“The United States, eh?” I could practically hear the smile on Mum’s face. Today I’m going shopping with Niall and the girls to set up for the rager, and I figured I should call up my mum and tell her about the bucket list. She’s been begging me to go home and live with her for the rest of the year, so I figured this is probably going to be hard on her that I’ll be even farther away. “That sounds exciting.”

“Really? You’re okay with me going there?” I furrowed my brows before switching hands with my cellphone and placing it to my other ear.

She made a ‘tsk’ noise with her tongue before replying, “Well, of course I am. Harry, as much as I want you here with me, I’m just happy you’re not laying in your bed moping anymore.”

“Gee thanks,” I said sarcastically, making her laugh. Little does she know, I’m lying in bed right now in only a pair of boxers because I’ve been pouting all morning about my short and pathetic life.

“You just have to promise you’ll come visit me for two months, maybe three, or all of them,” she rambled. I’m not surprised she’d try begging me once more; she’s a very stubborn lady. “I’m sure Mandy would love to see you too,” she added.

Mandy Kane is Ada’s mum. I’m not sure if I could handle being in the same room as her anymore. It’s not her fault or anything, it’s just that Ada looked so much like her. They shared the same sandy blonde hair, the same big brown eyes, and the same golden tan skin. Ada was an exact replica of her mother, the only difference being her younger appearance.

Although I have seen Ada once, I haven’t seen her since. I’m convinced that hallucination was a onetime thing, but I find myself feeling sad about that. Hallucination or not, I still should’ve apologized and told her how much I love her. Maybe seeing her makes me crazy, but so be it. I miss her every damn day, and those big brown eyes visit me every damn night in my sleep, usually resulting in a nightmare of the crash replaying over and over again. It should never have been her who died. She didn’t deserve this.

“Harry? Hello? Are you there?”

“Huh?” I shook my head free of those thoughts. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I should definitely go see her.” Maybe.

“I know it’s hard, Harry.” I rolled my eyes, knowing this is where she’s going to pity me like everyone else. I’m getting tired of all the sympathy that I don’t deserve. “But you have to remember she’s going through a rough time too. Plus, you’re like a son to her, so the loss is larger.”

“Okay, I get it Mum,” I sighed. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Apologies don’t help either. “Just promise you’ll come visit me, Mandy, and Gemma. You can’t expect to ditch your family,” she joked, but I knew she was only half-kidding.

I laughed, “I won’t. I promise I’ll come see you guys. When I can’t walk around much anymore, I expect you and Gem to be my own personal servants.”

“Ha, ha,” she laughed sarcastically. “You’re hilarious. The thing is, I will be your maid, nurse, and butler, and I’ll be completely happy to do it.”

“Shocker,” I joked. Just then, a knock was sounded on my door, and Niall entered my room. “Hey, Mum. I have to go.”

“Alright. I love you, Harold. You better call again sometime soon.”

“I will. Love you too. Bye.” I pulled the phone away from my ear and clicked the “End Call” button before looking up at Niall with raised eyebrows. “Why do you even knock if you’re just gonna barge right in?”

He shrugged, “It’s my place too. I will do as I please.”

I shook my head as I scooted my body into a sitting position, my legs hanging over the edge of the bed as the bottoms of my feet rest on the carpet. “What do you want, Niall?”

“Did you forget? Dude, we have to go get supplies for the rager,” he pointed his thumb towards my door.

“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, our place is too small for a rager,” I said smugly before removing myself from my bed.

As I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the first shirt I saw, Niall chuckled, “That’s why we aren’t throwing it here, Smartass. We have a stop to make before we pick up the girls.”

I threw the shirt over my head and pulled it down my torso, “Okay, okay. I’ll be ready in a minute. Let me put on my pants and grab my keys.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” he held up his hands defensively as a small smirk played on his lips. “If you think I’m going to let you drive, then you’re sadly mistaken.” Normally, I’d snap at him for pitying me and thinking I can’t drive in my condition, but he doesn’t appear to be feeling sorry for me at all. I can tell he’s being cautious of my feelings still, hiding it behind his cocky smile, but he’s trying to get me to see his point. What if I get a headache behind the wheel? I’d put Nialler into immediate danger.

“Alright,” I sighed and grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans from a chair in my room.

“And clean your room,” he said sternly, obviously joking as his finger pointed at the pile of dirty laundry on my floor and then to my unorganized desk.

I picked up a pair of used boxers off the floor and chucked it at the blonde boy. He quickly dodged the piece of clothing by opening the door and hiding behind it, using it as a shield. “Get out,” I laughed at the guy as he stayed in his position, his head poking out from behind the door.

