I look at the image in front of me and feel my heart stop beating. I feel everything bit of energy draw out of me, my legs has stopped in it's tracks and I can't move. My body feels limp as my eyes scan over the scene happening in front of me, my eyes freeze on Louis and feel like it would drill a whole in the side of his head. He is sitting there with a smile on his face. I can't believe this!

I have trouble breathing. Every breath rasp out of my mouth and I start to feel lightheaded. He's sitting there on the couch. With her. His ex. Eleanor. Why? How could he do this? Why her? I thought we had something, why would he do this? Just because I was an idiot and made a small mistake? Oh god. I feel something breaking inside me.

My whole body is aching and I feel my eyes starting to burn. Don't cry, Juli. Just don't! Not here, not now. You can not let him see you cry. He will not have that power over you.

“Oh- hey, Juli!” I hear Niall's voice cut through the music and loud chatting around me. He's sitting by the couches and everyone turns their heads at his greeting. The moment Louis turn his head towards me, I turn mine towards Harry. I can't explain the feelings I saw in his eyes the second our eyes locket, but I don't wanna know right now. I can't deal. I feel like I'm splitting in two.

“Alcohol?” I ask Harry. He turns to me with a smile and wrap his arm around my shoulders.

“Now we're talking. Come on!” He say and turn us around to walk into the kitchen. I feel Louis's eyes follow us out of the living room and as we reach the kitchen I let out a big breath. My legs are shaking, so I sit down on the kitchen couch as Harry gets us a beer. He sits down in the chair opposite me as he hands me the other beer. I take a couple of long sips of the beer, almost chugging half of it down at once.

“Hey guys!” I hear and see Liam coming into the kitchen.

“Hey!” Me and Harry say in a choir. I feel my breathing slow down as I sit and feel the alcohol rush trough my body. Liam puts a bottle of clear liquid on the table and sits down beside me. I give him a small smile and hold my hand out for one of the glasses he's holding up.

I can't believe what my eyes just saw. I can not believe that Louis would go back to her, not this fast anyway. I feel so fucking angry, irritated, sad and most of all...hurt. I feel my tear ducks start to fill again and I blink them away and take the shot that Liam filled for me.

“Wooh, we didn't even get a chance to toast to anything.” He say with a light chuckle and I hold out my small glass again for him to fill.

“Well, move faster then.” I say and both him and Harry laughs. He fills my glass again and this time I wait for them to hold up their glasses.

“For a good party!” Liam say and me and Harry respond with an Here, here! Harry's a little more cheery than mine.

We take the shot and I hold my hand out again for him to fill it. Right then I feel, without looking, that Louis comes through the kitchen door. It's weird how my body can feel his presence. I keep my eyes on the table, playing with my beer bottle, ripping the label off it and making small snowflakes of it. I can't look at him, I don't want to see him right now. Can't he just leave?

“Hey, can you bring a couple of beers.” Liam say to him.

He moves over to stand at the end of the table, beside me and puts a couple of beer cans on the table. I take a deep breath. I can feel his eyes on me as he say hi to Harry. I take the shot that is in my hand before holding my hand out to Liam again. He chuckles beside me.

“Going hard tonight?” He ask, before filling the glass.

“Yep.” I say before chugging it down. I can already feel the warming sensation of the alcohol in my body. I will get pissed by this, I'm sure. I don't care at the moment though. I ignore Louis fully as I look at Liam who sits on the side of me, which makes my back turn toward Louis.

“So how was Germany?” I ask the two guys sitting at the table. I hear Louis sigh before walking out of the kitchen. I let out a sigh of relief.

“It was amazing. We eat bratwurst!” Niall shouts as he just entered the kitchen a moment earlier. All of us looking his way.

“She doesn't want to know what we eat, mate.” Harry laughs as Niall sits down beside him. He gives Harry a strange look, like he's crazy. It makes me snicker, obviously the alcohol has started to work in my body. I'm in no state of laughter right now, but still it comes out.

“Actually I'm more interested in what you drank.” I say, once again holding my glass in front of Liam.

“Oh, we tried a new beer while we were there. What was it called?” Harry say, frowning.

“Weihstepner?” Liam suggest, looking uncertain.

“Weienhepner?” Niall try, making me snicker. Their thinking out loud and all sounding so weird, trying to make a German accent.

“Winstepner?” Harry say and they shrug. “What ever, it was good.” He say smirking.

“I bet you can say it perfect when you're really drunk.” I say and snicker.

