Xenophobia

That night after Adrian drove me home, I lay awake in my own bed staring at the ceiling aimlessly lost in my own thoughts that consumed my mind. Every thought that passed my kind was illegible to me, I was unable to decipher a single one. It's like they were speeding through my brain at 100 miles per hour. I soon developed a headache that no pill could subside.

I had kissed Adrian. I willingly kissed another male that was not Harry Styles. It was so foreign to me. I had only kissed one boy ever in my entire life and that was Harry. Adrian's kissing style was different, much different. Rather than allowing his tongue to swipe on my bottom lip, asking for access, he forced his way into my mouth to show his dominance. I... I liked it? I liked him. I liked that he was of nothing similar to the one who broke my heart. He didn't have green eyes, he wasn't insanely tall... He wasn't Harry. And I was oddly okay with that.

I had said yes to seeing him again tomorrow. I could only assume it would be a date. He said it was a surprise, where he was taking me. I was excited, to say the least.

My friendship with Violet was over. Twelve years of friendship went down the drain tonight. It was still a shock to me. It's gonna be weird to not meet her in the quad at school for her to only complain about losing another ring for her nose. I will miss Gabe, her perverted fifteen year old brother. I will miss our memories. But it's time for a change. I want to change every possible aspect in my life. She reminded me too much of my relationship with Harry as she was the one to organize our very first kiss. She was there for me when Mark had first shunned me because of my skin color. She was a mere reminder of my failure of a relationship.

Suddenly, I am up and in my closet. Taking off clothes off the hangers and throwing them to the ground. Each and every piece of fabric had a meaning to it that was linked to Harry. I couldn't... I couldn't have that reminder lingering in my room - a safe haven of mine. I take out his Calvin Klein jumper, my thumb brushing against the cotton before throwing it harshly across the room. Boyfriend jeans with a small tear on the knee was also disposed. The rip reminding me of the day Harry and I went pumpkin searching for Halloween, only for me to trip over a vine when he decided to frighten me. I grab the pair of Chelsea boots he had gotten me for pay birthday, it becoming an addition to the pile on my carpeted floor. My jewelry box is emptied onto my bed as I search for the necklace with his birth stone on it. I break the vase which was an occupant of the flowers he had given me only weeks ago.

My rage carried on until my room is basically empty. The comforters are gone, my wardrobe now only consisting of a grey t shirt and a pair of joggers. All painting and posters that were once adorning my walls were now shreds on the floor.

My eyes were red with fury and sadness. Harry was such a big part of my life... Huge. And he just left. Left like that. How could he? We had such a good relationship. We were there for each other, always. We were each other's rock. It was us against the world, he said.

The fury soon overrides my sadness as I gather everything, throwing it out of my window. I run towards the kitchen, sniffling as I grab a lighter and gasoline. The icy air slaps my face as I swing the door open, marching towards the wretched pile of memories. I silently thank God my mother had a late shift tonight. After emptying the liquid unto the items placed in front of me, I ignite the fire from the lighter. My hand is still as I it hover. Was I second guessing this? Was I really ready to let go of my first love? To burn away the memories from my mind?

Yes. Yes, I was. And as I slowly let the light fall unto the pile, I let out a quiet sob, soon feeling the fire bring warmth to my body. I sob as I watch the memories of our dancing, kissing, laughing... Everything burn away along with the pile.


I was ready to move on.

Notes