“I don’t even want to know just how dirty those are,” he peeked his arm out from behind the door and waved his finger at my boxers. Finally, he left me alone, laughing as I finished getting ready.

---

“Paul’s?” I raised my brows as I eyed Paul’s house. Niall works as a bartender at an Irish pub in Birmingham called Hennessey’s Bar. Paul Higgins happens to be his boss and is also one of the greatest people you’ll ever meet. The other boys and I will often visit the bar and we’d all play tricks on Paul who’d only laugh with us at the joke and eventually get us all back. We’ve come to think of Paul as a father figure. From time to time, Paul and his wife would invite me and the boys over to have a big meal, along with his kids, so that’s why we know where he lives.

Niall pulled the car into the driveway before placing it in park and shutting the ignition off. “Do you remember what his wife does for a living?” he quizzed me as he unbuckled his seatbelt, me mirroring his actions.

“She’s a party planner,” I nodded.

“Where?” he grinned cheekily from ear to ear.

“Oh,” my brain clicked into sudden realization. Clodagh, Paul’s wife, is a party planner at a particular venue, Higgins Plaza. (A/N: I made up the venue) The place is a huge square building with a second floor acting as a boarder in the room, being a balcony that overlooks the first floor. That place would be amazing for a rager, especially with all of the space and room it has. “Interesting idea,” I said more to myself than to him as we climbed out of the car.

The sound of the chiming doorbell rang after I pressed my finger to the small white button on the side of the house. “So, what are we supposed to say?” I crossed my arms as I questioned the blonde. “Do you really think Clodagh is just gonna let us throw a party there? This isn’t exactly going to be easy, you know?”

“First of all, I already checked online,” Niall pulled his phone out of his back pocket and waved it at me. “She doesn’t have an event planned for the next three days. All we need is one of those. Secondly, I think now’s the time to tell them you have a tumor.”

I sighed, “Niall, I can’t just use the cancer card on everyone just to get what I want. Doing it to Liam is one thing, but to the Higgins? No, I can’t do that,” I shook my head and removed one of my arms from my chest to run my fingers through the mess of curls that rest on my head.

“Haz, I’m not saying you have to do that,” he curled his pink lips, placing them in between his teeth. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, “I think they should know though. They are like a second family to us, and since we’re here-“

Niall’s words were halted by the sound of the doorknob rattling and the door creaking open. We turned our attention to the tall buff man standing in the doorway who is only inches taller than my towering height. He stood there with a puzzled expression, accompanied by his chubby cheeked smile, “Boys? How are you? What are you doing here?”

“Um,” is all I could manage to get out before swallowing the spit in my mouth. I don’t even know how to start this conversation, either conversation. How do I ask for him to convince his wife to allow us the use of her venue? How do I tell him I’m dying? I haven’t even had to tell anyone myself yet, the doctors and my mum taking care of the explanations towards my friends.

Niall glanced at me before looking back at Paul and taking over the conversing, “Is Clodagh home?”

Paul’s eyebrows creased as he nodded slowly, “Yes. Why?”

“We need to ask her a favor regarding the plaza,” Niall explained.

Paul stepped to the side and gestured us to walk into the house, “Come in, and go sit in the living room. I’ll go get her. She’s just putting the kids down for their naps.”

We nodded and made our way to living room as Paul walked up the stairs to get his wife. Squeaking noises sounded as Niall and I got comfortable on the black leather couch. The peeling fabric on the furniture reminded me of the lounge in therapy. Therapy. One of the greatest advantages of proceeding with this bucket list is how I’ll never have to step foot in that bloody office again. Besides, I don’t need waste my time on therapy when I could be living.

“Hey Boys,” Clodagh silently cheered as her and Paul made their way over to us. She gave me and Niall each a huge hug before joining Paul on the couch across from us. She crossed her petite legs and leaned into Paul’s touch as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They smiled to each other before Paul placed a small but noticeable kiss on the top of her head.

Looking at them, I couldn’t help but smile. That’s the kind of thing I’ve never experienced. I’ve spent so much time trying to hook up with random girls that I’ve never had a serious relationship. I regret never seeking a beautiful girl I could enjoy such simple but loving gestures with.

She cleared her throat, dissolving my thoughts away. “So what can I do for you?” she smiled gracefully. “Paul said you needed a favor.”

“Do you have any events at your venue tomorrow?” Niall pried, even after already knowing the answer.

“No,” she dragged the word with a suspicious tone hinting in her voice. “Is that what this is about? You want to use Higgins Plaza for free?”

