girls are a little quiet across the table, its not hard to understand, I forget how gorgeous Ian actually is. I can't help but notice Ian stealing glances at Sloan. I smile to myself, thinking of a plan.

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“You guys go, I'll catch up!” I call after Raven and Sloan as we start walking back to work. I pause and turn around to Ian, a big smile on my face. As soon as our eyes connect he lets out a nervous laugh. “So, you and Sloan?” I laugh, teasing.

“Um, maybe?” He shoves his hands in his back pockets.

“Maybe? Ian, you couldn't take your eyes off of her.” We move off towards the street, too many people walking around.

“I just don't want things to get weird.” He starts to explain.

“Why would things be weird?” I know what he's talking about but I just want to clarify. Ian has always been straight forward with his feelings and thoughts. Something I wish everyone could do.

“Well you know, like between you and I. I don't want it to seem like I'm done with you and moving on.” I must give him a confused look because he quickly clarifies. “I mean, I know you and I don't have anything going on other than friends, I just, I don't know.” He whines and I can't help but laugh.

“Ian!” I make sure he's looking at me. “I think you and Sloan would get along great. You and I tried, I know you're a great guy but you know who I can't really move on from yet. So I don't expect you to wait for me.”

“How are things going with him by the way? Do Sloan and Raven know about that?” I shake my head quickly.

“They have no idea. I haven't talked to him or text him back. I need a clean break. And if I might not see him until December, I just need to stay away.” He nods in agreement.

“You should answer when he calls Erica.” I shake my head immediately.

“It's too hard. I gave him more than one chance. He pulls girls all the time, it can't be that hard.” I look away in thought.

“Well, it's easy to pull a girl for a second, he probably doesn't even have to try, they probably come to him.” I don't even want to think of Niall and another woman. But I have no claim for him.

“Well I've known him for years so I don't know why it's just so hard for him to admit his feelings and apologize to me.” I find myself tired of this conversation.

“It's not always easy for guys. You're probably killing him by ignoring him.” We pause for a minute and look at other people. “Well, I should let you get back to work, put in a good word with Sloan for me?” His smile is massive. He's a serial luster apparently.

“Of course!” I don't even mind. That's when I'm glad we never progressed beyond kissing and now how I know that I didn't have true feelings for him. We hug goodbye as I turn and walk back to work. I can ignore Niall all I want but he still is everywhere. I stop at the light, waiting for the traffic to calm before I can cross and I can't stop thinking about him. A woman pushing a stroller stops next to me, her son laughing and playing with a stuffed sheep.

“Erica! It's happening!” I stop cleaning the sink and look at him confused.

“Happening?” I ask, rubbing the faucet.

“Denise is in labor! My nephew is coming!” He's so excited he's almost dancing, well who am I kidding, he is dancing.

“Well, don't you have to go home then?” I ask as I strip the gloves I'm wearing off and lay them along the edge of the sink so they can dry.

“Yes! I have to pack. And get a present, and call my brother, and call me mum, and get a plane ticket, and call my dad.” His excitement has turned to anxiousness. “Can you help me?” I can't help but laugh. Excited Niall is always my favorite.

“Of course I will. Lets start now.” I suggest as I push him out of the way so we can pull bags out for him to pack. We start with our normal routine, I begin pulling shirts out for him and trousers while he gets his socks and underwear. “Have you gotten a flight?” I ask, looking up at him.

“I'll do it now!” He sits on the bed, pulling up his laptop to arrange things. I let him do his thing as I put the things I've collected on his bed and head back to his bathroom to get his things in order. “I've done it!” He shouts to me. He's been so excited about Denise having a baby since the moment he found out. Then when they learned it would be a boy he couldn't wait to buy him footballs and Derby kits and so many toys.

“Relax Niall! These things take time.” I remind him as he's bouncing on the bed. His nerves are just all over the place.

“I just can't wait to meet him!” He just makes me smile. I throw some things at him to help me help him pack as he freezes. “I don't even know what to do with little babies.” He admits, looking at me concerned.

“Well, their isn't much you can do with them Niall. Just hold them, cuddle with them, give them lots of kisses and talk to them. You can read to him too. He won't really respond, he'll sleep a lot but that doesn't mean you can't bond with him.” I finish folding up his things and zip up his bag. “All set!” I hand the bag to him.

“Thanks Erica. I'm going to meet my nephew!” He literally bounces down the hall, clicking his heels together.

“Niall, wait!” I call after him, ducking back into his bedroom, putting his code in his safe, pulling out his passport. “You can't get home without this.” I hand it to him.

“Jesus, thanks Erica. I'm this nervous for my sister in law to have a baby, I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like when my wife has one.” He laughs and I feel my stomach tighten. “Bye Erie!” He hugs me and like that, he's gone.

The light turns and I cross the street. Stupid of me to even think about wanting to have Niall's children. That was so long ago now, my how everything has changed since then.

Notes

Hey everyone! So Kind of going to be skipping around in the next few chapters. Just as a heads up! I'm up too early, its a nap day for me! :) I'm adding Sloan and Raven to the list of characters just so you can see them! Thoughts on this chapter? I really enjoyed writing the flashback.

LOVED all your comments from my last update, you are all fantastic!! I love hearing how you all understand Niall's reasoning but are mad at him at the same time, makes me smile!

Have a fantastic Saturday!

xoxo