You Gave Me Love

“Look Skye I know there is a lot of pain but I need you to not push for the moment okay? Can you do that?” I shook my head blindly, my eyes tightly closed, the pain in my lower abdomen was excruciating.

“I-I can’t not.” I forced out through closed teeth, the instinct to push was overwhelming and my body was following the natural course without any input from me.

“You need to stop Skye. Your baby cannot come out yet is that clear. It’s too early and it hasn’t fully turned. If you push you will hurt your baby.” I gasped wildly and tried to hold back, my hands gripping the sides of the cot but it was no use, another contraction hit and my body responded.

“Alright she’s not going to be able to do this, lets get her calmed down and I want her taken to an OR now!” The room I was in was panicked, people running from one side to another, by my bed and gone again replaced by somebody else. It was maddeningly confusing and I just wanted to scream, I needed everyone to stop, just for a moment, just so I could have five seconds to focus and re-group and realise that this is happening. My baby was coming whether I liked it or not.

Things were being jabbed in my arm; I was aware enough to pull away before I was being held down. The cot began to move, the lights of the hospital sliding past my eyes as I finally relaxed, my head falling against the pillow behind me, it felt like I was floating, my eyes were open and then we were in another room that I had no memory of reaching.

Someone was saying my name, a soothing plastic covered hand running over my forehead and through my hair. They were talking to me, saying my name but I couldn’t hear and I couldn’t see their face. I had no idea what was going on, I tried to lift a finger, an arm but nothing worked. My eyes slowly shut.

-

There was a warm presence where my hand should be, but I didn’t understand what it was, I couldn’t even move my hand to feel it.

-

Something was touching my face and there was a growing pain in my lower abdomen, I tried to speak but it felt like my mouth had been glued shut, my head to heavy to move.

-

Voices this time, soft muffled voices. I couldn’t make out words just constant noise around me, a small hand was touching my face, poking my cheek. I tried to hold on but I fell back asleep.

-

“Skye, please.” I tried to push forward, my name and that voice were achingly familiar but I couldn’t open my eyes. If I just opened them I would be okay, I would see him. Just open my eyes.

-

I could move my finger, just a slight twitch rubbing up lightly against the person holding my hand. They jumped in response.

-

My head was pounding but my moves were slow, my eyes felt lighter in ways they hadn’t for a long time. I tried to blink but no light. I tried again, blinking until the fluttering of my eyelashes could be felt.

It was dark when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t make anything out. Sighing inwardly I fell back asleep.

-

I tried again, later, much later. I pushed them open and there was light this time, a blinding light that burned and I blinked rapidly not wanting to shut them again, afraid that I couldn’t push through next time.

“Get the Doctor.” Someone gasped from around me, I was too disorientated to look but I felt an increasing pressure on my left hand. “Skye, Skye are you there? Can you hear me? Skye?” A face moved in front of me, a familiar face but I couldn’t quite place it, not yet. Before I could stop my eyes slid shut again, the darkness sweeping over.

-

I blinked without trouble this time, the headache was gone and my arms didn’t feel like lead. I could wiggle my toes but there was still a niggling pain around my abdomen.

It was darker this time, a light beside my bed so I could still see the room around me. The light didn’t reach the corners but the bed around me was obvious, there was a body in the chair next to my bed. I moved my head slowly, cautiously trying to get a better look. Anne.

“A…” I trialed off and tried to clear my throat but it felt too dry. I tried to make noise again. “A-a-anne.” My voice was croaky and not very loud.

“Oh My God!” A voice startled me from the door and I turned but the door was too much in shadow to see who it was. “Mum! Mum holy shit wake up, I’m getting a Doctor.” I noticed Gemma’s voice fill the room before Anne was out of her seat, her hair a wild mess on top of her head and hey eyes blearily unfocused before they settled on me.

“Skye! You’re awake, you’re awake this time right. Don’t fall asleep okay?” Her hands hovered over me; unsure where to touch, I tried to smile back weakly but I’m pretty sure I failed. I tried to speak but my throat was too raw which had Anne reaching for a cup and straw, feeding the straw into my mouth encouraging me to suck as a Doctor waltzed in, a frenzied Gemma behind him.

