Roses and Thorns
Need A Hand? (25th Chapter)
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Janelle's POV:
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“Awe, honey don’t cry!” My stepmom presumed that I am tearing from happiness, little that she knew that it was the quite opposite. She stands from her seat to pat my back, but I can’t feel the physical contact. Actually I can’t even feel anything anymore. I have lost Zayn for good this time, and there is no way I will have him back. I force my knees to collaborate with my will, as I stand up slowly.“(I speak my words in a shaky breath) Congratulations.” Perrie gives me a look that cannot be described. She looks at me as if she knows why I left, as if she knows everything. “(I tilt my head low) Excuse me, I need to grab my bag from the car.”
With that, I leave the interior of the house, keeping the rest with their joyful spirits. I didn’t even dare to look Zayn in the eye; if I do then I will easily pop like a soap bubble. I drag my suitcase out of the trunk and slam the trunk door hard; this forceful action is my scream. It’s the only way that I can express my current feeling without hurting anyone. I can’t hurt anyone, but I seem to let them do that to me; on a constant rate.
“Need a hand?” Liam surprises me by his presence, as I notice him walking to my house. I shake my head, but he doesn’t seem to get my denial; he simply takes my heavy luggage from my tiny hands, and carries them to the inside. Once I step inside behind Liam, my stepmom greets him.
“You’re just in time! Go sit in the living room with the rest. (She shifts her eyes at me) I need a word with Jan.” Liam places my bag beside the staircase, as he leaves to the living room. “Come, let’s talk in the kitchen, honey.” I nod, keeping my head low. I want to cry harder than I previously did, but I must try to control them. Not now Janelle… Not now. My stepmother sits on one of the counter stools, as I rest on another.
“Would you like to tell me why you left the other day?” I sigh, battling with my inner conscience whether to spill out the truth or not. “(I hesitate with each word I say) I… I felt, no I had to um… well I had to go back to make sure that work isn’t piling up at my absence. (I begin to narrate my lie) I got a phone call from my boss, and I was angry… that’s why I didn’t have time to inform anyone of my sudden departure. I’m sorry I guess…”
She nods, as her ageing hand lifts my chin up. “Are you sure that’s everything, darling?” I want to yell out: No it isn’t! I am in love with Zayn and I can’t bare myself any longer after Perrie’s pregnant announcement! “Yeah, nothing else.” I speak emotionlessly, as she releases a sigh. “I want you to know that I love you as much as Perrie, and if anything troubles you; I’m here. You can tell me anything you know.”
I nod, even though my head wants to shake because I can’t tell her that the man Perrie is marrying is my only hope of love. “I need to go upstairs to um… unpack.” She doesn’t say a word, and all that this kind lady could do is smile at me with a light nod. “Make sure to choose a dress for this evening. We are celebrating your sister’s big news with the Malik’s.”
Great, more gasoline to poor over my raging fire; thanks mum! I nod slowly, as I begin walking to grab my suitcase upstairs. Once I reach my room, I lock the door behind me, and slip down on the ground like melted ooze. My legs feel like they have been chopped off, and all what I was dreaming about with Zayn in the past hours, seem to slash in shreds. I cry so hard, and I try to whimper, but my voice is gone. I begin to think that its better if I was a mute, maybe in that way everything will proceed without my trying to fight for what is mine… was mine. He was mine and now he isn’t, I guess this is the final goodbye to Zayn.
I grab the night lamp that is resting on the nightstand beside me, and throw it with all the force my hands still contain. It falls on the floor, and I am surprised that it does not break. It creates this thud, but other than that it is perfectly normal. Maybe I am just like this lamp, I get thrown off by the negative situations that I face, but I don’t break… my heart breaks instead of my entire being. And trust me, a heartbreak hurts more than any bending bone.
Janelle's POV:
.........................
“Awe, honey don’t cry!” My stepmom presumed that I am tearing from happiness, little that she knew that it was the quite opposite. She stands from her seat to pat my back, but I can’t feel the physical contact. Actually I can’t even feel anything anymore. I have lost Zayn for good this time, and there is no way I will have him back. I force my knees to collaborate with my will, as I stand up slowly.“(I speak my words in a shaky breath) Congratulations.” Perrie gives me a look that cannot be described. She looks at me as if she knows why I left, as if she knows everything. “(I tilt my head low) Excuse me, I need to grab my bag from the car.”
With that, I leave the interior of the house, keeping the rest with their joyful spirits. I didn’t even dare to look Zayn in the eye; if I do then I will easily pop like a soap bubble. I drag my suitcase out of the trunk and slam the trunk door hard; this forceful action is my scream. It’s the only way that I can express my current feeling without hurting anyone. I can’t hurt anyone, but I seem to let them do that to me; on a constant rate.
“Need a hand?” Liam surprises me by his presence, as I notice him walking to my house. I shake my head, but he doesn’t seem to get my denial; he simply takes my heavy luggage from my tiny hands, and carries them to the inside. Once I step inside behind Liam, my stepmom greets him.
“You’re just in time! Go sit in the living room with the rest. (She shifts her eyes at me) I need a word with Jan.” Liam places my bag beside the staircase, as he leaves to the living room. “Come, let’s talk in the kitchen, honey.” I nod, keeping my head low. I want to cry harder than I previously did, but I must try to control them. Not now Janelle… Not now. My stepmother sits on one of the counter stools, as I rest on another.
“Would you like to tell me why you left the other day?” I sigh, battling with my inner conscience whether to spill out the truth or not. “(I hesitate with each word I say) I… I felt, no I had to um… well I had to go back to make sure that work isn’t piling up at my absence. (I begin to narrate my lie) I got a phone call from my boss, and I was angry… that’s why I didn’t have time to inform anyone of my sudden departure. I’m sorry I guess…”
She nods, as her ageing hand lifts my chin up. “Are you sure that’s everything, darling?” I want to yell out: No it isn’t! I am in love with Zayn and I can’t bare myself any longer after Perrie’s pregnant announcement! “Yeah, nothing else.” I speak emotionlessly, as she releases a sigh. “I want you to know that I love you as much as Perrie, and if anything troubles you; I’m here. You can tell me anything you know.”
I nod, even though my head wants to shake because I can’t tell her that the man Perrie is marrying is my only hope of love. “I need to go upstairs to um… unpack.” She doesn’t say a word, and all that this kind lady could do is smile at me with a light nod. “Make sure to choose a dress for this evening. We are celebrating your sister’s big news with the Malik’s.”
Great, more gasoline to poor over my raging fire; thanks mum! I nod slowly, as I begin walking to grab my suitcase upstairs. Once I reach my room, I lock the door behind me, and slip down on the ground like melted ooze. My legs feel like they have been chopped off, and all what I was dreaming about with Zayn in the past hours, seem to slash in shreds. I cry so hard, and I try to whimper, but my voice is gone. I begin to think that its better if I was a mute, maybe in that way everything will proceed without my trying to fight for what is mine… was mine. He was mine and now he isn’t, I guess this is the final goodbye to Zayn.
I grab the night lamp that is resting on the nightstand beside me, and throw it with all the force my hands still contain. It falls on the floor, and I am surprised that it does not break. It creates this thud, but other than that it is perfectly normal. Maybe I am just like this lamp, I get thrown off by the negative situations that I face, but I don’t break… my heart breaks instead of my entire being. And trust me, a heartbreak hurts more than any bending bone.
Notes
2 more to go, so:
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the funny part is that my name is Serenity
In chapter 44
11/22/14