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Please Stay With Me

Chapter 27

Harry’s P.O.V.

Three months. Its been three fucking months since I’ve seen her. I saw my family pretty much every other weekend, and the boys came here often to visit me. Liam only came once and he told me he didn't want Gabriella to fly right now because of her being pregnant. He gave me a letter she wrote me and it was amazing to hear from her at all. Louis told me she came to see me the day before I left for rehab, but he thought it wasn't a good idea. I was pretty pissed about that to be honest, but they more time I’ve spent here the more I realized how right Louis was. I was in a bad place at the time and seeing Gabby wouldn't have helped me at all.

When I first got here I thought it was absolute bullshit. I was pissed at everyone and everything. I felt like everyone was against me, like I nobody on my side. They cut off my contact with everyone. I had no phone and absolutely no way to call anyone. They had to contact me and it was mostly through letters because of the whole long distance situation. I received tons of letters from my family, the boys, management, and fans. They all wished a fast recovery and that they hoped I got help for all my “problems”. I was honestly pissed the fuck off at first because I didn't believe anything was wrong. It took me actually two months of my treatment to admit that I had an actual problem with alcohol. Its been almost ninety days since I’ve had a drink. All I pretty much do here now is work out and talk to my therapist about Gabby. I couldn't wait to be home, I missed my life outside of this facility. Not the drinking or partying aspects of my life but just being able to write and play my music.

My therapist told me my biggest struggle is that I don’t know how to forgive. He said I was a grudge holder and honestly I couldn't even disagree with him. I knew I was holding a grudge towards Liam and Gabby. He told me I was angry and I was. Key word here is, was. He told me something that I honestly haven't been able to forget. He told me “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. I wouldn't say that opened my eyes miraculously but it did make me think, a lot. I realized he had a point. What was holding on to this anger going to accomplish? It did nothing to be honest all it did was make myself more miserable. It made me realize that I couldn't live my life like this anymore, harboring anger would do nothing but make my life hell. I didn't want that anymore.

Gabby’s letter was one of the first one’s I got and the first one I opened. At that point I didn't even care what the others had to say, only her. After I read what she wrote I immediately broke down and cried. Long story short she apologized and told me how she felt like my drinking and me ending up in rehab was all her fault. She told me she was sorry for sleeping with Liam behind my back and she is sorry that it had to happen like this. She told me she was in love Liam and she told me she would always love me, but not romantically. That’s what made me cry to be honest, the fact that after everything I was still hopelessly in love with Gabriella. I wanted to marry her for crying out loud. I didn't respond to her letter, I couldn’t. It wasn't the right time then. Thats what I was going to do today I was going to finally respond to her letter. I just hope I could get through it in one piece. I sat down at my desk and just wrote.

Dear Gabriella,

Hi, its me Harry. Well you’ll obviously know that its me when you get this letter because its addressed from me to you. Anyways I didn't think it would hurt to mention it. I’m sorry for responding to this letter basically three months late. Truth be told I’ve been staring at this same piece of paper everyday since I received your letter. I wanted to talk to you in person but I’ve decided this couldn't wait till I got home. But have you heard the news? I come home in two weeks. My therapist along with the other doctors agree that they think I’m well enough to come home soon. I’m so happy to be coming home, I miss my family, the boys, and I miss you very much. After almost three full months of looking at your letter I think I know what to say, I just hope the words are right.

September 26, 2012. I remember that day like it was yesterday Gabby, do you? That was the first day I ever laid eyes on you. I remember Liam telling me and the rest of the boys that you were coming out to LA for a couple weeks to visit him. I honestly didn't think to much about it, I was just expecting a normal girl to come and hang out with us for a few weeks. I remember when you walked in to the hotel room. You were wearing a black sundress with gray converse, my favorite combination of clothing on a girl may I add. Your hair was in its natural waves and you hardly had on any makeup. You definitely were not what I was expecting. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and you still are Gabriella. I knew right then and there I had to make you mine, I had to have you. I remember when I walked up to you to say hi, your face got red and you started to stutter when I asked your name. I could tell you were nervous but if only you knew how nervous I was. I knew I probably looked calm and collected but on the inside I was shaking in my boots. I wasn't actually wearing boots, its just an expression. I was nervous as hell when I even came in contact with you. I was scared I was going to say the wrong thing, or just completely make a fool of myself. I loved when I would catch you looking at me, because I knew I wasn't the only one who was looking. Yes, every time I caught you looking at me was because I was going to look at you. I would always find myself embarrassed when Louis would walk around teasing me and you about how we liked each other. I was embarrassed because I thought you didn't feel the same about me. I mean what could a girl as smart, caring, and as beautiful as you want with a guy like me? I honestly still ask myself that question till this very day.

