Just as Much

Niall's POV

Today we've arrived in New Jersey. The closest I've been to Erica in over a month. It's like I can feel her, even if she's still quite a ways away. I know she's coming to the concert, maybe if things go well, she can come to the one tomorrow too, stay with my in the hotel. That would be amazing. We don't even have to share the same bed, just to know I'm in the same hotel as her will be more than enough.

“You all ready for tonight?” Zayn sits next to me on the buss.

“Yeah, I think so.” I don't think I've ever been this nervous, I was less nervous auditioning for Simon and the X-Factor.

“Have you talked to her? When is she coming?” He asks, they're all nervous for me apparently. They've realized how much I really like her and how I want to make things better between us. I just want us to be friends again. Like we were before, even she doesn't want anything to do with me I want us to be like we were before.

“I've sent her some text's, she's going to try to be here early but she doesn't know how the traffic will be.”

Zayn nods and fiddles with his phone, he really misses Perrie when we're away. The time difference doesn't help. I never thought that I would be able to know how he's feeling but now that my feelings for Erica have become out of control, I kind of know how he feels.

“Well I know everyone is excited to see her, they all love her and miss her.” Zayn and Erica have one of the best relationships. It's never been anything more than friends, they're just both laid back and smart, they mesh.

“I miss her.” I mumble as Zayn's smile grows and he clasps a hand on the back of my neck, squeezing it.

“Our little Niall is all grown up!” He teases. I'm glad that everyone can find this so humerus. But I can't say much, I know that if it were them, I'd be teasing just as much if not more so I've got it coming. “I'll leave you to it.” He stands and walks out of the bus, I can hear the crowd of girls erupting in screams as they take sight of him. I pinch my brows together and start to rummage through my things to find something to wear.

“Erica!” I can hear Harry yell as my nerves explode in my chest. I thought I was nervous before but now I don't even know what someone would call this.

“My favorite Harry!” I can hear her shout back as everyone starts laughing. Everyone else as quickly left the dressing room when they heard she arrived and I'm the last to leave. I take a deep breath and stand up, adjusting my clothes quickly to see her.

When I come around the corner, she takes my breath away. I'm in a trance. She's more beautiful then I remember. Her lair just a little bit longer, her smile brighter, her skin has a nice tan to it, and the short dress she's wearing is making my heart ache, showing her gorgeous legs. She's mid conversation with Sophia when she sees me, a double take if I do say so. I smile as get closer to her.

“Niall!” She leans back and opens both of her arms pulling me in for a hug. I've missed her hugs, pulling her in extra tight to make this moment last as long as possible. She still smells the same, just a simple, fresh scent.

“Hey Erie.” I whisper in her ear, squeezing her one last time before I let go. When we pull away I don't quite know what to do, I nervously itch the back of my head, suddenly very aware of my hands and my presence in general.

“Oh Niall.” She turns away from me for a second, ushering some people towards her. “I want you to meet some people. This is my cousin Heath, he's my roommate, his girlfriend Kristen, and Ian.” She smiles at me as I greet each person. Heath is not what I had expected, probably one of the last people you'd expect at a One Direction concert, long hair in a bun, massive beard, he looks like a lumberjack in the plaid shirt he's wearing. But I remember Erica told me he was a nature photographer, it looks fitting. Kristen is nervous, I can tell, she doesn't say anything, just smiles. And then Ian, I don't know who he is or how he fits into this perspective but I'll just go with it.

“You guys hungry or anything? We've got loads of food to snack on.” I point out, trying to get closer to Erica but I notice her apprehension. I start to lead the way when I see something that makes me stop in my tracks. Erica and Ian. He grabs her hands and she laces her fingers with his. My chest starts raising as my mind is racing. I turn my head away, as my breath gets shallow like I've just finished a race. I feel Sophia nudge me to continue walking. Who is he? Are they together? Does she like him? Why did she bring him?

