Being Carter Hood (5SOS)

What is wrong with me!?
I am so lucky to be able to go to award shows like these, get invited to this after party, and meet amazing people, but here I am sitting and looking blankly around the beautiful balcony filled with laughing celebrities, caters, and swaying bodies when I should be dancing my ass off. I'm so selfish! I envy the people who can totally put of act saying they are fine without any suspicious, but I'm not one of those people. I can't just ignore my feelings. Its not who I am.
I honestly know exactly how I feel about everything going on with Michael then with Luke and the media. I am not lying to myself on how I feel, but I'm also not going to tell anyone or do anything about it.. Thats not putting on an act, right?
"Hey you should come dance!" My brother walks over to me while bobbing his head to the music. "No thanks I'm not really in the mood." I shrug and his face softens before taking a seat next to me. "Carter what's wrong? Honestly just tell me." He puts his arm around me. I look to him with hesitation. "I-I um.." I begin to say but couldn't seem to continue. "I'll tell you later, okay? I promise." I lie and spread my lips to a smile. Calum nods his head. "Okay. Fine." He mumbles. "I might go home in a bit." I tell him as he raises from the expensive built in couch. "Alright. If you can't find me when you want to leave then text me so I know you left. Also when you arrive at the hotel." Calum kisses my cheek sweetly before beginning to bob his head again and strut over to Niall and Ashton who are dancing widely.

"Have you seen, Luke?" I gently grab Stella's arm as she walks past me as I ask. "He left early, said he wasn't feeling well." She shrugs and begins to walk again. Well, I hope he's okay. Maybe I should go back to hotel to check on him, because thats what friends do. They check up on eachother. Yup just friends.
I quickly grab my klutch placed on the table and stand up, before I take a step a body smoothly collides with mine.

"Hey.. Carter, I r-really think we should talk." Michael stumbles back slightly and I grab a hold of his shoulders as he slurs his words. "Jeeze Michael, how much did you drink?" My expression concerned. I've never seen Michael completely wasted and damn he is wasted! You can just tell when you look at him by how his eyes are. "I lost count.." He says while giggling. A sigh escapes my lips. "Come on. You should go back with me." I couldn't just leave him like this so I wrap my arm around his back and place his arm around my shoulder making our side press against one anothers. That way I can help him balance his walking in case he stumbles to much and falls. " I'll go anywhere with you." He says to me with a serious face. I quickly look away and try to ignore he said that.

Its like his eyes are latched onto my face the whole time we make our way down stairs to the side walk. With awkward silence. Well for me anyways, he's probably too drunk to notice. The cold breeze hits our bodies when I push open the exit door. Michaels eyes wander upon the buildings and passing cars as we walk. "Do you like traveling, Michael?" I ask in curiosity, breaking the silence. The way he was looking around.. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. "Sometimes. I'm great full of course, but sometimes I miss the littles things about home. Like being able to lay on my living room couch all day." Michael looks down to me. "Yeah. I would to if I was gone as much from home as you are." I reply while kicking a rock out of our path, for no reason really. Suddenly Michaels body leans clumsily to the right. I quickly go with him trying to pull him back up. "Damn. You need to just go to bed." I laugh at his actions. Soon balancing us up again before entering our hotel building.
In the elevator he started to ramble on about the awards. I was following his every word. Actually suprised on how much he paid attention to the important things. He's still talking as I enter his hotel bedroom by sliding his card in. "-You know what I mean?" Michael asks as I walk us over to his bed. I noticed how Luke wasn't in his bed but then quickly realized the shower was on in the bathroom. "Definitely." I smile while pulling back his covers than him sitting on the side of the bed. He begins to talk of another topic when I go to the small fridge in the corner and grab him a water bottle. I open the lid and hand it to him before bending my knees to take off his shoes. I hear him stop talking when I do this. "You are so amazing.. I mean here I am so drunk and even when your mad at me you help me. I didn't know you cared for me." He mumbles the last sentence and I look up at him like he's crazy, but then soften my expression. "Of course I care. I always have." I reply while taking off one of his shoes then tossing it near his suit cases.
"I envy Luke.. He has you. He's so lucky to be able to hug you, lay with you, talking to you when ever he wants.. I want that so bad, to kiss you and feel your soft skin against mine. You are so beautiful." Michael tells me passionately with mixed emotions. Its like my heart stopped and my eyes were lost in where to look. Its impossible to hate him, be mean, ignore him when he says stuff like this. Even when he's drunk! They say your true colors come out when your drunk, but I can't. As much as I want to attack him with kisses. I won't when he's drunk. Sadly, he won't even remember this in the morning. I looking down and stay silent as I take off his other shoe. I feel his gaze piercing into me. He begins talking, rambling on about me, him, us, and Luke.
"Michael." I try to get him to stop but he keeps going. "Michael." I try again slightly louder. He doesn't budge. "Michael." I whisper while placing my hand on his cheek. He looks to me and immediately stops talking when he feels my touch. Its so beautiful how he closes his eyes to admire and leans into it. "Look at me." I say and he opens his eyes. "I promise we will talk tomorrow. You need to remember it." My hand stays against his cheek as he nods to my words. I grab the water bottle out of his hand and place it on the night stand. "Here. You probably don't want to sleep with your jacket." I mutter before taking his jacket off for him. I feel his break against my face and it takes every strength in me to ignore it.
"Thanks." He says while turning his body and laying on his back with his head on the pillow. "No problem." I reply softly. I go to walk away but I'm stopped by him grabbing my hand. I look down at him. "Goodnight, beautiful." My body instantly gets chills as he rubs his thumb over the top of my hand as he says this. "G-Goodnight Michael." I stutter. Then walk towards the door. Still in aw of what happened tonight..

Notes

I won't be updating for this story this weekend since I'll be updating for my new story that isn't up yet. So I want to get that story started but it will only be a couple days I won't update for this one. Nothing new.