one last dream(just an innocent darkness)

I didn't want to talk to anyone, my heart was hurting so much my mind was blank, I could no longer dream, now the only dream I could see was for Danny to breathe the air that was given to me, to live the life I'd been given to live...
...........................................................
2month later...


"Arosa, you have to stop behaving like this!"mum said, trying to control her voice not to shout at me.
"I talked to birdy last night mum, she sounded happy,it will be okay mum."I said, looking directly to her eyes, can't she see it??
"god!you can't just move to London like this!?"she said, sounding hurt and worried, with her back to me putting the plates on the sink.
"mum I need this...mum please, you have to understand that I need this..."I almost begged, I needed to leave, they say you should explore yourself before wanting to try new things, but there wasn't anything to explore in me, I needed to leave and I knew it's just so hard for her to let me go,she was the kind of mother who was always busy but also always trying to care for her loved ones, that's the point she cries every night cause she feels like it's her fault,like she always felt, even for stupid little things that happened, even for just a simple nose bleeding, I could see she was in pain and that just made my life a living hell,well more than what it already was...
"You can't Rosa..."she said, not facing me.
I hated what I was thinking to do, but I needed to use the petty, to use the weakness I knew she held there for me, the weak spot...
"it`s the last thing I'll ever ask for, it's my last dream."I said, hating myself for dragging her that far...
But was it really that far??
what if it wasn't that far after all...
...............................................................

I almost had everything packed, I really didn't need all the stuff in my suitcase though, I could just go with a light hand bag, I told mum that I wanna new chance a new page in my life, I couldn't breath the air here anymore...
with kisses and tears and only my mum standing there at the airport I said goodbye, to everything, when I was finally on the plain, I though of my plans again, birdy has an apartment so I'll stay there, thinking of birdy, I thought about how much can a person change in a year...
the answer wasn't simple to me, after all it was my life that changed, totally upside down in just a year or so, but about her?I guess she is still the same...

so the plan was that I'll get into art uni, continuing what I was doing before, doing the only thing I'm good at, painting and keep my secret so I could open a new page in my life without cancer in it....
But I was nervous too, I didn't need to use the therapy like before, it was like cancer was buying me time to live a little bit of my dreams .
the fact was that all of that could change in just a heartbeat...
Then, well for that part...I didn't have any plans for that.

I felt asleep for the rest of the way and when I woke up my feet guide me to the streets I've dreamt to see for a long long time.
I gasped at the beautiful classic buildings, I was here after all!!
It was reality this time...
I digged my hand inside the small bag I had on my shoulder and dialed her number.
"oh my god!!tell me you are here!!"she almost screamed from the other line, full of excitement.
I giggled."yup, birdy I'm finally in London!!"
I heard her screaming, with just knowing her she was jumping up and down!
she was the crazy, funny, caring type, maybe I could learn some from her....
"uummm, I think I'm lost! This buildings are all the same."yes they are classic beautiful buildings but they are all the same!
I looked around with my suitcase in hand, now I'm regretting the stuff I brought.
"um, okay...don freak out...umm describe the buildings around you!?"she said.
What!?is she serious!?!god this situation is getting funny, I've forgotten we were just like pat & mat!!haha just like old days.
I glanced around,"birdy they are one kind just different color!!...are you serious!?.I don think..."
I bumped to someone and just perfect, he had a coffee in hand!!!well now it's on my dark blue dress!!!
"ohh!! I'm sorry, are you okay??!"he said. Taking his black sunglasses off.
I stood there still, I met two green eyes and a boy with almost long hair, with some curls at the end...he seems so familiar?
great first day in London and I think the first boy I see is familiar!hah!it`s just great, I shook my head to push the silly idea of us knowing each other away.
He was looking at me with nervous expression!?
"um,fine I guess, yes..." I said smiling, I smell like coffee...
"I can pay for the dress."he said and my eyes just widened.
"what!? I didn't ask that!!" I said almost hurt, who does he thinks he is!?
well he seems wealthy, I can tell from the good cloth and the perfume he was wearing, focus Rosa!!
"sorry, I didn't mean to say anything bad!"he said.
"It`s okay." I said. I suddenly heard birdy almost screaming on the other line.god I had completely forgotten about her!she was speaking the whole time!
I put my phone near my ear again looking away from the handsome boy who was still looking at me.
"sorry birdy!...no...I'm alive!haha!! It's okay I'll ask the address from other people till I find your place!...aha...Ok."
I huffed and breathed out again.
Ok so I just need to find someone who knows London.
I began to walk forward as I heard the familiar voice again.
" can't find the address!? I'm from England, so I know it here."
he said and I turned around surprised.
"that would be nice of you!"
"the honor is mine!"right British people are like this!
"okay!" I smiled at his face.
" I'm harry by the way."he looked at me unsure.
"Rosa, nice to meet you harry."
there was something about him.
something that made me forget I was keeping a secret...
I like this new life...

Notes

Hello!:)
I'm here again!;)
luv u all!!!

xoxo
A.M