“Well, not necessarily for free,” I muttered, not able to make contact with her. We just want to throw a huge rager where people will be drinking, smoking, and possibly puking, I thought.

“Okay, what am I missing here? Cut to the chase,” she sat up straight and waved her hands in a circular motion, encouraging us to speak further.

Niall scratched his index finger against the back of his head, “We’d still pay you, it’s just not your typical kind of party.”

“Ah,” Paul bit down on the inside of his cheek and bobbed his head up and down. “So you want to throw an illegal party at the plaza.”

“Not illegal,” Niall spoke defensively. “Never.”

Paul and I both started chuckling as Clodagh buried her face in her hands and sighed heavily. “Why don’t I believe that?” she groaned into her hands before running them through her wavy black hair.

“Look, you don’t even have to do much,” Niall proposed. “I know you have a usual cleaning crew for your parties, but we’ll do the cleanup.”

“Oh, we will, huh?” I raised a brow at Niall, shooting him a smug look. I like how he never fills me in on anything before suggesting things to people. Typical Niall.

He waved a hand dismissively at me and continued his proposition to Clodagh, “All we ask is for the use of the plaza, security guards, and food. That’s all.”

“What do you need security for?” Paul asked, clearly amused.

“Yeah Niall, care to fill me in as well?” I snickered, changing my position on the cushion so my body is facing him.

He shrugged, “So that random people can’t just show up and invite themselves in. It’s common sense.”

“I don’t know guys,” Clodagh sighed.

“Well, while you think about that, Haz has something to tell you,” Niall patted my back, putting me right on the spot. If looks could kill, Niall would be dead right now. My glare intensified when he motioned for me to speak.

“I um,” I mumbled as I glanced softly over at the Higgins. “This has nothing to do with the plaza, okay? I want you to understand that this is me just telling you something important, not asking for pity.”

“Pity?” Clodagh and Paul exchanged quizzical looks.

My leg involuntarily bounced as I became nervous to speak of this, “Did Niall ever tell you I was in the hospital?”

Paul nodded, “He did. He said it was a car accident.”

“It was,” I frowned as I confirmed his words. “I wound up receiving some really unsettling information while I was in there.”

“Yeah?” Clodagh tilted her head to the side, anticipating for me to continue. I sat there trying to come up with a gentle way of giving them the news, swallowing hard as I ran lines through my head. Nothing I can think of would be an easier choice of words. “Harry? Are you okay?”

Those three words, “Are you okay?” No. I’m not okay. I was in a major car accident with my best friend of twenty years. She died, and I lived. Not only did I have a sharp sting in my heart from that, but I took another blow to the heart when I was told I’m dying. I still strongly believe Ada should’ve been the one who lived, not me. I blame myself for her death. If I just wouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t be grieving her death, and she’d still be in my life. She would’ve loved being part of this bucket list with me and the boys.

“Haz?” Niall placed his hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

My blood was suddenly boiling with anger, a result of my negative thoughts. It’s all my fault she’s gone, and of course, I had to live to drown in my guilt as I slowly die. She should be here, not me.

I shot up from my seat, my rage escalating from the hatred I have for myself. Niall quickly stood to his feet and put himself in my vision. “Harry,” he said my name slow and cautiously. My head snapped away from him, my eyes looking anywhere but at him. “Hey, not here,” he blocked my vision with his face again. “Go outside. Take it outside,” Niall commanded under his breath with a stern tone.

I exhaled deeply, before nodding and storming out of the house. I was sure not to slam the door because as much as I wanted to, I was trying not to wake up Paul’s kids.

I stormed around the front yard, gripping my curls to take out my sudden burst of aggression out on them. It wasn’t helping. I finally settled on a trash barrel that sat on the curb in front of Paul’s house. I stomped over to it before kicking it and kicking it and kicking it and kicking it. Soon, my anger turned to sadness, sudden tears forming in my eyes. I stumbled backwards, tripping over my own feet and landing onto my bum in the grass. I sat with my arms to my sides and my legs laying straight in front of me. I didn’t make a sound, no sobs escaping my mouth. Tears just sat in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them flee. I won’t let myself cry anymore. I don’t deserve to be sad.

Mood swings. The doctor said that I would have days where I’d be an emotional rollercoaster. It seems today is one of those days. I feel like a hormonal woman. I’ve had another day like this at my place. Let’s just say, Niall and I are short on a couple of plates now. That’s most likely why Niall knew I needed to get out of the house before I did something stupid.

