LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)
"Do you love me?" he asks, hugging me like I'm a bark of a tree, his legs around me.
"I love you" I assure him.
"I love you back" he mumbles against my chest.
"Do you know what I made you touch?"
"Yes. Your penis"
"No!" He chuckles, "they were stretch marks. Plus it had like a long scar, just where the thigh begins and where the abdomen ends but little in the center. It was swollen and it had been torn when I was brought...like from the.." So they had to remove that part. Like some small part of my gland and necessary stuff. It had some complications so now I can't have children. Like if I were to donate my sperm, it would be useless!" he shrugs.
"Thank God you're not straight then"
"What?! That's what comes to your head?" He looks up smiling.
"Yeah. You're gay so it doesn't matter if you can reproduce with your ejaculation or not. It matters the least." I smile back and he hugs me again.
"But then we could still have children you know. Loads and loads of little babies with my face on them don't you think?"
"It's great then. All of our twenty five children will have my face on them. Mine Harry! Mine!"
"You're so mean" he hits me lightly with his foot.
"Or we could just adopt some. Like they should also get a chance to see how living with Harry Styles feel. Shouldn't they?"
"Of course they should!" He holds me tighter. This is lovely. Everything happening between us right now is lovely but somewhere inside me there's this part of me which is aching for him. With every brave smile he puts on his face there's this long battle he fought with himself which lead him here and I'm so proud of him. So so proud. "I'm so proud of you. Do you know that?"
"I do now"
"You were right. "
"About?" He looks confused.
"How I'd smell like your vomit. I am now" I chuckle making a gag sound.
"I warned you before so you can't complain now" he holds me tighter in case I try to run.
It feels so satisfying to watch him fall sleep and feel his breath on me. I t feels like heaven to have to hug him and feel content. It feels cozy and lazy at the same time but never tiring to look at him so rested. It feels like I have my whole wrapped in my arms and that I'd do anything to protect from now on because he deserves all the good things and rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and rain and snow that ever existed
I haven't moved from my place and nor have I changed position even when my arm is feeling sore. It's just he would be awake and then he'd be all disturbed. I don't want that and neither does Harry needs disturbance.
But then my phone rings all of a sudden. Fuck! I reach out for it slowly because I can't fidget much. I slide my arm out from underneath him and pull myself away tucking him in.
"Hello?" I whisper into the speaker. It's Niall calling.
"Hi! Where's Harry?" He immediately asks. "I've been trying his phone and all it says is switched off"
I walk out of the room, "oh. I wonder why but maybe it's just discharged. Is there something you want me to tell him?"
"Yeah. That he can't ditch today because we have to go suit fitting and you also have to come along because we're all buying matching and stuff like that you know. Just tell him to call me when he's ready. I'm at Laura's"
"Oh okay! Bu-"
"Why are you speaking so low?" He asks confused. Is it that evident?
"Oh that. Nothing. It's just I don't think Harry would be able to come out today."
"Why? He can't ditch me today." He sounds disappointed.
"Is just that he's not well. "
"Is everything alright?"
"Yeah. He just has an upset stomach. You might just have to wait for tomorrow?" I ask him unsure. That not every nice because his wedding is in a week.
"What the hell. Since when did he start having upset stomachs? All he eats his herbs and other flowers" Niall chuckles at his own joke. "But anyways. I can't ditch today. It's the final payment I have to go." he says, " but you're free right?"
"Um..yeah..I guess. Yeah I am. "
"Then you come. Let him be resting"
"Okay" I all I say.
"See you in an hour then? Is that alright?"
"Yeah what time is it?" I ask. How much time did even pass?
"It's about 10:30. "
"Okay. An hour is fine!"
"Ok see you" and I hang up.
Fuck. I didn't want to go. I don't want to anywhere away from Harry. He needs me to be with him even when he doesn't exactly word it.
I turn back around and go back into the room. I don't know if Harry would be happy about this or upset that I lied. I do not know but I did what I thought was right.
I enter in and step up on the bed, "who was it?" He stirs a little when he asks me this in his dry voice.
"No one. I mean it was just Niall..." I just lay down beside him. Not tucking away his warm duvet, I let him be there. I just watch his squishy face poking out of it.
"What did he say?"
"He was asking for you and since you never charge your phone you don't deserve to know"
"Shit!" He immediately jolts, "I had to go with him to the fitting. I was supposed to go. How could have I forgotten that?!" He gets up, throwing the covers aside and he's sitting like that's the only thing that was keeping him alive. I sit up too. This is the first time I've looked at him whole after what happened yesterday and it shouldn't have been this evident but somehow it is to me. He looks so fragile all of a sudden. It's not even pity that I look at him with, it's just something else. Maybe I feel like I'm supposed to protect him or something from now on. Like I should keep him safe from the cruelty that this world treats its people with. He feels like if I touched him right now he'd be the same person last night, the shattering soul I'd never want to see again.
