When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

I wake in the morning feeling as if last night was a dream. Was Louis really talking about me? Did I really tell him how I felt? Did I tell him not to get married? Oh my god, how is today going to go?

I shake all my thoughts out my head, it's Friday, I still have to get Olivia ready for school. I check the clock, only 5:45, of course I'm up super early. I'm not one to sleep in but 5:45? I shake my head and flip my covers off, thankful that this bedroom has a bathroom.

I take a quick shower, dress in my favorite hot pink quarter sleeved length maxi dress. Put just enough make up on, it's the same make-up everyday, foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara. I have the same make-up routine I've had since I was like 17. It works for me, why change it?

Quick blow dry my hair and decide to run a straightener through it. I should probably get it cleaned up, just a slight trim. If only I could cut my own hair. I tried it once, disaster. But it's always a good thought for a laugh if I ever need one.

I see Louis and Olivia's doors still closed and I can't help but think about what I heard her say last night. About Louis being her dad. It broke my heart knowing how much James loved her and how much he wanted her, only to have fate play a cruel trick and know she'll never know her daddy's love. I don't want to put too much pressure on Louis either, being someone's father is a big step. I know that knowing Louis he will be a fantastic father in the future but it's a slippery slope to suddenly become a father. Most men have at least eight months to prepare themselves for that new journey and Olivia is already asking for him to be her father.

What I said to him yesterday is the truth. I don't love him, yet. To be honest, with him around I'm falling more and more in love with him everyday. How he's trying with Olivia, how she genuinely loves him it makes my heart melt. And how I know he would do anything for me if I asked him, I know he would.

I let out a breath and quietly make my way down the steps into the kitchen. We have about a week left to Halloween and I can't help but think of last year. How this time last year we left London. Left London not knowing the future and what it held for us. And now were back, Olivia is in school, everyone is a year older. Now were talking about costumes and watercolors not chemo ports and spinal tumors. My how life can change in a year.

I decide to celebrate the Friday and the fact Halloween is close I'll be making spider-web pancakes. I still have about a half an hour before I need to get Olivia up for school so I start to stir the mix together, I'm not a fantastic cook so I go with pre made mix you just add water to. I carefully pour it into a squeeze bottle and set the stove burner to medium. When everything is ready I delicately start to drawl on the pan. Making lines here and there into a spider web.

I'm in the spider web pancake zone. Lightly humming my favorite tune when I hear someone whistling the same. I turn with spatula in hand to see Louis leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. I can't hide my smile this morning.

“Good morning.” I turn back to my creations to make sure they don't burn.

“Hey. Good song.” I can tell he's smiling without even looking at him. “Whatcha making?” He comes up next to me carefully putting his arm around my waist for what some would a side hug. I'd be lying if I didn't say I got little tingles.

“Just some spider web pancakes. I have to wake up Olivia up for school.” I lean away from him just a bit.

“Why? It's Saturday.” He tells me and I mentally think.

“Oh my God, it is. Why am I up so early?” I think out loud and flip the last of the pancakes.

“I don't know.” Louis laughs and helps himself to a few spider webs and laughs.

“So what are you doing today?” I ask, suddenly realizing that if he doesn't have anything to do today then we'll be spending the whole day together and I just don't know if I can handle that.

“Um, I'm actually thinking about going back to Doncaster for a few days. Really think things through.” He tells me, and even if I don't really trust myself around him I'll admit I'm a bit sad he's not staying.

“Yeah, that will probably be good for you. Get away from London, clear your head. Start fresh.” It's the logical decision but that doesn't mean I have to like it. God I'm so confusing.

“You really think so?” He asks pulling a chair out to sit. Is he trying to test me? Am I suppose to “fight” for him to stay? I don't play teenage romance games.

“If that's what you want to do Louis, then do it. Your a big boy, you can make your own choices.” I turn my back to him to flip the pancakes.

“I know. I just, I don't know, after everything that happened last night I didn't know if you wanted me to stay so we could figure things out.” I let out a deep breath and turn back to him.