Despite my uncontrollable emotions, I still miss my best friend with every fiber of my being. The hole in my heart digs deeper and deeper at the thought of Ada missing from my life. I miss our weekly horror and/or action movie nights at my flat. I crave sitting on the couch with her head in my lap as I would stroke her sandy blonde hair, proving to be a relaxing action for the both of us. I miss us teasing each other like it was part of our daily schedule. I miss the way she’d playfully punch me after I’d cause her to blush with embarrassment.

Because of me, she was never able to fall in love. Because of me, she never got to have and raise the three boys she wanted. Because of me, she never got to travel the world like she wanted to. Because of me, she never got to be a guitarist: her dream career. Because of me, we got in that damn car that night. I’m the reason she’s dead. Her damn stubbornness, her damn worries, and my damn cancer is the reason she’s gone.

I just want her here again, even if it is just my imagination. I desire to hold her in my arms again. I want to tell her I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault…

---

“Hey,” Niall ruffled my hair before he sat down in the grass next to me. “Whatcha thinking about?” I stayed quiet, not really trusting my voice even though I’ve been out here for about an hour. I’m cooled down now, no longer angry or sad. In fact, I almost feel emotionless.

“I told them myself,” Niall whispered, causing me to look at him with furrowed brows. “And they want us to use the plaza.” I shook my head. I knew he’d do this. “I know what you’re thinking, Haz,” he groaned and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t guilt them into it. All I told them was the truth. I told them about your bucket list too, but it wasn’t my intention to get them to feel sorry for you. I was just telling them the truth.”

I felt myself let out a sigh of relief. I’m glad to know Niall isn’t an idiot after all. “Come on,” he patted my back. “Let’s go get the girls, so we can get supplies for the party.”

He began to stand up, getting as far as a squatting position before I finally spoke, “Do you miss her?”

He froze in his position for a second before he pulled himself back onto the grass beside me. He bent his knees in front of himself and draped his arms over them as he fiddled with his car keys. “Yes,” he admitted in a soft tone. “Duh, was a great friend.”

The corner of my mouth lightly twitched into a smile at what he calls her. He used to always mess with her, reminding her that the word “duh” is pronounced in her name. It would piss her off that she couldn’t tease him the same way.

“It’s kind of hard not to miss her,” he added. “She was always at our flat. Now, it sort of feels like our place is empty without her.”

“Yeah, it does,” I nodded in agreement.

He nudged his elbow into my arm, “You know, right now she’d be calling you a prissy woman.”

I chuckled, knowing he’s right. Whenever I’d show even the slightest of emotion, she’d mock me and call me a prissy woman. I always thought it was a dumb name, but she was quite proud of it. The funny thing is, I’d call her the same thing when she’d get all sensitive, and she’d be infuriated by the name.

“Come on, let’s go get the girls,” Niall stood up again, this time standing to his feet and helping me off the ground.

---

Clodagh really came through. The place looks amazing. All Niall asked of her was security and food, but she and her crew had also helped me and my friends set the place up. I’m surprised she didn’t catch that Zayn had brought weed brownies, and his girlfriend, Perrie, had brought spiked cookies. I know she wouldn’t be happy with that.

The decorations are amazing though. On the bordered ceiling above the first floor, as well as the normal ceiling above that, we hung black lights. This giant building has so much space that we have three ping pong tables set up side-by-side-by-side for a giant game of beer pong, a huge stage at the back end of the room, and tables filled with many party goods, and we still have room for hundreds of people to come. One of the tables is filled with glow sticks and glow in the dark paint. The paint is non-toxic to the skin, so that’s the main reason we got it. There are also tables filled with what seems like never ending food, along with plastic utensils and solo cups. Sitting against the building walls are coolers filled with sodas and water that were provided by Clodagh.

Perrie and Eleanor, Louis’s girlfriend, had decided we needed balloons for the party. Since there are black lights on the ceilings, they bought white balloons so they’d stand out. They blew them up with the air from their own lungs since us blokes didn’t really want balloons. They also got see-through dark blue balloons that they had inflated and squeezed some glow sticks in. They thought it was “pretty,” and there’s no arguing with them, so we had to let it go.

One thing Niall and I had forgotten about was a DJ which has always been an important role at a party. We were lucky that Clodagh had a man on speed dial that she could call up last minute. He agreed on coming, and was even bringing his own equipment that he said he’d set up himself. Clodagh had also instructed a few men to come be private security guards, and offered to pay them extra for their help.