But maybe it could even be that I'm the one whose changed here. I'm the one who hasn't been able to fathom in the fact that he went through something terrible. Like he was always like this and I never noticed. Because sometimes even when people are by your side they seem to be lost. Lost in a world you don't even exist until they speak up. They seem to be stuck in a world where they accept things as they come. It's hard to even imagine what it's been like for him. Maybe Harry was like this, is like this and will be like this. It's me who has to change. It's me who has to bring him to this world.
"You don't have to go!" I say immediately coming out of my thoughts. "I told him you weren't going to come"
"What?" He exclaims worried, "Why?" He breathes softly, "I am supposed to go Louis" he talks like he needs me to understand how important it is for him to go. "I can't miss this. I am his best man, Louis. He sees something in me, he could've chosen anyone. Bet has so many other friends, his childhood friends even. He chose me and I didn't even arrange his bachelor's party. I can't miss this" he looks at me with understanding, like he knows how big responsibility he has and he needs me to understand.
I give in. He can go if he feels alright and better, "Does he know..?" I ask hesitating, "um..about last night?" I don't even know how to exactly word it. I don't want to hurt or offend him
"No" he nods and smiles a little at the end. What made him smile about this? "But Laura she knows. I don't know. It never came up in front of him" he shrugs.
"Why did you smile?"
"I did?" He looks surprised, "it comes naturally to me, I guess" he has smirk plastered on his face which makes me want to squish him back in bed. He makes me smile back at him.
"I told Niall that you had an upset stomach. "
"What?!" He laughs, "he wouldn't have believed it. He never believes it! That's the worst excuse you could use for me" he gets out of bed, his long hairy legs step down.
"But I did. Didn't I?" I watch him walk slowly towards the cupboard. It's just all different but it feels so good at the same time. I don't know why but it's just better somehow. He's fumbling around in his cupboard and he doesn't speak much. Takes out a shirt and his old black jeans and throws them on his shoulder and he extends his arm upwards and takes out a thick file. I remember the file. Yes I do. It's the same file I dropped months back when I was searching for t-shirts in his cupboard and accidentally dropped it. Harry got so mad at me for touching it. Maybe he's changing its hiding place. Who knows?
"Well for your information Niall asked me if I was free and could come anyway and I said yes so I'm the one whose going. You can get back in bed", I pat the bed. "Come back" I say as I crawl to the place where Harry was asleep. It's still warm as I slide my feet under the duvet. Fuck it feels so good to sleep in his place.
"What are you doing?" He asks turning around his brows furrowed looking at me tuck myself in the duvet as his pair of clothes hang on his shoulder with one hand on his waist and the other holding the file.
"Since you're not coming to bed after my requests, someone has to stay in, you know!" I take out cat paws to hold the duvet up till my neck.
"You just said you were coming along, why are you going to sleep? " he looks so surprised like I'm the one whose wrong here.
"I'm not sleeping, I'm resting since he'll be here in like an hour. I still have time" I give him a tight smile.
"You're in my place" be scoffs, his arm on his waist dropping on the side.
"Where am I supposed to lie down?" He asks, he's becoming sassy day by day. That's not right. He can't be Louis! I'm Louis.
"I suppose nowhere!"
"Okay!" He walks to the bedside next to me and sits down just beside me and keeps the file on top of the duvet, just at my stomach. He is face changes a little.
"Well it'll be awkward for me anyways if I stay here for this." He smiles again lightly ,"it's not an album or anything. Mostly because people share photo albums but I just have this file, a thick one to be exact.." He chuckles, "this...umm.." He looks everywhere but at me, "this is my medical file, as you can see, ofcourse" he chuckles. " you can read this , if you want. It's not that you'll understand all the medicinal terms because believe me I don't get them myself sometimes...but maybe you will, I don't know.. " his smile falters, "just.." He looks at me a for a second it feels as if he caught my eye and there is nothing he has to do. Nothing to make me fall the person that he is. Nothing will ever compare to the bravery and courage and strength that he has. Nothing. "You can read this or just don't..doesn't matter now" he shrugs, smiling like the sun that he is, his dimples outshining face. But then his hand move to my cheek, "I'm sorry I never told you about it before. You deserved to know" he caresses my cheek with his thumb and it's sending currents through my body.
"It's fine." I nod. "You get to chose who you wanna tell things about yourself. It's your decision to make. Not anyone else's" I smile back at him leaning into his palm.
