His Bandmate

I fall down on the couch with a thud as I get home from work that evening. I'm tired and feel my empty stomach rumble. I realize that I haven't eaten in a while, these last couple of days has been in a haze. I'm not good at remembering to eat when I've got other things on my mind.

I half lay on the couch, trying to figure out if I got anything in my fridge to eat, which I shouldn't have because I haven't been to the store since I got home from Philadelphia. I sigh, not really feeling like going out again. It has started to drizzle outside. Maybe I should just go to bed. That thought is tempting, even though it's only six in the evening. It's insane that you can be this tired but not be able to sleep, because sleep is nothing I have done in the last two days.

I actually considered going into the bedroom and crawl into bed, but it feels too far away, so I just pull the blanket over myself where I lay and snuggle into the warm couch. I feel exhausted and confused from these last days. My mind is constantly reeling on about what happened with Harry and the thought about Louis slips through from time to time, though I press those thoughts away. I feel myself drift into sleep when I get interrupted by a knocking on the door. I open my eyes in shock. Who could it be? I sit fixed on the couch like I'm in trance. There comes another knock.

“Juli, please open the door!” I hear a male voice say on the other side of the door. “I know you're in there, I see the lights on.” He continues as I stand up from the couch and slowly walk over to the front door. I look through the peephole on my door and spot Harry pulling his hair with both hands. He doesn't look too good. I hesitate for a moment, leaning my forehead against the door. I don't know if I can face him. This is way over my limit of understanding and I don't know if I can handle it. Nothing will ever be the same again and I hate myself for it. “Please open the door.” His voice is a low pleading and it breaks my heart.

I hate that I'm hurting Harry in the middle of this, so I take a deep breath before pulling the lock and opening the door, now standing face to face with him. I feel my cheeks flushing a little and my heart is beating like crazy in my chest.

He looks surprised up at me, like he didn't expect me to actually open the door. “Hi!” His voice is raspy and filled with shock.

“Hi.” I mumble and look down. I can't look at him, not knowing what we did, it's weird. The silence gets thick as no one says anything. I turn around and walk back into the living room, leaving the front door open for him to follow. I hear him close the door and take off his shoes. I walk back to the couch and wrap myself in the blanket as I had before.

My hands are shaking, so I hold them tight around the blanket.

He walks over and sits down on the couch beside me, still leaving space between us. I look at my hands, fiddling with the blanket as I feel him watching me. I swallow hard as I feel my stomach turn. How can it be that sex ruins everything? Our relationship was perfect before. Now it will never be the same.

“I'm sorry for what happened.” He say low and my reaction surprises me as much as it does him. I start to snicker. Giggling like a schoolgirl. He looks over at me with an confused expression.

“You're sorry? You make it sound like it's your fault.” I say raising my eyebrows, looking at him but never meeting his eyes. The snickering dies down when I realize how weird it is to laugh. He can't say that he's sorry, I should probably be the one saying it.

“Well, it kinda is.” He say and bite his lip.

“What do you mean?” I ask frowning. How can it be his fault?

“We were both pretty wasted, but you were way worse than I was...” He say and I roll my eyes in embarrassment for myself. “..and...uhmm...I didn't stop it, I guess.” He say and scratch his neck, looking down at the floor. I take this time to really look at him, he has dark circles under his eyes and his hair is unwashed and slicked back with a blue bandana. He looks tired.

“It's not your fault. We were both there.” I say, wanting to release this rock he's carrying on his shoulders, he shouldn't blame himself. “I think...” I say hesitant. He looks up questioning at me. “I don't really remember it.” I say and give him an excused half smile. He leans back against the couch.

“Well, that's the best compliment I've ever gotten. Don't even remember it.” He say and chuckle lightly. I realize the comic in my statement and smile at him. It eases the tension a little, which feels nice. Then I rub my face and buries it in my hands. Why is life so complicated sometimes?

“I don't want to loose you.” Harry says after a while of silence, his voice sad and pained. His words hit my heart. He feels the same and doesn't want to loose me. How can I ignore that? “You're the best friend I've ever had, I don't want to ruin that.” He adds, looking despaired.

“Me neither.” I whisper and look over at him. Our eyes meet and a silence settles in the room, not as painfully silent as before. This time it's much calmer and I feel like I can breath.

“Can we forget that it even happened?” Harry say and look wonderingly at me. “Not that you have anything to forget...” He say and smile sheepishly. I smile and shake my head. I do love that he's able to joke to lighten the mood.

“Can you?” My smile fades as I realize that he do remember it, he remembers me naked, doing god knows what. The thought makes me ill. How can I not remember a single second of that night? He looks me up and down, frowning a little, pursing his lips.

“Well...maybe not forget. But I can put it deep, deep down in a vault in the back of my mind.” He say and smile up at me, looking up with a hopeful expression from under his eyelashes. I chuckle lightly and shake my head, he's so weird sometimes. Though I like that he's honest. That's something I've always liked about him.