“Yeah, probably.” Harry chuckles before taking a sip of his second beer. I take the shot I have in front of me. I can't remember how many that was, four? Five? Whatever!

“Why don't we go out and take some air?” Liam say and I agree, feeling very hot at the moment. It's the alcohol rushing through my body. We walk through the living room to the balcony and I do everything not to look at anyone. I just look at Liam's back as he walks in front of me. He shouts to somebody about joining us and then we get out.

The air is cold and I wrap my arms around myself. Guess I'm not that drunk yet to not feel the cold. Two other guys join me, Liam and Harry on the balcony, Niall stayed inside. I get shocked when I see Liam bring out cigarets from his pockets and give one each to the two other guys that I don't remember the name of. I frown.

“Is that what you call fresh air?” I ask Liam and he chuckles at my disgusted face expression.

“Yeah, well... sometimes.” He shrugs. “You want one?” He ask and shake my head. I wrinkle my nose as they light the cigarettes and feels happy when Harry doesn't take one.

“You cold?” Harry ask as I stroke my hands up and down my arms.

“Yeah, a little.” I say and he hold his arm out for me to cuddle into his side and I gladly do. He's warm and I nuzzle close to him to steal some heat. “Disgusting.” I say low as the guys try to do rings with their smoke. Harry laughs at my statement, the others didn't hear. The cold air is nice even though it's cold. I feel like I get a break somehow with it. To know that he's still in there with her is heartbreaking. Should I leave? I probably should.

“You okay?” Harry ask quietly so only I hear, we're standing a little away from the smoking guys. Am I okay? No. I wanna shout it at him, but of course I can't. I nod once and burry my head in his chest and he squeezes me closer in a silent comfort, even though he doesn't know it.

“Lets get some more drinks.” Liam say as they've put out their cigarettes. We all walk inside, me again, not looking at the people inside the apartment. I ignore everyone and everything as we head to the kitchen to get another drink. I decide on two more shots and a beer. Harry walks away to talk to someone on the living room and soon it's just me and Liam in the kitchen.

“I have to piss. I'll be right back.” He chuckles and leave me all by myself. I sigh and take another shot. I start to feel really fuzzy in my head. All the alcohol making itself known as I stand up and stumble a little. I snicker at myself as I walk to the entrance to the living room. There is a lot of people here, lucky Liam has a big place. I lean against the doorframe as I look around. My eyes almost immediately land on Louis on the other side of the room, standing by the window with a tall blond guy. He's looking so damn good. Why does he have to be so fucking hot? I look at his features as he talks to the guys, laughing once in a while and drinking of the bottle in his hand. His jaw is so pronounced and makes me want to run my tongue along it. I feel my thoughts drift to dirtier thoughts as his eyes suddenly lands on mine. We stare at each other for a moment, he looks sad, I think. Or maybe irritated? God, I'm too drunk to even read him. He's actually pretty blurry right now. I take a sip of my beer. I've been drinking a lot.

From nowhere that brunette shows up and throws her arms around his neck and lean against him with a smile. Whore! I feel myself break at the sight and feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel my tear ducks fill again and a pain shoots through me. I quickly turn around. I can't do this. I can't be here to see this.

Thank god that I chose pull-on shoes so I didn't have to lace them. I grab my jacket and run out the door without putting it on. I run down the hallway, stumbling a little on the way.

“Juli!” I hear Louis's voice shout behind me. I start to run faster and when I come to the elevator I curse as I press the button and see that it's five levels above me. It's never going to get here in time. I close my eyes as I hear Louis coming closer. I can't. I just want to melt through the floor, please someone take me away from here. “Hear me out.” He say as he stops beside me, panting a little. I can feel his eyes on me as I shake my head. “Please, it's not what you think. Just let me explain!” He beg and take a hold of my arm when the elevator pings.

I stand still, the touch of him having too much of an effect on me.

“Can we go to my place and talk?” He ask, his voice so low and smooth. I curse in my head at his wonderful voice.

“I can't do this right now. I'm too drunk.” I slur, shaking my head and looking down at the floor. I don't dare look into his eyes, it will mesmerize me too much. Everything feels like it's going in slow motion. I'm very dizzy.

“Well, stay at my place and we can talk tomorrow. Please!” He really sounds so needing. I feel my head start to think this over, though everything is fuzzy. It would be nice to just lay down right now, my body has lost all the energy and my head is spinning. I shouldn't have taken that last shot. Besides I don't know how I'm going to get home, I don't have money for a cab. I'd had to walk. That doesn't sound too appealing right now.

