Louis' POV

I feel like such an idiot. I can't believe I called Kate, Eleanor. But the fact that I said I love you Eleanor. To Kate. And then she didn't even want to be close with me. I don't blame her, but I felt terrible. I couldn't fall asleep after I said it.

I stayed up thinking about what I was doing. I'm in this business that can prevent happy endings. Fans can tear people apart. The industry can rip people to pieces. I've been torn apart and pieced back together over and over again. I've sat by and watched my band mates who have gone through the same thing. Relationships ruined. Rumors spread. People that would do anything for just a piece of you. Temptation is always there.

Being with Eleanor was hard at first, I can't have a traditional relationship. I spent more time away from her then I did with her. That's what worries me about being with Kate. She has a family. I don't want to get attached and have to be ripped away. And I know that will happen. The last thing I want to do is hurt Kate. And I never want to hurt Olivia. They've been hurt enough.

Then when we had that talk this morning, it broke my heart seeing how hurt Kate was. I felt bad bringing up James but I just like to know about her. I just want to know everything about her. She captivates me. Every mannerism and gesture she does does just pulls me a little bit more toward her.

I just love her.

She's there for me when I need her, and when I don't. And her smile can just light up the world. And Olivia. I might die if I don't see that girl every day. I know she's not my daughter but I swear if Kate and I got together it would be a dream if I could be considered her father. She's such a strong little girl, stronger then any one I've ever met, yet she still smiles. She still laughs and throws fits. Looking at Olivia you would never guess that she was so sick.

Today I was meeting up with the guys and Simon to talk abut the next tour. We took the fall off to just be. It was nice to just hang around and do nothing. Not that we ever did nothing. There was always something that needed to be signed, approved, designed, written. We were planning our Greatest Hits Tour. Which is just crazy. After five albums we were ready.

Which is another reason I didn't want to drag Kate and Olivia down with me. We were going to be going on a world tour, a massive undertaking. South America, North America, Europe, Australia, Asia all in six months. With two weeks off here and there. Tours are exhausting for us and even worse for the people we love. We at least have each other but we leave people behind that have their own lives and we're never in the same time zones. We get tired, and sometimes I'd rather take a nap then call someone or respond to their text. It created problems upon problems with Eleanor. Things got easier when she graduated and could come with us so she could see how exhausting it was.

But Kate had Olivia. Olivia had to go to school. And I know, without question, Kate wouldn't pull Olivia out of school to follow a bunch of idiots around. I don't blame her, tour life isn't for children. You see so many things that you can't unsee.

“You there Lou?” Liam sits next to me and elbows me to try and get my attention.

“Hey. How's it going?” I ask, just making conversation.

“Fine. Yesterday was nice.”

“It was, Kate is a really good cook.” It's the truth. Of course it helps when she makes so much food you just can't even stand it.

“You really like her don't you? I noticed it yesterday. You couldn't keep your eyes off of her.” He teases me. Apparently everyone noticed my infatuation.

“I do like her, but I don't know if I want to drag her into our lives. She's different, I don't want to pull her into this negativity we're constantly subjected to. She's too wholesome. Too unexposed.” I tried to explain. No one else knows what we've been through. When I say things to these guys, it just makes sense, they get it.

“But is she worth it?”

“No question. She's completely worth every thing.” I lean over and put my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands.

“Then the other stuff doesn't matter. You'll figure it out.” He pats me on the back. Everything he says seems so easy but it's not easy.

“But you know how things can be. I don't want them exposed to how terrible life can be. I don't want her to get hurt. I just want to protect her.” I bury my face in my hands, just trying to process my crazy thoughts.

“Well, I think your underestimating Kate. She's been through a lot, I think she has tougher skin then you think she does. Give her a chance.” Liam leaves me to my thoughts. My thoughts that constantly run through my head. I can't stop thinking. Kate has been through a lot, but my question is, Does she want to go through more just for me?

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We finish our meeting, I know that we'll have to go through more. We have too many continents to plan. And planning stops in America is difficult. We usually let other people do it and then we just approve it. We did decide our tour starts in March. Ending in October. We spaced out our tour to Australia and Asia just so we could take a break. I was already thinking of talking to Kate about when she can meet up with us and when Olivia doesn't have school so we can be together.

I drive quickly back to my house, traffic is light, even if its Friday, it's still a little early in the afternoon. My house is different now that Eleanor is gone. She didn't take hardly anything with her, just her clothes and her personal possessions. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't miss her, because I did. You get used to people when your around them all the time. I lay in my bed, thinking of just this crazy journey I've had lately.

I can't' help but feel a little anxious when I see Eleanor's name popping up on my caller ID. I haven't talked to her since she left. I didn't know what to think about it but I can't ignore her.

“Hello.”

“Hey Louis! How are you?” Eleanor sounds loud, almost like she's yelling in the phone, wherever she is, it's loud there.

“I'm well, where are you? I can hardly hear you.” I sit up trying to focus on the noise.

“I'm just out with some friends, we finished work early, and I haven't talked to you in forever!” I can hear things clattering around wherever she is. Rome is only an hour difference from here, is she seriously drunk at four o'clock in the afternoon?

“Yeah, it's been a while. What have you been up to?” I'm being cautious. I don't know what Eleanor is pulling.

“Just working. I miss you Louis.” And there it is.

“I miss you too El.” I'll be honest, I can't lie to her.

“You should come visit me for your birthday! It's just a few weeks away. And you love Italy,
we could make this work Louis. We could make us work.” I can hear the excitement in her voice.

“Eleanor, you're pissed. We can't have this conversation when you won't remember it tomorrow.” I shake my head even if she can't see it and fall back against the bed.

“I'm not drunk Louis. Please come see me. I miss seeing you and being with you.” The noise has calmed down so I'm sure wherever she was, she left to a quieter place. How can I get out of this? The silence must have tipped her off. “Do you have someone else already?” Her voice is trembling.

“No Eleanor. I'm just cautious. You and I were great but I don't know if I want to go back down that road again. I just need to discover who I am again. You and I were together for so long that I've forgotten about me.” I'm honest. I wish I was more honest and tell her that I just want to move on, that Eleanor and I are not good for each other anymore. But I can't. The words are physically not able to come out of my mouth.

“Well I think we should give us another try. Louis. At least think about it. I've got some free time around your birthday and Christmas so you can come down and we can just remember how things used to be. How we are when we're together.” I hear desperation in her voice.

“We'll see El. I gotta go.” I just want this conversation to end, I just feel trapped. I don't think I can handle this. Eleanor and I are done, why can't she just let it go? Why can't I just man up and tell her we're done?

Notes

And Eleanor is back. I just knew she couldn't stay away. Louis is in the midst of a battle.

Thank you all for being amazing and supportive, I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy this last update!

Happy Sunday!

xoxox

P.S.- Sorry, not a lot of comments in the notes section, I've got a group project I have to work on with a few people in a little bit!