When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

Everything has just been perfect. These last few days with Louis have been better then I've ever imagined it. Hiking in the hills, seeing the gardens, eating all this wonderful food, drifting in the sea, sleeping in the stars, the sex. God, the sex has been fantastic and often. One nice thing about not having Olivia there, I miss her but sometimes moms just need a break.

Louis and I have been getting along famously. I'm just so relaxed when he's here. He calms me down easily, make me laugh constantly, and he's so affectionate. He's always holding my hand, hugging me, spinning me around, telling me he loves me.

He loves me.

I just can't get over that feeling. That feeling of someone expressing their love for me. Knowing that he's cut through my armor, that I've finally let him in. It's terrifying to be honest. Terrifying to know that I've trusted him with my heart, he has the power to break it, the power to mend it, the power to make it stop. And even more terrifying to know that I've given him that power. When James died, a piece of my heart died with him, he will always have it. But Louis has helped me put it back together, assured me that it's okay to let someone hold my heart.

“Hey, so the Captain wants to know what our plans are for today, thoughts?” Louis comes over to me, kissing my exposed shoulder.

I set my magazine down and turn to him.

“I was thinking about heading back out to sea for the day? Just kind of drifting.” I suggest, I love Malta, but I never really get a chance to be out in the sea, no one else around. Just this one yacht, the idea of it thrills me.

“You really want to?” Louis knows I have this long list of places I want to visit, and I was all up for that after breakfast this morning but just being outside changed my mind.

“Yeah, what do you think?” I raise my eyebrows in question.

“I think whatever you think is perfect.” I roll my eyes.

“So cheesy Louis.” I pick up my magazine and swat him with it.

“I'll go let him know then beautiful.” He blocks himself from the swats and jogs away laughing. I swing my legs up over the seats and brace myself for us to leave soon, this life is just perfect.

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“Let's sleep inside tonight.” Louis turns to me, our bellies full from dinner. Marcus is a top notch chief. Like I can't get enough of his food.

“Why?” I drag out the word in protest.

“Because it gets cold, and my back is starting to hurt sleeping on those cushions. We have a proper bed on the main floor, lets use it.” He winks at me and I almost spit up the wine I'm drinking.

“Fine. You win. But just this argument.” I give him a snide look as he just laughs at my false anger. I'll never let him know that I'm secretly okay with sleeping inside tonight, it's been my idea to sleep outdoors but my back has been hurting for days now.

“I'm going to go take a shower, pick out a movie for us?” He asks, standing and stretching.

“Is the Apple TV in?” I search the table for the remote.

“Yes ma'am, surprise me.” He sings over his shoulder when I finally find the remote I plop back on the couch to search the menu for the list of movies on Louis' devise, trying to find something different to watch other then comedies.

I feel the couch vibrate as I look around confused, I check to see that my phone is still on the table so I know it must be Louis', which surprises me, he's always got his phone on him, constantly. It's like permanently attached at his hips. I shove my hands in the spots between the cushions until I feel my hands grasp it, pulling it up and looking at the caller id.

Ellabear.

I freeze at the sight. Louis has told me that's Eleanor's nickname he used to call her. Maybe it's a mistake. I shake my head and put the phone next to mine on the table, trying not to think about it and finally letting out a sign of relief when it stops vibrating.

Only to start again.

This isn't my place and against my better judgment but I answer it. Shaky breath and sweaty palms.

“Hello?” I speak when my courage finally allows it.

“Is Louis there?” The ultra confident women on the other end answers.

“No, he's in the shower at the moment, may I take a message?” I'm just trying to be polite.

“Is this the girl he's with?” I catch a slight annoyance in her tone.

“I really don't think that's any of your business.” I'm a little snippy but I don't understand why she's calling Louis after almost two months of them being broken up, let it go girl.

“Well, whatever. Tell him I want to know when he's coming to Rome, I have to take some time off work and I want to make arrangements with him so my boss knows.” I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I stand slowly, and begin to pace back and forth, trying to choke back tears.

“Trip to Rome?” I ask, my words are hardly leaving my throat.

“Oh, he didn't tell you? Louis is coming to see me when you two are done having your little fling. You couldn't possibly think that you two would end up together, did you?” She's snarky. That bitch.

“Kate, who are you talking to?” I turn to see Louis, with a towel hanging off his hips. “That my phone?” I see all the color drain out of his face when he zones in on from what I'm assuming is my pale face, cheeks streaked with slight tears. He's going to see her. “Kate, give me my phone please.” He holds his arms out, inching closer to me, carefully, almost as if he thinks I'm a wild animal about to attack.

I simply drop it in his hands and walk past him, brushing his shoulder as I hear him answer the phone.

“Why would you do that?” He yells into the receiver and I just can't listen to him speak to her. I feel so betrayed. I rush to our room and slam the door, tears flowing more then usual as I slide down the frame and sit. Thinking, trying to stop all these sudden feelings from happening.

That's why Louis has been so distant.

He's been hiding things from me.

Lying to me.

A quiet knock startles me, I've almost forgotten where I am.

“Kate? Could you let me in please, I've got to get some clothes on.” I remember leaving him out in the living room with nothing but a towel on. I nod my head, not realizing he can't see me and open the door for him, not looking at him. Turning my back to him, as I walk as far away from the door as possible, hearing him rummage around in the closet. My self confidence absolutely shattered.

“Kate, can we talk please?” I can feel his body near me and I know if I turn around I'll break in two.

“I don't think that's a good idea Louis. It's fine.” I try to remind myself that we are not together, that this is probably why Louis just wanted to be friends. He has two girls on the hook. And I feel like choking, trying to get the hook out of my throat that I've swallowed months ago.

“Please, Kate, you have to understand.” He pleads with me. “Please look at me Kate.” His voice low and shaky.

“It's fine Louis.” I repeat, refusing to look at him.

“I just need to see her one more time, I have to make sure we're done. Please understand.” He pleads for me hear him, I feel him reach out for me and I jerk my shoulder away from him. I can't stand to be touched by him.

“I get it.” I continue to look down walking around him. “I'm going to sleep in the other room tonight.” I inform him.

“Please don't. I'll sleep there. I'm so sorry Kate.” I catch a glimpse of him as he walks past me, shoulders slumped as he slowly walks to the door and quietly closes it.

Notes

So this chapter was difficult to write. It makes me sad, but we all knew that Kate would find out about Louis' secret soon.

Sorry I didn't update earlier, our school was apparently having massive problems and I still had class today.


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