If You Don't Know

After yesterday, I immediately told every fan who Tweeted, commented on my Instagram, or any other social media that Ashton and I weren’t together any longer, due to some shit. I never went into detail. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go with them, or stay, Luke was trying to get me to go with them, but I wanted to stay, or go back to Sheffield.

Why would Ashton do this to me though? He told me he loved me. Why would he lie? And that’s what got me. Am I just, not good enough? All the boys have tried talking to him, asking him the questions I had. But he wouldn’t answer. He’s been in his hotel room all day. If I put my ear to the door, he’s crying. I decide, maybe I should go talk to him. I knock on the door 3 times. He shouted to go away. I tell him it’s me. And he says come in. I walk in, and examine the room. It was freezing cold, there were tissues all over the floor.

“What do you want?” Ashton called out from the bathroom. “We need to talk.” I said. My voice shaky, trying to hold back tears. I really, really, REALLY, liked Ashton, and I wanted to work things out. I had gotten dressed earlier this morning, so it looked like I was about to go out, but in all reality, Michael had gone out last night and went shopping with me, so I wanted to wear it, haha.

“You look nice.” Ashton said, coming from the bathroom. “Uh, you do too…?” I lied. “No need to lie.” He laughed awkwardly. “Can we talk?” I asked and he nodded. I sat down on the computer chair and he sat on the bed. “Completely honest?” He asked. “Yeah.” I said and grabbed some tissues, I knew I was going to cry.

“I don’t even know why I didn’t break it off with Alexandria. You’re the complete package, the girl everyone wants right? Beautiful body, face, personality; you’re the girl every other girl wants to be. And Alexandria, she was like, my friend with benefits. I didn’t like her, I just wanted sex. She lives in my hometown, so I’ve known her for years, but right before you and I met, her and I started being fuck buddies. I wanted to break it off with her, as soon as I met you. But I knew she liked me, a lot. And I didn’t want to hurt her. And I knew it was wrong. And I should’ve told you, especially since I asked you out, in front of a sold out show yesterday. I was just, hoping you wouldn’t find out, until I broke it off with her and told you.” He said choking on his words.

My eyes were burning with tears, I didn’t even know what to say. “I wanted to protect you,” He spoke after the long silence, “I still do, I just, I know you hate me. Oli and Hannah probably hate me too. The boys are beyond pissed at me. Right now you’d probably be better off with Luke or Chase. You probably hate me more than you hate Chase…” he stopped and fell into his pillow, trying to muffle his cries. I got up and walked over to the bed. I sat down next to him and rubbed his bare back. “Ashton…” I spoke, hardly being able to, tears were pouring out of my eyes. He sat up, and with the tissue in my hand I wiped his eyes. I smiled at him. “I could forgive you for it all. But I don’t know if I can forgive you for telling me I was your only. When I obviously wasn’t.” I said and he sighed loudly.

“I understand that. I don’t know how you could still stand me right now. I’m fucking pathetic.” He spat. “Hey now,” I said bringing his eyes to mine, “Stop that. You’re fucking amazing okay? Stop it.” His eyes looked down, onto the bed sheets, then back up to me. “Tori…” He whispered, barely being able to get it out. He stared into my eyes and pulled my close to him, our lips met, and he kissed me, the kiss was full of sorrow and passion. I could feel that he was truly sorry. We broke apart and I smiled.

I got up, and walked out of the room. I walked into the other boy’s room. They were all sitting on the couch watching TV. They were asleep when I left, so they didn’t get to see me in my new clothes. “God damn.” Luke spoke and I laughed, “Like?” I winked and spun around. “Love.” He cooed. “Where were you?!” Michael asked. “I went to talk to Ashton.” I said and Luke’s eyes grew wide, “Oh yeah?” He hissed, “What about?”

