When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

Something is off with Louis. Something has been off with Louis for a few weeks now. We hang out but since people have caught on to us, we're limited to where we go. Which is fine. I don't mind. I see him almost every day. It's hard for me to not love him. Love. Just the word sends fireworks in my stomach.

His birthday was just a few days away, followed by Christmas but he's headed home tomorrow to spend time with his family. He invited us once again but I just couldn't accept. Not that I don't want to but we're just not official yet and I don't want to have Olivia meet all these new people, get attached and be ripped away from them. Louis and I don't know where this is going. I just can't do that to her. And I can't do that to myself.

Tonight we were celebrating the holiday. I'm almost anxious. Louis does that to me. He makes me nervous. Good nervous. Just that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you just a bit shaky and trembling. I honestly loved it.

I love Christmas. This time of year is just magical. The lights, the songs, people are so joyous and cheerful it makes my heart swell. Christmas has always been my most favorite time. I love spending all day decorating the house, making hot chocolate, having the Christmas carols blasting through the speakers. Louis helped Olivia and I decorate this year. Last year we had quite the pathetic holiday in a hospital room only with a small tree and presents. Louis even sneaked in to see Livie's Nativity Play, she was thrilled to see him in the audience, even waving at him in the middle of her lines.

Oliva had decided to make Louis a picture for his birthday and Christmas. She had spent what she told me was hours on it but was really just ten minutes. It was a picture of her and Louis, holding hands at the park. We took it to the Frame Shoppe and had it matted and framed just for her to give. She wrapped it herself. She wanted birthday paper on one side and Christmas paper on the other. For reasons in her own words, “Two for one” gift.

Then their was me. What do you get a man who can get anything he wants, whenever he wants? For his birthday and then Christmas. Back to back. Literally. He loves soccer, football, whatever he decides to call it, but I'm not getting him anything to do with that. I wanted something personal. Something that shows how much he means to me.

So I ordered him a simple cake. I didn't want anything crazy, it's just us three for the night. I made some lasagna with a light salad and bread sticks. Nothing complicated. Then for his double holiday I just decided on things I've seen missing from his life. Just random things I've noticed.

He has expensive sunglasses but no case for them, and he constantly complains they're getting scratched up so I got him a case for them.

Socks for the vans that he likes to wear because his feet really are terrible. Like smelling as if he's stuck them in a rotten sewer.

A small brown leather book small enough to fit in his pocket because he's always getting inspiration for songs but always asking me for pen and paper to jot things down, then his pants pockets full of random papers.

And last but not least, flying lessons. Louis has always joked that if he had super powers he would want to fly so I thought this was the only way he could actually fly. I don't know when he'll be able to actually be able to take them but I made sure they don't expire so he can use them whenever.

I'm a terrible gift giver.

But oh well.

“Merry Christmas!” I hear Louis enter through the back door, I always unlock it now when I know he's coming over so he doesn't have to knock. I know exactly what he's doing, scraping his feet on the rug, dropping his keys in the bowl, and resting his coat on the hook. Since people have gotten wind of our “relationship” all they want to do is find out who I am. So the quicker Louis can get out of his car and into our house the better.

“Hey!” I already know I'm smiling, it's hard not to. Louis opens his arms and I easily bury myself in him. With his many layers on, its quite easy to get lost in him. And just smell him. Just the smell of him is enough to send me over the edge. But something is off. I pull back and look at him. “Have you been smoking again?” I accuse.

“Maybe.” He scrunches his guilty face.

“Louis Tomlinson. You promised.” I playfully push him away.

“I know! I'm sorry, it's hard to quit, and we've been under a lot of pressure lately with the holidays and the tour starting.” He defends his actions.

“Your tour doesn't start for another three months. And you've had the last three days off.” I laugh at him.

“So I'm addicted then.” I roll my eyes and stick my hand out.

“Give 'um.” I demand.

“You know I can just buy more.” He digs in his coat pocket for his stash.

“And I don't care, but I refuse to have cigarettes around Olivia.” I easily crumble the pack in my hands whilst watching him wince and throw it in the trash.

“I hate when you do that.” He hangs his coat up on the free hook.

“Well then stop bringing it in my house.” I tease him because I hate smoking and he knows that.

Louis winks at me and sticks his tongue out. “Where's my favorite little girl at?” He hugs me one more time and assaults my face with kisses.

“Stop!” I can't help but laugh. “She's in her room. She should be down any second.” I kiss him on the cheek. “Dinner is almost ready.” I call after him as he walks down the hall and up the steps to Olivia.

“Okay. Okay. So lets open presents!” Louis is like a little kid himself if you ask me. We've already eaten dinner and Louis insisted on pretending to be a walrus with the bread sticks, Olivia laughed so hard she spit out her chocolate milk, which I made Louis clean up. “I think Olivia should be first.” He smiles and pulls out a present from behind his back. Not expertly wrapped if I do say so my self.

But Olivia doesn't care. She digs in and toss the paper around, instantly creating a mess. She opens the big white box to see a Princess Dress. Her Belle dress is too small for her now, but I can see this Cinderella dress will fit her just fine. She lifts it up and spins around with it. “Look mommy, I'm a princess!” She shouts, clearly excited.

“I can see that!” I smile.

“That's not all, you can wear this dress when we go to Disney Land in Paris.” My eyes are wide.

“Disney?” I sputter out. “As in all together?” I ask.

“All together. Whenever she has a break from school, maybe even on a weekend.” He suggests.

“Can we go tomorrow mommy?” Olivia asks and I shake my head.

“No, sorry baby, but Louis is going to see his parents tomorrow, we'll go soon okay?” I promise and start thinking of when we can all head to Paris. I've actually never been. “Why don't you give Louis you present Livie?” I pull the wrapped present from my side and pass it to Olivia to give to Louis. She gingerly takes the package from me and passes it to him, oddly extremely shy and then immediately sits down on my lap.

“It has two papers because its your birthday too.” She informs him and he just smiles.

“Thank you. I love it.” He starts to open it.

“It's a picture I drew.” She informs him before he can even see it and I just laugh. She was so excited for it.

“Its of you and me at the park isn't it?” He studies it. “It's perfect. I'm going to put it in my room.” He tells her, still looking at the picture. “Thank you beautiful.” He extends his arms and Olivia all but jumps into them. “Okay, it's your mums turn.” Olivia takes a seat on his lap as he passes me an envelope and I give him a quizzical look. “Just open it.”

I flip the envelop over and open it to see a handwritten note. You and me, vacation for a week in Malta. January.” I look up at him and turn my head to the side. “What about Olivia?” I ask.

“Oh, well, no worries. I talked your parents into coming to London in January.” He has that cocky smile.

“How did you get their number?” I ask.

“Your twat!” I laugh and quickly cover my mouth, only a little embarrassed at the word that has just escaped it. I'm actually super excited for this.

“You love me.” He teases. If he only knew. Louis' phone starts ringing and he looks down at it quickly, hiding it from Olivia almost. “I'll be right back, gotta take this.” He has Olivia stand up and pops up looking back at me quite a few times while he walks around and into the kitchen. He usually always just stays where we are and answers the phone in front of me but I don't think too much of it, I'm already mentally preparing a list of things to take to Malta.

Notes

So I'll bribe you all...if I get 60 votes today, I'll update again! :) If not, I'll still be updating tomorrow because I just can't stay away.

To be honest, this chapter wasn't my best work, I literally re-wrote it three times and just couldn't figure it out. But, I've written some chapters that I can't wait to post.

You think Kate will catch on about Louis and Eleanor?

How is everyone today? Hopefully just fantastic. :)

Happy Sunday!

xoxo