"I guess I made the right decision. Finally!" he seems proud about it.
"Yeah. Maybe you did" I scrunch my nose. He did I guess. I love him so much. He laughs in return. He bends forward. His curly hair touching my face before his lips do and he giggles shaking his head to tease me with his greasy hair. I squeal under him.
"Stop!" I say laughing trying to move him away but he's always been the strong one as he's pinned me down while his hair, no, his lips attack me.
It's slow and easy in the beginning and when I kiss back immediately it's more of quick smooches but the he opens his mouth when he places his palms on my cheeks, his fingers lacing under my ears, he kisses me with parted lips, it's more passionate and slow and deep and long, his tongue licks my lips as he goes in all wet on me. It's a sloppy kiss when I kiss him back with an open mouth linking me perfectly with his lips, everything inside me is heating up so quickly I can't even think about what to do with my hands, they're just resting at Harry's chest while he's got me smothered down. He's so fast all of a sudden, like he's trying make up for lost time, kissing me at every spot moving from my lips to my chin and back to my lips, he takes my tongue between his and God! It has never felt so perfect to be in this moment. It feels strongly complete. It feels like I've got nothing else to know. It's feels like I found a soul. It feels like I saved a soul worth a million kisses. He pauses for a bit of a second and resumes kissing again. "You're the best decision I ever made, Louis." he pauses to breathe and rests his forehead on mine, panting a little.
"I love you" I say back as I pull him closer.
"I love you back" He rests his head on my chest as he pulls himself up on the bed throwing away the clothes from his shoulder and keeping the file aside. "We still have an hour to go, right?" He asks lazily as he wraps his arm around me over the duvet.
"48 minutes to be exact" I pet his face.
"Okay" he pushes himself in.
Sometimes it's like Harry is this person who loves to tease and taunts in his own special way but if you look at his eyes right before he looks away you'll see that he's afraid of losing someone important. He takes himself more seriously than he lets anyone know, so you have to be gentle with him.
So if he has chosen me, chosen me to be here with him when he hurts I have to be able to take care of him. I know he loved it when I oiled and combed his hair once and how he always has to hold me tight in the beginning of a hug or a cuddle like he's doing now when in bed but then eventually he loosens up when he realizes I'm not going to to go anywhere and I think it's lovely.
If he has chosen me, I'll pay attention to his little things like how he pouts and curls in on himself and gets all silent sometimes and in that moment you don't have to talk to him, you just have to be there for him. He'll love you for it.
If he has chosen me, I'll go on adventures with him, even when it's too hot or too cold outside, doesn't matter. I'll make sure I carry an extra jacket when we hike for when he gets cold, sometimes even a blanket. I'll make him see the beauty there is in things and even in himself that he carries, every morning in the mirror.
If he has chosen me I'll fight for him when he's stubborn and always wait with an open space beside me on the bed and I'll never lay anyone else there. It's his spot. He can't be replaced.
"Well I should get up, now" he speaks, slower than he already does. He pulls away and pulls himself up and pecks me on the cheek. Believe me sometimes it's like I can't fathom in what he is. What this person named Harry styles is? Maybe if his name wasn't Harry, like the classic british he is, even by his nature sometimes, it would surprise me because his name suits more than any other ever will. It surprises me how nice and kind he can be all the time.
"I'll be in the shower and if you wish to read you can.."
"Okay" I nod. He walks away his arm lightly brushing against mine.
I get up and lean against the back rest putting the file on my lap. Should I do it? Read this file on my own? I know if I once started doing it I would stop only at the end and that's bad. I don't want to know everything. If I tried I'd understand the terms a little because I'd always read stuff up when I went to the hospital with my mum.
I hear the taps turn and I open the file. Why am I even going through this I don't know. I go through the first page. It's all his bio data. At the end there is this deformity section and it says, right leg 1.35cms shorter than left leg. Fuck. I wanna laugh at this. It continues with "supernumerary nipples" lol fuck. He's an alien. Told you he doesn't belong on this planet.
"You're weird" I find myself mumbling.
Then I turn these sheets and it has details of his lung problems and how many times he'd suffered a serious attack. It says 3. That's huge. There are pages and pages of his asthma disease. I don't read through all of them. But I go slow. I don't want to get through a page and regret it. I'm a little scared of what I might find here because there's still a lot, half of it, left and I don't want to be on a page which might not belong to my knowledge.
"Louuuu!" Harry calls out from the shower, "ah! Fuck....can you come here for a second. Shit..." Why is he making all these noises? I keep the binder aside. "Louissss!!!" He calls louder again.
