one last dream(just an innocent darkness)

My eyes were still closed,slowly moving my body against the hospital sheets, it's not that it's painful simply lying there, closing your eyes and letting your mind fly high, where ever it wants to fly...
who ever you want to think of, it's possible, whatever you want to dream, it's free, painless
my wildest dreams were just being away from that petty looks people gave me.
Some of them looked at me like I was a freak.
Some behaved like I'm dying and they should be crying on my shoulder.
Some said nothing keeping a distance relationship.
What hurts the most?
It`s just the fact that these people we are talking about were my life, for 17 years, closest things I've ever had, closest thing that a person can have, family, friends...
But it all shaded slowly, they all took a step back, hah!
some of them even disappeared in the darkness of my most fearful nightmares...
I moved my body again shifting my head up, opening my eyes meeting the white walls again, blinking rapidly in disbelieve there was a flower lying near my chest,on the white sheets, with a card near it.
I love roses, this one was a blue one, my favorite color, perfect match, I thought.

Happy 18th birthday little wild city bird!
I wish I could be there with you, keep it strong as ever!
Best friends are for hard times,right?;)
wish you the bests, still the same birdy:)

I felt a fire rising in my heart, it feels good, I still have a friend, a true one, despite the fact that birdy had to move to london a year ago, she still keeps in touch, well it's before I found out about my sickness, so she is clueless about it, maybe that's why she is still a friend...
I hadn't realized tears were running through my face, it was a mixture of hope and pain and loneliness,I covered my face and breathed in and out, for a second I just dreamt I could go back in time and never tell the others my secret.

I heard the door, and wiped my face with the back of my hands.
When he came in I felt happy that it was just him.
"rosa?can I stay in your room for awhile?"he asked.
Playing with his little hands, he was the strongest kid I've ever seen in my life, just a five year old boy, struggling with cancer, the only reason that I could go on with the fear of how it will finally end for me, was that I needed to be strong for him too.

"Of course Danny!"I smiled.
"I made something for you!"he said while he sat on the bed next to me,with a painting in his little hands.
"oh is that for me??danniel?!"god I love this kid, he has to get better and leave this hospital,he has to.
"uum,uhuum it's for you,happy birthday"he said while his cheeks got red.I smiled my brightest one, the one I've forgotten in years, leaning closer to kiss his soft small innocent cheeks.
"thank you!"my eyes fixed on the painting.
........................................................

I heard sounds,it was like someone was crying, I opend my eyes, it was still dark outside,I slowly lifted my self from the bed going to the door, opening it, I saw Mrs Miller.
I took small steps, my body feels sore.
whats going on?!
"what is it?" I asked a nurse who was new, she seemed young and it was like she had cried.
"it`s the small boy named danniel next room."she said with a shaky voice.
I stoped dead, no please, no it can't be...

Notes

So I cried writing this...
..................
what happened to little danny??
soon harry is going to come do you think things will get any better???
....................
Xoxo
Love u all

A.M