Reviews w/ dontjockmystyles

1. Grammar and Spelling.
I hadn't run into any spelling mistakes. Your grammar is weak, and may need a little improvement, although not many are endowed with vast vocabulary so it's understandable. You are missing commas, and there are a few run on sentences that don't make sense, but other than that you're okay.

2. Length of Chapters.
The length of your chapters are too short. I don't know what else to say? Elongate them, and refer to my first review for why you shouldn't have short chapters. I would basically say the same to you, as I said to her. So go look at Length of Chapters on the first review

3. Exposition.
To be completely honest, there wasn't any exposition. The story was clipped, and to the point which isn't what readers want. That's like telling the whole plot, and ending to someone and expecting them to still read the book. I hate to badger people, but when writing fiction, or fan fiction for that matter you must be well acquainted with writing stories. I don't know if this is your first time writing, or if you're a tween writing fiction just because you love one direction. If it is either, I suggest reading a few books, it helps you learn to write in your own style. As of right now I don't like your exposition, but i'm sure with time, and revision that your upcoming stories will have just as much potential as any other writer on her.

I would recommend reading some of my favorite authors! They have great writing skills.

@punkrockshow

@ericajaine

4. Story Line.
As i said in the paragraph above, I do feel the story is clipped, and rushed. I would like to see more chapters. Then, it would be easier to review you on your story line.

5. Summary.
I hate, hate doing this to such a young reader like you. I feel like it brings your self esteem down, but as I said, I will not refrain from telling you how your story really is. I'm sorry if i'm offending you in any way. The summary all in all extremely short. Me, Louis Tomlinson is totally wrong. It could of been reworded, and somewhere along the lines of I, Louis Tomlinson saved her. I think the summary is really juvenile, and it doesn't attract me to read your story. Examples of a good summary: Go check out @ericajaine 's work on To Fall So Deep. The link is above, she had a wonderful summary. As well as check out Abhor. Again, i'm not boasting about my story, but my summary on there is clipped yet detailed, which lures readers in.
6. Rating
Overall your rating is about a 5-6. I would go lower, and say I can't rate your work, but that's cruel. I do think you need work, and I believe that in due time your writing will get better. Again, if I hurt your feelings, I am sorry.



If you would like for me to take down your name on this review I can.

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