When I'm Gone

Kate's POV

I pull up to my house and quickly get out. “You can just wait here.” I tell Louis but I notice he's already getting out of his seat before I have a chance to finish the sentence.

He's seat is right in front of Olivia so naturally he's to her door before I am and he easily picks her up and gestures for me to lead the way. I race up the steps, keys in hand and unlock the door quickly slipping off my coat and shoes as Louis easily walks behind me. She's getting too big for me to carry but when she's sick like this it's hard for her to gain weight. She's been the same for so long, I just want her to grow up and be healthy.

I quietly walk up the steps to the third floor, constantly checking to see if Louis is behind me. I open the door to her room and pull the covers back as Louis gently lays her down. I pull her brown boots off and carefully peel away her teal jacket as Louis puts the covers back on her. I find her elephant and tuck it under her arm as Louis and I tip-toe out of the room. I leave the door open and find Patricia cleaning the bathroom just down the hallway letting her know I'm stepping out for just a bit and to keep an ear on Olivia.

I find Louis in the kitchen, arms crossed leaning against the counter. He's body is relaxed but his face says something different. It's tense. His bare toes are tapping along to an imaginary tune in his head as he rubs his chin.

“Thank you.” I can't help but feel the tension in the room.

He has a girlfriend.

I tell myself over and over again. I'm not that kind of person. I refuse to be that kind of person.

“You want some water before we go?” I ask him, before he has a chance to answer I'm walking to the fridge looking for bottles that haven't been opened.

“Sure.” His voice startles me a bit, he's been so quiet, I can feel his presence but he hasn't talked. “Can I ask you a question?” I take a deep breath, I get so tired of questions.

“Sure.”

“Why where you afraid to tell me your last name?”

“I wasn't afraid. It just never came up so I didn't say anything.” I tell him honestly. I pass him the water bottle and lean against the counter across from him.

“So I googled you.” He admits and I just know this is coming. I pull my long sleeves up around my hands and sway them back and forth nervously.

“And?” I prepare myself.

“How can you afford this house?”

“Honestly. The man that killed my husband, his father is like one of the richest men in the United States, he's from Nebraska. I had life insurance money from when James died and it ran out quickly when Olivia got sick and my mom suggested to file a civil suit for wrongful death. So I filed the motions and before I could, I met with his father and he gave me money. I didn't ask for the amount but it's enough to last for a long time.”

“I see. Um, does your brother have cancer?” There it is. Knew that would be up there.

I take a deep breath to prepare myself. “Well, he did.” I bring my hands up to my face and look back. “My younger brother had the same cancer that Olivia has, he died when he was eight. Nathan was diagnosed late, the treatment wasn't as advanced as it is now and everyone very hard to stop it but it just didn't work. That's why I fight so hard for Olivia.”

“Jesus. I'm sorry I brought that up.”

“It's fine. I mean it's something that will come up eventually, with anyone I know.” I take a drink of my water and think of ways to change the subject. “I'm sorry about Eleanor.” I tell him truthfully. I understand people getting upset easily but I'm not perusing him. All my focus is on Olivia, not a romance.

“It's not your fault. I shouldn't have lied to her about never meeting you, I shouldn't have wiped your eyes when you cried, it's something that can be misconstrued.” I watch him not make eye contact with me, darting his eyes back and for the on the ground, fidgeting with the water bottle. “Can I ask you something?” I looks up at me.

“Sure.” I'm suddenly nervous. That feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Was James the one for you?” I was taken back just a bit as I purse my lips.

“Yes.” I answer right away. This time I'm the one breaking the eye contact, setting me feet a little further out to lean back more on the counter.

“How did you know? When did you know?” He's suddenly very curious.

“When I kissed him the first time. It was different, we just seemed to fit together easily. I knew at that moment that I would spend the rest of my life with him. That no matter what it took we would be together forever. I didn't know it would be his forever and no our forever.” I explain. I thought we'd be together forever, what I didn't realize was that even if I didn't spend the rest of my life with him, he spent the rest of his life with me. “Why do you ask?”

“Eleanor. She-she wants to get engaged. She's given me a month, I have about three weeks left until she said she's going to leave me. I tell her she's the one but to be honest, I just don't know.” This is personal. This is something you don't just tell someone.

“Well what are you going to do?” I ask.

“I don't know. I love her, I really do, and this is the first time I've ever said this, I feel like our love is changing, it's not a romantic love anymore. But I don't know. It might just be the distance and how much time we've spent apart these last few years or it might just be the course of our relationship falling apart.” He looks so upset. So distraught.

“Well that's something you have to decide for yourself.” I don't really know what to say to him. This is something I wasn't expecting.

“I-I don't know why I've unloaded all of this on you, maybe because you don't know our life like everyone else does. I don't mean to share so much with you, I just feel really comfortable with you.” He's quiet, almost as if he's embarrassed for what he's just said.

“It's okay Louis.” I assure him.

“No, you have enough on your plate without me unloading all this on you too.” He leans is head back against the cabinet, his hair parting evenly around his forehead.

“Trust me Louis, I'm fine. I can handle a little drama. It's kind of nice actually to not have to talk about death and medical terms.” I try to laugh but when he's not laughing I recognize the face of pity. “Don't pity me, that's the worst. I don't need it.” I'm a little forceful but its the truth. I hate pity.

He abruptly stands up and looks at me.

“I don't pity you. You're unlike anyone I've ever met. If anything I admire you.” His voice is low, almost as if he's afraid of my reaction or how I'll respond.

I chose not to.

I don't know what to say.

I fidget with the sleeves of my shirt for a bit, pulling them down again, trying to contain my tears. I'm a hot mess lately.

I feel his presence close to me first.

Then his fingertips grazing my waist.

And before I know it, his hands pushing me towards him and our lips connecting. And then he kissed me.

Notes

OH MY GOODNESS.

Well, that has two meanings, one because they kissed...oh man. And TWO because ya'll are awesome. I didn't think I'd be coming back to all this amazing feedback. :)

What do you think of their kiss?? Trouble brewing? And once again, Kate just get's nailed by grief with her brother. And true story, Warren Buffet is a billionaire from Nebraska. Mad money.

And because I'm so amazed, I might post another chapter tonight. I've had two midterms today and another one for my night class in just two hours...eeks!! It's been a busy day that's for sure, who doesn't love tests? Oh wait....

Obsessed with an All about that Bass remix...by Dj Crysis. It's on youtube. My lil plug for the day. I'ts been on repeat like all day, check it out.

Love ya'll!!

xoxxo