Kate's POV

I sit in silence for what feels like hours. Not crying, not thinking, just there. Slightly moving back and forth. Just in a trance.

I've just given him my heart.

I've spent these last three years of my life focused on everyone else. Letting myself come to the realization that my suite of armor will never be penetrated. My heart will never be given to anyone else but my daughter. And I was okay with that. I was okay with that life.

Then Louis came along.

He slowly made me forget.

Forget the constant pain of James' death. The pain of Nathan's death. The pain of Olivia's disease. I let him in. I shared some of my deepest darkest secrets and feelings. And here I am, away on this romantic getaway. Living a dream. And one thing ruins it all. And the worst part is Louis didn't even try. He's just letting us go. He didn't try to fight for me, he just gave in and let me shut him out.

I've let him hold me hostage for months with the love I filled my heart with. His love. The love I have for him has gotten me through dark days. And now I've come to realize I've had to share his love. He was never truly mine. He tells me he loves me, but in the same breath does he tell her too? The thought is enough to make me sick.

I will not let this happen to me.

I pick up the phone and dial the four digits to the Captain's quarters, glancing at the clock I see it's only nine in the evenings so I'm hoping he's still awake. I would decide to travel out to sea tonight of all nights.

“Hello?” He answers in good spirits, so I know he wasn't sleeping.

“Yes, Captain, I'm so sorry to bother you but do you think we could head back to the Port around 11 tonight?” I request.

“Is everything okay Miss?” He asks.

“Yes, it's fine, I'm just feeling a little sea sick and I want to head back. I'm so sorry.” I hope he doesn't ask any more questions.

“Yes, that's fine, I'll have the engineer set our course. I hope you feel better.”

“Me too.” I hang up the phone and sit back on the bed, nervously biting my thumb nail. I sign and pick myself up, I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I shake my head trying to get rid of the insecurity I have in my heart and head to the closet, packing up my things.

I can't stay one more minute on this yacht.

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I've been up all night. Louis hasn't even tried to come see me and I'm beyond thankful. I
couldn't even stomach seeing him, it would crush me. The clock reads three am when I hear the new familiar sounds of the port coming to life. I take a deep breath and put my coat on, gathering my things and bravely opening the door. I won't let him change my mind.

I wheel my suitcase past the extra rooms, head held high as I reach the back of the yacht, letting the Captain know that I'll be leaving the island and that Louis is staying. He seems to want to speak to me so I can explain but I leave no room for discussion. This isn't up to him.

I've done my research and have a taxi waiting for me at the main gate of the port, already requested that it takes me to the small airport. I've managed to get an early flight to Rome. Then from Rome I'll be traveling home to London.

I'll be with Olivia again and my parents. I'll forget this terrible trip even happened. Shut this door and be done with it, move on. My head is just pounding from this headache that has traveled from my heart, my broken heart.

The drive to the airport was hard. I've refused to let Louis kill my spirit. Refused to let any tears fall. The driver kept trying to talk to me but I've shut him out. Not on purpose but I feel deep down inside that if I speak, everything will come out, every emotion I've felt these past few hours will be spilled all over the backseat. All my emotions.

The airport is dead as I arrive a little after four am. I check my phone and still nothing from Louis. I don't know what breaks my heart more, that he never even tried to talk to me, that he lied, or that he didn't even seem to defend me to his ex girlfriend. But I know that the fact that he told me he loved me kills me the most. He can't be in love with two women. If he loved me as much as he said he did then he wouldn't have this need to go see Eleanor.

Eleanor, this perfect woman. I've seen pictures of her, she's breathtaking. She's always dressed perfectly. I can see how he wants to try with her again. I mean, who would want me? I'm a 24 year old widow with a child. A child I had when I was 19. This is why I've avoided men. I get feelings, and then I second guess myself constantly.

I am good enough.

I shake my head and try to sleep in my seat, it's a short 45 minute flight so I can't sleep that much but I need something, when I get home it will be early in the morning so I have to save my energy for Olivia.

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I have a taxi take me home, I don't want to call my mom or dad, my dad's going to be pissed. I'll always be his little girl.

Seeing my house will make me feel a little bit better. I had to push thoughts aside to run away like I'm used to doing. I ran away when James died, I couldn't face living in that state anymore when everyone showed me so much pity. On the flight home from Rome I just wanted to pack up all of our things and run away to a new place, but I can't do that to Olivia. She need a stable life, I need a stable life.

I already missed Louis.

Today we were suppose to play soccer with those kids again. Just relax and be around the city, soaking in our last day before we went back to Rome to fly home. This isn't suppose to happen, I'm not suppose to miss him. Miss his touch, his smell, his stupid jokes.

My heart is just aching. The drive home, I just look around. It's like I've never seen this city, like my brain can't process the sights. Why did he do this? Why did he sneak around and talk to her? I thought we told each other everything. I told him everything. Any question he asked me, I answered honestly. I shared my life goals and dreams with him.

The driver stops in front of my house and I pass him my card for him to slide in his reader, sign the screen and quietly scoot out the car, all but slamming the door. Taking out my aggression on things that can't get hurt.

I mope to the side door and see my car gone, silently praying that everyone is gone to breakfast or something. Probably just dropped Olivia off at school and will be back soon. I open the door to a quiet house and drop my coat and keys off at their place, dragging my bag up to my room. I can't call out for anyone, I just can't. I round the staircase and have no more energy to carry my bag so I just abandon it at the bottom of the steps and trudge up the steps.

Everything is such a process, everything is so much harder then it needs to be right now. I feel like everything just takes so much effort and energy. It doesn't help that I haven't slept all night. I collapse on my bed, kicking off my shoes and crawling under my covers, I can tell my mom has recently washed my sheets but I can't think of that as I try to sleep.

Then she comes in.

My mom. My mom was the first person to be there for me when James died, I fell apart in her arms and she put me back together.

“Honey, why are you home so early?” She comes to the side of the bed and sits next to my body. My soul isn't here right now, I feel so dead. I turn to her and bite my lip, I know once I speak things will come out and I won't be able to stop them.

“What's wrong with me?” I whisper.

“What?” I know she heard me, her face is not a face of someone that didn't understand.

“What's wrong with me?” I ask again, my lip trembling as I close my eyes tight trying to hide everything.

“Oh sweetheart, nothing is wrong with you. What happened?” She scoots closer holding her arms out that I quickly accept, everyone needs a mom hug.

“He's-He's been talking to his ex girlfriend for months. He never told me anything. He's going to see her. He's probably with her right now laughing at me. He told me he loved me. God I'm so stupid.” I toss my head back and try to calm myself, once I start crying I know it won't stop.

“You are not stupid. He's not worth it. People should never make you feel inferior like that. He doesn't deserve you.” She tries to calm me as my breath starts getting choppy, we both know where this is going.

“Everyone just leaves me. I can't do this anymore.” I start rocking back and forth.

“Then you don't have to.” She reassures me. Then it comes. One single tear. And before I know it my body is wrecked with tears, letting all my sadness out. Just sobs. I can't even catch my breath as my mom holds me, her shirt soaked with salty tears for a man who said he loved me.

Notes

Everybody usually needs their mommy in times of need! Louis' POV will be next, in case you
re wondering. This was yet again, another difficult chapter to write, hopefully I captured her heartache well enough.

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