When I'm Gone

Louis' POV

It's been three hours. I've tossed and turned this whole time. The guest room has a telly but I don't want to turn it on and make a lot of noise. I can't stop thinking about what Kate said. I should take her advice. I need to just talk to Eleanor. I need to quite being a wimp and letting sentimental things keep me back.

It's hard to walk away from someone who has held your heart for so long. But people drift apart. It's a natural thing that happens. I guess I'm just afraid to give her that last push.

What was that noise? I shoot out of bed, looking around in the dark and hearing it again. A crash? Commotion? I shake my head and quietly open my door looking out the crack and seeing nothing.

I make my way down the hall and past Kate's bedroom, then Olivia's room, her door is open and I peek inside seeing her bed empty. I breath a sign of relief, assuming it's just her.

I quickly jog downstairs and see Olivia standing on the kitchen counter reaching for some animal crackers in the cabinet.

“Livia, what are you doing?” I ask coming up behind her, I'm afraid she'll fall.

“I'm hungry.” She whines.

“Well lets get down and I'll get you some crackers.” I hold my arms up as she jumps in and I carefully set her down, turning back to the box of crackers. Olivia rushes to the stools and pulls one out.

“Can I have milk?” She asks as I pour some crackers in a bowl, how can I refuse that pouty face?

“Of course.” I'm such a sucker. I slide the bowl of crackers to her and turn back to the cabinet to get two glasses out and fill them up halfway.

We eat in silence for a little bit when Olivia finally speaks.

“Why are you here?” I don't quite know what to tell her, I don't want to lie to her but I don't think she'll understand.

“It was really late so your mum said I could stay.” I smile, hoping she buys it. She's been in adult situations with her cancer, she's wise beyond her years.

“I wish you could stay all the time.” She munches on another cracker.

“You do?” I polish off my cup of milk.

“Yeah, mommy smiles and laughs a lot more when your around or when someone talks about you.” I love the honesty of a child.

“She does?” I can't hide my smile.

“Yep. And I like you.” She finishes up her milk, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. I'm sure her mum would love that. “Do you love my mommy?”

“I like her, I like you too.” I gently nudge her.

“Can you be my daddy?” Ouch, that's a hit to the gut. You forget when you deal with little kids how they can think of you. Olivia already has a daddy, she'll just never know him.

“Oh honey. I can be your friend.” I have no idea how to answer that question.

“But I don't have a daddy anymore. I want a new one.” She shrugs her shoulders. The gravity of this situation is not something Olivia has noticed.

“Well, you'll always have a daddy even if he isn't here anymore. And maybe one day your mommy will fall in love with someone and he can be someone you can think of as a dad.” I hope that makes sense.

“Well I hope mommy falls in love with you.” She smiles at me, swinging her legs back and forth. I hope her mom falls in love with me too.

“Let's get you back to bed okay?” I put our cups and bowl in the dishwasher and return to Olivia.

“Piggy back ride?” She doesn't even wait for me to respond, already standing on the chair ready to jump on my back.

I can't refuse as I wrap my arms around her legs and carry her back to the steps, I see Kate sitting there in the dark. When I get closer, I notice she's been crying. I'm wondering if she's heard Olivia's confessions.

“Hi mommy. Tuck me in?” Olivia is unphased by her moms appearance.

“Sure baby.” She smiles and follows us up the rest of the steps to her room.

We tuck her in easily enough and shut her door quietly.

“Sorry about that Lou, sometimes she wakes up at night and needs to eat. Growing girl I guess.” She tries to make a joke.

“No problem, I couldn't sleep when I heard her rattling around.” I don't want to bring up what she said and I don't think Kate does either so I let it slip.

“Well, good night Louis.” She opens her arms and I quickly take the opportunity to give her a hug.

“Good night Kate.” I whisper into her hair, that peppermint smell strong. We pull away but linger in each others arms. Kate breaks eye contact with me and pulls away even more.

“Night.” She walks back to her room and quietly shuts the door, leaving me in the hallway. I don't want to go back to bed. I find myself pacing back and forth on the carpet before I head back to my room, still unable to sleep.

I pull my phone out and scroll through twitter, finding Kate Tayzen's page. I haven't been here for a few days. Following so many people it's easy to miss people's posts.

I find that she posted today actually, after I spilled my guts to her about everything.

Don't let fear determine your fate.

I suddenly have courage. I put my phone down and open my door again, walking with determination to her room, I open it slightly and whisper her name. She doesn't move and I slip in her room.

“Kate.” I whisper again, just a little bit louder.

“Louis?” She leans up on her elbow. “Everything okay?” She asks.

“Honestly? No. But everything feels right.” I kneel next to her.

“Are you okay?” She looks confused.

“I think for the first time in a long time, I am.”

“Okay.” She drawls the word out, almost asking for more of an explanation.

“Can I stay here for a few more days?” I ask hopeful.

“Of course, we have plenty of space.” Courage Louis, courage.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.” There it is, just one word.

“How do you feel about me?”

I hear her breathing steady out as it seem as though she's now trying to find courage. “Well I think you're a great friend.” I see that tight smile she gets when she's nervous and not telling the truth.

“That's it?” I ask leaning closer to her.

“I don't know what you want me to say Louis. The truth?” I nod. “The truth is Louis that I still like you. Something about you drives me crazy. I have a hard time not smiling when I think about you. I think about our kiss and that night we shared often and as much as I apologize for it, I'm not guilty it happened. I don't love you but I feel like I could love you.” I see a tear fall from her eye and I quickly wipe it away, kissing her forehead.

“That's all I needed to hear. Good night Kate.” I start to stand.

“Wait, Louis.” I turn to her. “How do you feel about me?” It's only fair that I answer her question.

“I haven't stopped thinking about you since I first saw you sitting across from me at the O'Hare airport. You consume my thoughts, feelings, and emotions everyday. I smile just thinking about you and Olivia. I'm addicted to you Kate.”

And with that I leave her in her room, I know what I'm going to do.

Notes

And it happened. Well...started to happen. I hope you can invision this scene in your head like I can. If you can't I did a terrible job.

It's extremely important for me to show the relationship between Olivia and Louis, I don't think Kate would put Louis in her life if Olivia didn't love him. She's a mum so she'll put Olivia first. Plus I just love writing the two interact. :)

Can't believe how far this story has come! Considering it was just a mere thought in my head about two months ago.

Thanks for everything!

xoxox