Can we do this? Can I do this? I guess I have it easier since I don't remember it, but I still know that we did it. But all I know is that I don't want to loose Harry, he's been such a comforting friend these last couple of months. I haven't felt so comfortable with a friend before as I do with him. Or did anyway.

I decide here and now that we will stay friends. No matter what it takes, I need to make this better. We can ignore that little fact that we slept together. We have no other choice. I need my friend.

“Do you wanna go with me to the store? I haven't eaten anything and am starving.” I ask, trying to change the subject and go back to something normal. He smiles up at me, those dimples showing. I feel myself getting lighter by that smile. We can do this.

“Love to.” He say and stand up, reaching his hand out to me. I look hesitant at it before taking it and letting him help me up. We walk a little awkwardly to the door and put our shoes on. I look over at him when I've gotten my jacket on and we smile sheepishly at each other. Why does it feels so alien right now? We've done this before. Well... actually we haven't. I realize that we haven't been in public too many times together before. We always do things at home or drive somewhere out on the countryside. We've never shopped together.

I frown at the though as we walk down the street to the nearest grocery store.

I wonder why we haven't been out too much. Is it a made choice? Does Harry don't want to be seen with me? No, that doesn't feel right. I guess it's just something that had happened of it's own. I do like spending time alone with him. Or I did anyway... Now I feel a little nervous to be alone with him.

I take a basket as we get in the store and stop right at the entrance. I don't even know what I'm getting, I guess I need a little of everything. I start of with some bread, following by the meat disk. Harry follow along beside me, not saying anything. I sneak a peek up at him and he looks content.

“You wanna stay for dinner?” I ask as I look at the different kinds of sausages they have.

“Yeah, sure. What are we having?” He ask, swaying his arm beside me. I smile as I see it in the corner of my eye. He's very cute. Like a small child.

“Pasta.” Is all I say as I put down the sausage I want in the basket.

“Yum!” He exclaim and I snicker, starting to walk forward, through the aisle with cereals, looking them over. I don't know what I want. There are too many to choose from.

“Witch is the best?” I ask looking up at Harry who smiles broad. I know he likes cereals, so he's probably better at choosing than me.

“I'll find them.” He says and walks a little further down the aisle, searching the shelf. He really looks like a child who's happy to get an assignment. I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket and pull it out. The screen flashes Louis and I press ignore as I've done for the last couple of days, since the party. I don't think I can handle him right now. If he wan't to be an ass, then fine, be one. Just don't pull me down with you. I put the phone down again, looking at the shelf. I feel the single buzz after a moment telling me that I have a message. I get the phone out and look at the message.

From Louis
Please talk to me.

“Hey, do you want the peanut butter or the chocolate?” I jump when I hear Harry's voice right beside me. I push the phone back in my pocket, ignoring the message. It had made my heart beat a little faster.

“Both.” I say and take the packages and put them in the basket. I need comfort food.

We walk down the aisle with the pastas to find the right kind when I see a young girl standing at the end. She's holding up her phone, probably taking pictures. I push my hair forward and turn my head, looking the other way. I don't want to be on the internet. I know that it's inevitable when you're friends with someone like Harry, but still... if I can escape it, I will.

“You got company.” I say low to Harry.

“Hmm?” He looks up in surprise, frowning. He's been very concentrated to find the pasta that I want. I nod in the direction of the girl and he looks toward her. I see the package of pasta that we were looking for and put it in my basket and walk the other way. I hear Harry say something to the girl and her snickering. I shake my head, but a smile creeps up my face.

Soon he joins me again and twenty minute later we exit the store with four bags of food. My stomach is rumbling insanely and I feel a little lightheaded from the lack of energy in my body. Good thing I planned for a quick meal, it won't take long to prepare.

Harry walks along with me, promptly carrying three of the bags. He's talking happily about a show they did a while back, even though I've heard all about it, I let him speak. I like hearing him talk, especially when he has that smile on his face.

He makes it feel like before, like nothings happened, even though the thoughts drops into my head a lot, reminding me. I try to ignore them. I really hope I can, because this is a friend that I never wanted to hurt or a friendship to ruin. We can hopefully stay friends.

Notes

I'M SO SO SORRY!!!

I know that I haven't written in sooo long, it's the first time it's gone this long since I started writing these stories. It's just been too much in real life and the inspiration was lacking. I knew and know exactly what's going to happen in the story, I just didn't know how to write it. So this chapter isn't so exiting maybe? :P But I hope you like it.

I saw them! I SAW ONE DIRECTION! Holy cow!! They were preforming this weekend here and I bought tickets to see them. They were so freaking good! I fell in love all over again!! :D To see them in "person" was amazing and the inspiration was definitely back! ;P

Now it's just the time that I have to find to write.

Hope you're still with me!!!
xx.