Being Carter Hood (5SOS)

~ Carter's P.O.V ~
I study every blank detail of the marble black walls across the hall.. counting every white speck mixed into the black nearly reaching two hundred while glancing at the rising sun peeking through the tour bus windows while the smooth sound of everyones breathing as they sleep, repeats

My back leans against my wall as i sit in the middle of my bed facing the empty hall with my knees laying carelessly against my sheets and my hands picking at one another with suspense.
The next morning is here and it seems like it came so quick, that the time flew by just sitting here, but in reality it didn't I was just to distracted to notice. Honestly I didn't want to notice, because that would mean it'd be day three without her. And without her.. Nothing seemed right.

I haven't talked to anyone since. I've only talked to myself in my head.. Pleading to my thoughts that keep picking at me, to stop. I'm not sure they ever will.. They are driving me crazy and soon I might loose it, then again I think I already have.
Once i reach 282 white specks I hear two voices greeting eachother with a good morning. I don't even bother to glance in that direction or try to guess who the voices belong to. I keeping my eyes glued the wall.

283, 284,..285, 286..
Someone clears their throat towards me but I ignore them. I feel them walk right infront of my bunk bed as I continue counting in my head. I can see them so I knew who it is but I still didn't bother looking. Soon the bed shifts as the person climbs the small ladder to get to me.

For some reason he didn't say anything.. Which I didn't understand. When he sits next to me I finally feel the need to look at him. As I look at my brother blankly I study his restless features.. Calum looks back at me with so much unspoken emotions. He then wraps his arms around me and hugs me closely to his chest.

Thats when it came to me. He didn't say anything, because he understands.. He's the only one who does and here I was sitting here thinking I was all alone in this..
Slowly I set my hands on Calum's back and lean into his hug.. As we both let the tears fall. We sit here for a while just embracing one another like we haven't done since a long time... I dont even remember the last time. The sounds of everyone waking up begin and we pull apart.
"Hey you two.." Luke greats us with a soft smile. "I'm going to make some breakfast. Are you hungry?" He asks and looks at me for a response. I wipe away a tear and keep my mouth shut. "Yeah I am. How about you sis?" Calum sniffles and I look at him and shake my head. Suddenly Michael enters the area clueless to the conversation. "Hey guys. I came to check on my baby girl." He says while walking in with a soft smile like Luke. It soon drops as Calum speaks up. "Carter you need to eat.. I'm not letting you starve yourself." He pushes and I don't attempt to look at Michaels concered expression before I shake my head no again. Calum sighs and looks to Luke who nods and walks away. A fresh tear falls down my cheek.

Michael remains quiet but doesn't stop staring as I try everything to avoid his gaze. "Fine. But you are at least taking a shower." Calum says after kissing my forehead. A shower? How can he expect me to do that when I haven't even attempted to leave my bed in three days? I stare at Calum and he takes in my look. "I understand... A bath then. I'll get Stella to help." He tells me then walks away before I could shake my head no. I mentally grunt then pull my knees to my chest.
"Carter.." Michael mumbles and I jump slightly, forgetting he was there. "Come here baby." He says, wanting to make me feel better. I stare at him, my blank face returning. My composure breaks as I feel the sadness breaking me down. My bottom lip quivers. As I make my way to Michael. He takes me into his arms bridal style just as Stella walks in the hall. "Will you take her into the bathroom?" I hear her ask and he nods a yes. I release a sob as I grip onto his t shirt. I know I seem like I dont want anyone to bother me.. But really, I hope they don't stop.
Michael sets me on the edge of the bath tub. "Do you need anything?" He asks Stella then looks at me. "Nope all good. Thanks." She says. I grab his hand and look up at him as he takes a step to leave. Making his gentle green eyes look down at me, worried. "Dont go." I mumble for the first time in a while, almost not audible. His eyes widen slightly as Stella's look a bit surprised. I dont care if he was about to see me naked.. I wanted him with me right now.

"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Please." I say a bit more hesitant. He gives me an assuring smile and kisses my cheek and takes my hands in his.

"Of course im here for you whenever." Michael tells me sweetly, then Stella agrees.
"We all are."

Notes

I worked sooooo hard on this chapter. I kept editing it , making sure it was good. So let me know what you think <3