I nod slowly to Louis, without looking at him, and he presses the elevator button again and it dings as it opens. We step inside and he press the button for level seven. I lean against the back wall and take a deep breath. I don't know if I need to puke or what, but I don't feel too good. Luckily it doesn't take long before he opens up his door and we step inside.

I look around, realizing that I've never actually been here before. I stumble a little as I try to take off my shoes and Louis hold his hand out to steady me, but I lean against the wall instead. When I've gotten them off, my jacket laying on the floor beside them, I take a step into the apartment. Louis walks into a room to the right and as I look inside I see that it's the bedroom. It's pretty clean, except a couple of clothes on the floor. Louis walks over to a dresser and pulls out a t-shirt and hands it to me.

“The bathroom is on the other side.” He says, pointing to the door across the hall. I nod and walk in that direction, closing the door behind me. It's a pretty big space with a huge shower. I step in front of the mirror and look at my horrid face. I look like a raccoon. I start with washing my makeup off before I let my hair out of the ponytail I had it in. I use the toilet before I pull my clothes off and pull his t-shirt on. I sigh as I feel his scent on the shirt, closing my eyes. I feel like crying, but I can't do that right now. This isn't the place for that.

My mouth feel disgusting, all the alcohol has made my mouth feel like a dirty club. I scan the sink and my eyes land on Louis's toothbrush. Could I? I hesitate. Oh, screw it! I grab it and put toothpaste on it before I brush my teeth. I feel much better afterwards. I take my clothes in my hands before I walk out into the hall again and into the bedroom. Louis is just finishing making the bed. I see the pile of old bedsheets on the floor and bite my lip. He didn't have to do that. I put my clothes on the floor just inside the door as he motions for me to get into bed. I crawl under the cover and sigh as the soft fabric caress my body. It feels so good to lay down.

“I put some water on the bedside table. I'll be on the couch if you need anything.” Louis say before he turn the light off and all the light is coming from the hallway. I feel a shock at his words. He's not sleeping here? I look over at him as he picks the sheets off the floor heading for the door.

“Louis?” My voice is hoarse.

“Yeah?” He turns around and I get a glimpse of his eyes in the dark.

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” I ask, feeling so alone. I don't want to be alone. Ever. I haven't slept in several days because I've been so alone on my bed. He puts the sheets down. I know I'm suppose to be angry with him, but I'm too tired and drunk to even care. He sits down on the bed, resting his back against the headrest. I lay on my side, my back against him. It's quiet in the room except his breathing, which I listen to. The urge to cry comes forward again and I bite my lips hard. I don't want to feel this lonesome or this hurt.

“Will you hold me?” I ask with a shaky breath, my emotions clear in my voice.

“Of course.” He whisper as he lays down behind me, wrapping his arm over my core and hold me tight against him. I let out a small sob as one tear roll down my cheek and Louis hold me tighter, his face buried in my hair. He doesn't say anything which I'm glad for, he just lays there, giving me small kisses against the back of my head as I silently cries.

When the tears stop, I breath easier and feel my head cloudier as I'm starting to drift. Louis kisses my shoulder and I sigh.

“I used your toothbrush.” I mumble drunkenly. He chuckles behind me.

“It's all right, love.” He whispers. Love? Love. I fall asleep to his heavy breathing.

---

I wake up with my eyes blurry. I blink a couple of times to get my sight back and frown when I look around the room. Where the hell am I? I freeze before everything comes back to me. I sigh in relief. I didn't want to do another Harry-moment where I didn't know what happened the following day. I slowly sit up, feeling my head shake a little as I do. I look to my side and see the bed empty. I wonder if he slept here last night? I hear him tumble around somewhere in the apartment. I look around the room and that's when I see the glass of water and the small pill beside it on the bedside table. I take the pill and wash it down with the water, my mouth instantly feeling better.

I feel tired and my head hurts, but besides that, I feel better than I should. I pull myself off the bed and walk around the room a little, looking at the pictures on the wall and the books in the bookshelf. I run my hand alone the dresser before I bend down at the door and pick my jeans up. I pull them on and ignore my shirt as I keep Louis's on. I step out into the hall and follow the sound into what seems to be the kitchen.

It's bright with black details, the floor light grey wood. I feel a sting of jealousy, it's exactly a floor like this that I want. It looks old and rugged. Beside the big window is a small table with three chairs.

Louis is standing by the stove in only a pair of workout shorts. I feel my eyes widen a bit at his bare chest. I lean my body against the door opening and watch him. I think it's bacon that he's cooking on the stove. Suddenly he looks up and his eyes meet mine.

