Reviews with the Reader

First off I want to apologize that your story is just now being reviewed. One of my co-authors is very busy, and she has a lot of studying to do so I will be doing her reviews until further notice! :)

I really like this story so far! You are a brilliant writer, and your stories are very original. I also really like the fact that the man character girl isn't a total hoe.

So I'm going to start with the biggest thing, I noticed you use 'I' a lot. It's hard to stay away from, knowing this I use it to much as well. For example;

I packed my bag. I put my keys in the front pocket, then I put my phone in the side pocket. I also stuck my lip balm in my purse to because its very windy.

Maybe instead of using 'I' so much it can be said like this;

Packing my bag I put my wallet, keys, and phone in to my purse. Running in to the bathroom, I had forgotten my Chapstick, and with the windy weather my lips would get severely chapped. Nobody needs to see that.

I know that you didn't use 'I' as much as I did in my first example, but there were some spots that might need some considering.

Lastly, I caught the main girl use 'Mum' and then 'Mom' some times. Just make sure if a character has an accent keep it the same throughout your chapters.

Over all I felt like you have done an exceptional job with it! I really want to see more of this one, and I'm sure your subscribers do too. You really have a gift with writing, and I found almost no grammar mistakes! Sorry this review is a little shorter, given that your story is only four chapters there wasn't a lot to review.

Overall rating: 8.5-9

Notes

If you are not happy with this review please tell me and I will take it down ASAP! I hope I haloed you in creating a better fan fiction, cheers!

❤This _crazy_girl