“Hey mate we've got to go warm up.” Liam grabs my shoulder as my lips tighten. What the fuck is happening? I nod and allow him to take me away, my feet suddenly can't make steps, like I'm stuck in concrete. When we get far enough out of hearing Liam turns to me. “Are you okay?” He looks at my face.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?” I shrug it off, not wanting to put myself out there.

“Um, because Erica brought someone with her? Because you love her and she's holding someone elses hand?” Liam just has to point that out. Like the image isn't already burned into my brain for the rest of my life.

“I'm fine. It's fine. Can we just focus on warming up?” I ask, I'm suddenly distracted by all these thought flooding into my head, my feet nervously tapping on the floor.

Is that her boyfriend? How long have they been together? Does he treat her well? Does she like him? Why didn't she tell me about him? My mind is elsewhere as our vocal coach puts us through the rounds, hitting keys on the keyboard so we can match pitch as we go through songs.

I feel numb. Like my beating heart has been ripped out of my chest. Just following what everyone is doing.

What did I expect? That she'd come running into my arms and everything would be fine? That I could act like I didn't leave that morning? Like I could act like I didn't think about her everyday. Fuck, I'm stupid.

“Okay guys, have fun!” One of our vocal coaches wishes us well as we all walk out, I catch Erica out of the corner of my eye, we catch eyes and she immediately looks down, I can see her biting her lip, averting her eyes. I will not cry. I feel like I'm sinking, it's getting harder to stay afloat. Drowning in Erica.

“Come on Niall.” Zayn grabs my arm.

“Did you talk to her?” I ask, I'm sure my face has fallen.

“Just for a second, maybe I can talk to her after the show.” He promises as we get ready to take stage. I take a deep breath to get the image of them out of my head. I can't blame anyone else but myself, I could have prevented this.
--------------------

Its our encore. I'm exhausted, this happens every show. It's so hot, we sweat, talk, and sing so much we're just wiped out. But at the same time, just wired because the energy of the audience is overwhelming.

I've spotted Erica and the rest of her crew plenty of times during the show. I've tried to ignore them but it seems like every time I look over there and Ian notices, he touches Erica. Grabs her hand or puts his arm around her. I always get slightly angry, but Erica is just beautiful. I try to think of my original plan as we all sit down to sing. Little Things, Erica's favorite song.

Ed Sheeran wrote it for us, but he's known about my thoughts of Erica for a long time. All that talk about tea before bed, dimples on her lower back, the freckles on her cheek, its all Erica. She doesn't know it. I've never told her. All the guys know.

Zayn starts singing and the crowd erupts. I focus on Erica. Just on her. I don't care about anyone else in the crowd. I don't care about Ian or Kristen or Heath. Just her. She finally catches my eye and I can't hid this giant smile on my face. I feel like its just her and I in this stadium, all the noise is gone. When it's my part, all of the memories of us are there.

You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
And you'll treat yourself right darling but I want you too

I remember when I got my braces and I was embarrassed, this song always reminds me of the because I had them during the video. I didn't like them one bit and Erica just kept telling me how you couldn't notice them, how my teeth were prefect without them, that they would look amazing when they were finished. How anytime I second guessed myself, she was there to encourage me. How she can take my teasing and send it right back to me without blinking an eye. How beautiful she looks when she sleeps. How her lips say my name.

If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you.

I finish my part, our eyes haven't left each others. I give her a wink. Just something small, I asked the people filming the convert to not show me so the audience wouldn't notice. When the song drawls to a close I blow her a kiss as she just looks at me. Its nothing over the top, over the top is not her style. I know she'll get it.

I pinch my lips and remove my guitar, taking a bow as we exit the stage.

Notes

Ahhhhhhhh. So what do you think? Thoughts on Erica bringing Ian? Thoughts on Niall singing to her during the concert? Should Niall have done it, or no? What do you think Erica will do? I know what you all probably wish she would do...things are just messy here.

I can't say it enough how much I appreciate you all! I'm so thankful people are even reading my stories! So thank you, thank you, thank you!! :)

Happy Wednesday!!

xoxoxo