“Oh, hey.” He sounds shocked to see me. Should I have left? “I didn't think you were up. Have a seat.” He say and point with the spatula at the table. I feel my shoulders slump a little in relief as I slowly walk over to the table, seeing that it's set for two. I sit down at one of the chairs and look at Louis as he's still working by the stove. The tension is a little bit weird. I don't know what I should do or say. I remember everything from last night. I know that he was there with her and it still hurts - like hell. I guess I just... I wanna hear what happened.

Louis walk over with a plate of bacon and turn to the fridge to fetch some juice and pick up the bread from the toaster on his way back. He sets everything on the table before sitting down himself.

“Eat!” He say as he pours some juice for us. I let out a breath before taking one of the bread slices and put some butter and then marmalade on it. I take a bite and almost moan at the wonderful taste. I guess I'm hungry. We eat in silence, avoiding each others eyes. This is just weird. I shouldn't have stayed. I guess I'm waiting for him to start talking, because I don't know what I should say right now. I don't know if there is anything I could say without crying. I guess he's waiting for me to start, because it's dead silence.

When we're done with breakfast be clears the table and I take a look around the apartment, walking into his living room. He has a very nice taste in furnisher, much like my taste. His couch is light grey and the bookshelf's is white. I look out of the massive windows on the far side of the room, it's a beautiful view. I can see the park and even spot the river. I jump when I hear Louis behind me.

“Can we talk?” He ask, his voice having that pleading sound again as he had last night. I see that he's put on a t-shirt. I nod and he motions for the couch. I sit down and fiddle with my fingers, waiting for him to start.

“I just want to start of by saying how sorry I am. For everything.” He breaths. “I messed up. More than once.” He continues, running a hand through his hair. I bite the inside of my lip as I look down at my hands. “Nothing happened with her. I didn't know she were coming and I didn't even want to see her, she's just clingy and I don't know how to handle that.” I close my eyes as he let out a deep breath. “You have to believe that. I have no interest in her, at all.” He say and I can feel his eyes on me. “Please say something.” He begs. I put my head in my hands.

“I don't know what to say.” I say into my hands.

“Are you still mad at me for Germany?” He ask with a low voice. I sigh and lean back against the couch.

“I don't know.” I mumble, feeling confused and fuzzy. There is too much to think about and my headache doesn't make it easier.

“I'm really sorry. I should have called or even texted. I just didn't know how to do it without the other guys finding out, but I should have found a way. I'm so sorry.” He say all in one breath. I can hear the sincerity in his voice. I already know that I overreacted for that.

“I know that. I was actually going to say I'm sorry at the party. I know I overreacted.” I say low, biting my bottom lip. He groan beside me.

“And then I screw it up.” He say low, mostly to himself. Both his hands is in his hair, pulling at the roots. I feel a pull in my stomach. I hate this. I hate fighting with him, I don't want to do it. She's ruining everything.

“I kind of hate her.” I say as I pull my knees up and rest my chin on my knees. Louis look over at me and smiles.

“You're not the only one.” He say and at that I can't keep my lips from twitching also. My small smile disappear fast though and Louis sighs. I stand up and walk over to the window again, looking out. I can't comprehend all the feelings inside me at the moment. It's like a war zone with everything.

“I guess I just feel insecure.” I say, expressing my feelings without even thinking about it. There is no going back now.

“Why?” He ask and I hear him stand from the couch. I shrug.

“You know. Fuck-buddies and all.” I say and bite my lip, not daring to look at him. We haven't really talked about this before. I feel him coming closer to me and stop beside me. His hand reach out to fetch my chin and pull me toward him, so I have to look at him. My eyes is glossed over, while his look sad.

“You are so much more than a fuck-buddy.” He whisper. My eyes fall down to his lips as the words come out. I feel his breath against my face and my breathing gets heavier. His words make me glad, at least I know that I'm not just a fuck-buddy. It gets quiet and I look up into his eyes again. We stare at each other for a while as his hand still rest on my chin. “I'm falling for you, Juli.” He confesses in a whisper. I feel my eyes widen at his words when they hit me. He's falling for me? I stop breathing.

It's the words that I've been wanting to hear for a while now and here they are. Louis is falling for me.

Notes

Was the chapter to your liking? ;)

It's really weird to write a chapter with so much feeling in it, I have to feel everything to be able to write it and that's not always fun. :P

I'm really happy that you guys like this story and keep commenting! I love every single one of your comments and they make me smile. That someone can be so interested in what little me have to write... ;) Thank you!!

I'll update soon, promise!
xx.