Once we “finished” setting up, Clodagh left the plaza in our hands. This means the boys and I were finally able to call up our friends and family members for alcohol. Niall’s brother is a sculptor, so he agreed to make us an ice luge. Ice luges are a blast. They are giant blocks of ice with little luge tracks carved in them. Two people are supposed to stand on either side of it, one person pouring the alcohol down the luge while the other person presses their mouth at the end of the luge and drinks the now icy cold liquid.

My sister, Gemma, was able to get us a couple of kegs, thanks to her friend. She and I made a deal, saying that if she got me kegs then she could attend the party, as well as a group of her friends. Gemma doesn’t usually hang around me at parties, so I’m okay with her showing up.

We turned one of the tables into a bartending area for Niall and a few other kids who will be serving us. Niall is mostly going to be dancing around and mingling, but he can’t deny how much fun he has when he bartends. I wouldn’t be surprised if he stayed behind that table the full party.

Eleanor and Perrie had come prepared with jello shots because, of course, they need to ruin everything. I swear, they are trying to make this into some sort of feminine party. The only idea of theirs that I was actually somewhat okay with was inflatable beach balls that the crowd can hit around.

The only thing we asked of the people we invited was that they had to bring alcohol. If they have no alcohol, the security guards won’t let them in. Plus, they have to be on the list, or with someone who’s on the list.

Finally, the party has started. It’s only been an hour and people are already piss drunk from the alcohol in their systems and stoned from the spiked treats. The lights have been shut off so that only the black lights are on, people are wearing white or neon clothing, the crowd has smeared glow in the dark paint on their faces and arms, everyone is waving their glow sticks around in one hand and drinks in their other hand, and the DJ is playing epic music. The smell of alcohol and sweat consumes our noses as people dance their arse off. The people on the second floor are mirroring the people on the first, also occasionally throwing balloons down at the crowd.

Tonight is not only about me having one last party, it’s about getting Liam to let lose. It’s time to finally unleash his fun side that we all have yet to experience. Seeming as he’s just standing by watching everyone as he sips a beer, I can tell this will be a challenge.

“Hey Li,” I grinned widely at him as I pat his back, the cup of vodka sitting in my other hand soon meeting my lips. He just nodded a hello to me.

“So are you ready to actually have some fun?” Zayn raised his brows at Liam as he approached the two of us.

“Uh, yeah,” he was obviously unsure of himself.

As Zayn gripped one of Liam’s shoulder’s, I gripped the other and said, “Well then let’s start with the easy stuff.” Liam seemed worried as Zayn and I pushed him towards the “bar”. I knocked on the table to get Niall’s attention, “Niall, get Liam some Everclear.” He grinned wickedly as he did as I instructed, mixing the Everclear with some orange juice.

So maybe the plan is really to show Liam a good time, and get him so drunk that even his hangover will be drunk. Everclear is probably the strongest alcohol in the country. It’s specially designed to get you drunk, and I’m not just talking about giggly drunk. I’m talking stumbling, drooling, ex-girlfriend-texting drunk.

“What’s Everclear?” Liam furrowed his brows in confusion, looking between me and Zayn.

I snickered, “You really do not know how to party.”

“Its alcohol,” Zayn shrugged with a smirk on his lips before taking a sip of his beverage.

“Well no duh,” Liam said sarcastically with an eye roll.

Niall slid the shot over to Liam, “It’s good, you’ll like it. Just chug it down.”

I tried to hide my laughter as Liam gave Niall a clearly skeptical look. “Just do it. Chug, chug, chug,” I began chanting, soon joined by the boys. As our chanting grew louder, more people began to join in on it, surrounding us and further humiliating Liam. He finally gave into the peer pressure and quickly downed the drink.

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause before going back to their business. Zayn and I began jumping up and down, gripping Liam’s arms as he was trying to cough away the burning sensation in his throat. Zayn and I were spilling our drinks everywhere, but who cares? We just got Liam to drink Everclear! I’m sure it feels like someone just stabbed him in the throat seeming as Everclear is ninety-five percent pure alcohol.

“You did it, Mate!” Louis cheered as he ran over to hug our coughing friend. “You alright?” he chuckled humorously as he patted Liam’s back. Liam continued coughing, but raised a thumb up to signal he’s fine.

“Wuss,” I teased. “One shot of it isn’t even that bad. Plus, you’ll need to do at least two more of those to get drunk.” Liam shot me a cold glare as his noises finally ceased.

“Why don’t we take a break then, yeah?” Louis suggested.

“Yeah,” Niall agreed. “Haz, show Liam our present.”

