Just as Much

Erica's POV

What is he doing? The nerves in my stomach that have been here this whole time are boiling. I didn't plan on bringing Ian but one of Kristen's friends couldn't come and so Heath suggested that I invite Ian. So I did. Now it's my favorite song of theirs and Niall hasn't looked at anyone else. I can feel Ian stiffen next to me. When Niall sings his part, I freeze. Hes eyes haven't left mine. All the noise in the stadium stops. It's like we're in this place, just the two of us. Nothing else matters.

Did he just wink at me? I look around frantically to see if anyone else is around, maybe it wasn't for me, Kristen is just as confused, slightly nudging me to make sure I saw it. The song is ending and then I see it. Niall just blew me a kiss. A kiss. What the fuck is that suppose to mean?

Nervousness is replaced by anger. My face stone. My mind racing as I look to Ian, a visually upset Ian.

“I'll be right back.” I tell him as my feet suddenly just start moving. I show my pass to security, not even acknowledging anyone who tries to talk to me, I'm on a mission. When I see them all, laughing and joking around I take courage like I've never had before. I grab Niall's arm from behind, slick with sweat but I don't care.

I push a confused Niall into a random back room. “What the fuck are you doing?” I yell at him, the light takes his face and he looks purely shocked and confused, I've never spoken to him this way. I'm a little shocked myself, I've never spoken to anyone this way.

“I-I just thought.” He stammers.

“You just thought what Niall?” I bite the inside of my cheek to refrain my self from saying anything else rude to him. I feel like slapping him.

“I don't know, okay?” He suddenly gets his nerves up and looks visibly frustrated, turning around and kicking the air. Maybe it will finally happen, maybe he'll finally tell me what's going on.

“What are you trying to pull? I'm here with someone.” I point out. As if he didn't already know.

“Why did you even bring him here? To shove it in my face?” His arms crossed, browns pushed together.

“I brought him because he likes 5 second of summer. And he gets along with Kristen and Heath. I don't know why the fuck you even care? You've hardly cared about me this whole time I've been gone!” I hardly ever curse, feel like it makes you sound stupid but I'm just letting this all out now. Why would he think its okay to blow me kisses and wink at me all throughout the concert. Little Things is my favorite song, and he's ruined it for me. I might be dating Ian but seeing Niall, feelings have come rushing back and what he's doing isn't fair.

“Whatever Erica.”

“Don't whatever me Niall. No, I want to know why does it bother you?' I put more weight on my hip and glare at him.

“It doesn't.” He tries to relax his body, turning away from me and looking into the mirror behind him. He may think he looks relaxed but I've known Niall for years, he's far from relaxed on the inside, his body is practically screaming at him, I know it.

“Cut the shit liar.” The only words that escape my lips. Knowing he hates being called a liar, knowing that it will get a rise out of him. I just want him to be honest. No more hiding. I'm tired of the hiding.

“Excuse me?” He turns around. The tension in this room is insane. No one bothering us but I can hear others walking past the door, probably pausing to listen to our argument.

“You heard me Niall. I called you a liar.” I start tapping my foot. He's pissing me off beyond belief. “Tell me the truth. Why does it bother you so much?” Being nice has obviously not worked with him at all. I'm done being nice, its exhausting.

He pauses, throwing his body on the couch, his head in his hands. “I can't.” His words hardly audible, throwing me for a loop. The tension in the room slowly fading. I wasn't expecting this reaction.

“Why not?” I ask him, changing my tone to a softer range.

“Because you're here with him!” He snaps at me, I can see his lips trembling. What is going on with him? I don't know what to say, so I remain silent. “You're with him okay? I'm different on stage, I have no fear.” He starts to explain as I let him,, his voice calming.

“So tell me now. It's just you and me. No one else is here Niall. What is going on?” I sit next to him, but not super close, I don't want to reverse our progress.

“I can't.” He tells me again.

“I won't even look at you Niall., I promise. Please just tell me what's going on.” I'm pleading with him. Why is he doing this?

A knock on the door pulls our attention to the door. “Erica? We're getting ready to leave.” It's Ian. Of course.

“This is your last chance Niall. Please.” I stand up and straighten my jeans, suddenly just done with this situation. “I don't know why you're pitching this fit anyway. You've hardly asked me anything about myself since I got here. You constantly ask me about where things are, or how to do this or that, you never ask how I'm doing.” It's the truth. I'm tired of it, and suddenly I'm not trying to be nice anymore. I wait for a response, anything from him.