October 12, 2012. This day still makes me nervous. Our very first date. I had finally gained the courage to ask you out. It took about twenty pep talks and Louis’s constant teasing to give me the courage I needed. But before I did anything I wanted to make sure Liam was okay with it. I was pretty nervous to be honest, not nervous about asking him. I was nervous because I knew I was going to have to compete with him. Liam knew everything possible about you and I only knew a small fraction. He knew what you liked on your pizza, he knew how you liked to have someone play with your hair to fall asleep, he knew that you liked to listen to “On top of the World” by Imagine Dragons when ever you were upset. I should have know then that Liam would always have a piece of your heart that I could never have, I should have know then your heart always belonged to him. I would see the way he looked at you, he looked at you like a blind man that was seeing light for the very first time. I knew then he was in love with you and I knew you were in love with him as well. I decided to just go for it anyways because he had Danielle and I figured that it was just friendly love and I was looking too much into things. When I asked him if it was alright to ask you on a date, I saw a hint of sadness is his eyes, I thought maybe he was scared about losing his best friend. But now I know he was scared about losing somebody he loved. He agreed to let me ask you but he told me if I ever hurt you he would kick my ass. I never had the intention of hurting you nor do I have the intention of hurting you now. But yes now the date. That was honestly the best evening of my life. I remember you ordered more food than Niall and you ate every last bit of it plus dessert. It was so effortless with you, it was like we could talk constantly for hours and never run out of stuff to say. It was the perfect date anybody could ask for, and Gabriella I’m honestly so glad it was with you.

October 24, 2012. Our very first kiss and the day I asked you to officially be my girlfriend. That’s very memorable in itself. After our first date I couldn't get enough of you. I had this urge inside me to spend every waking moment with you. We were sitting on a park bench in central park. I remember you telling me how you’ve always wanted to go to New York and I wanted to be the first person to ever take you there. We spent hours site seeing and we both found it amazing that nobody recognized me at all. I remember how excited you got when you got to feed the ducks. I thought it was very cute to be honest because I’ve never seen anyone that excited over ducks. I had planned to kiss you that day but I just didn't know how. I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted you to remember it. Do you remember Gabby? I remember we sat down on the bench and you were eating a strawberry ice cream cone. I remember the debate we had over whether strawberry was better than chocolate, which by the way its not. Chocolate is best, everyone knows it. You decided it would be a good idea to put some ice cream on my face resulting in an ice cream fight and everybody looking at us screaming and getting ice cream all over the place. I felt it, I felt like it was the perfect time to kiss you. Just as I was about to lean in you got up to get napkins and I fell off the bench landing flat on my face. You quickly rushed to my aid and we ended up bumping heads in the process, I was always Mr. Smooth wasn't I? I pushed a piece of hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear, I felt you tense up. I leaned in anyway and pressed my lips to yours. They were very soft and tasted like strawberries might I add. I felt like time was moving fast and slow at the same time, I felt butterflies in my stomach and I felt like everybody had vanished like it was just me and you in the park. Nothing else mattered in that moment, it was just me and you. Lets just say after that I took a liking to strawberry ice cream. I remember we got back to the hotel and you asked me if you could make a sandwich. I knew right then I wanted to make my girlfriend. I could tell you were comfortable with me and you were basically the only girl I had ever dated that wouldn't order a salad at a restaurant. You made your sandwich and I remember going into the kitchen to make myself one. Before I put the sandwich together I wrote “Will you be my girlfriend?” in mustard on the piece of bread. You looked at me excitedly and grabbed the collar of my shirt and kissed me. I didn't need an official yes because I knew you actions answered for you.