I laughed, “Will do. Let’s go Liam.” Liam grabbed his beer and began following me. “Uh, you’re gonna want to get rid of that. Might as well down that too," I pointed to the bottle in his hand.

Liam’s shoulders dropped in defeat before he chugged the beer down. I downed the rest of my vodka as well before leading Liam over to double doors in the building. We opened the doors to reveal an empty room, the only thing occupying it being two giant inflatable hamster balls.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Liam grumbled, causing me to snigger at his displeased attitude.

“Nope,” I said smugly. “We’re going crowd surfing.”

“In those?” he pointed to the balls and I nodded. “Why don’t we just do regular crowd surfing?”

I looked at him like he asked a dumb question, “What would be the fun in that? Come on, loosen up.”

“They’re all piss drunk,” his eyes popped out of his head as he pointed his head towards the crowd behind the double doors. “If anything, we’d be bowling.”

I shrugged, “You’d be surprised by how many people will be capable of holding you up. Not everyone out there is drunk.”

“We’ll help get you in and push you out,” Niall grinned from ear to ear as he, Zayn, and Louis walked in. I heard Liam mutter a few curse words as the four of us held a ball still for him to climb into. He finally shimmied himself into the ball and stood up inside, waving his arms around for balance as the boys and I released the ball.

The boys held the other one still for me as I happily did a diving jump into it. “THAT is how you do it,” I smirked at Liam as I stood to my feet inside the rubbery ball.

“See? Haz knows how to party,” Zayn added, receiving a glare from Liam.

“Alright, my phone timer is set for five minutes,” Niall announced before shoving his phone back into his pocket. “See you then.”

“Five min-“ Liam couldn’t even finish his sentence before the boys began rolling his ball out of the room, causing him to fall to his knees. I laughed at him as I began walking and pushing against the wall of the ball, forcing it to move myself.

I watched as the three boys worked together in lifting Liam up in the air, and setting him in the hands of the crowd. Not even a minute later, they were doing the same for me. Right as I was set onto the crowd, the strobe lights began illuminating the room in speedy flashes. The crowd roared as they allowed me to roll my ball across them. I rolled my ball over towards Liam, finding him just allowing the crowd to take him where they wanted. He seriously is so dull.

I rolled so close to Liam that I bumped my ball into his. That seemed to catch his attention since he furrowed his brows at me. I bumped into him again with a clear smirk playing on my lips. He shot me a challenging look as he stood to his feet. It became a game of chicken, bumping into each other to see who'd fall first. Soon enough, we were both goofing off, dancing the best we could without losing our balance. It came down to a point where we were both on our hands and knees, crawling to roll our balls across the crowd’s hands. Believe it or not, five minutes is actually a really long time.

Once the five minutes were up, Niall had the DJ announce to the crowd to help carry me and Liam to the end of the room. We were set onto the ground and rolled into the room behind the double doors where Liam and I slid out of the balls.

“That was fun, eh?” I nudged Liam’s shoulder with my elbow as I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

“Whatever,” he scoffed. “It’s the alcohol.”

I laughed, “That shit may be strong, but you couldn’t be drunk already unless you are a lightweight. You’re actually unwinding.”

Before Liam could say something back, Zayn and Perrie came running over with shots, “Congratulatory drinks!” I happily took mine from Perrie, slamming that shit down my throat. I found the burning sensation in my throat to be thrilling, and the smoky taste told me it was Jack Daniels.

I looked to Liam, waiting for him to take his shot. He finally caved in with an, “Ah, what the hell,” and chugged it down. As soon as the shot glass was removed from his lips, he let out a cheer of adrenaline as he roughly shook his head. Wild Liam has finally been unleashed.

---

Hours passed. Liam has gotten so drunk that his shirt has been removed, and he allowed me and the boys to decorate his bare torso and back with the glow in the dark body paint. He's now dancing wildly in the crowd, and I've noticed he's even hooked up with a few girls. Thank God. I haven't seen Liam even look at a girl since Sophia and him broke things off, but that was a long time ago, and it's about time that he's moved on.

Since Liam had finally become the party animal we were searching for, I was finally able to have some fun myself. Not that I wasn’t already having a blast, but I was holding back a bit. I had a few more drinks and helped myself to a weed brownie before I joined the crowd in dancing. I found a group of single girls, and I stuck with them for the longest time.

One of the girls is having a great time grinding herself against my junk, but I’m not complaining. I placed my hands on her hips and pressed her closer to me as she continued her dance. She slid her hands up my legs, up my torso, and to my hair, gripping onto my curls. She tugged my head to the side a bit, so she could rest her head on my shoulder, her bum still grinding against my crotch.

