Side effects

Sarah's P.O.V.
I was traumatized with the idea of needing something that killed you and even more when I knew it was me dying
"Sarah" Zayn snapped me out of my thoughts
"yeah" I replied coldly
"are you okay?" he reached for my hand and I put my hand in my pocket
"don't be so cold" he sounded hurt, I felt bad and I knew it wasn't his fault
"sorry" I murmured
"it's okay" he said
it would be better though, be cold so his love for me would vanish, he would leave me and I would die without him suffering
he was the last person I wanted to hurt
"Zayn" I started "when's my next doctors appointment?"
I couldn't tell him I wanted him to leave me, I loved him and he felt the same
even if I was dying it would be selfish to be with someone you know you're gonna hurt
"tomorrow" he replied as he reached for my hand again, I didn't deny him that.

"you want me to go with you?" Zayn asked
"oh, no it's fine babe" I smiled weakly, if I was gonna see what was killing me I didn't want him along to see
he smiled back and kissed me
"I love you" he said
"so do I" I kissed his nose in return
I got into the car and drove off to the hospital
I went into the elevator and before the doors could close I heard
"hold the elevator, please" I stopped it before to hold it for the person that walked in
I looked at her then and saw it was Perrie
I knew she was the one Dominic had cheated on me with
he told me
Perrie must have recognized me too because a frown came to her face
I ignored the ugly look she was giving me but she just glared at me
I was about to get to my floor of the hospital but the elevator stopped so suddenly that I fell
Perrie stumbled but she was still standing
she didn't help me up so I helped myself up
"what just happened?" Perrie looked sick and I noticed she was holding her stomach
she was pregnant
she had a small belly, I wonder if it was Dominic's child
"are you okay?" I held her belly for a moment and surprisingly she didn't protest
"I feel like I'm gonna puke" she said quietly
"it's okay, unless you can hold it in for a while, puke on the floor, they'll clean it up" Perrie nodded and faced the other way to not puke all over me, luckily she didn't puke
"Breath" I instructed, she did as she was told and sat on the elevator floor
I sat beside her and put my hands on her shoulders
"I feel better" she said looking away from me
"are you sure?" I asked
she looked at me, her pretty blue eyes filled with tears
"why would you care?" she snapped
"you're pregnant, of course I care"
"no, you shouldn't have to, the man you loved was cheating on you with me, I'm pregnant with his child and you're here helping me"
I sighed
"that's no reason to not care about the baby" I said
"but, it's his" she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand
"it's not the baby's fault" I replied
she sniffled and gave me a weak smile
"I'm so sorry" she said
"it's in the past, it doesn't matter" I said
"so, why are you here? are you pregnant too?" she joked
"I'm dying" I replied casually
"what? I'm so sorry" she seemed genuinely sorry and shocked
"it's fine"
"what is it?"
"they don't know, but it sucks because I need something that maintains me alive while it kills me"
"that sucks" it continued like that until the elevator started moving once again
Perrie said goodbye with a hug and a smile
she wan't that bad, she seemed pretty nice unless she was faking it , but the sincerity in her eyes seemed genuine
the doctors had me checked and gave me my drug
I mean medicine
fuck it, it's a drug, I must inhale it or mix it in water to keep me alive

the walk back to the car seemed eternal somehow
I was feeling dizzy as if I were to fall at any moment
I fell down ad coughed
my vision was blurry and I looked at my hands that were stained with blood I had coughed up
I reached for my medicine and inhaled it
I sat beside the car to let the drug sink in

Notes

I'M SO VERY SORRY
I've been very busy and I hope you all enjoy this chapter
(if any of you have ever read the infernal devices you will get where this story is going)