“Thanks for coming today.” He pulls his lips tight as I start walking away, tears threatening to well up in my eyes. I can't believe this. He has nothing to say to me. I turn around one last time to see him pulling his hair as I take a deep breath and summon up courage.

“Fuck you Niall. I put myself out there, I kissed you and you just disappeared, I've never been so embarrassed. I know you lied about that early meeting. I gave you two years to say something to me. Two years! You'll have to find someone else to clean your house, I'm not come back, I'm done. I'll see you around.” I don't wait for a response as I pull the door open and close it gently. Once again he hasn't proved anything to me. I can't do this anymore.

“Everything okay?” Ian asks me, trying to smile, I know he's confused and quite possible embarrassed about events that have happened today, I don't blame him. I walk past the boy's room without saying anything, I know if I see them I'll cry. Right as we walk past the door opens and I catch a glimpse of all of them sitting around and Louis comes out.

“Erica.” He smiles at me but changes his tune when he sees my face. 'Everything okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, everything is fine. Niall is just down there.” I point to the door. “You might have to check on him.” I force a smile but I know he knows it's not real. He nods as Ian pulls me away.

“So, I know it's not my place, but you and Niall?” Ian asks as we pass through security and into the general crowd of girls waiting to catch a glimpse of the guys.

“Um, we're just friends. I lived at his house for two months when my flat burned down.” I explain, hoping he doesn't ask for more.

“Well, I think he likes you more than just a friend.” Ian laughs, uncomfortable with the thoughts. I know Ian likes me, and to be honest, I'm attracted to him as well but seeing Niall, all my feelings have just returned.

“Just friends.” I try to reassure him.

“You know, it's okay.” I stop and look at him. “I'm not trying to be rude, but it's obvious that you and him have unfinished business. I've been there before.” He's so calm, he's been nothing buy nice this whole time.

“We might have some unfinished business. But he's not taking that step. I've put myself out there and he's done nothing.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Maybe he's just nervous. He's not ready to take that next step. I mean, you're quite intimidating.” I laugh.

“I'm far from intimidating.” We continue to walk down the corridor. “Where are Heath and Kristen?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

“They said they'd meet us at the car.” We find the exit door and let the night air bring us back to life. Fresh, cooler air then what the stadium has offered. So many bodies in that place, even if it is an open arena, it gets hot quickly. “And you are intimidating, knowledge is intimidating. And you're full of passion.”

“Well thanks, but we've been friends for such a long time, I kissed him before I left for here and when I woke up he was gone. He's only text me to ask me stupid questions. He's hardly even asked me how I am or how things are going for me.” Why did we park so far away? Why am I so forthright telling Ian this?

“Well, like I said, maybe he's just nervous. Don't judge his choices if you don't understand his reasoning.” Talking with Ian hasn't brought new light to my situation other than just telling me that Niall is nervous which I know he is. That's not new for me, I'm just tired of waiting around for him to finally get the courage up. “I really like you Erica, but I don't think you're ready for a relationship when Niall is still in the back of your head.” I pause as he keeps walking. I like Ian too, this is a bit of a blow to my ego. “It all makes sense now, I've known when your mind is on other things but I didn't want to press it. I'm not trying to hurt you but I just want to make sure you're ready.” He holds his arm out and I skip to catch up.

“I'm sorry.” I murmur in the dark.

“Nothing to be sorry about. We've all been there. But as soon as Niall messes up, or you're over him, give me a call.” He laughs, trying to make light of the situation.

“You will be the first to know.” I smile as we finally see the car and race to meet up with the other girls. I guess I've gotten to the point that I'm so tired of trying with him. I'm tired of getting my heart broken by him. Everyone says he cares, everyone says to just give him time but how much time do I have to give him? How much time have I already sacrificed just because of him.

I scoot in the backseat next to Ian, lacing my fingers with his and resting my head on his shoulder. Why does Niall insist on doing this? Why can't I just be with Ian, someone whose nice and deserves the best.

Notes

The End.

Just kidding!! :) Don't get mad at Erica...Niall did wait a really long time to do anything...is their relationship beyond repair? You'll learn what Niall thinks of this conversation in the next update! :)

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