My mind started crowding with thoughts, remembering my regrets of never searching for the perfect girl. Sure I’m dying, but is it too much to ask for a relationship? A short and harmless relationship with my type of girl? Is this girl someone I’d want to be with?

She has a beautiful smile, a large bum, and pretty blue eyes that I could spot within the flashes of the white strobe light. Her looks definitely have their bonuses. She smelt like a mixture of perfume and whiskey though, and in my opinion, that isn’t exactly a pleasant smell. But it’s not like she smells like that all the time, right? I guess the real question is: is she any fun?

“What’s your name?” I asked the girl as I brought my hands up to her waist and snaked my arms around it.

“Zoe,” she giggled and bit her lip. I couldn’t tell if she was blushing or if her actions are only from her drunk state of mind.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” I rasped. “I’m Harry.”

She stopped her movements and turned around in my embrace to wrap her arms around my neck. “That’s hot,” she stated before wetting her lips with her tongue. I ignored her “subtle” hint, and grabbed her hand to pull her out of the crowd. I intertwined my fingers with her’s as I guided her towards the ice luge that’s surely melting like crazy by now.

She made a sudden halt and tugged me to face her. “Don’t you want to go somewhere more private?” she asked in a seductive tone as she rewrapped her arms around my neck.

I know what she’s doing. I rested my hand on her hip and looked towards the sculpture. “Which one is he?” I asked, my eyes scanning the blokes for her possible ex.

“The one in the white,” she mumbled.

“Well,” I grabbed her arms and untangled them from my neck, gently placing them at her sides. “You’re a beautiful girl, but I’m not into being used.” Normally I am, but tonight it doesn’t seem like a fun idea.

You’d think she’d understand, but no. Her eyebrows creased in anger as her fists balled up at her sides. “You are a good-for-nothing jerk,” she claimed through gritted teeth.

“I’ve been called worse,” I shrugged her words off. I left her in utter shock, walking over to the “bar” and getting another vodka.

Usually at parties, you should stick with one drink. The mixture of drinks can do awful things to your body, and the last thing I need is to make my sick body sicker. The only thing other than vodka that I’ve had is one shot of tequila, so that can’t be why I’m suddenly dizzy.

I noticed I’ve become increasingly unsteady as my feet make their way to the front door of the building. I shot the guard a smile, letting him know I’m outside so he’ll let me back in when I’m ready. I stumbled to the side of the building keeping myself somewhat balanced my pressing my hand to the wall. I found a lone bench resting against the plaza, and I plopped my arse onto it.

Even when sitting, everything is spinning around me: the street, cars, other buildings, lights, everything. It’s all moving, yet I know it’s all as still as ever. I propped my elbows onto my knees and buried my face into my hands, closing my eyes at the contact. My eyes are closed, but it still feels as if I’m swaying with the spinning world around me.

“You okay, Curly?” a strikingly familiar voice rang in my ears. Small fingers brushed through my hair, instantly calming my woozy head. She loved playing with my hair just as much as I loved playing with her’s. I guess you could say it was our thing.

“Better now that you’re here,” I whispered. Once I amounted enough courage, I opened my eyes and lifted my head from my hands to look at my deceased friend. She smiled warmly at me as she continued to stroke my curls.

I noticed she’s still dressed in the same white dress with contrasting sizes of black cherries sprinkled all over it, topped with her cool black leather jacket. The sight of her had me at a loss for words, despite the fact that I have so much I wanted to say to her. Last time, seeing her scared and overwhelmed me, but this time I’m filled with nothing but sorrow and regret.

“Ada, I-“

She placed her petite index finger to my lip to silence me. “I know,” she slightly frowned. She remained quiet after those two words were spoken, and it left me wondering how she already knows how sorry I am. That’s when I recalled that she’s really just a figment of my imagination, merely a piece of the real Ada.

I gazed at her big brown eyes that will forever be burnt into my memory. I have so much I want to say to her, but at the same time, I just want to sit here and stare at her. I’m simply enjoying the comfort of her hypnotizing presence, something only I have the chance to do. I bet people would give anything to be able to see her, touch her, smell the pomegranate scented shampoo in her hair, and speak to her again.

“I saw you talking to that girl in there,” Ada smirked, snapping me from my trance, but I knew it was just me wanting to hear her beautiful voice again. “What happened to the Haz I know?” she teased.

I chuckled and shook my head lightly, “I guess I’ve changed.” I leaned my head back to look at the starry sky above us. “Do you think that maybe I could fall in love?” I asked after some time of staring at the scattered shining balls in the blackness beyond us.

