When I'm Gone

Kate's POV- 11 Months later



Christmas. Last year's Christmas was fantastic, the month that followed was terrible. The months that followed were hard. I made the right decision, I know, Louis needed to get over Eleanor before moving on with me. I never wanted his feelings to get confused.


We kept in contact for a little while, but things changed, we drifted apart. He went on a huge world tour and with the time change and everything, by early summer we were only talking via text message, and by mid summer, that had stopped.


It was hardest on Olivia, she didn't understand, and that was my worst fear, but she forgot about Louis long before I did. I guess it's an easy thing, when you're five and your life is filled with nothing to worry about. You forget about the people that were a small part of your life. I think about Louis everyday. Think about what could have been and maybe what should have been. But the hurt is still there. I have more understanding now though. I was with James for a long time and it didn't take two seconds to get over him. Louis might have said he was over Eleanor, but I knew out of everyone that getting over a love takes time.


I still love him.


Our house is decorated for the big holiday just about a week away, the tree, stockings, garland, holiday music constantly playing. But I just can't get into it. Christmas without the ones you love is never really the same. Of course I had Olivia, I will always have her joyful smile and contagious laugh, but sometimes you want a life to share with others on a deeper level.


Olivia was at school, grade 1, she loves her teachers, she's actually slowly starting to lose her American accent. Which I laugh at, hearing her sound like British people on a few words. I guess when your surrounded by people who speak with that accent all day for a vast majority of the week, you pick up on things. I actually think it's quite cute.


And here I sit, swinging my legs back and forth, perch upon this chair, catching up with all my e-mails. Writing motivational letters, jotting down notes for a book that I have decided to write. Just about life and being strong, holding onto your values and your decisions in a time of need. Nothing is written, just random papers, documents, phrases written on my notes app, but everything starts somewhere.


We were actually going back to Kansas for Christmas, we went to visit over the summer for a few weeks, it was good to be back home for a while but I know that London will always have a piece of my heart now, this is my home.


The doorbell rings, bringing me back to reality, I'm expecting a few packages from some extreme online Christmas shopping I partook in this year, I'm giddy to get them. Racing to the door, I slide a little with my socks on, making me laugh. All the laughing stops when I stop dead in my tracks at who is on the other side of the door.


“Hey Louis.” I'm sure my face has been drained of all its color.


“Hi Kate.” Louis bites the inside of his lip and I have to look away. Before I can speak, “You're probably wondering what I'm doing here.” I simply nod, after almost a year of him gone, he reappears. “I just wanted to bring you this.” He pulls a Christmas ornament from behind his back, it's a Kansas one and I can't help but smile and reach my hands out.


“Thank you.” I tell him, studying it.


“We were in Kansas over this last tour and it caught my eye, but it doesn't look right on my tree. So I was hoping that it would look good on yours.”


“I'll put it on as soon as possible.” I tell him and then we have an awkward moment, just looking at each other.


“Right, well I'm going to go then. Thank you for answering the door.” He nods to me and turns on his heals, walking slowly back to his car.


“Louis wait!” I bravely shout out at him, I don't really even know why.


“Oh, thank God.” He lets out a sign of relief as he turns and walks back towards me. “Kate, I'm so sorry for everything that happened. I was an idiot. I had no idea of the wonderful woman that was right in front of me. You were right, I wasn't over Eleanor, and it wasn't fair to you, or to Olivia the way I hid myself from you. It was never my intention to hurt you. I swear it.” He spills his guts before I even have a chance to stop him. But apparently he's not done. “After I left your house that day, I was devastated but I knew it was all my fault. You didn't deserve someone like me, but I've been better. I quite talking to Eleanor, I swear it. I went to therapy. I focused on my career and myself for once in my life.”


I know he has, as much as I don't like to admit it, I've followed him on twitter and in the news. Everyone has said he's made almost a 180, taking things seriously and being real and honest with people.


“I just felt like I wasn't enough for you.” I look at him, it's the truth. He's famous, he has expectations.


Louis grabs my hand and brings my gaze towards him, “You are enough. You are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are.” His words riddle me with shivers and I can feel the tears forming in my eyes.


“What do you want Louis?” I move back a little so he can come inside, realizing that he's still outside.


“I just want, I just want a second chance. I swear on my life that things will be different.” He stands sheepishly, like a nervous school boy in my foyer.


“How will I know? How do I know that you're telling me the truth?” I ask him, crossing my arms. I would seriously give anything to just fold myself in his arms and stay there forever.


“You don't. But I promise you with everything I have, my career, my life, my family, that I will do anything for you and Olivia. If you let me back in I will prove to you that you are the only one I need in my life.” He's taken a seat on the steps, practically begging me to take him back.


“How do you suppose we do this?” I kneel down, putting my hands in his.


“Well, we go slow.” I nod, that's the only way I'll go. “I take you out on proper dates, like boy friends and girlfriends do. I won't stay the night for months. I'll call you and text you everyday. You can take my phone and look through it whenever you want. I'll give you my passwords for everything, anything you need, it's yours.” He hands me his phone before I even ask for it and I push it back to him.


“If I'm suppose to trust you, then I have to start somewhere.” He puts his phone back in his pocket and smiles at me. A real smile.


“So, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me next Friday?” He asks and I shake my head.


“I can't.” I shrug my shoulders and I see his face drop. “Olivia and I are going to Kansas next Thursday. But we'll be back in January.” I see his eyes light up.


“Then that give me plenty of time to plan something spectacular. And I still owe Olivia a trip to Disney in Paris.” I quickly remember last Christmas and laugh. I've actually forgotten about Disney in Paris.


“Do you want to stay for lunch?” I ask hi, cautiously.


“I would want nothing more. I'll even make you lunch.” He stands up and takes my hand and laces his finger with mine, ushering me to take a seat on the island. “I've taken up cooking to pass the time.” He starts searching in my kitchen for things, making jokes, making me laugh while he's cooking. The good memories of Louis and I come flooding back.


He finishes what I can only hope is eatable and makes me a plate, pouring me a glass of water and setting it in front of me, settling next to me.

“To new beginnings.” He holds up his water cup and I quickly pick mine up, clinking glasses with him.


“To new beginnings.” I smile at the noise, take a dip, and dig in. I catch him looking at me every once in a while and just smile. To new beginnings.

Notes

Sometimes love happens, but it's the timing is off. :)

Hope everyone has loved this story as much as I have!!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to everyone that takes the time to read, comment, vote, and subscribe to this stories, as well as ALL my stories. I wouldn't be posting them if you all didn't like them and appreciate them like I do.

If I get 75 votes, I'll post a Bonus Chapter ASAP. :)

Happy day!!

xoxoxox