The cool water was painful sliding down my throat but I still sucked on it greedily. A brighter light filled the room, I flinched back, my eyes half closing in pain.

“Skye? Are you with me? I need to just check some vitals okay?” There was rustling around me while I took the straw into my mouth again, relishing the coolness now. “I need you to follow the light okay?” I followed the light obediently, from left to right, up and down and over again. “Good, that’s really good.”

After all the tests were done they put something in the IV attached to my arm.

“Sleep, Harry will be here when you wake up.” Anne’s soft fingers worked their way through my hair, I sighed and leant back letting the drowsiness take over.

-

It was even easier to wake up this time, I felt less heavy, less drowsy and thirstier.

There was someone different in the chair beside my bed this time, their curly hair spread out on the bed next to my hand. I smiled fondly and reached out to brush my fingers gently through the curly brown tendrils. It took only a moment before Harry lifted his head, his eyes blinking at me slowly.

I offered a small weak smile receiving one in return. His eyes blood shot and blinking before leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to my forehead.

“Hey.” He croaked out, his voice sounded just as bad as mine. “Do you want some water?” I nodded and watched as he reached out to grab the jug and cup, placing a straw in it and bringing it forward to my mouth. I sucked it down just as greedily as I had with Anne, Harry’s fingers lightly massaging through my hair. I sighed and took a few more sips before sitting back, letting my head fall back against the pillow again.

“The,” I paused and cleared my throat, “our baby?” my voice was soft but better then it was yesterday.

“Okay, he’s okay.” I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, the baby was okay and it was a he.

“How long was I?” I gestured around me and Harry’s eyes softened.

“Only two days, the Doctors thought it would be better if you healed yourself properly first.” I nodded and accepted that I had missed the first two days of my baby’s life, that I hadn’t held him yet.

“Can I see him?” Harry shook his head.

“He’s too small, he’s still in an incubator, none of us can touch him yet and I can’t bring him here.”

“Then take me too him.” I pushed myself forward ready to get out of bed but Harry’s hand pushed against my shoulder, forcing me back down.

“You are not going anyway until the Doctors say you can. You just had surgery and there was a lot of bleeding okay? Complications that need to heal before you get up and start moving around.” I grumbled but lay back down, the pain in my lower abdomen had flared up when I tried to sit.

“What happened?” I asked Harry finally, staring down at my stomach, noticing the large bump had already disappeared. I felt empty without having the baby around. “Did I do something?” It dawned on me that I could have done something wrong for the baby to come early. “Did I not eat right? Was it the fight we had?”

“Easy, calm down.” The heart monitor was speeding up next to me. “You didn’t do anything. This isn’t you okay, this…” Harry trailed off and ran a hand through his hair tiredly.

“Harry?” I croaked needing the information he wasn’t giving me.

“Sometimes when you’ve already had a miscarriage it can be common to have the following babies premature. The twins were a week early which wasn’t anything to worry about, but this time…” Harry waved his hand around not needing to finish his sentence. I stared glumly down at my hand not knowing what to say. I still felt like this was my fault, there was still hostility coming from Harry and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

“Harry.” I tried tentatively and reached out but he pushed away from the bed and set down in the chair again. My hand hung in the air for a moment before I dropped it by my side.

“I’ve been taking it in turns with Mum to watch over the twins. They will want to see you soon. When you’re up to it we will bring them in to see you. I’ll talk to the Doctors about seeing our son; we have to name him as well. I didn’t want to until you were awake.” Harry continued to ramble on, his eyes focusing on the opposite wall, his hands clenched tightly around the arms on the chair and I wanted to touch him, to hold him.

“Harry.” I said loudly, grabbing his attention.

“I’m still angry at you.” He blurted, his voice firm finally turning to look at me. “I love you and our son and I’ve been sick to death worrying about you both. But I’m still angry about everything from before. So for now just don't push it, we get you out of here and we get our son out of here but then we need to talk.”

I nodded, accepting the deal; swiping away a few stray tears as they rolled down my cheeks.

Notes

Enjoy everyone! xx