December 25, 2012. Our first I love you. I had wanted to tell you I loved you for so long. I never expected to fall in love Gabriella, it just happened. It was impossible NOT to fall in love with you. You were everything good in this world, you still are. It’s impossible to not feel happy when people are around you. I loved how you were so sweet but were still feisty at times. I loved how you only at sandwiches with the crust cut off. I loved how you liked ketchup so much but couldn't stand tomatoes. I loved how you always cried at The Notebook but still insisted we watch it all the time. I loved how you needed to hold my hand every time we flew on a plane because it calmed you down. I loved how you snuggled into my chest at night. I loved how you played with my curls while trying to fall asleep. I loved how you always danced in the car and sung along to every song. I loved how you trusted me enough to let me see your art work. I loved how you took care of me when I was sick. I loved how you took care of me even when I wasn't sick. I loved how you would kiss me every morning when we woke up, despite our morning breathe, and every night before we went to sleep. I loved how you supported me and the other boys so much. I loved how you were my biggest fan. I loved how you loved and cared about my family so much. I loved how you would sing in the shower, even though you thought I couldn't hear. I loved how you always liked to eat dessert before your meal. I loved how you insisted I always squeeze from the middle of the tooth paste tube. I loved how you would trace the outline of my tattoos. I could go on and on Gabriella but most importantly, I loved you because I could see how much you loved me. I never saw that before in another girl. I remember the day before Christmas you were doing some last minute shopping, as usual. I didn't tell you but I found the present you were planning to give me, and yes I was snooping. I remember finding a picture that you drew of us, along with a framed photo to match the drawing. I noticed on the bottom of the photo you put “Merry Christmas Harry, I love you”. I knew I had to get a move on, I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I tried put the present back how I found it and you didn't seem to notice so I was in the clear. On christmas morning I remember waking up and rushing downstairs. I had to give you your present first. I remember when I was picking out your present. I was hesitant at first because I didn’t know if you thought it was too soon. I picked out a silver heart locket and asked the jeweler if he could engrave my name on the front of it. He asked me one last time if I wanted to add anything else to the locket. I made the decision in about .5 seconds. I said yes and I told him to put “I love you” on the back of it. When I found your present, I felt like the happiest man in the world. I knew you loved me and I was happy to know that we planned on telling each other on the same day. When I gave you your gift I remember you noticing my name on the front. “So I’ll always be in your heart, no matter where I go.” I told you and you smiled at me and kissed me. I told you to look on the back and when you did, I saw tears fill your eyes. You kissed me and you told me “I love you Harry, I’ll always love you. I promise”. Looking back I guess you kept that promise, and so will I.

December 31, 2012. This is honestly my favorite day out of the many we shared. It was the day we first made love.It’s not my favorite day because we had sex, its my favorite day because in that moment I was yours completely and you were mine. I wanted to take you to New York because its beautiful during December and I wanted to take you somewhere that was almost as beautiful as you. I didn't plan on us having sex that night, but it was definitely one night I’ll never forget. We were in America so we couldn't enjoy the drinking festivities of New Years Eve, but in a way I was glad. I wanted that night to be memorable. It was our first New Years Eve together and I wanted us to remember that night. We counted down to the new year and we shared a new years kiss. What happened next was something that I would never forget. You whispered “Harry I’m ready.” into my ear and then we shared the most passionate kiss I think we’ve ever shared. I felt like my stomach had dropped and I felt my palms start to sweat. I was definitely nervous. I knew it was your first time and I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. It wasn't my first time but I knew that I had to be gentle with you. I knew I had to be careful with you. I wanted to make sure you felt safe with me. I was hesitant at first which I’m sure you remember, do you? I didn't want to hurt you and I knew pain was something you were going to have to face. You told me it was okay but in all honesty I felt guilty. I felt guilty that it felt so good for me and I knew you were in absolute pain. I remember wanting to stop be you stroked my cheek and kissed my lips. “Its okay I trust you Harry. I’m safe, I love you” you told me, I knew it that moment it was my first time along with you. It was always just fucking with those other girls, it never mean’t anything to me. You were the first girl that it finally meant something with, it’s an experience I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget it because Gabriella that night with you was my first time, that night was the night I had made love for the first time in my life. I had never felt so close to anybody in my entire life than I did with you that night. I loved you so much and I loved that you trusted me so much to give me your virginity. If I could relive that night I would, and I cant tell you how grateful I am that you let me be that close to you in such an intimate way. I’m happy I was the first and I’m happy you were mine. Not technically but you know what I mean, I’m happy I got to make love to you. I never told you this but when people ask me about my first time I say it was you, because in actuality it was. It didn't mean anything until you and I don’t think it ever will mean anything unless its with you. That Gabriella was the absolute best night of my life.