I step down, "there's shampoo in my eyes. Fuck..help me!!" he screams as I rush to the bathroom door.
"Can I come in?" I knock on the door.
"I'm asking you to come in! Don't knock!" He gets a bit frustrated. I open the door slowly. Should I actually go in? I don't know. Should I?
"Lou where are you??! I'll trip if I take another step in the slippery bathtub...can't you be faster?!!" Is voice is getting a bit breathy. He sounds tensed calling for help and I want to help him but I don't even know if I should enter in. And if I don't enter in I can't help him. Fuck!
"Try standing underneath the shower?" I advice him standing just outside the door. It's till half closed and I haven't seen him yet.
"Stop talking! Just come in Lou? " he sounds pleading and I step in. A perfect scene in front of me. God! What had I done to deserve to be able to witness this? He standing there with his perfect godly design of a body which you see in the Vatican. It's so pleasuring to see him like that. His hands are on his eyes.
"Lou!" He whines again stomping in the water lightly.
"I'm here" I immediately say as I step forward and stop just beside the bathtub. I'm so close to him when he's all wet and it doesn't even sound dirty because he is wet, head to toe.
"Turn around" I softly say as I guide his elbow towards me. Now he's facing me, his tattooed chest right in my face. I can't look at his face because he's gotten taller somehow. "Bring your hands down for me please?"
"Then you have to stop rubbing them. Jesus!" I've never been this gentle with anyone. Maybe I wouldn't even know what gentle is if Harry didn't exist, so it's all for him.
I get on my toes, "bend down a little" I place my hands on his shoulder for support. I can see a smile creep on his face and that's too bad. Too bad. He's laughing at me for being shorter than him.
I place my palm underneath the shower and collect some water in it, "you can stand on the pot if you want" he suggests. It's good then. I step up on the toilet and start splashing water on his eyes.
"Is shampoo still there?" I ask after splashing like 6 times.
He blinks a few times trying to open his eyes, which seem to be red right now, "yeah, still there" he shuts them off again.
"Why do you shampoo standing when you cant handle it?" I mumble.
"You saying something?" He asks water entering his mouth as I splash his face.
"Nope. Your eyes feel okay now?" Another attempt at this and I hope it's fine now.
He blinks and then finally opens his eyes, "yeah good to go" he smiles, "thanks" I'm standing on top of the pot and I am taller than him right now.
"You have to stop smiling and laughing internally at the fact that my height is shorter than you and you know I'm still taller than half of the people on the planet and you're shorter than half of them so..." I shrug. He just can keep laughing at every height incident that happens between us.
His face, he looks at me like I said something funnier than what I meant. His face is all adorable and he's staring at me like he saw something which caught his eyes and now he can't remove his glare from my face. "What?" I ask still surprised by the fact that he isn't looking away even if I do. "You're starting to act like a complete creep now.." His hands move to my waist all of a sudden. Fuck! I don't flinch this time though, like I've done every single time he has touched me ever.
I haven't looked down yet, at the place where he's touching because if I did I'd look at something which might be irresistible for me and we don't want that. He starts to talk and his eyes flutter for a second, "I know this is going to take time...me tou-"
"What is going to take time exactly? Because Niall will be here any time soon.." I shrug. Fuck! Why am I even talking it's him.
"Let me talk sometimes, okay?" His hold turns tighter.
I nod, placing my hands on his shoulders.
"What's going to take time is me getting all comfortable in touching you and getting touched by you in the most intimate way which makes you feel happy and I want to make you feel happy..."
"This conversation is making me a bit horny" I chuckle nervously.
"...will you wait for me?"
"I already am. You didn't have to even ask"
He tip toes a little his eyes drawing, setting on my lips, if someone told me that after everything that happened yesterday I would be here standing with a naked Harry trying to kiss me, I would've knocked them out and never see them again. But as much as this is unbelievable right now, it's is turning me on a little and for now it's a little bit of a problem
He bends forward kissing me. It's a long from kiss, like a passionate thank-you kiss. "I love you"
"I love you" i say missing him back.
My body is heated so much right now I guess turning on isn't the only thing that's happening.
"I think we have a situation here.." He looks down, pulling away, at my light bulge, "I'm sorry" he mouths his body still wet with water droplets resting and dropping carefully from their place.
"It's fine" I smile at him. "I'll manage…" I shrug. I hope I will because this isn’t just one of the regular boners.
hope you liked the double update and how the story is proceeding!
I think its the right time to tell you that soon the story will the stepping towards its end and i am in no way writing a sequel to this one. this doesn't need a sequel actually.
just write down in the comments below if you've liked the story so far or if you thought i surprised you with the content in this update. anything!
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