“Not with girls like that, you won’t,” she laughed her mesmerizing laugh and patted my knee before giving it a gentle squeeze. I stared at her hand, completely in awe of the feeling of her hand resting on top of the fabric of my skinny jeans. It’s fascinating how much I can remember the feeling of her touch which is being reciprocated into the hallucination I’m having now.

“Well, it doesn’t help that I don’t have my wingwoman to help me find better girls,” I returned the gesture, feeling her cold skin against the palm of my hand. Another thing I find incredible: I remember what it feels like to touch her. I guess these memories are hard to rid myself of when it’s only been weeks since her passing.

“That’s funny, because looking back, it didn’t seem like you minded that type of girl before,” she snickered behind the palm of her hand. The beautiful sound of her laughter is like music to my ears, causing a wave of pleasure to ignite my bones.

I nudged my shoulder against her’s, “And you did a great job finding them for me.”

“Like a slave obeying her master’s words. Party after party,” she playfully rolled her eyes.

“I regret it all, you know?” I sighed before pulling my lips in between my teeth. She nodded as she swiftly looked away from me. “I wish that after having that fucking headache, I would’ve told you to take me back to my flat. I shouldn’t have gone to the party. It got you killed.”

“Shh, no, Curly,” she turned back to me with tears brimming her eyes. She cradled my face in her small hands as she spoke in a soft wavering tone, “Don’t say that. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. It was that idiot drunk driver’s fault. You’re no psychic, you couldn’t have known it would happen.”

“It still happened,” my body slumped as my lip quivered. “It happened and now…” I paused and shifted my head so it’d face the ground, escaping her touch as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Now you’re gone.”

“I’m not gone though, I’m right here. Look at me,” she gently commanded, but I didn’t do such a thing. She took matters into her own hands, placing my chin between her index finger and thumb to force my face to turn towards her’s. “I’m right here. You can see me. You can hear me. You can feel me,” her voice was slow and stern, but it croaked from the sadness that was washing over her.

“You’re not real,” I whispered.

She removed her hand from my face so both of her hands could engulf one of mine. She pushed the leather jacket off of her left shoulder, brought my hand up, and pressed it just above her breast. I could feel her heart beating against her chest, the vibrations hitting my palm like a musical beat. “My heart is beating,” her voice sounded more desperate. “It’s breaking, but its beating. I’m right here, Harry. I’m not dead.”

I shook my head, “I wish so badly that were true. I miss you so much, and I wish you were really here.”

“I am here!” she screeched before a few sobs fell from her parted frown. “Why don’t you ever believe me?”

This time it was my turn the cup her face in my hands. I sniffled and held back my own damn tears, “Blondie, I do believe you. I don’t care if you’re a hallucination or not. Real or not, I’m so happy to see you.” My words made her captivating smile appear on her face again. “God, I’ve missed you,” I pulled her into a hug, and the smell of that pomegranate shampoo she uses filled up my nose.

“I missed you too,” she sighed happily as she nuzzled her face into my neck.

“Haz!” I pulled away from Ada and turned my body towards whoever was calling me to find Louis running over with a bottle of water. “Hey,” he held the bottled water out to me. “The guard said he saw you come around here when I asked him if he’s seen you.”

“Checking up on me, I see,” I teased as I took a swig of water.

I noticed he suddenly became flustered, “Am I not allowed to? I don’t want to upset you or anything. I was just worried and-“

I ceased his rambling with my laughter, “No, no, it’s fine. I guess you guys have every right to worry. I was dizzy and decided to take a break, that’s all.”

“What were you looking at?” Louis pointed slightly behind me. “As I was coming over here, I noticed you were looking over there.”

“Oh, uh,” I turned to find the space Ada once occupied to be vacant. Disappointment flooded through me, but I immediately shook it off. How do you explain to your friend that he just interrupted your chat with your hallucination? I really am crazy…

“I wasn’t looking at anything,” I shrugged and looked back up at bubbly bloke. “I guess I just zoned out.”

“Ah,” he nodded in understanding. I’m sure he thinks I was thinking about Ada, and in a way, I was. “Well, by the looks of it, you’re sobering up. I may not be able to drink since I’m El’s ride, but I have plans on getting you hammered.”

I chuckled and raised my brows at him, “Yeah?”

“You in?”

“Definitely.” After seeing Blondie again, I could use a drink.

Or ten.

Notes

It took me FOREVER to update. I'm so sorry about that. If it helps my case at all, this chapter itself was 21 pages and 7,921 words long. What can I say? I love writing haha.

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