“I asked him the questions you guys did, but he answered me.” I said and gave them a summary about what he said. Then I said we kissed. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. “Well,” Luke winked, walking up to me. “I’m always available.” “Haha, yeah… I honestly think, that I’m going to go back to Sheffield, and think things over.” I said awkwardly shifting away from him. “What?! No!!” Calum shouted. “Why not? You guys need your full attention on shows and fans, not A girl.” “Because you’re rad as fuck babe.” Luke said and I opened the door. “Listen, I’m going to go call Hannah and see what she thinks.”

I walked into the hallway and down the stairs until I was in the lobby. I asked to use a conference room and they let me. With a laptop in hand, I Skyped Hannah. “Hello?” She answered sleepily. Shit it was still night time.
Me: Hannah fuck! I’m sorry, I forgot it was late there. ~Awkward chuckle~
Her: It’s okay love. What’s up?
Me: Guy advice please?
Her: If course darling, I saw your stuff on Instagram, what’s going on?
Me: Well, the night before last. Ashton asked me out. On stage, in front of a sold out show right? Well yesterday, I was going to Skype you from his account, just so I didn’t have to log out of his and into mine. And I got caught up in these messages, with some chick. And so I was like ‘hey well why not Skype her?’ she answered, the call, completely butt ass naked. And said “Hey Ashton. Naked, just like you like it.” She’s 15. And I got pissed. And then today, we talked. And he’s truly sorry. And Luke really likes me too. But I kind of want to go home, but then they want me to stay with them.
Her: I see your issue.
Oli: I think you should come back. We miss you too much. ~Laugh~
Me: I don’t know what to do.
Hannah: Maybe you should come home darling. We sent you away because of Chase. But he got locked up again. In the US for stalking some girl.
Oli: Yeah, seriously Tori. Come home. There’s a shit ton of other guys who would love to be with you.
Me: But I like who I’m with… -sigh-
Oli: Just listen to some music babe. It’ll help. Alright? Or what about those One Direction boys, yeah? They could help.
Me: I’ll try music first. Text you guys later alright? Love you both –blows kiss-
Hannah & Oli: -blows kiss back- love you too darling.
--End Call—

I plugged my headphones into my phone and started listening to In Fear and Faith. They were by far one of my favorite bands. I left the hotel and walked aimlessly around downtown San Antonio. I took a taxi to the river, and got on a boat and sailed the river. They were serving lunch so I ate. “Well hello there.” A guy said, and sat across from me. “Hi.” I said awkwardly. “How are you?” “I’m fine. Listen I really don’t want to talk right now okay?” I said and he walked off.

The boat stopped and I got out. It was hot as fuck. I went into some ice cream shop and got some vanilla ice cream. I kept feeling my phone go off. And I checked to see the texts. A lot asking where I was from Luke. Then Calum texted and told me he was coming to find me. I paid for my ice cream and started walking back to the hotel. These heals were not helping me at all. Half way there I stopped and waited on Calum. Maybe 20 minutes later he got there and ran up to me. “Dear god Tori. Why are you sitting here all by yourself?!” He shouted. “Well I walked, half way. Which is here, and then my feet hurt.” I said and pointed to my shoes.

He laughed and told me to get on his back. So he gave me a piggy back ride the rest of the way. He’s pretty fucking awesome. And strong, I mean damn. I weigh at least 110 pounds (49kg) we got back and the boys were sitting in the lobby. When Calum came in with me, I felt the tension in the room, drop. “You guys seriously didn’t think I ran away did you?” I laughed. “No but we thought you were on a plane!” Michael shouted and hugged me. “I didn’t even realize how long I was gone.” “4 hours!” Luke shouted. Ashton was sitting there quietly. “Ashton are you alright?” I asked and walked over to him. He nodded and got up. “What did you guys say to him?!” I shouted. “Nothing!” Michael and Luke shouted.

“Ashton! Ashton wait!” I said and he stopped. “Stop please, my feet are killing me. I don’t know what I want to do yet okay?” I said and he nodded. “I want you.” I said and his face went from sad, to happy. “I want you too.” He laughed and hugged me.

Notes

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=132689615