November 17, 2014. Its quite a time jump isn't it? This day was the absolute worst day of my life. It was the day you and Liam told me about California and that you were now pregnant. I felt like my world was pulled out from underneath me. That day I was expecting everything to be different, and it was different but not the way I imagined. I had wanted to make that night perfect for you. I decorated the whole house and I made your favorite meal. I had planned to ask you to marry me that night.I knew I wanted you to be my wife and I wanted to be with you forever. After I left that night I went to the bar and fucked the bartender. I tried to forget about you, but every time I looked at her I would see your face. I couldn't go through with it at first, but I ended up giving in anyway. I had never experience so much hurt in my entire life, and I never pictured all this hurt and anger to be directed towards you and Liam. I felt so angry and betrayed, thats a type of hurt I don’t wish on anybody.

To make matters worse a month after finding out about you and Liam, Simon told me I had to go to rehab. I was pretty pissed at first and I’m not going to lie I blamed it all on you and Liam. That’s where I went wrong Gabriella. It was so easy to blame someone else but in actuality, I was the only one to blame. I chose to drink away my sorrows and start to take everything for granted. It was my fault, my problem and until recently I didn't want to admit that to myself. Everything seemed to be going wrong in my life, and it hurt to much to admit that I was fucking up again. That night I lied to you about Kendall, was the biggest mistake I think I’ve ever made. If I would have told you the truth, this whole situation might not have happened. Maybe we would be engaged or you would be pregnant with my child rather than Liam’s. The whole purpose of this letter was to tell you that I’m sorry and that I’m not mad anymore. I’m not mad at you or Liam. You’re what? Seven months pregnant now? I hope everything is going well for you, last I heard Liam told me you two were having a baby girl. I know she is going to beautiful just like you, I hope she likes me. I am going to be uncle Harry soon, and lets face it kids love me. I can’t say I’m not upset about it still, but I think its better to be upset that just to hold an unhealthy amount of anger towards you. Don’t worry I’ll move on eventually, and I wish the best for you and Liam. I really do. You deserve the world Gabriella, and I hope Liam can give that to you because I couldn't. I’ll always love you Gabriella, fuck I still love you. I’m going to quote one of your favorite songs here “If you love somebody
better tell them while they’re here ’cause they just may run away from you”. Yes Gabriella Marie Carter, I am still absolutely and incredibly in love with you. But I wouldn't change that for anything. If you ever need anything when I return please don't be afraid to ask. I’m here for you, I’ll always be here. I love you.

Harry Styles

I finished the letter that was not supposed to be this long. I had wrote everything I felt, I just hope I said all the right words.


I cried so much when I wrote this! Does anyone else feel bad for Harry!?
I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments!
love you all!


It perfectly fine, I understand! Take as much time as you need.

Candy_Monster Candy_Monster

It perfectly fine, I understand! Take as much time as you need.

Candy_Monster Candy_Monster

Beautifully written. I'm a Liam girl but im pulled to the love that She and Harry did experience. Great update!

Dew4ever Dew4ever

Ahh Harry!! He should've had the baby <\3

melanie0905__ melanie0905__

I love this and my name is Gabriella Marie Fuentes CX if only my last name was carter -.- then I would be the character CX jk jk tho but its a really good story cx