“I meant what I said Louis. I care about you but we are not a we until you are just you first. If that makes any sense. You can go to Doncaster, see your family, be with your friends. I'll be here with Olivia. And when you come back, you can let me know.” I turn the burner off and slide the rest of the pancakes on the plate.

“Don't get mad at me.”

“I'm not mad at you Louis. There's nothing to be mad about. You want to go home, go home.” I shrug my shoulders and set my plate down. Why is this a topic of conversation? He's acting dramatic.

“Sorry, I'm just confused with everything.” He pushes his plate away and rests his head on the counter.

“Don't be sorry. You need a mental break.” Honestly in the back of my mind I don't know why this decision is so difficult.

“I do. I should get my stuff gathered up.” He slides off the stool, picks up his plate and walks it over to the sink rinsing it off and setting it in the dishwasher. “You'll be here when I come back to London?” He asks.

“Well yeah, if you're only gone for a few days that's for sure not enough time to pack up all of our stuff, find a new place, move, change numbers, and pretend like I've never seen you.” I joke and he smiles. “Ohhhh is that a smile I see Louis?” I tease, like he does to me constantly.

“You and Olivia want to come back with me?” He asks. I'm sure my eyes are wide.

“Thank you for the invitation Louis but I think that defeats the purpose of you going home to figure things out.” I smile finishing up my pancakes.

“Yeah, your right. I suppose I should get back upstairs and get ready to go then.” He claps his hands together and walks out of the kitchen.

Louis left about an hour after our breakfast conversation. I was actually sad he left but it's for the best. You can't play house with another woman's man. And that's what I was doing. I think I've had enough drama in my life to last a lifetime. I'm so ready to be done with it.

I think Louis' will pick me but he doesn't seem so sure and I can't always bank on my thoughts. I have to prepare myself for all of his choices and be okay with it. I've decided if he does pick Eleanor and stay with her then we for sure can't be friends. It won't be good for us and Olivia already sees him as something more then a friend and that worries me. I don't want to break her heart.

I can only fight for him so much.

Olivia is still sleeping and I'm mentally kicking myself for thinking it was Friday and getting up early. We have no plans for the day so I decide to call Dottie, she's always up early.

“Hey lady.” She answers on the second ring.

“Hi, what are you doing today?” I ask pulling the blanket closer to me.

“Not a lot. I have to run to the supermarket in a little bit but then my day is free. You and Olivia want to hang out? Go to a park, shop, or something?” She suggests.

“That sounds perfect. Olivia still isn't awake but I'm sure she'll want to see you, its been a few weeks.” I start thinking of things we might need.

“Hey, I've never asked you, did you run into Louis anymore since he followed you home?” This is always the topic of conversation I swear.

“Um, yeah, he actually came over last night. Apparently him and Eleanor got into a big argument so he came to our house to stay the night.” I explain.

“Ohhh so what happened?” I can just see her rubbing her hands together like an evil plot.

“Nothing. He came over for dinner, we carved pumpkins together, he told me he still likes me, we had a midnight conversation, he spent the night in the guest bedroom, and then he went home to Doncaster.” I explain quickly.

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down.” She pauses. “He told you he still likes you? What did you say?”

“I told him the same thing.” I say quietly.

“OH MY GOSH! You two are going to fall in love! He's going to dump Eleanor finally and you two are going to be together! You're already like a little family!” She practically yells in the phone.

“Slow down Dottie. One step at a time.” I laugh.

“Well we can talk about this in a little bit, I'll be over soon.”

We hang up the phone and I secretly can't hold in my excitement, what if he actually does break up with Eleanor? What if we actually do get together? Ahhhh.

Notes

Not a lot going on in this chapter. The lovely best friend who demands for you to spill everything. The typical girl second guessing everything. Plus, have you ever woken up thinking you have to get ready only to discover it's the weekend? That's the worst. I have to start writing again! We're almost caught up to where I left off when I started writing before. Better get to that....anything you'd like to add to the story then? lol.

Love you all, thank you so much for giving my story a chance. And thank you for all the reads, comments, subscriptions, votes...just crazy.

xoxox